I attended a friend's birthday party last weekend. We were doing the "you're so old" routine when someone asked him what tidbits of wisdom he had gained after so many years. His reply?

"Boxer shorts are more comfortable than briefs."

As with most things we think we know his reply is a matter of opinion and personal perference. That said I do happen to agree. So I began to ponder. What wisdom have I gained from my years of experience living here on planet earth? I came up with a few. Through my own experiences I have come to believe the items on my list. I hope you will add some of your own and/or comment on why you disagree or agree with these or others.

Honesty is a relative term. Everyone lies.

Musicians over 40 years of age have the best weed.

The most honest of men rarely get laid.

In general men like porn more than women.

The origin of most conflicts can be traced to wealth and power.

Big budget summer movies almost always suck

Most Christians only selectively follow the teachings of Christ.

Fake breasts look and feel fake.

At some level most people are racist

Not everything stays in Vegas

Conventional wisdom is an oxymoron.

WKRP in Cincinnati was a damn funny sit-com.

Most women obsess entirely too much about their appearance

My parents were right about a lot of shit.

Most of us know very little about anything truly meaningful or important.

Stay away from the internet.

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates.  Boxes of chocolates usually have flavor maps so you can avoid the ones you hate.

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HCRoyall wrote:

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates. Boxes of chocolates usually have flavor maps so you can avoid the ones you hate.

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I will now use this in a woman-based context around all my male friends. Forever.

Being in a good amateur band does help you get laid, but you ain't a fucking rock star.

If something can go wrong, it will.

Most young ladies are attracted to assholes, purely so they can complain about how men are assholes.

A pencil through the hand FUCKING HURTS.

Oral sex from two girls at once doesn't feel as good as you'd think.

No one really wants to hear that song you just wrote.

Don't get a tattoo of some Chinese/Japanese writing, you don't speak the language, It could say anything.

And last but not least, don't take life too seriously, if everyone would just lighten up, the world would be a much more awesome place.

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The_young_scot wrote:

A pencil through the hand FUCKING HURTS.

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Kindred spirit!

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Oral sex from two girls at once doesn't feel as good as you'd think.

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If you don't provide us with the story and/or pictures, we will be very disappointed.

Here's more contributions I learned this week:

Not all aquarium products work like they're supposed to. Or work.

If you grow apart from a friend, tell him/her early on that it's over. Because if s/he is a narcissistic bitch who thinks of him/herself as a martyr, you'll be fending off annoying shit for ten years.

If you ever discover what causes you to retch/vomit on command, don't tell anyone.

People in charge hate spending money and will spend extra money and time so they don't have to.

Sex on a beach results in bug bites and sand up your ass.

Very few women are into the “money shot” thing.

I don’t want to hear your perfect mix CD.

If the nicest person you know suddenly inherits a million dollars that same person will soon become an asshole.

I just noticed that umfundisi had recently started a thread like this one.

http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=248700

Looks like this thread is a shameless rip.

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ivytheplant wrote:

If you grow apart from a friend, tell him/her early on that it's over. Because if s/he is a narcissistic bitch who thinks of him/herself as a martyr, you'll be fending off annoying shit for ten years.

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Sweet Jesus, now we're kindred spirits. I recently had a "falling out" with a friend that I've known 10 years. After I sent her an email, a very polite and consise email telling her why I wasn't going to be friends with her anymore, she turned it around and made it seem like I was the bad guy. Which, oddly enough, I wasn't.

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The_young_scot wrote:

Don't get a tattoo of some Chinese/Japanese writing, you don't speak the language, It could say anything.

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A friend of mine and I were talking about this awhile back... and we decided that Kanji tattoos are probably the worst idea ever. You might think that you have "Love, Hope, and Kindness" written, but really its "Love, hope, and kneecaps". There's also the chance that you might have something totally awesome like "I eat couch for money".

Also, do you think that in Japan/China, they get english word tattoos? Like, is someone walking around with "Vaginal Fart" written on their arm, and everyone is going "ooh, that's such a cool tattoo!"

