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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (1) by Beeko180
4-09-10
And I want there to be light, dark, the sun and the moon, land and the sea, the stars and the clouds, and all the animals that I have made for this day.
Oh, and don't forget to install my torture pit.
Torture Pit???
For the sinners.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (2) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Wh-What, where am I?
Welcome to the garden of Eden. This is your home. Breakfast is over there.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (3) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Welcome to the Garden of Eden. This is your home. I made you. I am god: Your lord and creator.
I don't understand, how did you make me?
From Adam's Spare Rib.
So I was like a last minute addition? You men are so sexist, I can't believe I ate one of those apples.
Get the hell out.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (4) by Beeko180
4-09-10
But you can't kick her out, I love her. She showed the beauty of nature. She showed me that we should give fruit a chance. She gave me an apple and I ate it.
Hey! Quit shoving!
IT WAS JUST AN APPLE! YOU HAD A WHOLE TREE FULL OF THEM!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (5) by Beeko180
4-09-10
So...
Is it just me or am I thirsty?
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-09-10 8:11pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (6) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Oh lord, hear my prayer. Smite this beast with your almighty strength.
A'men.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (7) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Abra-kadabra- Alah-kazoo. Pregnant with the son of God now, are you.
Joseph! I'm pregnant with the son of God! WOO HOO! Praise the lord for we are the luckiest couple in the whole of bethlehem!!!
What the hell happened to you?
Nothing! I am pregnant with the son of god, that is all!
Dear god woman, are you high?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (8) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Honey???
Uuugh.
Goo???

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (9) by Beeko180
4-09-10
We are the three wise men. We bring you gifts. I give you a gift of gold.
I bring you a woven cloth that was worn by my mother.
You cheap bastard.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (10) by Beeko180
4-09-10
We need wine for our troops, but it is not grape season, and we need grapes to make the wine.
The water shall be your wine.
Umph!
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-09-10 8:13pm (new)
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RCCOLAMAN
Saving the world from thirst since 1905!

Member Rated:

You've outdone yourself beeko.  #4 was my favorite

4-09-10 8:17pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

Thanks, that is one of my favourites too. I'm trying to create an entire parody of the bible through comic serial. I had a feeling there would be enough comics in the serial to make a thread for it. Here are some more-

 

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (11) by Beeko180
4-09-10
My Boat floated all the way out to the sea! Please get it back for me messiah!
Why is he spitting on it?
 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (12) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Jesus called upon 12 people to spread knowledge of the kingdom of God. This is the story of the deciples.
Are you male?
Yes.
Are you currently in any relationship or relationships?
That's a bit personal, isn't it?
So was Adam's wang.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (13) by Beeko180
4-09-10
You shall be my first disciple.
Cool, do I get any freebies?
No, Peter.
My name isn't Peter. It is Jehad.
And God said, "Your new name is Peter." and your new name is Peter.
Jerk.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (14) by Beeko180
4-09-10
What is your full name?
Simon.
No, No. Your full name.
Gee, I dunno....
You are now my second disciple.
Neat!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (15) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Where were you born?
The city of Bethsaida.
Tell me a knock knock joke.
What?
Just tell me a knock knock joke.
 

 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-09-10 9:50pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (16) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Why do I have to tell you a knock knock joke?
Because I want to hear a knock knock joke.
They aren't that funny you know.
I'll turn your halo into a doughnut if you tell me a knock knock joke.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (17) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Fine, Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Jew
That's not funny, I'm jewish.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (18) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Sorry, I didn't know.
Damn right you're sorry, Andrew.
You are now my third disciple.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (19) by Beeko180
4-09-10
You are now my fourth disciple, James.
Do I get any freebies?
The only freebie you will get is the love and compassion from our lord and creator, my father in heaven: God.
What kind of name is God exactly? Does he have a real name or is he just "God"?
You know what, I've never really thought about that.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (20) by Beeko180
4-09-10
John, I have grand news for you.
Sweet, what's the news Mr. Messiah dude?
You are now my fifth desciple.
Do I get any free stuff?
No, but I will shout you some pants.
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-09-10 11:03pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

I'm trying to zoom through the entire "12 disciples" bit, so I get to some more parts of the bible that would be even more fun to make.

