So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet-coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns.
And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold, and precious stones, and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication.
And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.

Anyway, that's enough about DexX's mum.

Fed up with not winning contests, I was prepared to offer my soul, or other important body part, to Satan in order to win CC65. Fortunately, I managed to get by with my biting wit alone. This contest deals with those who choose a darker path than I...
[list]
[*] Show someone making some kind of deal with the forces of evil (doesn't necessarily have to be the devil) in order to receive something they want.
[*] Quote from the Bible.
[*] Use either the hell background or the satan character (or both) at least once.
[*] Use at least one naughty word (I suspect many of you would do this anyway).
[/list]
[font=verdana]You have 72 hours until judgement day.[/font]

I'm pretty fucking unhappy with this rule. It's cockfaced whoremongers like you that fuck things up for the rest of us that just want to have a little fucking fun. I think you're a shit for trying to get those of us who don't like to fucking swear to bow out of your pissant comic. Well fuck you, Andy. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. You're without a doubt the biggest cuntface I've ever met, and you can take your fucking contest and cram it up your ass sideways you turdfaced felchmonkey. I'm not going to fucking swear, so there! Bitch.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

How long can this obvious obfuscation stand?

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

HE SAID... ah... forget it.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

Sob. Bullies.

CC66: Soul for sale, very low mileage... by wirthling 9-24-01

Give me your soul, and I will make you a king among men! Be faithful until death, and I will give you the crown of life. We also have an excellent benefits package! Well, Old Nick, your competitors are offerin' me some kinda crown and free dental. The ball's in your court, pal! Care to sweeten your offer? *sigh* Like I need another fucking agent around here...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

CC 66: The Devil is in the Details by kaufman 9-24-01

At the weekly meeting of Good and Evil ... Well, Luce, I've spotted a Jimmy Clark, American, 23, soul precisely in the balance. He'll be much happier if he turns to evil. A deal is made. Come on, he'll get through life just fine living righteously and quoting the Bible. Okay, but I get to choose the verses. Song of Songs 4:1 Thy hair is as a flock of goats that trail down from Mount Gilead. Asshole.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Cthulu Worship for Dummies by NastyPope 3-08-01

I bow before thee ancient gods and offer thee a sacrifice. *bwak?* Let the blood of this chicken flow into thine sacred challace. Let the Ancients return and thy desciple reap the wealth of the ages *BWAK?!?!?!?* A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF GORDITAS!!! YOU TRULY ARE GREAT!!!!! ¿Lo Quero Taco Hell ?

Not really an entry, but its close.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

Wisdom of the Ancients by NastyPope 4-30-01

Woe to thee oh mortal who hast awaken me from my great slumber and summoned me away from the city of the Ancients. The Bane of Sendati has been wrought, the passage opened. Obey the covenant struck between you and my ancestors IMPUTENT MAGGOT, thine ignorance has condemned thee. For thine transgressions shalt thou know torment undreamt of. My servant thou shall be eternal, doomed to be One of the Deep. Great Master, I spoke the incantations true. The Bane has been enforced, the rites of Shub-Ygrasln obeyed. The calling of the Deep Voice uttered unerring!!! Grant my request. One question answered Thou hast passed my judgements, the Bane has been true, the calling upheld, speak now and ask thy question, for thy hour draws nigh Oh Wise and Immortal Ancient by your blessing do I ask the one question to bestow wisdom....... If a woman eats octopuss, does that make her a lesbian ?

Neither is this, but it does fit the mood of this unholy comic contest.

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

YOU CAN'T FIGHT CITY HALL by crabby 9-24-01

If you live a life of good and follow the ten commandments you can join me in the kingdom of heaven. Fuck-shits that sounds great. Look we both know your coming here anyway. Your bodies been here for awhile for it's crimes against donkeys. AWWWW FUCK-SHITS!! I knew that donkey stuff was gonna catch up with me in the end. Since those donkeys screwed me I'm moving on with my life. Now Bessie this might hurt a little at first but I'm gonna cram my head up your asshole. MOO!

I didn't quote the bible so you can go shove that rule up your ass!

This whole evil thing is really getting to me.

Do you know how long it's been since I touched a bible? The burn is just now healing! *sigh*

I'll try to whip something up. And I'll do a comic too, I guess.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

I almost forgot the "naughty word". Imagine that.

CC 66: Between Death and the Devil by attitudechicka 9-24-01

Hey, Reaper, I got a proposition for you. Yeah, what's that? Instead of that Jim guy that's going to be here tomorrow, why don't you grab that hot blonde up there? What's in it for me? Does it not say in Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you"? It does, but I'm not the one that said that, Dumbass. God is.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

It's been a while since I've entered a contest, but the call of evil was too strong to resist:

CC66: Damned Silly by itsclark 9-24-01

Have you thought about my offer, Andy? Yes, and I realize that I can win comic contests without your help! My soul is no longer for sale. But I can offer you ANYTHING. You have only to name your desire, and it shall be granted. Enough! I've made up my mind about this! "Get thee behind me, Satan." What the..!? Sucker! I'll be by to pick up your soul next Tuesday at 8:00.

