Self-indulgent crap, etc.  Director's commentaries are always (usually) fun, and this is a great excuse for me to post every single fucking one of my comics in here.  Enjoy.

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The very first FR comic.  Cute as a button.  A sequel to a comic that appears much later.  TIME PARADOX.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420559/

The outside world is nothing but trouble, kids.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420561/

Slayne Turven has nothing interesting to say.  He drinks a lot of canned energy soda and has rotten breath and hyper teeth.  Slayne once told me that a space owl cut out his tongue and placed it inside a capsule that was fired into Earth's second sun.  I asked him not to stand so close.

 

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Nilnar is a lackey for the villainous hipster, Zrogagks Tol.  He is best known for his caper of scaring the living shit out of Betty and Barney Hill back in 1961 with some dry ice and a kaleidoscope.  He has basically been riding the coattails of that minor success ever since.

 

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 Most early GPAs are based primarily on how well the child's mind sponges up American myth bullshit, or "mythshit".

/comics/FactoryRejects/420654/

Did you sit through all that?  I'll bet you're disappointed, too.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420670/

Pretty much just experimenting with that piss-perfect narration box.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420736/

This track was unfortunately cut from Inner Circle's Christmas album.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420737/

The news media is a solid comedic act that is very hard to keep up with.

 

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Once when I was making comics with Charlton Heston, I remember he told me "It's not important that you have heat, so much as that your characters have heat."  He died of exposure that night.

Thank you for entertaining me. The comments alone are worth the read...

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Get back, if you can't understand a rap act.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420807/

See what Disney does to people?  I think my VHS of Aladdin is older than that girl.  Who cares.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/420811/

I want to say that this was a random layout.  I also want to say that fluoride is a conspiracy.

 

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While I do enjoy making fun of rednecks I will admit that I would enjoy not having rednecks to make fun of even more.  

 

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The beginning of a titular running joke.  Bon Jovi sued me over this.  Twice.

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Nothing in this is true.  Rense.com is still pretty great, though.

 

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I think my favorite part about this is the posting date.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/421166/

Is the game called Deaths Word or Death Sword?  Would this kid even be able to tell?  Probably not.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/421169/

Ghosts only haunt people that start fucking up the house.

 

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I came up with this story years ago in a small cafe on the west coast.  I had just bought a newspaper and a couple biscottis, and was about to put down my notes and enjoy them when boom, Orson Welles sits down across from me.  Before I could say anything, he reached out and took one of my biscottis.  Ate it right in front of me.  I couldn't believe it.  I looked him right in the eye, and reached for the remaining biscotti - and the fat bastard bit my hand. 

Dan Blocker did the same thing to me, only with peanut butter cookies in front of a Photomat.

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I'm a fan of Western Digital drives.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/421711/

A music video annoyed me, I made a comic.  Pop culture jokes usually bite you in the ass later on.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/421977/

The comic title used to be in Russian, but it wasn't supported so I changed it to German.  You're better off getting your whale tails from a reputable retailer.

 

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VISIBLE FRANKENSTEIN CONTROLS

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/422120/

Don't take pills, kids.

 

 

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 Panel 3 was lost when my studio caught fire.  Never forget.

 

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 I dated this woman for 10 and a half months after this strip.  In the end, I couldn't get past the crow's feet.

 

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Some critics, including Morgan Freeman, contend that Black History Month is irrelevant because it has degenerated into a shallow ritual,^[4] and says that it serves to undermine the contention that black history is American history.^[5]

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/422936/

Not sure if it was bird or swine but I'm absolutely sure it was dumped on me by the government.

 

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 Between the moutains of cheddar, beside the river of peanut butter suggestions, she was; naked as the day god made her, holding two perfect Ritz crackers over her exposed areolas.  It was a sight to see.

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We really do.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/423152/

They really do.

 

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Still no moss on M. Jagger as of 3-19-09.

 

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 There was a scene where Slayne took off his usual glasses to put on reading glasses, but it was deemed unnecessary and cut from the film for time.

