quote:
For no particular reason, I just rewrote the last part of "The Tell-Tale Heart" by Edgar Allan Poe, and turned it into "The Tell-Tale Fart."
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No doubt I now grew very pale; --but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the smell increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, rancid scent --much such a scent as an obese television repairman might emit as he bends to his work. I gasped for breath --and yet the officers smelt it not. I talked more quickly --more vehemently; but the aroma steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high key and with violent gesticulations, just as I imagined Richard Simmons might do in a similar situation; but the odor steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the casual flirtations and girlish giggling of the men --but the stench steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed --I raved --I did my patented Pauly Shore imitation! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, and balanced it by a single leg upon my left buttock, but the smell arose over all and continually increased. It grew stronger --stronger -- stronger! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled, and played with lewd hand puppets in the vicinity of their nether regions. Was it possible they sniffed not? Almighty God! --no, no! They sniffed! --they suspected! --they knew! --they were making a mockery of my flatulence!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! Even an Adam Sandler film festival! Or graphic nude photos of Rosie O'Donnell! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must break wind or die! and now --again! --hark! louder! louder! louder! louder!
"Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear off my shorts! here, here! --It is the aroma of my hideous fart!"
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If you would like to transform other classic literature into a fart joke, or any other crass, crude form of humor, please feel free to do so here. If not, then think of something else to do.
This is what happens when bored intelligent people get time on their hands. Nice shot! XD