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"You'll burn for this. Burn in jail!"

Darn right, now get your tuchus over to Comic Cup V!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 66: But it's a Dry Heat. by kaufman 9-24-01

Thou shalt not lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith ... it is perversion. I condemn thee to the firepits of Hell. Damn. Excuse me, I'd like to complain about my accommodations. Oh, really! And what might the problem be? Could you turn up the heat in here a bit? It's a bit drafty. I hate Houstonians!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 66: By the Book by BigEvilDan 9-24-01

So you want to be my assistant? I'm not really looking, so you'll have make me a deal. Well I've memorized the bible from cover to cover, so I can easily find loopholes that will bag us some souls. Really? Identify this quote: "And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it." 1 Samuel 18:11, King James Version. Also read as "Saul popped a cap on that bitch Dave's ass" in the New Ghetto version. Wow, not many people know the New Ghetto version. Ever read the Book of Arse? Read it? Hell, I live it!

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Thee, They, what the hey.

Bow to the demon penguin mistress! by Spankling 9-24-01

What’s with all the metal? Don\'t you know your fucking body is a god-humping temple, bitch? If my right nipple offends thee pluck it out. I don\'t think I\'m getting through to this one. Can\'t I become a demon without being a mistress first? No! I like to watch! Now go back out there and spank that boy!

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

here. take it. i don't want it.

C.C. LXVI: Blackmail Backfire. by habnem 9-24-01

Hey Satan! Jesus is offering me eternal salvation. I'm thinkin' about taking it. Fine. But if I find you before you die, I will unleash a thousand demons to cornhole you with their barbed schlongs of unimaginable pain! Sounds great! Do I get that if I stay with you? Jesus wept.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

CC66: Void Where Prohibited by Law. by israphael 9-25-01

The men of the city, the men of Sodom, surrounded the house, both young and old. - Genesis 19:4 Oh man, I'm so screwed! Why is it always sodomize the donkey in this town? OH PLEASE, CAN ANYONE DELIVER ME FROM THIS FATE! You called? Can you really help me? I'm so tired of waking up every morning with an asshole that's on fire. I'll tell you what I can do. In exchange for your soul, you will be reborn in the form of a baby goat. Goats are never sodomized. When a goat is born, it shall remain seven days with its mother, and on the eighth day it shall be accepted as a sacrifice. - Leviticus 22:27 Oh man, this is sweet. No more sodomy for me. Nothing can go wrong now.

[hr]

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
- William Shakespeare

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC 66: The Talking Donkey by Drexle 9-25-01

And when the ass saw the angel of the LORD, she fell down under Balaam: and Balaam's anger was kindled, and he smote the ass with a staff. I got yer Angel of the LORD... in my pants! And the angel of the LORD opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, "What have I done unto thee...?" Why did you poketh me repeatedly with thine staff of love these three times in one hour? Thou art mine ass, and I shall giveth thee all of the appreciation_that_I_know! What? The deal was that I was supposed to *win* the CC! That strip was crap! There are some things that even *I* can't grant.

Tobor finds eternal bliss. by apejuice 9-25-01

. . . and he opened his mouth in blasphemy against God, to blaspheme his name, and his tabernacle . . . Oh wow! Really? RAARR!! THIS IS CRAP. TOBOR HATES HEAVEN!! Psst. Hey kid. How boring is this guy? I have hookers and vodka at my place. Wanna come? Well, here we are, Tobor my boy. Now you have to prove your allegiance to Uncle Satan. RAARR!! THIS IS MORE LIKE IT. TOBOR CORNHOLE UNCLE SATAN INTO NEXT WEEK!!

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I LIVE!

C66: Being Jesus by ObiJo 9-25-01

Let there be light! Too easy. Grass and an asian girl! Ho hum. Two...HACHOO! God bless me. Jesus, Jesus. Jesus?

Damnit, I accidently followed one of the rules.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I've always thought of naughty words being things like "fuck", "shit", "damn", "cunt", and "the Conservative Party". Not things like "dumbass". Still, interesting.

Taking a creative interpretation of the first rule...

CC 66: Deal with the Devil by BigEvilDan 9-25-01

Hey! Cthulhu's dealing from the bottom of the fucking deck! Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, Satan. Those five kings you had last round were NOT a legal hand! I need to find a new poker group...

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Damn you, Dan. Damn you TO HELL!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."