You throw your arms in front of your face in a feeble attempt to sheild yourself from your eminent fate. He steps forward, raising the gun to point directly between your eyes. Your eyes widen in fear, as you back further into a corner. There is a loud bang and an ear pitching scream escapes from your mouth as a bright, white light envelops your vision. Your body sprawls across the wall, and your vision goes black.

I'll stop there, because that should be enough text to hide the subject of the thread preview.

Welcome to CC: 449

I was going to do blasphemy, but I felt that wasn't as original as my second idea.

Seeming I like medical jokes and I also happened to win with this baby I think it's only fitting that the subject be medical jokes.

That's right, you heard me: medical jokes. Broken bones, pregnancies, abortions, nurses, doctors, patients, intensive care, diseases, bacteria: anything that comes under medical. 

So here are the rules.

1. Make a comic involving a medical joke.

2. You can have unlimited entries.

3. No photoshop.

4. No old comics.

5. Serials are allowed.

If you follow all those rules, you should get something like this-

Apartment 2B by Beeko180 3-26-10

Have you been experiencing any excitement lately that may or may not be caused by overdose of any particular medications? I'm going ask you that one more time, and if you point to my tits I'm going strangle you.

 

You may begin entering. 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

RCL no. 2156 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-05-10

You okay, Wilson? I don't think so... I went to the local clinic for some medicine to cure my agonizing jock itch, and the nurse there mistakenly removed my testicles! Welcome to "Obama Care"... Weird... It's like I can still feel my balls. That sucks, dude. What really sucks is they still itch!

Lip Service by four_legged_tripod 4-05-10

My boyfriend's in the waiting room doctor. He's too embarrassed to come in here with me. What seems to be the problem? He cries after sex, he lets his mother tell him what to do, and he won't defend me when other guys hit on me at the clubs. Sounds like he needs a therapist. I'm just an OBGYN. What can I do? Just look at him and tell me if he really is a pussy.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Take My Advice by four_legged_tripod 4-07-10

So this guy comes in and says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." So I told him to stop doing it. Oh, doctor! You're so witty. So what happened? He died. Why? Because it hurt when he breathed in.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

CC 449 by lukket 4-07-10

It will be very expensive to operate on you, so I suggest we just give you this injection and you will pass away gently. Now wait! I didn't fight in 'nam for this country just to be treated like some damn animal. And you call yourself a vet doctor!

---
troelsea at gmail dot com

CC 449: Field Trip by attitudechicka 4-07-10

Tomorrow, we're going on a field trip to meet Dr. Thunder at MultipleChoice Care, a home infusion pharmacy! *snicker* Dr. Thunder... Is there something amusing, Chicka? Is the pharmacist's name really Dr. Thunder? Yes, it is. Then yes, there is something amusing.

---
Mediocrity at its most average.

RCL no. 2158 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-08-10

Hey, Phillip! It's me, Darrel... Um, can you do me a favor and call 911? No prob- wait. What are you doing in the ventilation system? Once a month, Phreaky comes in this room and does her self breast exam. Topless. Oh, my... She's at least a triple D-cup! This I gotta see... She already came and went... And, I've been stuck up here ever since because I still have a raging hard on! Try imagining Ernest Borgnine naked...

Pregnant IV by Lord_Vodek 4-09-10

You ever get that ominous feeling your life is screwed Ummm... No? Why? She's pregnant... Haha

---
Resident Masochist & Adrenaline Junkie -I'm probably not god but you should worship me just in case-

sorry about the double post

Riddle Me This by Lord_Vodek 4-09-10

There are two trains that leave the same point at the same time  Ok  One is red and the other is blue Ok? If they travel the same speed which STD will I get from your mom?

---
Resident Masochist & Adrenaline Junkie -I'm probably not god but you should worship me just in case-

CC 449 by brycekain 4-13-10

See, doc? It smells like moldy twinkies. What should we do? How about necrophilia?

---
...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

One Sunny Afternoon at the Grand Canyon by kaufman 4-13-10

It's something, isn't it? I'd seen pictures of it but in person ... wow! Yeah, it's really ... BOOP-BOOP SMEGMA CUNTWASH OINK-OINK FUCKFUCK JESUS SHOE! What the fuck was that? Oh, sorry. I occasionally get bouts of Tourist's Syndrome.

One Saturday Night at the Cinema by kaufman 4-13-10

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. And frankly, I don't give a damn either. WOOOOT ZIPPER WATERPOLO COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO [crack] PENILE IMPLANT Ssssssssshhhhh. Sorry. Two Rhetts Syndrome.

One Saturday Morning at the ER by kaufman 4-13-10

Help! Help! I'm bleeding profusely! There. I've tied off your wound. How do you feel? A little EKKIEKKIEKKI burpsnap SASQUATCH ZOILO RABBITLACTATION! I got here as quickly as I could, doctor. How is he? Not good. On top of everything else, he has Tourniquet's Syndrome.

