It's shaping up to be a big year for summer superhero movies, and I for one am quite excited. I was talking today with my special lady friend about how we're itching to go see Thor, and I got to thinking about the mythological roots of a lot of our comic book heroes. Thor's an obvious one; but there's guys like The Flash, The Hulk, The Spectre, and even The Deadpool who I believe are the spiritual great-great-grandchildren of the myths and legends from the earliest days of civilization, characters that crawled out of the same swamp of the collective unconscious as did the likes of Anansi, Gilgamesh, Hermes, and Lou Ferrigno.

So with all that in mind, with this contest I'd like to see entries that reimagine, reinvent, or otherwise analyze and deconstruct characters from mythology. Gods, goddesses, monsters, tricksters, folk heroes--what have you, they're all up for grabs.

And since I stole the name of this contest from a TV Tropes article, any use of thats site's distinctive lingo will earn you instant bonus points.

I'll give this thing a leisurely two weeks before I judge.

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

cc476 by mandingo 5-14-11

and so, having killed the Lernaean Hydra, Hercules had completed 12 of the 43 Labors, and was well on his way to saving all of mankind holy shit! Kevin Sorbo! Hercules. but next came the "hardest leg" of his journey, the 31 Bathhouses you suck that cock, Kevin Sorbo! Hwoculeez! later, at the Council of Carthage... what say we just make it 12 Labors? dear fuck DONE.

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what if nigger meant kite

Fire Hydra by choadwarrior 5-15-11

Y'know, it really sucks being Poseidon. Thousands of years ago, Greeks would shiver at my name fearing I would turn the sea against them. Now, I'm just remembered as the name of a ship from an Irwin Allen disaster movie. Of course, Im still better off than Vulcan.

CC476: The Forbidden List Of Du'Naht-Kaul by ZMannZilla 5-15-11

'In His House at R'lyeh Dead Cthulhu sleeps and dreams, yet He shall rise and His kingdom shall cover the Earth." - The Necronomicon, 739BC ...oh no oh no oh no on top of forgetting a #2 pencil i also forgot to study and put pants on oh no oh no oh no... *RIIIING* *RIIIING* *RIIIING* Hello! We have a very special offer for the lady of the house, and- *sigh* NOT. FUCKING. INTERESTED. Take me off your list. And that was how the telemarketers doomed all humanity. Damn, now I'll never get back to sleep.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

RCL no. 2547 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-15-11

Hiiiiiiiiii-YA! Watcha doing, Holly? Pretending to be my favorite superhero... Who? Spiderman? Aquaman? Wonder Woman, dumbass! Well, I'm pretending to be Thor, as in "let's go to my bedroom and I'll hammer your poothy 'til it ith thor."

Can We Name Her Harry? by four_legged_tripod 5-17-11

Dione, the birth of our daughter is very important and I want to get her name right. I will travel through time to find a name that represents our love for each other. Be careful Zeus and return safe to me. 1973 Damn girl! You gots the biggest bush I ever did see. It's like you gots an afro in yo pants. A dyno-mite afro! Ima gonna call it an afro-dytie! Honey, I'm back. I've picked up our daughter's new name, and something called chlamydia.

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

RCL no. 2548 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-17-11

In regards to my penis, it comes and goes... What comes and goes? My penis. It comes and goes... Helloooooooo??? Sorry... I'm still trying to understand the nuances of your earthling language. Speaking of my enormous penis, everytime my girlfriend tries to give me a blowjob, she GAGS on it! Now that sounds like a MYTHOLOGY to me...

CC476 Don't believe everything you're told by gglobus 5-17-11

The Lord has given me ten commandments. We have to live by these for the next few thousand years, so pay attention. Number one... I know we've been walking for a while, but God told me the promised land is just a couple of miles this way. Haha...and then I told him there'd be milk and honey. hahahaha

Groovy! - Who's on worst? by edoggydog 5-19-11

They finally got bin Laden! And, after discovering he was into hardcore porn, the muslim radi-cals no longer look at him as a mythical god... Groovy! Who knew he was hiding all this time in a small village named, Abbottabad? Just about everyone in Pakistan, dumbass! Really? And, why would the Pakistanis name one of their villages "Abbottabad"? I mean, do they also have a village called, "Costellobad"?