 

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Drugs are a gateway drug to even more criminal activities like beards and Bob Dylan.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/424101/

Occasionally comics are not funny.  In Shakesperean times this method was used to give the audience a break, and was called "lack of talent".

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This is a Mario joke, not a pot joke.  Unless you're high.

/comics/FactoryRejects/424358/

If you have to strangle someone over a bet, make sure it is to win the bet.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/424359/

I am jealous of the air of authority maintained by a cartoon goat that I scripted myself.

 

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I like to think that the food is still fresh, it just gets pushed back by a steady influx of beer.  My digestive system uses a similar method.

 

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Warning: jokes in this strip are more poisonously dated than the monkey in 'Raiders Of The Lost Ark'.

/comics/FactoryRejects/424702/

Good advice.

/comics/FactoryRejects/424806/

Part of my campaign to get the military to drone-strike me.

/comics/FactoryRejects/424874/

Warning: do not listen to Jimmy Eat World.

/comics/FactoryRejects/425004/

Blurt Reynolds.

/comics/FactoryRejects/425006/

Santa is a stone's throw from Satan.

/comics/FactoryRejects/425007/

A FLYING SAUCER FOOD DELIGHT

/comics/FactoryRejects/425111/

Dinosaurs: almost as extinct as pot jokes

/comics/FactoryRejects/425123/

Here's the concept behind a time tunnel: Here's the concept behind a time tunnel

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In the year 2008 there were coffee shops.

 

(read my damn comics)

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Going back and reading some of these, I'm tempted to create a "can't win 'em all" collection.

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Sermon?  Damn near killed 'em

 

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It's never too late for an internal crisis.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/426958/

Stop yourself the next time you're about to describe an entire television episode to someone.

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This guy is taking one bad snail experience out on all snails, and it's not fair.

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This converted zero pagans to Christianity.  THE FOOLS

 

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Zrogagks Tol is capable of throwing a sexy, violent Christmas party that would make a Cenobite uncomfortable

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/427880/

He's trying to tell him, subtly, that he needs space

 

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Winners don't use social media.


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This ALMOST aired but then the Lizard was arrested in Truckee, California after striking a prostitute with a bottle of Mellow Yellow during an altercation outside a Howard Johnsons

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You can't trust those rascal kids around the drugs.

 

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Come out of the water closet and admit you like toilet humor.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/428673/

I froze to death that winter, but eventually Pauly Shore accidentally exhumed my remains.  It was hilarious.

 

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The comic was terrible, but at least he was nice.

 

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Idle processes are the devil's playthings.

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If you thought this comic was garbage, it was because it was 4-20 and you were high.

 

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Drinking is in the bible, so it's okay.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/430616/

I used a time tunnel to write this joke.

 

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This was back when we had a David Bowie to joke about.  Never take anything for granted, kids.  And don't make jokes about me.

 

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White people always be stealin'

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/430736/

It's like stereo instructions!  Really boring.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/431299/

If you die twice in the same war, the military awards you a fancy hat.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/431301/

It's a clear cup full of red paint.  He's still going to kill her though.  Classic twist.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/431305/

A long time ago, there was some lady that wore a catsuit and trained dogs.  I don't know why you'd wear a catsuit to train dogs; maybe it was some form of reverse psychology.

 

/comics/FactoryRejects/431632/

A "Wii" was the Wii-U that your mommy and daddy used when we were young.  Before you ruined everything.

/comics/FactoryRejects/431954/

This was back when Youtube was full of movie clips instead of 45-minute videos about indie games that take around 10 minutes to beat.

 

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Sometimes you can be too tired to make comics.  Not me, though.

 

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Video games used to have doors you couldn't open.  Now they eventually sell every room as DLC.

 

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We got a great deal on this place.  It's close to the school we wanted for Jimothy, too.  There's a lot of robots though. NOT THAT I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT

 

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Sometimes you should ask yourself if a minor victory is really worth creating a psychotic arch-nemesis.

Went through and upgraded my rating on a few of these.  Quality stuff.