Hand over the money! We have Jesus!

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

[i]STRICTLY PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL

Dr. Peter Buthulezi
Pretoria, South Africa.
buthulezi@isp9.net

Sir,

It is my great pleasure to write you this letter on
behalf of my colleagues. Your information were
given to me by a member of the South African
Export Promotion Council (SAEPC) who was with
the Black Economic Empowerment Commission
(Government) delegation on a trip to your country
during a bilateral conference talk to encourage
foreign investors. I have decided to seek a
confidential co-operation with you in execution of a
deal hereunder for the benefit of all parties, and
hope you will keep it confidential because of the
nature of this business.

Within the Department of Mining Resources where I
work as the Director of Project Implementation,
with co-operation of four other top officials, we have
in our possession, an overdue payment in US funds.

The said funds represent certain percentage of the
contract value executed on behalf of my Ministry by
a foreign contracting firm, which we the officials
over-invoiced to the amount of US$29,600,000.00
(Twenty Nine Million Six Hundred Thousand United
States Dollars). Though the actual contract cost has
been paid to the original contractor, leaving the
excess balance unclaimed.

The Government of the Republic of South Africa
believe that private investment in general, and
foreign direct investment in particular, are the real
engines for sustainable economic development, for
which reason it has continued to encouraged
investment in the key growth -oriented sector of
Mining with sincere determined to pay foreign
contractors all debts owed to them, so as to continue
to enjoy close relationship, and a mutually beneficial
co-operation with foreign governments and non-
governmental financial agencies. As a result we
included ours bills for approvals with the co-
operation of some officials at the Department of
Finance and the Reserve Bank of South Africa
(RBSA). We are seeking your assistance as the
beneficiary of the unclaimed funds, since we are not
allowed to operate a foreign account. Details and
changing of beneficiary information and other forms
of documentation upon application for claim to
reflect the payment and approvals will be secured on
behalf of your company or your good self.

I have the authority of my colleagues involved to
propose that, should you be willing to assist us in this
transaction your share as compensation will be 25%
while my colleagues and I shall receive 70%, and the
balance of 5% shall be use to reimburse or
expenditures, taxes and miscellaneous expenses so
incurred.

It does not matter whether or not your company
does contract projects of the nature described here.
The assumption is that your company won the major
contract and subcontracted it to other companies.
More often than not, big trading companies and
firms of unrelated fields wins major contracts and
subcontract same to more specialized firms for
execution.

This business itself is 100% safe, provided you treat
it with utmost confidentiality. Also your
specialization is not a hindrance to the successful
execution of this mutual beneficiary transaction. I
have reposed my confidence in you and hope that
you will not disappoint us.

Kindly notify me by email for further details, upon
your acceptance of this proposal.

Regards,

Dr. Peter Buthulezi
buthulezi@isp9.net
[/i]

[b]
Dr. Buttholezi, I am so pleased to hear from you!

I am more than happy to assist you in this endeavor. It sounds terribly exciting! Just the other day my phlebotonist (he draws blood from plants!), Dr. Pedantic, was telling me that I should expect some good news. But then, he knows everything!

Since you come from South Africa, I do have one small request. Money, of course, can be traced, so I would like to know if it is possible to recieve my fee in the form of diamonds. What I really want to do is just fill my tub with diamonds and dive in! Shiny, sparkly, diamonds! If a few get lost in my pubes, well, who would be the wiser?

I am ready to assist you. Please tell me what to do next.

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

[i]Dear jesus
we are very serious minded persons if you are really interested can you
give me a proper profile of yourselve if it corresponds with what i
want.
Dan Tweedie
[/i]
[b]
Is your name Dan or Peter? I wonder if you are serious. I am very serious about the diamonds. Diamonds are forever, you know. I figured that since you are South Africa you would have ready access to diamonds. Don't they just pop up out of the ground?

Yours,

Jesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Looks like the fish don't quite bite like they used to...

Yeah, either I pushed to far too fast or he speaks better English than most.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Sprung!