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (21) by Beeko180
4-09-10
I will give you a cookie if you follow me Matthew.
Is it chocolate chip?
Who cares if it's chocolate chip? It's just a fucking cookie.
What?
You are now my sixth disciple.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (22) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Phillip, my father: our lord and creator, needs you to go forth and spread the word of his kingdom. For it has been decreed that I gather twelve disciples and make them saints.
Saints? Did you say saints??
No, I did not. You must be suffering from concussion.
Concussion from what?!?!
Nothing! I deny all of these accusations!
What accusations!??!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (23) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Can you PLEASE tell me what's going on?!
I already told you.
WHEN?!!!!
You are now my seventh disciple.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (24) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Jacob, what is your current occupation?
I am a hooker.
You are not my eighth disciple.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (25) by Beeko180
4-09-10
Bartholomew, who do you work for?
K-mart.
Oh really? The one that just opened up down the road??
Yeah.
You are now my eighth disciple.
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-09-10 11:57pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (26) by Beeko180
4-10-10
I bring you good news, Thomas.
Really? Hit me.
OW!!!!!
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (27) by Beeko180
4-10-10
I MEAN, WHAT WAS THAT?!
You told me to hit you, so I laid my fist upon you.
Isn't that a sin??!
Family benefits.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (28) by Beeko180
4-10-10
You shall be my ninth disciple.
Wow! That's pretty big news!
Being a disciple takes great focus. And great discipline. But even though you are a mere apprentice, your potential is unlimited. And your progress: amazing.
What?
Nothing.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (29) by Beeko180
4-10-10
James, son of Alphaeus. I am required to ask you a few questions as a background check.
Why?
Job description. My father doesn't want disciples crying when I get executed.
What?
Nothing.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (30) by Beeko180
4-10-10
First off, what is your age?
 22 
No. From now on you are 30.
But why?!
Because I'm your Messiah and I said so.
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-10-10 1:54am (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (31) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Now, James; son of Alphaeus. I ask you to follow me. Will you follow me, the Messiah, Son of God: Jesus Christ?
Yes.
Then so it shall be, that I decree you my tenth disciple.
Terrific, would you know where the nearest pub is?
Why?
You can turn water into wine, yet you've never had alcohol?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (32) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Do you like men?
What?
Simple yes or no question. Do you like men?
What do you mean "Do I like men"?
Are you sexually available to men?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (33) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Who in their right minds, would want to be sexually available to men?!
Just answer the question.
No.
No what?
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (34) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Simple question: No what?
No... please???
Wrong answer.
Dear Lord. No I'm not sexually available to men!
That's a shame.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (35) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Ok, next question. Have you ever bashed an infant's skull open by slamming him across the head with a two by four?
Lord No! How could you even suggest someone would have done something like that?
Have you ever kissed a man?
You need help.
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-10-10 2:54pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (36) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Thaddeus, you are now my eleventh disciple.
Great! So what do I get paid?
Nothing but the love and compassion of my father in heaven.
Geez, that's a rip off.
Tell me about it.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (37) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Judas Iscariot, you are my twelfth and final disciple.
What if I don't want to be you selfless, manipulative, egotistical jerk?
The lord forgives your faggotry.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (38) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Jesus gathered his twelve disciples and gave them the power to cure all diseases...
I shall make you all saints.
You said there weren't any freebies!
I lied.
You said lying is a sin!
Family Benefits.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (39) by Beeko180
4-10-10
THERE HE IS, GET HIM!!!!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (40) by Beeko180
4-10-10
I feel so violated...