They sure do, go to www.Engrish.com to see it in all it's glory.

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little_kitty wrote:
Like, is someone walking around with "Vaginal Fart" written on their arm, and everyone is going "ooh, that's such a cool tattoo!"

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mandingo wrote:
-there's no right and wrong to like and dislike -

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-If your brother ever threatens to hold you down and fart in your mouth, he probably will. If your mother threatens the same, I am reasonably sure you can call her bluff.

                                                                                -Hallmark

wow. i am impressed. 

even although i'm a hateful fuckbag in most regards, i agree with 90% of whats' been said in this thread, and most of it has been stated more succinctly than i would've dared try.

let me add some of my own semi coherent thoughts:

1) most homeless people are homeless for a very good reason. that being said, many of those make a better living begging than a lot of folks with decent paying jobs.

2) whenever someone who has been denied entry to a club/bar says something along the lines of "whatever, we were going to spend a lot of money here..."

   they weren't.

3) this one is common knowledge. i would dare say however that i have a heightened sensitivity to it because of where i work.

CHICKS LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN MONEY. NOTHING.

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christopher7murphy wrote:

-If your brother ever threatens to hold you down and fart in your mouth, he probably will. If your mother threatens the same, I am reasonably sure you can call her bluff.

-Hallmark

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You must not have been around too many trailer parks.

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ivytheplant wrote:

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christopher7murphy wrote:

-If your brother ever threatens to hold you down and fart in your mouth, he probably will. If your mother threatens the same, I am reasonably sure you can call her bluff.

-Hallmark

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You must not have been around too many trailer parks.

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mandingo wrote:

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ivytheplant wrote:

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christopher7murphy wrote:

-If your brother ever threatens to hold you down and fart in your mouth, he probably will. If your mother threatens the same, I am reasonably sure you can call her bluff.

-Hallmark

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You must not have been around too many trailer parks.

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it's harder in a trailer park since no one's sure who their mother is

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Also it's hard to hold a retard still when the house keeps shaking.

If you're only smart enough to remember one thing in this world, it had better be this: The only way to "kill" the newly risen dead is to burn them or shoot them in the head. Save the ax -- you'll need it for breaking into food marts and gun shops.

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mandingo wrote:
-religion is a crutch. god didn't create man, man created god

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Here's another one:  It's pointless to argue about religion.  If you do, in the best case everyone already agrees with you; in the worst case, everyone will hate you. You will not change anyone's mind... which is just as well, because there's no way to prove anything significant about any belief, anyway.  (That's why it's called a belief.)

And a sub-point:  of all the people I know, those who stick to their religious beliefs with the most blind fervor are athiests.

And a child point:  "You can gain a great reputation for wisdom just by telling people what they already know."  -- Ashleigh Brilliant

- My wife's hair smells nice.

- Elmo will eat your arm off if you don't keep on guard.

- Things that are funny make you laugh.

- Chickens say BOK BOK BOK!!!

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UnknownEric wrote:
- My wife's hair smells nice. - Elmo will eat your arm off if you don't keep on guard. - Things that are funny make you laugh. - Chickens say BOK BOK BOK!!!

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not_Scyess wrote:
which is just as well, because there's no way to prove anything significant about any belief, anyway. (That's why it's called a belief.)

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What about Stalin?

he forgot about dre

Owls are harbingers of evil.

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up4abeer wrote:

I just noticed that umfundisi had recently started a thread like this one.

http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=248700

Looks like this thread is a shameless rip.

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Lesson: Nothing is original anymore. ;)

And it's no big deal. I hope at least one of the threads stays alive.

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mandingo wrote:
...you'll often hear otherwise-intelligent people vehemently arguing over their favorite color .

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Sky blue is worth fighting over. 

Seafoam green is the best.

But combined with sky blue and white, you can have a nice color scheme for a kitchen.

See? I can be civilized! 

Bathroom.