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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

For anyone who may be interested for whatever reason, here are the movie reviews I've written so far for a site called "Bum's Corner" under the name of "porfle."

http://www.bumscorner.com/bumnuke/index.php?module=prodreviews&func=reviewsbycat&reviewsel=1

H. G. Wells' The War Of The Worlds
Frailty
The Killer Shrews
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Village Of The Giants
The Creature Walks Among Us
War Of The Planets
Ghetto Dawg 2:Out Of The Pits
Slipstream
The Killer Upstairs

At first I was just reviewing movies that I'd seen at the theater or had on DVD, but then they sent me some free screeners to review (the last four movies on the list) which was really cool.

Also there are a couple of articles I've submitted:

http://www.bumscorner.com/bumnuke/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=index&catid=&topic=26

Anyway, it's a fun thing to do.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-09-05 9:58pm (new)
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HCRoyall
Can't Brain today, studying for Nursing School

Member Rated:

You are a man apart, biped.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s **** robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

10-09-05 10:15pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

You mean like Vin Diesel?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-09-05 10:23pm (new)
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Spankling
Looking for love in ALL the wrong places, baby!

Member Rated:

Oh god. Not another critic on the site.

---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

10-09-05 11:05pm (new)
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Zaster
Wait for it...

Member Rated:

quote:
The Killer Shrews
Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein
Village Of The Giants...

Can you believe it's 2005 already, and still noone has invented a time machine to allow us to travel back and prevent these films from having been made?

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

10-10-05 3:44am (new)
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squidrabies
I am a Care Bear.

Member Rated:

I say well done, but I think too much of the meat of the reviews are taken up with blow-by-blow. I like what you write, but I found myself reading the first few sentences, then skimming to the last few. But then that's me, I usually already know the basic plot of a movie, or if I don't I only really want to know if it's good or not. Which is why I started doing my own reviews a while back on myspace. I do the same thing with most newspaper movie reviews, because they're so busy being "professional journalists" that they forget they're supposed to be entertaining and informing us, rather than simply entertaining themselves and showing how smart they are. I mean, seriously, who knows what "denouement" or "mis-en-scene" means? What the **** does "chewing up the scenery" mean? Even if you do know, you gotta admit it's stupid to actually write **** like that in a review for Dumb and Dumber. Anyway, I decided to write short, funny reviews that let you know immediately if the movie sucks or not. In fact, I made it so you don't even have to read the review if you don't want to. I give them titles like, "A Dirty Shame Is Stupid". And I give them a percentage of goodness rather than stars. I felt a movie can be really good, in a sucky way, and only get one star which tells me nothing. So with my reviews, a movie can totally suck, but be rated 75% good. Anyway, I only did a few and since nobody reads them, I sort of stopped. But every now and then I write more. If I thought people were enjoying them, I'd do it every week. Oh well, have a look if you like:

http://www.myspace.com/videoclerk

Oh, and your review for The Killer Shrews was wonderful. I keep meaning to go back and review crappy old movies too since I watch enough of them at work.

---
WHEE! HA HA! OH BOY!

10-10-05 5:33pm (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

i only read 'Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein', but i liked it, bipedalled one

---
what if ****** meant kite

10-10-05 8:03pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Thank you for your wonderful comments, everybody.

quote:
I say well done, but I think too much of the meat of the reviews are taken up with blow-by-blow.

Yeah, I've thought about that, but for some reason I just love recounting the plots of the movies that a)probably no one reading has ever seen before or b) haven't been released on DVD yet. Of course, telling the story of THE KILLER SHREWS or VILLAGE OF THE GIANTS is half the fun, but for a movie like GHETTO DAWG 2:OUT OF THE PITS I could probably cut back on the synopsis a tad.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-10-05 10:25pm (new)
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Zaster
Wait for it...

Member Rated:

I have a sinking feeling we're going to have to wait 40 or 50 years for Biped's review of "Serenity".

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

10-11-05 3:47am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

I only go to the theater to see current movies when I have to set off a flea fogger in my livingroom and get out of the house for two hours.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-11-05 8:28am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Here's my new Tom Weaver interview:

http://www.bumscorner.com/bumnuke/modules.php?op=modload&name=PagEd&file=index&topic_id=4&page_id=46#tom.jpg

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-11-05 8:50pm (new)
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squidrabies
I am a Care Bear.

Member Rated:

Kickass! How did you get that interview? That was the bees knees.

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WHEE! HA HA! OH BOY!

10-11-05 8:59pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

quote:
Kickass! How did you get that interview? That was the bees knees.