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I got this e-mail:

quote:

---

FROM:PRNCSS. L ORGANA
DEAR friend.
I AM PRINCESS LEIA ORGANA ONLY SURVIVOR
OF THE ROYALFAMILY OF ALDERAN (ALDRN).
I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER,
THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING MY
PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION.
I WAS FALSLEY IMPRISONED UPON THE
IMPERIAL BATTLESTATION ("DEATH STAR")
WHEN MY PLANET WAS HIDEOUSLY DESTROYED
AND ENDED BY THE BVERY BAD SITH LORD
VADER. I ESCAPED ALONG WITH THE AID OF
BRAVE REBELS AND WOOKIES, AND AM NOW I
AM LYING LOW DUE TO THE SITUATION IN
THE 4TH MOON OF YAVIN TILL WHEN THINGS
GETS BETTER. I HAVE CONTROL HERE OF
THE SUM OF $25, MILLIONNN IN IMPERIAL
CREDITS DEPOSITED WITH A SECURITY COMAPNY
FOR SAFEKEEPING ON TATOOINE. THE FUNDS
WERE SHIPPED BY A
COURIER SERVICE AS DIPLOMATIC ITEMS OF HIGH VALUES TO
PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE CONTENT. WHAT I WANT YOU
TO DO friend IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL
ASSIST ME BY RECEIVING THE MONEY ON OUR BEHALF ON
TATOOINE AND ASSIST IN INVESTING THIS MONEY IN ANY
LUCRATIVE BUSINESS LIKE MOISTURE FARMS AND STOCK IN
MULTI-PLANETARY COMPANIES AND OTHER SAFE LUCRATIVE
INVESTMENT IN YOUR SECTOR.
MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASISE THE HIGH LEVEL OF
CONFIDENTIALITY, WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS,
AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND
CONFIDENCE WHICH I REPOSE IN YOU.
IN CONCLUSION,IN THE EVENT YOU ARE INTRESTED TO ASSIST
ME I WILL LIKE YOU TO CONTACT MY LAWYER WHO I HAVE
STATIONED IN MOS EISLEY TO WITHNESS THE TRANSACTION TO
IT'S CONCLUTION.YOU CAN REACH HIM ON HIS DIRECT LINE
VIA MAIL watto39@aol.com, HIS NAME IS
WATTO THE TOYDARIAN, I HAVE THE FULL TRUST IN HIM.
FINALLY,I HAVE SET ASIDE 15% OF THE TOTAL SUM OF THE
FUNDS FOR YOUR ASSISTANCE,AND 5% FOR ANY ESPENCES THAT
SHALL BE INCURED DURING THIS TRANSACTION.PLEASE BE
FREE TO DISCUSS WITH MY LAWYER.
I SINCERELY WILL APPRECAITE YOUR ACKNOWLEDGMENT AS
SOON AS POSSIBLE.
HELP US, friend, YOU ARE OUR ONLY HOPE.
BEST REGARDS,
PRNCSS. L. ORGANA

---

hahaha that's great!

[i]ATTENTION,

RE: TRANSFER OF US$16,500,000.00 AMERICAN DOLLARS ONLY INTO YOUR
ACCOUNT.

I, on behalf of my other colleagues from Government Constituted Review panel with the Ministry of Minerals & Energy here in South Africa, decided to solicit your assistance as regards transfer of the
above-mentioned amount into your account. Note that these funds emanated from unclaimed contractual proceeds of contracting firms who could not meet their obligation to their creditors. Consequently, these firms went bankrupt and total liquidation.
We as holders of sensitive positions in our various parastetals and were mandated by the government to scrutinize all payment made to certain foreign contractors and we discovered that some of the contractors have not been paid their contractual entitlement which collectively left an amazing sum of US$21,500,000.00(Twenty One Million Five Hundred Thousand US Dollars) lying in a suspense Account. However, from our extensive investigation we discovered that the foreign beneficiary companies have since been liquidated and no longer existing for some years which motivated our intention, knowing fully well that our operation would be exceedingly smooth and completely safe for all parties concerned.
We have agreed on this side that the said amount would be transferred (for our own use) into a Bank account provided by a reliable foreign firm/associate, because we are serving government workers and the Civil Service Code does not allow us to operate foreignAccount/Company.