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-10-10 5:07pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (41) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Where the hell is Jesus?
Oh my god! His clothes are laying over there!
There's a naked zombie running through the streets of Jerusalem!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (42) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Do not be afraid! Jesus is not a naked zombie, he has gone to heaven!
Wow!
Go! Spread the news that Jesus has risen from the dead!
Why should I?
Because if you don't, I won't get my pay check.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (43) by Beeko180
4-10-10
JESUS HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD!
Get the hell out.
IF YOU DO NOT BELIEVE ME, CHECK HIS TOMB, FOR HE HAS LEFT HIS CLOTHES! JESUS HAS RISEN FROM THE DEAD! JESUS LIVES ONCE MORE!!!!
So I whacked her across the face with a pipe and her head fell off.

 

 

Next is the story of Noah, I'm going backwards a bit, mainly because I've needed to study it, and I didn't study it from the start. Here are the first two parts of the story of Noah-

 

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (44) by Beeko180
4-10-10
This is the story of Noah, set many years before Jesus. The world was a darker place and God needed to renew it, make it new again. So God spoke to one of the few believers he had at the time.
I want you to build an ark, a boat the size of a stadium, and three stories high.
God, perhaps you should see a psychiatrist.
 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (45) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Wait a minute, these instructions are for a castle. Nobody wants a castle!
___________________________________________________________________________
*sniff*
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-10-10 6:31pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (46) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Ah, there it is! The ark! Now to inform God of my deed.
RING RING!
Aw, nuts someone's praying and I'm in the shower.
RING RING!
JUST WAIT! GEEZ, I'M GOING AS FAST AS I CAN!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (47) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Dear Lord, I have built what you have told me to build. An ark the size of a stadium and three stories high! Speak to me! Tell me what I must do next!
I want you to put two of every kind of animal I have made for this world on the ark. A male and a female. Put extra pairs on there too, for sacrifices and food.
Hard ass...
I heard that!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (48) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Mice-- Check!
Pigs-- Check!
Sorry, you don't have a pass.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (49) by Beeko180
4-10-10
Wow, it must be pouring out there.
Oops, there goes my house.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (50) by Beeko180
4-10-10
After it stopped raining, Noah waited 7 days. He set free a bird, it came back, he changed birds and it also came back. He waited another 7 days, and tried again.
A leaf??
Chirp.
That's all you could find? A stupid leaf? I ask you to bring back something that could tell us wether there is dry ground, and you bring me a leaf?!
You stupid bird! You are of no use to me whatsoever. I should kill you and divide your body amongst the members of my family!
Jerk.
He ate my brother.
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-10-10 8:40pm (new)
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RCCOLAMAN
Saving the world from thirst since 1905!

Member Rated:

I read them all and I rated several "good".  Perhaps when you are done you can do the old testament, I hear that book is hilarious

4-10-10 8:45pm (new)
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brycekain
AFallenMind.com

Member Rated:

I rated several 'good' as well. My favorite still is the Eve/Get the Hell Out one.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.
4-10-10 9:04pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:
4-15-10 1:18am (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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Continuing with the story of Joseph (the one with the coat) 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (56) by Beeko180
4-15-10
Son, I want you to have this coat.
Wow, a coat. It's so magical! It has many colours and long sleeves!
So you like it?
No you idiot, I was being sarcastic. It's a stupid coat.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (57) by Beeko180
4-15-10
Last night I had a dream that we were bundling wheat together into sheaves when mine stood up all on it's own and then your sheaves made a circle around mine and bowed down to it!
You're a crackpot.
A'men.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (58) by Beeko180
4-15-10
I had another dream last night. This time the sun, the moon and eleven stars were bowing down to me!
You're an idiot.
Thanks for the goat's milk doofus.
Do you want to know where goat's milk comes from?
Oh noooooo. Dude you didn't drink that did you?
Dang it, now I have to lean over a toilet, do you know how much those things smell?!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (59) by Beeko180
4-15-10
You think your Mother, your brothers and I are going to bow down and worship you?!
But, I had a dream. And the dream was a sign. A symbol of what I was put on this earth to do. A reason as to why I'm alive and well!
Go scrub the toilet.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (60) by Beeko180
4-15-10
Hey, Dad just told me to go see what you are up to, so what are you guys up to?
We're just chillin. Throwing our brother into a pit.
What?
I hate Mondays.
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-15-10 11:40pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (61) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Hey look, it's a traveling market. Let's sell Joseph to the Ishmaelites.
Is that a donkey with braces?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (62) by Beeko180
4-16-10
I'm rich, rich, incredibly rich!
Would you like a slave?
I'll take fifty.
Did you sell anything to that guy?
I get a fifty percent cut right?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (63) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Joseph, in my house I am the master. But because you have done so well and happen to be my best slave, I want you to be in charge of everything.
Wow, God is surely with me!
Where?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (64) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Joseph grows up and changes from kid to adult even though for most of the story his character was supposed to display a 17 year old.
Kiss me!
I can't, for you are the wife of my master.
Are you sure you're not gay?
No I am not gay, I am just not meant to kiss the wife of my master.
Sounds like you're making up excuses.
Sounds like you're a stupid little twit who can't take no for an answer.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (65) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Kiss me! There is nobody around and we finally have the chance!
I said no, what do I have to tell you to make you shut your god damn trap and stop asking me to kiss you.
I dunno, maybe words won't do it. Maybe I need a-
Don't you dare say it.
Say what? I wasn't going to ask you to-
Piss off.
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-16-10 12:57am (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (66) by Beeko180
4-16-10
HELP HELP SOMEBODY TRIED TO KISS ME, HE LEFT HIS COAT HERE IN HIS RUSH TO GET AWAY!
Oh my lord, this is astonishing! Although I have no idea who this coat belongs to.
Hey has anyone seen my coat? I'm wearing my spare one now, but I really like my other-
God damn it.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (67) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Meanwhile, when Joseph was still in prison...
You call this fresh water? I spit on it!
Well no offence sir, but we don't have a way to get all the dirt out of our drinking water.
Go to hell.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (68) by Beeko180
4-16-10
After the butler was thrown in jail...
You call this bread?! I spit on it!
Sir, you haven't even got your meal yet.
Shut your god damn trap.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (69) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Not long after the Butler and the Baker were thrown in jail did Joseph become their servant. One morning...
You and the Baker look troubled.
We both had very strange dreams. We are sure they mean something, but we don't know what.
Only God knows what dreams mean, but you can tell me your dreams and maybe god will provide their meanings to me for me to share with you.
What, do you have free long distance phone calls to heaven or something?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (70) by Beeko180
4-16-10
In my dream, I saw a grapevine with three branches. Suddenly, leaves began to grow on the branches, and then blossoms and then grapes.
When the grapes were ripe, I picked them and squeezed them into the Pharaoh's cup and brought it to him.
In three days you will get your old job back and be free from this prison.
That's great. Anything else?
Next time put deodorant on before you get thrown in the slammer.
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-16-10 4:02pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (71) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Wow, his news was really good! Please tell me what my dream means!
Tell me your dream, and God shall provide me with it's meaning.
The Baker tells Joseph his dream...
Well?
The Pharaoh is going to have your head mounted on a stick.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (72) by Beeko180
4-16-10
What do you mean, the Pharaoh is going to have my head mounted on a stick?!
He's going to kill you, have your head chopped off, behead you, have you executed, feed your corpse to the birds.
Have you skinned alive, burned at the stake, stoned to death, crucified, hanged, bludgeoned to death, gutted.
Ok, I get the point.
Sorry, I couldn't help teasing you.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (73) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Three days later...
It's my birthday today, I'm so happy, I'm so great. I want you to free my butler.
What about the baker sir?
Hang the bitch.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (74) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Two years later...
I keep having these strange dreams.
Really?
Yeah, in each and every dream seven unhealthy things swallow seven healthy things. It's creepy.
What do you think it means?
I'm going to be hungry?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (75) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Sir, I know someone from when I was in prison who could tell me what my dreams mean.
Was he a Gypsy?
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-16-10 4:45pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (76) by Beeko180
4-16-10
You are Joseph, the one who can tell the meaning of dreams. Is this true?
No.
Haha, I'm just screwing with you.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (77) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Great, now tell me the meaning of my dream!
You will have seven years of good crops, and seven years of great famine.
Is God trying to screw with me?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (78) by Beeko180
4-16-10
What should I do?
Put somebody in charge that is wise enough to have the ability to save crops so that your people will live through the seven years of great famine.
Like you?
Well I'm not saying it is me.
Yes, it's me.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (79) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Ten years ago, back in the land of Canaan. Just after Joseph had been sold as a slave.
Don't worry Joseph, I'm coming to rescue you!
Joseph???
Hell, now I'm lost.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (80) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Joseph is gone! What did you do with him?!
We sold him as a slave.
Oh no, this is terrible. How could you do such a thing?
Easy.
We walked up to a travelling market and sold him for twenty pieces of silver.
 

