Well, she asked for it ...

C's New Look by Namgubed 5-31-02

Hey, C. Oh, hey Gia. Something is different about you. I ditched the cowboy garb. Meanwhile ... Yo, Jake! Look at these great duds I found in the dumpst-- DAMMIT!!! SHIT!!!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

it's been a while since i entered a contest but these rules are fuckin great so i thought i'd make fun of everyone on my favorites list who i know to have at least one sucky comic. (this used to be in alphabetical order by victim, and it may still resemble this)

The Apes of Wrath by Namgubed 10-04-01

The

The Apes Of Wrath by Mr_Jass 5-31-02

The So during my handicapped match against The Asian Girls, I did a Double-DDT and followed up with a Double-Moonsault for the win. Talk about taking names.

CC 78: My First Stab at a Contest (God this sucks...) by Alcyonae 11-10-01

The day that everything went wrong... Life sucks! But you have so much to live for! Like what? Hmm... The puppy dogs, the pretty birdies, and all that other crap that I can't think of right now. Ahh! No happy things! Let's get you into the kitchen and clean you up. If I remember correctly, your pills are by the sink...

CC 78: My First Stab at a Contest (God this sucks...) by Mr_Jass 5-30-02

The day that everything went wrong... Life sucks! But you have so much to live for! Like what? Hmm... The puppy dogs, the pretty birdies, and all that other crap that I can't think of right now. I tried.

The Wisdom of Allah by baba 3-08-02

"The turnips must be sorted, lest the good be discarded with the spoiled." Wise, Allah, very wise! "The asparagus nestled to your bosom is warmed, losing essential vitamins. Therefore, hold nothing too close." Ah, yes, Allah! I understand! "A cucumber, well-lubricated with vegatable oil-- Whoah, whoah, whoah! Let's quit while we're ahead.

[Click to view comic: 'The Wisdom of Allah']

[Click to view comic: 'Doggy'][Click to view comic: 'Doggy']

[ Posted comic does not exist ][Click to view comic: 'The Cap'n and Rock']

[Click to view comic: 'religos paper clip'][Click to view comic: 'religos paper clip']

[Click to view comic: '? Gabe.'][Click to view comic: '? Gabe.']

[Click to view comic: '2 men in a cave'][Click to view comic: '2 men in a cave']

[ Posted comic does not exist ][Click to view comic: 'coppers']

[Click to view comic: 'Space waster'][Click to view comic: 'Space waster']

[Click to view comic: 'Missle'][Click to view comic: 'Missle']

[Click to view comic: 'Yee-haw!'][Click to view comic: 'Yee-haw!']

[Click to view comic: 'Destruction of Earth for a price'][Click to view comic: 'Destruction of Earth for a price']

[Click to view comic: 'anon ymous'][Click to view comic: 'anon ymous']

[Click to view comic: 'The Non-Mad Scientist At The Aquarium.'][Click to view comic: 'The Non-Mad Scientist At The Aquarium.']

[Click to view comic: 'Fighting with your brother'][Click to view comic: 'Fighting with your brother']

[Click to view comic: 'Fight Night'][Click to view comic: 'Fight Night']

[Click to view comic: 'Journey Mandate'][Click to view comic: 'Journey Mandate']

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

Here Chicka, this one's for you.

My Edible Television by kaufman 5-31-02

May I borrow your TV to take to work with me today? Depends, will any of your coworkers eat it again? No, I'll watch it this time I promise. Well, I guess you can use it then. Doctor, my friends keep eating my tv. Should I be worried for their health? Absolutely. You say they keep eating it over and over. That's classic binge and purge behavior. They really should try to keep it down.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I'm too busy skydiving! by EricFish 5-11-01

Who wants peanuts? PEANUTS!

I'm too busy skydiving! by ObiJo 5-31-02

Who wants peanuts? Here, take a bag or two. And get pulled into your sick game? Thank you, no.

The mind is an interestng thing. by Aristotle 9-23-01

Why do humans justify the killing of animals with the idea of them not having a soul? It seems you believe you can kill the inferior species because they dont have a soul. Isnt a soul required for life? Does that mean I dont have a soul or a life? Ill say you dont have a life. All you do is sit around playing CS and eating bon-bons.

The mind is an interestng thing. by ObiJo 5-31-02

Why do humans justify the killing of animals with the idea of them not having a soul? It seems you believe you can kill the inferior species because they dont have a soul. Isnt a soul required for life? Does that mean I dont have a soul or a life? burp

Reasons To Use Your Own Razor by attitudechicka 9-03-01

I don't appriciate you using my razor. I didn't use your razor. I don't believe you. I found it next to the sink, when it's usually in the bathtub. I swear, I didn't use it! If you would have thought about this logically, you'd know where that razor's been... I have two different kinds of Nair, yet I have a razor... Eww!

[Click to view comic: 'Reasons To Use Your Own Razor']

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

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Batman created by Bob Kane

I think it's supposed to be better.

Another bad pun.

IF THEY WERE COPS! by Reverend_EFE 7-05-01

BAD COP -------------------------- GOOD COP Excuse me jesus, whats that white substance under your nose? It's sugar from the powderd dounut I ate before they put me up here. YOU SURE IT ISN'T THE OTHER WAY? You sure it isn't that coke you sole out of the evidence locker? Hey I am Jesus, I can do no wrong. I swear I was framed. GOOD COP -------------------------- BAD COP Sure! Thats what they all say! "Im "perfect",, "I could do no wronge". Well mister oh so hollier than thou! FUCK YOU! OH SHIT! I think he figured me out.