CC476:What If Our Idea Of God Is Just Really Big Narcissism? by ZMannZilla 5-19-11

Aw man... I bet God is like, the biggest dinosaur ever, man. Like, just this huge thunder lizard party animal that only wants what's best for all living things. Oh totally. Except I bet God's more, like, a concept, or like an energy field or something. You want another hit of this awesomeness? The next morning... *glub* Father Noah, I just did a head count and I think we forgot the dinosaurs. Yeah, Our Bearded Lord totally said we could let those hippies drown.

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

CC by HCRoyall 5-20-11

Sir, the numbers are down again. Damn. We need something to stimulate people, make them come out and vote. The problem is they're unhappy with both sides right now, sir. Double Damn. We won't be able to rely on the normal tall tales then. There's only one thing to do. BIPARTISANSHIP!

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

RCL no. 2551 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 5-23-11

Day 36... Um... God? Yes, Adam? Any chance you could create some kind of companion for me..? I think that can be arranged. Great! 'Cuz I've been whacking off constantly for thirty days straight since you created me. Just be careful what you wish for, my son...

Speaking Clock by TheGovernor 5-25-11

Ok so the plan is to assault Troy at 4pm, but what time is it now? Hold on I'll check *I SUMMON CHRONOS, KEEPER OF TIME!!!* At the sound of the tone the time will be exactly 2.43pm ........*Beep* Fuck my life

CC 476 Plaid Skirts & Bobby Sox by ragu4u 5-27-11

Ya look troubled son. Tell dad all about it. Well, I wanna enter this super-hero contest but I'm afraid I may not win. Oh you'll win, my boy. You'll win. Ya think so pops? Ya gonna pull a few strings with the "BIG GUY"? Shhhh. Not so loud. Allah hates to be called that. If he hears you, you'll lose your chance at the prize! You mean the 72 virgins? C'mon pops, we're talkin Catholic girls here. There aren't any of them left.

Modern Day Illiad

Die Achilles! Take that Hector you fool!

by Clever_Name, 5-27-11

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Clever Signature

Years ago, I had the idea to write an entire series on Stripcreator about the Twelve Labors of Hercules.  It would have been dozens of comics long.  I was writing them all out on paper first, and I had most of the Labors done.  And then I lost the folder I was keeping them in.  Which also contained several important financial documents.

I never found the enthusiasm to rewrite the whole series from scratch.  But it's probably just as well, because I think this was the funniest joke of the lot.

CC476: The Hind of Ceryneia by evil_d 5-31-11

Okay, Hercules. For your third labor, I want you to obtain the Hind of Ceryneia. No problem! Hey, Ceryneia! Lemme see that sweet hind of yours! King's orders! You idiot. A "hind" is a female deer. And Ceryneia is a town fifty miles from here. How hot are the women there?

Also: is it a coincidence that the number of this contest matches the date of the fall of the Roman empire?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

And... CUT!

Good job, everyone, good job. Now, before we hit the showers, I have to announce the winner.

It's customary for the judge to do a big run-down of all the also rans before naming the winner, but I really suck at that, so I'm just going to let you all know that

evil_d

wins. It was a good spoof and a goof of Johnny Appleseed (I think; secret is I really know jack-squat about mithallogee and understood only 1/24th of all the entries.)

Good luck, evil, and godspeed.

Now who wants to join me in a very heterosexual towel fight?

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Awesome. I'd like to thank the ancient Greeks for telling each other ridiculous stories, and ArtemisStrong for waiting to judge the contest until I got off my ass and entered it.

New contest shortly.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!