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-16-10 6:12pm (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

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The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (81) by Beeko180
4-16-10
What are we going to tell Father?!
Simple, we'll kill a goat and dip Joseph's Technicolour coat in its blood.
That's terrible!
You're right. Goats kick hard.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (82) by Beeko180
4-16-10
I can't believe you would tell such a lie!
I can't believe you're gay.
You fairy-winged, balerina dancing, tu-tu wearing gaybo.
I love you.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (83) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Joseph isn't in this comic. The one that looks like the current Joseph is the previous Jacob.
Dad, we found this technicolour coat splattered in blood.
Oh my god, this is awful.
Well it's not my fault I couldn't get a good blood splatter on it! That Goat put up a big fight!
What son?
Nothing.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (84) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Ten years later, we fast forward to Joseph's second in command ruling of Egypt. It is now the great famine.
You want grain?
Yes, oh fine Governer, Prince of Egypt.
Then stand in line.
Hard ass...

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (85) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Meanwhile, Jacob (Joseph's father) has aged into an older man with greying hair, and he and his family have run out of food.
We're out of food!
I hate my life...
 

 

 

Any more feedback would be nice...

 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-16-10 8:56pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (86) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Dad, I just ate the last pig in the village and now we have no more food left.
Son, I think it's about time you start calling me Jacob.
Really?
Hell no, I just wanted to see how gullible you are.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (87) by Beeko180
4-16-10
Well Dad, what are we going to do! We have no more food!
Go get some you useless twit.
There's no need to be rude Dad.
Fine then.
PLEASE go get some, you useless twit.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (88) by Beeko180
4-16-10
So off ten of the brothers set, on their galloping horses.
What? No they can't be camels. Yes I realise that would be the norm back then, but they've worded it all wrong. This script is terrible, how can you expect me to say "galloping camels"?!
What the hell do you think camels were used for? They weren't fucking warfare creatures. HEY, WHO I DATE HAS NOTHING TO WITH THIS! Yes I realise it's your mum, but still...

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (89) by Beeko180
4-17-10
Where do you come from?!
Please sir, we are but ten brothers from the land of Canaan! We have come to buy food!
YOU ARE SPIES!!!
Take a god damn chill pill.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (90) by Beeko180
4-17-10
We were twelve brothers from the land of Canaan, but our youngest brother is at home and the other is dead!
Bring me your youngest brother as proof!
You kidding? That's like 100 kilometres. I'm not going back and forth just please your sorry butt.
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-17-10 5:33pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

