The Golden Parakeet or Golden Conure,[1] Guaruba guarouba, formerly classified as Aratinga guarouba,[2] is a species of Neotropical parrot. Sometimes known as the Queen of Bavaria Conure,[2] it is the only species (monotypic) in the genus Guaruba.[3]

Its plumage is mostly bright yellow, hence its common name, but it also possesses green remiges.[4] It lives in the drier, upland rainforests in Amazonian Brazil, and is threatened by deforestation and flooding, and also by the now-illegal trapping of wild individuals for the pet trade.[5] It is a protected species listed on CITES appendix I.

Now that the educational portion of this contest is over, The Rules.

I am a Star Trek fan.  I have always been a star Trek fan.  Blame my dad.  I will gladly wax philosophical with you about the pros and cons of Kirk and Picard, and while I don't speak a word of Klingon it's only because I don't consider hacking and grunting by a sub-human barbarian to be "language".

Your task is as follows:

1. Use the Star Trek parody figures from the squabies cateory in your comics.


2. Only new comics.


3. Exception to Rule 2: You may present old comics next to new comics that continue an old series if context is needed.


4. If you use the red shirt, he either has to be in Engineering or he has to die.


5. No bonus points if the captain has sex with alien women.  The captain ALWAYS has sex with alien women.  Bonus points will instead be awarded if you come up with a sufficiently horrifying new space STD for the captain to contract.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

cc486 by mandingo 9-17-11

Stardate 69696.9. to honor such a sexually explicit stardate, i decided to have sex with every person on the ship having sworn an oath to it, disaster immediately struck. a ship dematerialized off the port side, and i was beamed aboard an enemy vessel full of the most hideous creatures i've ever seen The Lesbian Council will see you now... still, an oath's an oath.

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what if nigger meant kite

Groovy! - Win, Lose or Thai by edoggydog 9-17-11

Hey, Sulu... You won't believe it, This planet hath a really good Thai restaurant! Groovy! I just ate there and the sphlood ith tho shplicy I'm habbing a hard thime thalking! Thorry, I meant to say, the food is so spicy, I'm having a hard time talking. You sound a little "tongue-Thai'd"... HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [ *snort* ] I WATHN'T THALKING TO YOU, ATH-HOLE!! Thorry...

mandingo wrote:

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cc486 by mandingo 9-17-11

Stardate 69696.9. to honor such a sexually explicit stardate, i decided to have sex with every person on the ship having sworn an oath to it, disaster immediately struck. a ship dematerialized off the port side, and i was beamed aboard an enemy vessel full of the most hideous creatures i've ever seen The Lesbian Council will see you now... still, an oath's an oath.

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CC 486: Boldy Going Where Entertainment Doesn't Need To Go by ZMannZilla 9-17-11

I have fixed the Holodeck captain. Fortunately, only four crew members died this time when it malfunctioned. This is like the tenth time during this voyage that the Holodeck gained sentience and tried to murder everyone. Why do we even have that thing? The crew are stuck on a spaceship for months at a time. It is important for morale to provide them with engaging and versatile entertainment. Yeah, but you know what does that without growing a brain and trying to kill my crew? What is that, Captain? A fucking XBOX!

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Star Wreck by four_legged_tripod 9-18-11

What the hell is Hello Kitty doing all over the windows? Well after you contracted anal wormhole-itis after having sex with that male Antican, I thought some stickers would cheer you up. Are you mad? With all these damn stickers on the windows we can't see where we're heading! Look out Jim! I think we're heading straight into that planet! If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times... Never trust a Cling-On!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Groovy! - Star Trek: Reality TV by edoggydog 9-18-11

Next on UPN.... Star Trek: The Lost Generation. Groovy! So, what are your plans after you graduate from Space Academy? HOW THE FUCK WOULD I KNOW? THERE AREN'T ANY JOB OPENINGS!! AAAAAAAAAAA!!!! AND, I STILL OWE $1,250,000 IN SCHOOL LOANS! I THINK I'LL SHOOT MYSELF IN THE FUCKING HEAD WITH THIS PHASER!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! If, he was an illegal alien from another planet, he could have qualified for financial aid!

