Well, now that Halloween is over and the Christmas sales have started, it's that time of year everyone dreads:  Planning the Family holiday get-together.  Thanksgiving or Christmas, you always end up spending hours with people you can't stand for more than five minutes, only to dress up and do it again the next year.

So whether it's Cousin Earl complaining about how your mashed potatoes don't compare with how Grandma used to make them or having to wear that hideous, itchy sweater Aunt Margaret knitted for you, get it out and let it vent before you explode and out your brother and his "friend" at the Christmas Eve party.

No old comics, as I know there are plenty of them, and they're hilarious.  Lets see some new stuff!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Precious Xmas Memories by Hatrix 11-03-08

Ok kids I know it's xmas day but it's time for the trip to Grandma's house. You and your brothers and sisters get in the car. Hooray four hours of nausea and vomiting. Four Hours later at Grandma's Dammit kid! You ruin every trip with this car sickness crap. Just lie down until you feel better. *urp* Ugh. The room is still spinning. The next day... I'm finally starting to feel better dad. Great. Grab your coat we're heading home.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

A Very Chinese Christmas

Get back to work!!!!!!

by deathtoradio, 11-04-08

Wishlist by Hatrix 11-04-08

A month before xmas Mom can I get this playset for xmas? Oh you never know! Santa may already have got that for you *wink*. A week before xmas Hey mom I know I mentioned that playset and the legos and the teddy but do you think santa might bring me this? Heh. Well Santa has a big sleigh! I expect he's got it covered. *wink* Merry fucking xmas! Mom I like the socks and underwear but um what happened to all the stuff on santa's sleigh? Guess he gave it to the kids who deserved it.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

The Night Before Christmas

How did this happen?

by Beeko180, 11-08-08

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Xmas Traditions by Hatrix 11-08-08

4:02am Dec 25th. After 3 hours of sleep the 8yr old wakes up screaming the good news that xmas has arrived. OMGWTFBBQ it'sxmas santawashere mooooooooooooooom! getupgetup get upgetup get up! I should have slipped him the nyquil when I had the chance. 4:06am Dec 25th. After three months of anticipation bordering on psychosis the 8yr old discovers the disappointment of television ad glamour vs plastic toy reality. Maybe I'll take the nyquil. What? But? THIS SUCKS!!!MOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOM! ITDOESNTWORKLIKE ITSSUPPOSETO WAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Xmas Traditions - Childhood Memories by Hatrix 11-08-08

Right after I get up! Christmas eve. After the yelling stops. Dad sold our presents to buy crack so mom started early. What are we talking about? When our parents will start drinking this xmas.

Xmas Traditions and Presents! by Hatrix 11-08-08

Don't cha just love xmas son? The lights, the music, the warmth of family. I know. It's so nice that the whole family can still gather for something as traditional as attending midnight mass together. Yeah. Well we should finish loading the truck and get out of here before they get back. Yeah let me just check the bedrooms for hidden presents.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

A Christmas Present for a World Leader by Beeko180 11-08-08

During a Prime Ministerial Speech...... Ok. We're through the looking glass here people. Who left the toilet seat up, drank my coffee, stole my car, farted on my divorce papers, sabotaged my collection of DVDs and told the world I was gay. It was John.

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

WW 64: Happy Holidays from Gran Marie! by attitudechicka 11-08-08

WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BOOBIES? Uh, Gran? I don't think this is the right time or place to be releasing the girls. Well, I wasn't going to show you my nipples! I'm not quite sure how that matters.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

WW#64 : Good tidings to you and 'yours' by themushroom 11-09-08

Christmas 1982 - Auntie Maya was passing around an article about Toxic Shock Syndrome and tampon use to all the women at the family Christmas party. Rely brand tampons have been linked to TSS. Yes... Which is why they were taken off the market two years ago. ......................True story. I want to read that article next! I just realized that with the exception of my mother, my 11 year old sister, and one cousin in her 40's, every female here is over 50 so have no use for tampons...

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Grandma Got Run Over by Hatrix 11-09-08

Oh are you the only one home with me? Yeah. Mom and Dad are out shopping. Grampa and the boys are outside. You know you're adopted right? Yeah gramma. Everyone knows. It's not a secret. Damn. Do you want to know what you're getting for christmas? My inheiritance if you keep it up bitch.

Xmas Traditions - The Hallmark Conspiracy by Hatrix 11-08-08

Hey look, another xmas card. Not bad for November 9th. How many is that now? Three. This one is from 'Jack, Myrtle, Mavis and the twins'. How thoughtful of them to remember us! Do you happen to remember them? You mean we're supposed to know the people who send us these random seasonal greetings?

Xmas Traditions - Hallmark Conspiracy 2 by Hatrix 11-08-08

So you add everyone who sends us a card to our xmas card list? Can I see it? Sure. The Pendelstels, The Brikmods, the Oblemeyers, the Von Vittens, Chip and Pippy Thresk, Val Klepper, Iggy and Vonda Nogmore... Honey... who the fuck are all these people? You know... I have no idea.

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“Life is intrinsically... boring and dangerous at the same time. At any given moment the floor may open up. Of course it almost never does; that's what makes it so boring.”--Ogdred Weary

I'm going to be gone for a week starting thursday, so if I don't judge this by 5 on Wednesday it won't be judged until next thursday at the earliest.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Don't kill Bambi, HC. Judge this contest instead.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Kill this contest, then judge Bambi!

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

The only way I'm killing Bambi is if I hit him with my car on the way to my National Guard duty, which is where I'm going.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

this talk of your service to our country has inspired me to go killjudge some hookers

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what if nigger meant kite

Remember, Mandingo -- rape and pillage before you burn.

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

HCRoyall

The CC is most likely over so I'm going to say something:

I'm looking forward to christmas. My Birthday is like 6 days before it. 

(19th December)

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

The chicka with 'tude wins this contest, thanks to the assistance of her wonderful Gran Marie.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Congrats, Chica.  Happy I was there in IRC when you thunked of making it.  :)

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Say something cryptic then leave snickering.

Thank you, HC. How was training?

New contest coming up whenever the coffee pries my eyes open tomorrow.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Er, not training, duty...

I suck at remembering details.

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Considering the asshats in charge told my unit they only needed one person, not one person per 7-hour shift, I made out all right.  Playing the part of a Brigade-level HQ over everyone else meant that I had practically nothing to do and could read and play videogames through my 14-hour day, and I usually left three or four hours early anyway.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.