Tea for Tourette by kaufman 4-13-10

Impressive, isn't it? To think of all the great men who've lived there. SPANK THE PFFFTPFFFT NIGGGAGGER POOOOOPPPIE TUSHY! Hey, I read a comic about people like you. You're one of those guys with Tourist's Syndrome, aren't you? Huh? What? Oh no, I just can't stand Obama.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I'm Positive That's What I Heard by four_legged_tripod 4-14-10

How'd it go at the doctor's? That damn doctor's trying to give me AIDS! What!? I knew there was something fishy going on as he would always have me pull down my pants and make me bend over his table while he stuck his you-know-what in my you-know-where. I think he was talking about your hearing. You bet your sweet ass there will be a hearing!

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

CC 449: Doctor, Doctor #1 by thatsnotfunny 4-15-10

Doctor, Doctor! Everyone thinks I'm a Bell! You mean... you're not a Model 500? No. I'm a replica, manufactured in China and marketed to hipsters. Then take two of these, and call the office around 9AM tomorrow to let us know how things are going. I hope that's Vicodin.

CC 449: Doctor, Doctor #2 by thatsnotfunny 4-15-10

Doctor, Doctor! Everyone ignores me! I can write you a referral to a therapist in The Valley. She's very good at helping people come out of their shell. Screw that! Either get me surgery to make me pretty or I'm going to the next doctor in the phone book! Liposuction has risks, and I really think that diet and exercise would be a better... NEXT!

CC 449: Doctor, Doctor #3 by thatsnotfunny 4-15-10

Doctor, Doctor! I feel like a pack of cards! Yanlış kelime kullanılır. Bunun anlamı: "Ben kart paketi gibi hissediyorum!" My mistake! What I would mean, feeling like a game?!? I'm glad to met a doctor who speaks English and Turkish. I only know a little. But if you're able to have a seat and wait for 52 minutes, my colleague here at the office will be arriving then. He's a native speaker. Sounding good. I scheduled a meeting for coming afternoon, but can shuffle it to later.

 

RCL no. 2162 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 4-16-10

...and that's why Larry Flynt said that those disgusting "golden showers" movies would be the urination of the porn industry! Wait... RUINATION. Um... No... I was right the first time. URINATION. Are you going to get the doctor, or am I just going to stand here and bleed to death? Goddammit... RUINATION!!

Let Me Scrub Up First by four_legged_tripod 4-16-10

Wanna play doctor? Are you serious? Yeah. You have no idea how long I've been waiting for you to ask me that. Katie's mom just called. Do you know where Katie is? She's in the bathroom. Which reminds me, we need more ice for the bathtub and to find someone who needs a pair of 12-year-old kidneys.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Great work people, keep it up!

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Doc Deco by umfumdisi 4-17-10

This way? No, turn the other way. Like this? Perfect! Now go ahead. You are going to look so good in here once you decompose.

---
Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Disqualified because it's an old comic, but I wanted to post it anyway:

Another anti-joke by ladyjdotnet 11-04-07

This one came from my sister. A guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this!" I love my sister. So the doctor prescribes a mild pain-killer and an anti-inflammatory, and two weeks of physical therapy.

---
I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

Quacker Jax by four_legged_tripod 4-19-10

Well little duck, it looks like you have a sprained wing. QUACK! Don't call me that! I'm a licensed professional with a great on-line veterinarian degree, so if we could get on with the examination... QUACK! I'm sorry, but your pet duck didn't make it.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Beeko180  i think it's time to judge this thing and move on

I'm actually waiting for the weekend, as I hardly get any time during the week to go on here at the moment. So yes, I also think it is time, but I also need enough time judge.

Judging will start on Saturday. The winner will be announced between Saturday and next Monday.

I would like to see as many entries as possible until that time.

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

Lancing With the Stars? American Midol? by ladyjdotnet 4-19-10

Bad news! Your insurance declined to pay for your treatment. Trepanning is excluded under the 'Darwin clause' of your policy. Oh no!! I don't want to die! Never fear! Your injury will be featured on a reality show we're airing in a few minutes, and if it's popular, viewers can pay $1.99 per vote to save you. Won't this reality show idea just encourage an epidemic of idiocy-induced injuries in the name of fame-seeking? Oh, of course it will... but this allows us to eventually weed out of humanity all but the most entertaining idiots! I'll do it, then! Especially if I get to bleed on Simon Cowell!

---
I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent

I'm sure it is a very important cause by ladyjdotnet 4-21-10

Your lungs are seriously damaged from exposure to bad weather over the last several months. What were you doing? I was outside from sun-up to sundown, in front of the Blue Cross & Blue Shield offices, protesting. Got sick protesting a health insurance company, eh? There's some irony in that. Was it worth it? Did you raise awareness for your issue? Some. This comic was written by someone who has driven by us every morning on her way to work for the whole winter. Does she know what your protest is about?

---
I am a delicate fucking flower. https://beacons.ai/jesskent