Savage (Meat) Curtain by AngryAmerican 9-19-11

Mr President I... cannot tell you what an honor...its been...helping you defeat Yarnek's foes. Captain Kirk it has been my great privilege fighting beside you and the Vulcans against that merciless brood of evil. And I am... insansely happy that our advanced technology could...heal your spear wound. Give you life! You and your crew have my profound gratitude and the thanks of a grateful nation, sir. And for exchanging...oral sex with me. I probably gave you Romulan Herpes captain, but don't worry, once it hatches you might have some scarring, but will remain fully functional.

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Kill Whitey.

Bar Trek Drek by RCCOLAMAN 9-23-11

Captain, I'm detecting several intriguing life forms Horny, I am. Yes!! Hey you, wanna go out back and boldly go where relatively few men have gone before? Captain, carbon dating is calculating an age of 14 years... I'm also detecting high concentrations of Gonorrhea. Take my chances, I will

CC 486: CAPTAIN KIRK AND KING 'BIG BUG DADDY' [pt.1] by bigworm 9-24-11

STARDATE-Tonight! EVENT- an arranged get-together for DNA POOL enhancement.'Big Bug Daddy', King of the Purple Cornucopians will rendezvous with Captain Kirk. 'Big Bug' practices his best sex talk. Pleased to meet you. Feel free to suck my purple corn-cone. Yes... um hum, jus' like that... um hum... The dirtier he talked, the more dyslexic he became. Suck my cornupoptic pine-pone you dirty little homo, and don't forget my bing-bong palls!

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bigworm

CC 486: CAPTAIN KIRK AND KING 'BIG BUG DADDY' [pt.2]

Meanwhile Captain Kirk readies himself for his upcoming night of DNA ENHANCEMENT bliss... Yes, room service? I'd like a magnum of champagne and a jar of glycerine suppositories (extra wides).

by bigworm, 9-24-11

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bigworm

CC 486: CAPTAIN KIRK AND KING 'BIG BUG DADDY' [pt.3] by bigworm 9-24-11

Their meeting was filled with Herculean Verbosity! B.B. had selected an eclectic verse in hopes of turning Kirk on... and it seemed to be working So uhh, do you want to bring your mouth to the mountain, or do you want Mohammed to jump on your tongue? Somebody call Bones... I think I'm gonna' cum! As it turns out, someone did call Bones... Bones, thank God you're there! I'm about to jizz in my pants, and I'm hoping you can give me some medical advice to delay such an event. Yes Captain. 1st- Set your phaser on 'Full Stun'. 2nd-Shoot yourself in the spongy corona!

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bigworm

CC 486: CAPTAIN KIRK AND KING 'BIG BUG DADDY' [pt.4] by bigworm 9-24-11

Bones! I've told you "NO DRUGS" while I'm gone. Put Scotty on. Aye Cap'n, I'm heere for ya', but it'll take me at least 12 ooers ta' fix yer problem! I don't have 12 hours Scotty! It has to be done in 0.05 seconds!!! Can you do that for me? I'll let you bung-hole Lt. O'whora when I get back!

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bigworm

CC 486: CAPTAIN KIRK AND KING 'BIG BUG DADDY' [pt.5] by bigworm 9-24-11

Well... with an offer like that to motivate me, I'll try to do it in the time you've allotted! Heere goes... think of some hideous creature, like uhh... uh like the Loch Ness Monster! Oh yeh... this is a match made in heaven! I won't even have to get down on my elbows! Hey, thanks for all the help guys! I think it's nigh on too late at this point in time. *tw... twe... twea... tweak icky icky spooge spooge! tweak icky icky spooge spooge!*

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bigworm

CC486: Star Warts by evil_d 9-24-11

Spock, I've been experiencing a burning sensation when I transport. What could that mean? According to these readings, you've contracted a severe case of spaceshiphilis. What? Do you mean to say I've got Klingons on my moons?? It would seem that your years of bedding genetically incompatible females have caught up with you. I've witnessed the return of Herpes Comet?? Count your blessings, Captain. At least it's not aster-AIDS.

How many bonus points for that?

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

RCL no. 2604 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 9-24-11

"You can't bring your pet pig to the intergalactic dinner gala, sir." Why not? "Pigs are against the Klingons' religion." What are they... MUSLIMS? "Yes." Well, that explains a LOT...

