Here is the template for FTC 56:

FTC 56: Template by kaufman 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride?

Your rules are simple:

[list=1][*] Keep panels 1 and 2 exactly as they are in the template.
[*] Add a third panel of your choosing, subject to the restriction of Rule #3.
[*] NO HAMMER CHARACTERS!
[*] Judging on the first of March.[/list]

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

FTC 56: -1 Star Crash Test Rating by 80_Million_Fleas 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Later... I'm not for sure if this is a reliable mode of transportation. Quit your bickering! The Japanese have been making fine cars for years.

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

FTC 56: What an honor! by fpd 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? But Aswan is in Egypt. I can't get you there in 30 minutes. No, it stands for Association of Suckers Who Are Nearby. I just need to bring a $1000 award processing fee, and it is right here in town.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

FTC 56: Hacky Sack Jack by biped 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? A ride? What happened to your car? I traded it for a guillotine so I could chop people's heads off while I masturbate.

FTC 56: Home Alone Joan by biped 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? No, I traded my car for a guillotine so I could chop people's heads off while I -- ah-HA! Couldn't RESIST, COULD you? But it's my TRADEMARK!

FTC 56: The Benny Hinn Twins by biped 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Well, this is the address. Texaco bathroom, corner of Cleveland and Fifth. Maybe they're in the one with the picture of a lady on the door.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 56- retarded by xxausrottenxx 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? a rimjob and 25 cents? I thought this was the highest award? I'm a fuckin swan, what else did you expect?

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xx( o Y o. )xx

FTC 56: True Love. by Friendy 2-25-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? I guess selling my super high-tech electromobile to get the money for bribing the jury wasn't such a good idea after all.

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Disclaimer: Sorry if some of my comics are offensive to somebody. They are created in a light-hearted mood and aren’t intended to hurt anyone.

FTC 56: V is for.... by quodlibet 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? I don't think this is an appropriate time for victory sex. Maybe tonight. See you later, then.

FTC 56: Truth, Justice, and the American Way 1 by quodlibet 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? We ARE downtown. We are, in fact, two blocks from their office. I know, but all that outdoor pollution's bad for my lungs.

FTC 56: Truth, Justice, and the American Way 2 by quodlibet 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? We ARE downtown. We are, in fact, two blocks from their office. Yes, but I'd hate to be run over while crossing the twelve-lane superhighway in the moment of my glory.

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If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.

FTC 56: I had a cartoon once. by 80_Million_Fleas 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? o/` Look at me, I'm MC HAMMA! Hammer time!! o/` Gah!! You've ruin the comic! Now 80MF will never win!

FTC 56: Too Many Games by 80_Million_Fleas 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? No. Fuck. Good thing I live in San Andreas! I'll just "borrow" a car.

FTC 56: Knee Pads. by 80_Million_Fleas 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Alright. Say, what does ASWAN stand for anyway? Americans that Suck Wang, Ass and Nuts ... Quit looking at me like I'm a freak or something! I've been working hard for this award for years!

FTC 56: When's the next movie, Dan? by 80_Million_Fleas 2-26-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? I don't think Egon will let us the Ecto-1. Damn it! It is always you and those damn Ghostbusters! Have you ever thought about MY needs?!

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.

Uh, judging later, so if you don't want one of the above comics to win, do something about it.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

FTC 56: Cotton Pickin' Chicken Chokers by biped 3-01-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Why do we always have to screw before you go somewhere? Well, I don't want to have a throbbing boner when I accept the award.

FTC 56: The Paul Anka Story by biped 3-01-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? No, I'd rather just stay here and tickle my butthole with an ostrich feather. Okay. I'll call ASWAN and tell them I can't come due to you tickling your butthole.

FTC 56:My Intestines Are Filled With Tiny Robot Seahorses II by biped 3-01-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Sure, I -- oops, I just turned into a coyote. Do you still know how to drive a car?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

FTC 56: Eh. by possums 3-01-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Wow, when they said ASWAN, they really meant "a swan!" BREEEEHOOOOO.

80,000,001st place goes to biped for The Benny Hinn Twins.

1st place is an 80,000,000-way tie among a bunch of fleas for:

FTC 56: -1 Star Crash Test Rating by 80_Million_Fleas 2-21-05

What's that you got in the mail? Says here that ASWAN has nominated me to receive their highest award. Wow, what an honor! It also says I need to be at their downtown headquarters in 30 minutes to accept it. Could you give me a ride? Later... I'm not for sure if this is a reliable mode of transportation. Quit your bickering! The Japanese have been making fine cars for years.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Puzzah! Sorry it has taken me so long to respond. However, I won't accept this award until the wall in Berlin comes down!

*whisper whisper* Oh really? 1989? Okay.

I won't accept this award until the wall in China comes down!

*whisper whisper* I'm a dumbass? This joke had no end? Okay.

I'll have a NEW one soon!!

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Shame on Us for All We Have Done. May God Have Mercy on Our Dirty Little Hearts.