Continuing the story of Joseph the dreamer and the ten brothers of Canaan.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (91) by Beeko180
4-21-10
I am an honest man and I try do what is good, so I shall spare your lives and sell you grain for you to give to your starving families.
Neat!
But one of you must stay back here, and you must later bring back your youngest brother as proof that you are not lying.
Dear lord, who went to hell and made you in charge?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (92) by Beeko180
4-22-10
You never told us not to hurt the boy. No you didn't! NO! LIAR! LIAR LIAR CLOTHES ON FIRE!
My clothes aren't on fire.
THEY ARE NOW!!!!!!!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (93) by Beeko180
4-22-10
The brothers from Canaan have been packed with all the grain they need and also packed with food for the long trip to their home. What are your next orders?
Put their money back in their packs.
But sir, then won't they be getting their grain for free? I do not see the sense in that.
ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY ORDERS? WHO'S YOUR BIRTH MOTHER PUNK?! WHO'S YOUR BIRTH MOTHER?!!!!
Sanaa Rahim, Mr. Governer sir.
CUT HER HEAD OFF!!!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (94) by Beeko180
4-23-10
And so the now nine brothers of Canaan set off on their galloping camels. What? What do you mean you got it wrong?
You were 100 percent sure it was camels and now you're saying it's galloping donkeys? Yes I realise that was another norm back then but-
You know what? You can narrate yourself, I quit.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (95) by Beeko180
4-23-10
Good evening, I'm Tim Allen and I will be your new narrator. That evening the nine remaining brothers of Canaan set up camp. One of the brothers opened their sack of grain to feed their donkey...
Brothers, Here is my money! I did not take it I swear!
Liar, we all know you stole it.
Hey, there's some in yours too!
Oh fiddlesticks.
 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-23-10 12:22am (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (96) by Beeko180
4-23-10
As soon as the brothers of Canaan get back home they rush to their father (Jacob) and tell him what happened.
The Governor of Egypt spoke harshly to us and accused us of being spies!
And?
He left one of our brothers in prison gave us grain, and demanded we bring back little brother benjamin as proof that we are not spies!
Do you always tell on the Governor?
No.
Then why the hell should you start now?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (97) by Beeko180
4-23-10
We need to bring back Benjamin, our youngest brother! If we do not do so, he will surely kill us!
Over my dead body!
Seriously, how dumb are you?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (98) by Beeko180
4-23-10
Time went by, and suddenly they ran out of grain. They were hungry again.
You must go back to egypt my sons, and buy more grain.
Give our spices and nuts as gifts to this prince of egypt. Take Benjamin, the youngest. But know this, there comes a time in every man's life when-
Dad, I'm 18.
Oh thank god.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (99) by Beeko180
4-23-10
And so off the nine brothers of Canaan set, with their youngest brother making ten brothers.
What do you mean this isn't a maths equation?! Hey, you can't speak to me like that, I'm Tim Allen! I'll manly voice you all the way to Hong Kong boy!
You want a piece of me? What do you mean do you have to use a knife and fork?!

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (100) by Beeko180
4-23-10
The Brothers of Canaan have returned with their youngest brother. What are your orders?
Take them to my house and prepare a meal. They will be having lunch with me today. And put on some decent clothes, what are you, a slave?!
Oh.

 

 

The first volume is now complete. Here is a link to the set-

 

The Biblical Story 

 

 

 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
4-23-10 5:27pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info


Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

Introducing the Second Volume of The Biblical Story. We continue on with the story of Joseph the Dreamer. To kick off the Second Volume here are the first five-

 

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (101) by Beeko180
5-14-10
This is a trap! He thinks we took his Silver! His soldiers are going to jump on us and make us slaves forever!
Do- Do you realise how gay that sounds?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (102) by Beeko180
5-14-10
Please sir! We didn't take your master's silver! We swear!
Do not be afraid little boys. God has given you that silver!
The phrase "little boys" couldn't get any worse seeming you're already dressed in drag.

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (103) by Beeko180
5-14-10
Cool, we get a table all to ourselves!
That's only because most Egyptians are biased against Hebrews. They think they're better than us.
Why do you ruin every experience we have?

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (104) by Beeko180
5-14-10
Oi, why'd you give Benjamin five times as much food as us. Give us some more you stupid pig.
I mean, "thanks".

The Biblical Story- Digitally Remastered (105) by Beeko180
5-14-10
Fill their packs with as much food as they can carry for their trip home and put my silver cup in the youngest brother's pack.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Just go do it.
I'm not doing it, until you tell me what happened. What, did you trip over a log and smash your head against a rock or something?
Are you insulting me?
Only if you're really this deaf.
 

 

---
You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll
5-14-10 7:19pm (new)
quote : comics : pm : info

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