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up4abeer
Too Big To Fail

Member Rated:

I attended a friend's birthday party last weekend. We were doing the "you're so old" routine when someone asked him what tidbits of wisdom he had gained after so many years. His reply?

"Boxer shorts are more comfortable than briefs."

 

As with most things we think we know his reply is a matter of opinion and personal perference. That said I do happen to agree. So I began to ponder. What wisdom have I gained from my years of experience living here on planet earth? I came up with a few. Through my own experiences I have come to believe the items on my list. I hope you will add some of your own and/or comment on why you disagree or agree with these or others.

 

 

 

 

Honesty is a relative term. Everyone lies.

Musicians over 40 years of age have the best weed.

The most honest of men rarely get laid.

In general men like porn more than women.

The origin of most conflicts can be traced to wealth and power.

Big budget summer movies almost always suck

Most Christians only selectively follow the teachings of Christ.

Fake breasts look and feel fake.

At some level most people are racist

Not everything stays in Vegas

Conventional wisdom is an oxymoron.

WKRP in Cincinnati was a damn funny sit-com.

Most women obsess entirely too much about their appearance

My parents were right about a lot of shit.

Most of us know very little about anything truly meaningful or important.

---
Shovel Ready

7-17-07 2:44pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

Stay away from the internet.

7-17-07 4:03pm (new)
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HCRoyall
100mg Thorazine, Please

Member Rated:

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates.  Boxes of chocolates usually have flavor maps so you can avoid the ones you hate.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

7-17-07 6:53pm (new)
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LuckyGuess
hm

Member Rated:

HCRoyall

I will now use this in a woman-based context around all my male friends. Forever.

---
the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

7-18-07 3:12am (new)
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The_young_scot
Makes out like a Lesbian

Member Rated:

Being in a good amateur band does help you get laid, but you ain't a fucking rock star.

If something can go wrong, it will.

Most young ladies are attracted to assholes, purely so they can complain about how men are assholes.

A pencil through the hand FUCKING HURTS.

Oral sex from two girls at once doesn't feel as good as you'd think.

No one really wants to hear that song you just wrote.

Don't get a tattoo of some Chinese/Japanese writing, you don't speak the language, It could say anything.

And last but not least, don't take life too seriously, if everyone would just lighten up, the world would be a much more awesome place.

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

7-18-07 5:16am (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

The_young_scot

Kindred spirit!

If you don't provide us with the story and/or pictures, we will be very disappointed.

Here's more contributions I learned this week:

Not all aquarium products work like they're supposed to. Or work.

If you grow apart from a friend, tell him/her early on that it's over. Because if s/he is a narcissistic bitch who thinks of him/herself as a martyr, you'll be fending off annoying shit for ten years.

If you ever discover what causes you to retch/vomit on command, don't tell anyone.

People in charge hate spending money and will spend extra money and time so they don't have to.

7-18-07 11:17am (new)
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up4abeer
Too Big To Fail

Member Rated:

Sex on a beach results in bug bites and sand up your ass.

Very few women are into the “money shot” thing.

I don’t want to hear your perfect mix CD.

If the nicest person you know suddenly inherits a million dollars that same person will soon become an asshole.

---
Shovel Ready

7-18-07 12:46pm (new)
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up4abeer
Too Big To Fail

Member Rated:

I just noticed that umfundisi had recently started a thread like this one.

http://www.stripcreator.com/forums/showthread.php?postnum=248700

Looks like this thread is a shameless rip.

---
Shovel Ready

7-18-07 1:07pm (new)
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little_kitty
I bop, you bop, a-they bop.

Member Rated:

ivytheplant

Sweet Jesus, now we're kindred spirits. I recently had a "falling out" with a friend that I've known 10 years. After I sent her an email, a very polite and consise email telling her why I wasn't going to be friends with her anymore, she turned it around and made it seem like I was the bad guy. Which, oddly enough, I wasn't.

---
Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

7-18-07 2:07pm (new)
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little_kitty
I bop, you bop, a-they bop.

Member Rated:

The_young_scot

 

A friend of mine and I were talking about this awhile back... and we decided that Kanji tattoos are probably the worst idea ever. You might think that you have "Love, Hope, and Kindness" written, but really its "Love, hope, and kneecaps". There's also the chance that you might have something totally awesome like "I eat couch for money".

Also, do you think that in Japan/China, they get english word tattoos? Like, is someone walking around with "Vaginal Fart" written on their arm, and everyone is going "ooh, that's such a cool tattoo!"

---
Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

7-18-07 2:09pm (new)
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The_young_scot
Makes out like a Lesbian

Member Rated:

They sure do, go to www.Engrish.com to see it in all it's glory.

