Number 7:

Snoop by leonard 1-06-01

WHAT'S MY NAME? WHAT'S MY MOTHER FUCKING NAME? What? Like I'm supposed to know?

Number 7 of 9 (not really):

CC 132: Ahead Snoop Factor Seven by itsclark 7-20-02

I claim this weird, striped planet in the name of the KLINGON EMPIRE. I demand you break orbit, Kirk. You are violating Klingon space! Rex, I think you're carrying this "territorial instinct" thing a little far.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Comic #68521:

And the patently inferior homonculous:

CC 132: One day in Federation Space by itsclark 7-20-02

Fascinating, Captain! If you look there -- behind this strangely disembodied lifeform -- you'll notice that Bazilla's a wanker! Well welcome to planet Obvious! I have a name you Vulcan freak. I am first officer Spock of the Starship Enterprise. What can you tell me of this phenomenon? Only that even in space, Wirthling sucks! Bazilla -- it seems your wanking endangers the entire galaxy. I must ask you to stop immediately! Right... can I get back to you on that in about five more minutes?

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Chrissy Poo by boboandrea 5-08-02

White Man meets Black Man Holy Shit its a nugga...I thought I got rid of them all when I burned down all of Puffy's recording studios help me jesus...this albino irish man is going to step on me with his clown feet

68389 becomes:

Misting Frequencies Open by kaufman 7-20-02

One day in San Francisco ... Uhura, you go with Chekov and look for the nuclear wessels. Can't this wait, Captain? I think the fog's about to roll in off the bay. I'm ... getting dew on my toupee! Look at the bright side, Captain. At least now you can sneak the whales out without anyone noticing.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Stop the wag by ObiJo 7-20-02

Captain, receiving subspace communication. On screen. Captain! It's the butt waggers! *wag wag* 36 minutes later... Why does the wag continue, oh Lord! Was the sacrifice of the moor woman displeasing to you?

Loosely based on comic 79999.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I'd also like to point out that my total number of comics is currently toll free.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Cogito Ergo Wag by ObiJo 7-20-02

*wag wag* *wag wag* *wag wag* *wag wag* *wag WAG wag* Gesunheit.

This one's based on the square root of negative one.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Q) What do engineers use for birth control?
A) Thier personalities.

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Did I give you the impression I enjoy crying?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

My very own #41399:

Meet the Psychic Fern by Namgubed 11-01-01

Yet another DFC rip-off... That's strange... ... I feel like I'm being watched by something that refers to itself in the third person. The psychic fern lay in waiting. Its time would come, its time would come.

Improved by (appropriately) #78347:

When Psychic Ferns Attack by Namgubed 7-22-02

Supplemental log, stardate 2214.78: There appears to be no animal life present on the planet Arborea 9, despite discoveries of signs of intelligence. The psychic fern spots its unsuspecting prey ... I have sent Ensign Expendible to gather tricorder readings on the regional fauna. Captain Kirk! Help! It's got - AAAAIIEEE!!!! Another day, another red shirt ... *CHOMP* *SLURP* *MUNCH* ... *BURP*

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

Thanks to all that played. The finalists:

Big Evil dan - rewrite of comic 47 - Set Wang to vibrate/CC 132: Who?

fuzzyman - rewrite of Comic 14591 - M5 versus Nomad

itsclark - rewrite of 7 - Ahead Snoop Factor Seven

Namgubed -rewrite of 41399 - When Psychic Ferns Attack

And the winner:
itsclark

CC 132: Ahead Snoop Factor Seven by itsclark 7-20-02

I claim this weird, striped planet in the name of the KLINGON EMPIRE. I demand you break orbit, Kirk. You are violating Klingon space! Rex, I think you're carrying this "territorial instinct" thing a little far.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

Oh sure, after this competition is over, NOW this paper is published!

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."