Real Life: Top Chef by four_legged_tripod 1-18-11

I have no idea why I chose to use such a deep bowl to make french toast. I can't get enough egg on the bread. Last time, I'm sure I used something much flatter. You used your chest?

Real Life: After Birth by four_legged_tripod 1-28-11

Hey, I was thinking, now that we have a couple of kids, we should talk about the "Big V." I'm so glad you brought that up. I didn't want to say anything but I have noticed that your vagina is now completely stretched out and huge. I was talking about you getting a vasectomy. How's that gonna make your coochie tighter?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: When I was Your Age by four_legged_tripod 2-08-11

And you say this game, Pong, was all the rage when you were a kid?

Real Life: Kitchen Tools by four_legged_tripod 2-08-11

Why are you standing in the kitchen with no pants on? Didn't you ask me to turn on the stove?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

You have struck gold with this series, sir.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

HCRoyall wrote:

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You have struck gold with this series, sir.

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Real Life: Doctor Doctor by four_legged_tripod 2-10-11

So what's the verdict doc? You're fairly healthy. Continue the self exams. Have your wife give you a testicular exam each month. You also need to cut back on fatty foods. Your cholesterol will improve if you lose 10 pounds and you should add more fiber to your diet. So what did the doctor say? You need to play with my balls more.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Spelunking by four_legged_tripod 2-21-11

HELLO... hello... HELLO... hello... ECHO... echo... ECHO... echo... Stop that and get back up here! Fine! I'll do Kegels.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Fashion Police by four_legged_tripod 2-21-11

I can't believe how slutty little girls dress now a days. Take that one for example. Her short shorts are totally inappropriate! They're not totally inapproriate. They're totally in her ass.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Dog Days by four_legged_tripod 2-25-11

I've decided to get rid of the dog. Why? To be honest, you spend more time with him than you do me. You also hold him and touch him more. Well, to be honest, you don't lick my balls like he does. You know I'm allergic to peanut butter.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Music Critic by four_legged_tripod 2-28-11

♫ It’s a quarter after one. I’m a little drunk and I peed just now. ♫ Hey, who sings that song? Lady Antebellum. Let's keep it that way.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Testing, Testing by four_legged_tripod 3-02-11

Mommy! I passed my test today. Great sweetie. Now we can go get you a toy at the store like I promised. Hey, I passed my test today too. UAs don't count.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Joking Around by four_legged_tripod 3-11-11

So I said, "He won't go down on you? You should call him the 'Headless Horseman'"! What? Nothing? No smile? No rimjob? Don't you mean "rim shot"? Only if you won't do the other one.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Heavy Cream by four_legged_tripod 3-18-11

Welcome to Top Chef. Damn! Padma just came out in a bikini. And I just came in my pants.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Doggie-House Bag by four_legged_tripod 4-19-11

That was a great meal. I'd like to get a to go box to take the rest home. But we're heading to the grocery store first. Are you sure you want your food sitting in the car for over an hour? We'll be buying milk and ice cream. We could just put the to go box up next to something cold. Soooooo, you're going to keep the to go box between your legs?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Adult Disney by four_legged_tripod 6-29-11

Your son is no longer allowed to watch any more Disney movies. What did he do now? He made some very disturbing comments after watching "The Princess and the Frog." Like what? Like, "after the princess fucked the frog, I bet she contracted the world's first case of vaginal warts."

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Re: Testing, testing

They should count more.

I like this series, but I only loved select episodes.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Real Life: Pillow Talk by four_legged_tripod 9-27-11

Would you mind scooting over a bit? No problem. *THUD* Ouch! You son of a bitch! Oh. You meant scoot over the other way.

Real Life: One Lump or Two by four_legged_tripod 10-31-11

I'll grant you that it is socially appropriate to ask a pregnant woman permission to touch her belly, and if she agrees then it is okay to touch her belly, but the same principle does NOT apply to the next door neighbor with breast cancer!

Real Life: Ethnicity by four_legged_tripod 11-23-11

Please pull your pants up. Don't be hatin' when I'm saggin'. But you're not black. I feel a strong connection to black culture. Name the blackest thing you've ever done. I once shopped at the Dollar Store.

Real Life: Middle Schoolers by four_legged_tripod 1-17-12

Wanna see something trippy? Uh, sure. Great. Walk over there. *trip* Ow! You're an ass!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Choice Words by four_legged_tripod 1-24-12

I can't believe that you just called me a "Lazy Fat Ass" after all I do for you and the children! Look, I said I'm sorry. It just came out in the heat of the moment. We all have said things that we regret later. Well, I suppose I have said a few things in an emotional state that I wish I could take back. See? So what was it that you said? "I do".

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: King of the Mountain by four_legged_tripod 2-13-12

DOG PILE! AAAAAAHHH!!! Ouch! Get off! I'm trying to get off. Why do you think I'm laying on top of you?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: Enough by four_legged_tripod 2-26-12

I love you. I love you more. No, I love you more. No, I love you more. No no, I love you more. Well, now that I'm thinking about it, you're probably right.

Real Life: Dress Rehearsal by four_legged_tripod 3-01-12

That's not what you are supposed to say to me right now. I don't know what to say. Obviously you do, so just tell me. I'm not going to tell you. Try harder. Um... Line?

Real Life: Family Game Night by four_legged_tripod 3-16-12

First word. Man's name. You're pointing to your groin. Balls. Penis. Dick! It's Dick! Stretch it out. Longer. Long dick. Big dick. The new bag boy at the grocery store. Sam! The first word is Sam! Time! The first word was Richard. I was trying to get you to say the long form of the name Dick. Sorry about that. By the way, who's Sam?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Real Life: BFF by four_legged_tripod 5-05-12

Have I ever told you that you're my best friend? Aww. That's so sweet. Thank you. No problem. Of course I don't have much of a choice since you won't let me hang out with any of my other friends anymore.

Real Life: TV Time by four_legged_tripod 5-09-12

I love watching "Survivor" with you. It's like our thing. I know! But I was wondering, what do they do about their periods while they are on the island? What? Their periods. There's no place to flush a tampon. Are they even allowed to bring tampons? Do they just bleed everywhere? And just like that, I no longer like watching "Survivor" with you.

Real Life: Old Folks Home by four_legged_tripod 5-11-12

Just got off the phone with mom. She's doing her will. Really? She said if she ever can't take care of herself she will not go to a home and she refuses to live with my brother. She said she wants to live with us. Wow. What the hell did we ever do to deserve that kind of punishment?

Real Life: Kitchen Gourmet by four_legged_tripod 5-25-12

Wha cha making for lunch? Microwaved TV dinner. Sweetie, those things aren't that good. You need to learn to cook. It's cooking if you have to follow a recipe, right? What recipe? "Step 1: Cut slits in film covering mashed potatoes."