Following our intention to carry out this laudable project expediently we however, succeed in transferring part of this (money) precisely US$5M (Five Million US Dollars) only into a foreign Bank Account in Lebanon, but the provider of the account is up to some mischief and refused to comply with our earlier mutual agreement insisting that the total amount be paid into his nominated bank account beforedisbursement will take effect. We thus, believed and concluded that if in the first successful transfer of US$5M (Five Million US Dollars) we are not compensated how then are we sure that when the balance of USD16.5M (Sixteen-Million Five hundred Thousand US Dollars) is transferred into his account that we will be sure of our due compensation.

In the light of the foregoing, we are therefore seeking your assistance so that the remaining amount of US$16,500,000 can be speedily processed and fully remitted into your nominated Bank account.

On successful remittance of the fund into your account, you will be compensation with 20% of the amount for your valuable assistance and cooperation. So far, much have been said and due to our sensitive positions, we can not afford a slip in this transaction neither can we give our identities as regards our respective offices, but were relationship is confidently established and smooth operations commences, you will be furnished with all you deserve to know.

I am disposed to entertain any questions from you with respect to this transaction. Please contact me immediately through these Email addresses: solomonsoki@netscape.net for further information on the requirements and procedure of this transaction

Treat with strictest confidentiality and utmost urgency.
Yours faithfully,
Solomon Soki[/i]

[b]Dear Solomon!

I love minerals! My favorite mineral is bauxite. How about yours? This is so exciting that I cannot contain myself. Thank you so much for letting me in on this wonderful wonderful opportunity. My girl Daisy and I can pay off the trailer and buy her Paw out of debtors prison! And I'd bet we'd still have some cash left over to have her little bed-wetting problem fixed. You don't know what it's like to share a bed with someone and wake up in the middle of the night in a puddle of pee. I've gotten used to it over the past two years, though, and the dogs don't hardly mind the smell anymore.

Yes! I would do simply anything to help you. Please let me know what to do next.

Yours truly,

Jesus DeJesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Jesus DeJesus rides again!

quote:

---

Dear Solomon!

I love minerals! My favorite mineral is bauxite.

---

quote:

---

quote:

---

Dear Solomon!

I love minerals! My favorite mineral is bauxite.

---

What? Not boorite?

---

[i]From: Mr. Kenneth Mbagi
[mailto:kembagi@phantomemail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 18, 2003 7:15 AM
To: sheltonguy@yahoo.com
Subject: Please Read
Importance: High

Mr. Kenneth Mbagi
P. O. Box 32, Shaka,
Bulawayo, Zimbabwe.
Tel : Your Intl. Access Code : + 88216 52098236
Emai : k_mbagi@phantomemail.com

Dear Sir/Madam

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me
since you do not know me personally. For the purpose
of introduction, I am Mr. Kenneth Mbagi, the son of
Dr. Matelo Mbagi, a wealthy farmer/politician in
Zimbabwe who was recently murdered in the land dispute
in my country.

I got your contact through the internet based on our
urgent need for a dependable and trustworthy foreign
partner. Hence I decided to write to you. Before the
death of my late father, he had taken me to
Johannesburg to deposit the sum total of US$20.5
million (Twenty million, Five Hundred thousand United
States dollars), in one of the private security
companies, as he foresaw the looming danger in
Zimbabwe. This money was deposited in two boxes as
Family Treasures to avoid much demurrage from the
security company. This amount was meant for the
purchase of new machines and chemicals for the Farms
and the establishment of new farms in Swaziland.