Note; DONT USE THE NARRATION BOX IN ALL THREE PANELS!!!

ooh baby, hey...who is out there? by wolleypinkum 1-10-01

well, i'm not sure how to tell you this...but, i have to send you to HELL days passed you gay wad

ooh baby, hey...who is out there? (after comic 979, CC121) by lara7 6-02-02

well, i'm not sure how to tell you this...but, i have to send you to HELL days passed more days pass... What are you still doing here? Why are you looking at me like that? We'll see who's in hell once I lay my eggs in that gaping wound in your side.

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

Al meets bill by moolex 3-01-01

Hey its bill im god u motherfuka burn owowowow im making you do that mother fuka die im dying no your fuking dead

Al meets bill (after 7513, for CC 121) by lara7 6-02-02

Hey its bill im god u motherfuka burn owowowow im making you do that mother fuka die im dying CUT!! The line is "ah! i am dieing!". Christ, didn't anyone read the damn script?

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

My Week by whirligig 7-24-01

On Monday..... I miss Gary.... By Tuesday...... I miss Gary.... Finally on Friday! I love you! I love you!

My Week by kramer_vs_kramer 6-03-02

On Monday..... I miss Gary.... By Tuesday...... I miss Gary.... Sherman? It's me- Gary! I thought I told you to piss off?

SoapLife part1 by ArielBS 6-10-01

Tim and Carrie met at a disco. Um... hey! I'm Tim! I'm Carrie They both fancied the other. Damn shes cute Oh my god he's absolutely gorgeous! Um.. wanna dance? Sure!

CC121: SoapLife part1 by fuzzyman 6-03-02

Tim and Carrie met at a disco. Um... hey! I'm Tim! I'm Carrie They both fancied the other. Damn shes cute Oh my god he's absolutely gorgeous! Tim never saw The Crying Game. Can I touch your boobies? Sure!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

stupid gay people. by tim_dawns 4-30-02

I contain the answers to all your questions big or small. I can turn your dreams into reality. Where do babies come from?

stupid gay people. by kaufman 6-03-02

I contain the answers to all your questions big or small. I can turn your dreams into reality. Where do babies come from? Baby Hut delivery. Here's your medium baby girl with science aptitude and extra hair.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Okay, it's over. Sorry, the end! First of all, we'll do the stuff we've just got to do. Without mentioning specific comics, I'll give the "broke rule #4" awards to the following:

[list]
[*]JrnymnNate
[*]kaufman
[*]DexX
[*]Mr_Jass
[/list]
Yep! And then I'll give the "these were funny but not funny enough to win" awards to:

[list]
[*][u]Waazzappp[/u] improved by Big Evil Dan
[*][u]003[/u], [u]Open Mike Night[/u], [u]Untitled[/u] improved by ObiJo
[*][u]Jesus really IS our all-mighty lord and savior![/u] improved by kaufman
[*][u]Amateur hour at Hell's Comedy Improv Club[/u] improved by kaufman
[*][u]The Ex-Existentialists...[/u] improved by Kajun Firefly
[*][u]Why aren't I funny... God Dammit[/u] improved by A_Chicka
[*][u]CC 78: My First Stab at a Contest (God this sucks...)[/u] improved by Mr_Jass
[*][u]religos paper clip[/u] improved by Mr_Jass
[*][u]coppers[/u] improved by Mr_Jass
[*][u]I'm too busy skydiving![/u] improved by ObiJo
[*][u]My Week[/u] improved by kramer_vs_kramer
[*][u]hoofar[/u] improved by Kajun Firefly
[*][u]fYte punch kick![/u] improved by kaufman
[*][u]mmmuuurrr[/u] improved by Kajun Firefly
[*][u]C's New Look[/u] improved by Namgubed
[*][u]IF THEY WERE COPS![/u] improved by JrnymnNate
[/list]
And within that category a special mention to lara7 for greatly improving [u]Euphoria[/u], one of my worst comics ever.

A "what the hell?" award goes to Mr_Jass for chosing the "ghost" character as an avatar for me. What the hell?

And now, the contenders....

I need to run a contest that's less fun next time. It's too hard to choose from all the entries I liked. 10 of them -- Christ. Anyway, here they are!

[list]
[*][u]A day in the afterlife[/u] improved by kaufman
[*][u]This man will never witness a bulldog eating custard.[/u] improved by JrnymnNate
[*][u]MDx2 ARE Hell[/u] improved by ObiJo
[*][u]Captain Hero and the Bird[/u] improved by Big Evil Dan
[*][u]ooh baby, hey...who is out there? (after comic 979, CC121)[/u] improved by lara7
[*][u]CC121: SoapLife part1[/u] improved by fuzzyman
[/list]
...and after agonizing over it for a long time, the the four I liked best were

[list]
[*][u]Mr Haven und die Hölle[/u] improved by kaufman
[*][u]oh no you didnt[/u] improved by kramer_vs_kramer
[/list]
... and of course the winner, which turns out to be a tie...

[u]2 men in a cave[/u] improved by Mr_Jass

2 men in a cave by Mr_Jass 5-31-02

Hello, would you like me to lick your ass-hole clean? Uh...sure It's safe to go into your hole again.

[u]Yee-haw![/u] improved by Mr_Jass

Yee-haw! by Mr_Jass 5-31-02

Got my saddle, all I need now is a horse.

... which relieves me of the burden of having to make the decision and gives the next contest to Mr_Jass. Go for it!

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"Old" is the old new.

A worthy winner!

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Dad was flammable

Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but ...

They stole Scyess's idea!

I hope Scyess enters and wins.
I hope Mr_Jass enters and wins.
I hope I enter and win.
Or any of you who have the muse.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Those evil bastards; I would enter and show them all if a) my IQ were low enough enough to read the piece-of-shit local newspaper here, and thereby have access to the comics page, and b) their grand prize were worth more than $12.99 (plus shipping).

Call me when they're giving away a Carribean island.

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"Old" is the old new.