Spock totes destroys the fabric of space-time and inadvertantly erases 40 years of storyline continuity, thus enabling a franchise revamp!

Brilliant!

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Thank God. Who doesn't love Star Trek to an idiotic level?

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Kill Whitey.

SPOILER ALERT

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Spock's mom gets killed.  The entire planet Vulcan gets sucked into a black hole. 

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The engine room looks like an actual engine room except for the water park ride.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

The Wizard is actually a regular guy from our world.

Too far?

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

Dumbledore dies.

And is gay.

Was gay.

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

The garden gnome shoots Blackwolf with a pistol.

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the kid's getting old, the kid's getting old

The Tooth Fairy and Santa Clause aren't real.

And it was Colonel Mustard, in the conservatory, with the candlestick.

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Okay, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist.

boloboffin

I read that the engine room scenes were filmed in a brewery.  A fucking brewery.

Anyway, it looks like shit.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

In a plot-line identical to the original franchise, Uhura is going to get nailed by the entire crew over the course of 6 movies.

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Dad was flammable