Thanks! We belong to the same forum called "The Classic Horror Film Board":

http://pub20.ezboard.com/bmonsterkidclassichorrorforum

and I just asked him if he would do it.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-11-05 9:16pm (new)
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NooniePuuBunny
Horny Female Tentacled Kaiju from Outer Space

Member Rated:

Here's one you need to look for, Biped:

"The Trouble With Harry" by Alfred Hitch****

If you haven't seen it, you'll enjoy it.

---
I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

10-12-05 7:42pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

I've seen it, it's great.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-13-05 10:37am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Also, I don't think that old URL for the Tom Weaver interview is registering any hits, so if for some reason you want to read it, please get there with this:

http://www.bumscorner.com/bumnuke/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=index&catid=&topic=26

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

10-13-05 10:49am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

My review for the new KING KONG DVD was just posted:

http://www.bumscorner.com/bumnuke/index.php?module=prodreviews&func=showcontent&id=271

And my interview with GHETTO DAWG 2:OUT OF THE PITS screenwriter Christine Conradt:

http://www.bumscorner.com/bumnuke/modules.php?op=modload&name=PagEd&file=index&topic_id=4&page_id=49

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-26-05 2:22pm (new)
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LuckyGuess
Soft White 100

Member Rated:

These are uncommonly good reviews... I'm quite impressed, you wonderful, wonderful Mr. Wonderful.

You should retro review "Jack the Giant Killer," based solely on the fact I told you to without considering it at all.

---
Close your eyes. Find your center. Take a ****. Leave.

11-28-05 6:51pm (new)
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Kaenash
Comic Overlord

Member Rated:

11-28-05 7:01pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

quote:
These are uncommonly good reviews... I'm quite impressed, you wonderful, wonderful Mr. Wonderful.

You should retro review "Jack the Giant Killer," based solely on the fact I told you to without considering it at all.


I thought your comment was one of the greatest comments I've ever read.

"Jack The Giant Killer" is the movie that got me into monster movies. My mother took me to see it when I was four or five and it changed my life. Unfortunately I haven't seen it since then, except for that awful version where they recut and redubbed it to turn it into a musical.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-28-05 7:48pm (new)
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LuckyGuess
Soft White 100

Member Rated:

Why thank you. We only use the very best ingredients.

They didn't...? They couldn't... It was a classic.... A CLASSIC...
Too bad. That's really unfortunate. At least we still have the Seven Voyages of Sindbad and Jason and the Argonauts. Anything that Ray Harryhausen put monsters into is worth seeing eighty bajillion times anyway.

But a musical? That's like that "Alice in Wonderland" softcore porn/musical.

---
Close your eyes. Find your center. Take a ****. Leave.

11-28-05 8:08pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Did you know that JACK THE GIANT KILLER isn't a Harryhausen film? The animation was done by lesser-known animator Jim Danforth, although it was made as a deliberate imitation of SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD.

The musical version is the pits. Songs were written to synchonize with the actors' mouth movements, and certain scenes were clumsily re-edited.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-28-05 9:23pm (new)
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Injokester
Probably drunk

Member Rated:

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/Jack-the-Giant-Killer-DVD-New-Sealed_W0QQitemZ6457073698QQcategoryZ617QQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

That looks like the original version, since the seller has another auction here: http://cgi.ebay.com.au/Jack-the-Giant-Killer-DVD-New-Sealed_W0QQitemZ6455870011QQcategoryZ617QQssPageNameZWD2VQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Which uses the description "A song-filled version of the tale", where the top one doesn't.

11-29-05 12:29am (new)
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DexX
What the Cat Dragged In

Member Rated:

quote:
Did you know that JACK THE GIANT KILLER isn't a Harryhausen film? The animation was done by lesser-known animator Jim Danforth, although it was made as a deliberate imitation of SEVENTH VOYAGE OF SINBAD.
Quite a few rather shoddy films were made to capitalise on the success of Harryhausen and Schneer's Sinbad films, most prominently Captain Sinbad (which featured big crappy puppets instead of stop motion) and Jack the Giant Killer (which is just dodgy as all ****).

Fact is, nobody can imitate Harryhausen. The man is a god.

---
This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

11-29-05 4:32am (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Hmm...I may bid on that DVD. It doesn't look like there'd be much competition.

quote:
Jack the Giant Killer (which is just dodgy as all ****).

Yeah, when I saw it again (the musical version) a few years ago it looked pretty slapdash compared to Ray's work. But that's probably part of what fascinated me as a kid -- it just looked so downright weird that I was instantly hooked on movies like that.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

11-29-05 6:55am (new)
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