The land problem, in our country came when our
President Mr. Robert Mugabe in a bid to win his
re-election, introduced a new Land Act Reform wholly
affecting the rich white farmers and some few black
farmers who are members of the opposition party. This
resulted in killings and mob action by Zimbabwean war
veterans and some lunatics in the society. A lot of
people have been killed because of this Land reform
Act for which my father was unfortunately one of the
victims. It is against this background that, I and my
family fled Harare our capital for fear of our lives
and are currently staying in a remote country side of
Bulawayo. We are planning to leave the country and
seek political asylum in Europe and we have decided to
move our family wealth to Europe.

As the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the
responsibility of seeking a genuine partner that could
assist us without the knowledge of my government who
are bent on taking everything we have got, and the
South African government seems to be playing along
with them. I am faced with the dilemma of moving this
amount of money out of South Africa for fear of going
through the same experience in future, since both
countries have similar political history.

I am now seeking for a partner whom I have to entrust
my future and that of my family in his/her hands. To
this end, we need your assistance to stand as the
Beneficiary of the Consignments in Europe. This is
because we are under restricted movement and watch and
hence we want to be very careful in order not to lose
this fund which we have worked so hard for. I have a
sufficient CONTACT person at the Security Company in
South Africa who can help us move this money to Europe
under DIPLOMATIC COVER to another Security Company in
Europe with your details as the Beneficiary. This is
100% legal and will not pass through normal
Customs/Airport Screening.

Thus, if you are willing to assist us to move this
fund out of South Africa, you can contact me through
my email addresses, Tel no. above with your telephone,
fax number and personal information to enable us
discuss further details. I must let you know that this
transaction is risk free as far as we keep it as
confidential as possible.

Thank you, many blessings to you.
Yours Faithfully,

Mr. Keneth Mbagi. k_mbagi@phantomemail.com

N/B : Please dial directly, do not include my country
code i.e. (263). just dial your country Intl. access
code + 88216 52098236
[/i]

[b]Dear Mr. Mbagi,

You have found me at a most opportune time. I find
that I owe a great sum of taxes to the Republic of
Texas, which ceceded from the Union last year. Without
federal aid money, I have found that the taxes levied
to be quite enormous. Just like they used to say, it's
like a whole other country... only now it is. In any
case, I find myself with an enormous tax bill and no
funds to pay it. Damn those oil barons!

It seems that by assisting you I will acquire
sufficient funding to pay my tax bill for many years
to come. Please tell me where to begin.

I am currently residing in California on an extended
business trip. My address is:

Jesus DeJesus
537 Jones St. No. 8418
San Francisco, CA 94102

My phone number is 415-587-7242. Ask to speak to Jesus
when you call and they will connect you right to me.
If I am not there, please leave a message with my
manager, Mr. Gawd. My fax number is 415-558-9044.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus
[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Fuzz, you get all the fun!

---
“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

quote:

---

[i]I am Mr. Kenneth Mbagi... a wealthy farmer/politician in
Zimbabwe who was recently murdered in the land dispute in my country[/i]

---

Fuzzy ruv you rong time!

---
I'm not illogical - I'm big-boned.

[i]--- k_mbagi@phantomemail.com wrote:
Thank you 4 letting me know my mail reached u.

--------------------------------------------------
This email is a free service of Phantom Email
available at http://phantomemail.com/.
Looking for a date? Check out http://personalinteractions.com/go/p185[/i]

[b]Mr. M'Bagi,

That is all? You get me all a-quiver with the anticipation of riches and that is all you have to say? Please! I am desperate! There isn't much time before Texas annexes Mexico and then you know our taxes are going to shoot sky-high, what with all that Mexican corruption and everything. On the upside, cocaine will be cheap and readily available, so I guess it isn't all bad! I'm thinking of naming my first-born Vincente Fox DeJesus. What do you think?

By the way, thank you for the pointer to personalinteractions.com. I have been very lonely, but I think that I may have found the llama of my dreams. Time will tell!

Please call me at your earliest convenience. I look forward to sharing some screaming bottles of Chateauneuf Du Pape with you when all this is over.