---
The following statement its true. The previous statement is false

7-18-07 2:26pm (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

little_kittythat is pretty cool though. don't lie

things i've learnt:

-if you break something you really like, the only way to make up for is to get something better. just replacing it doesn't work

-there's no right and wrong to like and dislike

-there's no universal good and bad. everything's contextual to purpose, desire, and personal principle

-most people don't realize the above fact and so you'll often hear otherwise-intelligent people vehemently arguing over their favorite color

-the universe is finite

-religion is a crutch. god didn't create man, man created god

-a lot of gay people mistake their sexuality for their identity

-popular media wrongly applies a double standard to racism by whites and racism by minorities

-a lot of our "best" movies and music are the product of corporate hype. there's better stuff out there that most people have never heard of

-evolution is closer to right than creationism, though the universe may "create" life the same way a pancreas creates insulin

-women are more superficial than men because women who cared about their appearance had an evolutionary leg-up (two actually) on securing a mate who'd stay with them long enough to protect their vulnerable big-headed human baby

-a lot of women love to talk about themselves. pancreas bless the ones who don't

-men feel just as much emotion as women. they've just been taught it's not masculine to show it

-there's no inherent value system in the universe. people create value, not the universe

-the universe can and has existed without people. also: the room is still there when you close your eyes

-despite some philosophers forgetting it, philosophy is not synonymous with ethics

-if you turn off your judgement and turn on your acceptance, you can raw experience the world around you like you did when you were a child

-you relax in your 30s

-cornbread! ain't nothing wrong with that.

---
what if nigger meant kite

7-18-07 4:05pm (new)
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HCRoyall
100mg Thorazine, Please

Member Rated:

mandingoUnless you dislike sex.  Then you're just plain WRONG.

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

7-18-07 7:23pm (new)
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christopher7murphy
underestimated the power of cheese

Member Rated:

-If your brother ever threatens to hold you down and fart in your mouth, he probably will. If your mother threatens the same, I am reasonably sure you can call her bluff.

                                                                                -Hallmark

---
Insert Theme to Mannix here

7-18-07 8:34pm (new)
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AngryAmerican
Here at least 3 times a year

Member Rated:

wow. i am impressed. 

even although i'm a hateful fuckbag in most regards, i agree with 90% of whats' been said in this thread, and most of it has been stated more succinctly than i would've dared try.

let me add some of my own semi coherent thoughts:

1) most homeless people are homeless for a very good reason. that being said, many of those make a better living begging than a lot of folks with decent paying jobs.

2) whenever someone who has been denied entry to a club/bar says something along the lines of "whatever, we were going to spend a lot of money here..."

   they weren't.

3) this one is common knowledge. i would dare say however that i have a heightened sensitivity to it because of where i work.

CHICKS LOVE NOTHING MORE THAN MONEY. NOTHING.

 

---
Kill Whitey.

7-18-07 10:12pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

christopher7murphy

You must not have been around too many trailer parks.

7-18-07 10:35pm (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

ivytheplant

You must not have been around too many trailer parks.


it's harder in a trailer park since no one's sure who their mother is

---
what if nigger meant kite

7-19-07 1:16am (new)
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crackpanther
Recreational User

Member Rated:

mandingo

You must not have been around too many trailer parks.


it's harder in a trailer park since no one's sure who their mother is

 

Also it's hard to hold a retard still when the house keeps shaking.

7-19-07 5:01am (new)
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Zaster
Wait for it...

Member Rated:

If you're only smart enough to remember one thing in this world, it had better be this: The only way to "kill" the newly risen dead is to burn them or shoot them in the head. Save the ax -- you'll need it for breaking into food marts and gun shops.

---
I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

7-19-07 5:29am (new)
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not_Scyess
not laughing with you

Member Rated:

mandingo

Here's another one:  It's pointless to argue about religion.  If you do, in the best case everyone already agrees with you; in the worst case, everyone will hate you. You will not change anyone's mind... which is just as well, because there's no way to prove anything significant about any belief, anyway.  (That's why it's called a belief.)

And a sub-point:  of all the people I know, those who stick to their religious beliefs with the most blind fervor are athiests.

And a child point:  "You can gain a great reputation for wisdom just by telling people what they already know."  -- Ashleigh Brilliant

 

---
peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

7-19-07 7:52am (new)
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UnknownEric
and the Goblet of Mountain Dew.

Member Rated:

- My wife's hair smells nice.

- Elmo will eat your arm off if you don't keep on guard.

- Things that are funny make you laugh.

- Chickens say BOK BOK BOK!!!

---
I has a flavor!

7-19-07 8:20am (new)
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Something_Corporate
Stripcreator Newbie

Member Rated:

UnknownEricYou forgot you has a flavor.

7-19-07 11:10am (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

not_ScyessGalileo believed the earth revolved around the sun. would you say we haven't been able to "prove anything significant" about that belief? you make the mistake of thinking belief only exists in the absence of proof. in reality, it can exist in the face of it. the difference is that if irrefutable proof of god came down tomorrow, the scientifically minded would now believe in god since that's the way the evidence points. whereas if irrefutable proof of god's non-existence came down, many of the faithful will continue to believe in god, finding ways to delude themself in the face of the evidence (god put dinosaur bones in the ground)

not_Scyesslike with the guy in the forums last year who tried to make the case that the absence of proof for god is proof of absence, completely shitting on the scientific method

still, i haven't heard about any Atheist Crusades where the faithful's DNA is stamped out. nor have i seen them break off into different atheist factions and bomb the shit out of each other over a piece of land. until i do, the blind fervor trophy still goes to the religious

---
what if nigger meant kite

7-19-07 12:31pm (new)
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ivytheplant
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

What about Stalin?

7-19-07 1:52pm (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

he forgot about dre

---
what if nigger meant kite

7-19-07 2:43pm (new)
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