Balance of Error by biped 9-25-11

Captain, our situation regarding those approaching Hostilian battle cruisers is extremely perilous, and--err, where is Captain Kirk? Oh, I relieved him of duty. As ship's clown, it's my job to occasionally lighten things up by incompetently commanding the Enterprise. But, we are in grave danger-- SHIELDS DOWN!!! WEAPONS SYSTEMS OFFLINE!!! ALL HANDS CHICKEN-DANCE NAKED IN FRONT OF THE VIEWSCREEN!!! BLAAR-HAR-HAR!!! Holy Denebian bat shit, what the FUCK is that? I don't know, but let's get the FUCK outta here!

Balance of Error: Epilogue by biped 9-25-11

WHAT? I missed the naked chicken-dance? GRRRR!!! Ensign Benson, lock quantum torpedoes on Earth and FIRE!!! BUT CAPTAIN NO WE CAN'T DO THAT IT WOULD BE HORRIBLE NO CAPTAIN NO NO NO NONONONONO YAAAAAAAA--!!! COOL!!! I'm happy again! Happy captain...ha ha, ha...mmm... mmmm... Captain, as ship's clown, it's my duty to inform you that you have Gornian Slime Whore Aids.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.1 by bigworm 9-25-11

You've got to stop looking up my ass every time I turn around! Stop accusing me of looking up your ass all the time! I've only done that twice! Then what the hell are you doing the rest of those times? Well... I've licked it a couple times. So Spock was right! You're a 'Lookey Lickey Loo' bent on wetting the seat of my pants such that I think I'm incontinent, leave the bridge to see the Dr., then you commandeer the ship! You are incontinent, and I've got poop on my tongue to prove it!

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.2 by bigworm 9-25-11

And regarding your absurd supposition that a one-eyed avocado could commandeer the SS Enterprise... I'm reporting you to Psych. Services! No no! Please don't do that. I just said that in the heat of the moment! Then go change your shitty pants, I'm tired of the smell, and wash your ass while you're at it! Okay already! I'll be right back! Mwaaa ha ha ha!!! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.3 by bigworm 9-25-11

Captain, I've examined your stool! So that's where the splinters are coming from. I'm talking about your feces Captain. That gadget of yours is amazing! I have been getting splinters in my shit too! Jim... forget about the splinters in your shit! That's easy enough, but what about the ones in my ass?

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.4 by bigworm 9-25-11

Please Jim, this is serious! I need to look at your rectum! Et tu Bones? There's no evidence of bone splinters Jim, just wood. But that's not even what I'm talking about! Show me your rectum, quickly! You son-of-a-bitch Bones! I come up here to change my shitty shorts, and everybody wants to look at my asshole! Would it make you feel better if I showed you mine first? You know what? That would make me feel better. That's very considerate of you. I'd like to touch it too, if that's alright.

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.5 by bigworm 9-25-11

Whilst Bones and the Captain exchange cordialities... Captain, I said you could touch it, not stick something in it. Give me a break Bones! I've got a lot on my plate, and I need some relief, and it smells like you do too. ... there's trouble on the bridge. Zulu!!! Chart a course for the Planet Poopocadia! Anyone refusing my orders will be buried in the poop of my people! I wish you would have told me that a few minutes ago! That would've saved the clean-up crew a lotta' time and effort. Doing this kind of stuff in the dark is bound to lead to problems. Captain! I demand to know what you're putting in my butt! Shut the fuck up Bones, you're ruining the moment! Just take your medicine with your mouth shut! That's better... uh huh... jus' like that... oh yeh, a little to the right now... uh huh, that's it...

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.6

While Bones suggested they stop, the Captain was adamant that they continue to broaden the scope of their relationship. Jim! We've got to stop meeting this way. No we don't.

by bigworm, 9-25-11

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.6

While Bones suggested they stop, the Captain was adamant that they continue to broaden the scope of their relationship. Jim! We've got to stop meeting this way. No we don't.

by bigworm, 9-25-11

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bigworm

CC 486: THE THREAT OF THE 'POOPOCADOES'! pt.7 by bigworm 9-25-11

Good Lord Jim!!! Did you make that pile or did I? Does such a question matter when you're in love? Shhh... I think it's trying to talk! Daa-da! *ook ook* Da-da! One quick thing before I'm gone Bones... I just remembered! You made that pile!

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bigworm