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

If you hound this cocksucker until his gums bleed and he just gives the fuck up and tosses his PC into the river, you rule.

---
I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

The Zimbabweans do "L33T Speak"?

---
"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

The Zimbabweans do "L33T Speak"?

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

For sheer comedy purposes (in a statement which i think technically breaks the terms and conditions of my contract) , i recently had a Nigerian fraudster attempt to diddle someone through one of our banks accounts.

Get this.

We called the guy who owns the account in for a meeting, and then having clearly shown he had defrauded the poor schmuck (a very rich , and very stupid individual from Montana) , we proceeded to ask the boss for permission to contact the police and have him arrested.

The boss advised we close his account and draw a line under the whole thing. He felt police involvement would be "Inappropriate".

Un-Fucking-Believable.

---
"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

Probably doesn't want the publicity.

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Maybe he's hoping that the guy will open a new account under a different name; we must be talking a good deal of money here.

quote:

---

The boss advised we close his account and draw a line under the whole thing. He felt police involvement would be "Inappropriate".

Un-Fucking-Believable.

---

[i]From: DR ALIU IBRAHIN [mailto:dr_aliu@zwallet.com]
Sent: Saturday, March 15, 2003 2:01 AM
To: sheltonguy@yahoo.com
Subject: Please Very Urgent

DR ALIU IBRAHIN
EMAIL dr_aliu@zwallet.com
FAX:234 1 7599159

Dear Sir,
URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

First, I must solicit your confidence in this transaction, which is of mutual benefit. This is by virtue of it's nature of being utterly
confidential.I am sure and have confidence of your ability, and reliability to prosecute a transaction of this great magnitude.
We are top Officials of the Federal Government Contract review Panel who are interested in importation of goods into our country with funds which are presently trapped in Nigeria. In order to commence this business,we need your assistance to enable us transfer funds into your account. Asmembers of the Contract Review Panel set up by the Government of Nigeria toreview all contracts from 1983 to the present,we have identified a lot ofinflated contract funds which are presently floating in the Central Bank of Nigeria ready for payment.

By virtue of our position as Civil Servants and members of this Panel, we cannot acquire this money in our names, in this regard I have been delegated by my colleagues of the review Panel to look for an overseas partner into whose account we would transfer the sum of
US$21,320,000.00 ( Twenty -One Million, Three Hundred and Twenty
Thousand United States Dollars) hence we take the liberty to writeyou.
The money will be shared as follows:-

1. 20% for the account owner
2. 70% for us (The Officials)
3. 10% to be used in settling taxation and all local and foreignexpenses. Please note that this transaction will take between 7 to 10 working days from the date of receipt of the following information by Fax 234 1 7599159,Your Company's signed and stamped letterhead with atranscribed "Text" which we would send to you upon receipt of your reply with a letter of interest.The above information will enable us write letter of claim, and Job description by using your Company name to apply for payment for the above stated amount.Please acknowledge the receipt of this letter using the above Fax number.

Detailed information of this pending business transaction will be sent to you as soon as I hear from you.

Yours faithfully,
DR ALIU IBRAHIN

NOTE:PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER(VE/S/04/02) IN ALL YOURRESPONSES......[/i]

[b]Dr. Aliu,

I am much troubled by the terrible situation in which you find yourself. I feel for you, and indeed, all our dark-skinned friends. And now comes the time to bail you out. This is what we get for bringing you out of the jungle and giving you civilization and Christianity. No good deed ever goes unpunished, I suppose.

Be that as it may, it seems that bailing out your darkie ass would be quite profitable to me. Why, just the other day my fellow Klan members and I were wondering how to raise money for our cause. And here you land it in our lap. Why, I reckon this will be enough money to give all the jigaboos in the great state of South Carolina a free one-way ticket back to the Congo.

So sign me up, bro! My fax machine is broken, so I'm hoping this letter will do to get us started. Oh, and I'm referencing VE/S/04/02, whatever that means.

Yours,

Jesus DeJesus[/b]

---
...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.