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Stripcreator » Comic Competitions » CC497 - vampires that really suck

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RCCOLAMAN
Saving the world from thirst since 1905!

Member Rated:

Twilight sucks balls, thats just common knowledge. I mean, vampires that sparkle in sunlight? Fuck you Stephenie Meyer.  But comics making fun of abstinent vampires must be hilarious, so thats what I want to see for cc497.  Here are some ground rules.
No old comics.
Series are fine.
No sparkling.

Judging will take place within two weeks.

2-13-12 6:24pm (new)
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RandomComicLayoutGuy
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

2-14-12 2:20pm (new)
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four_legged_tripod
Do what to who for how many jellybeans?

Member Rated:

2-15-12 7:57am (new)
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RandomComicLayoutGuy
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

2-15-12 11:19am (new)
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four_legged_tripod
Do what to who for how many jellybeans?

Member Rated:

Batty Betty Part IV by four_legged_tripod
2-15-12
Do you have any idea as to what it is that you have done?
Yeah. I've become like a total bad ass vampire killing *****!
No, you ****! Do you realize that you can kill just about anyone by driving a wooden stake through their heart?
I hear you loud and clear! There must be more vampires running around our school and it's my job to hunt them down and kill them!
Betty, have you been soaking your tampons in vodka again?

Batty Betty Part V by four_legged_tripod
2-15-12
Hi Sara. What's wrong with your face? That has to be the biggest zit I've ever seen. You should look at it in the mirror.
I really don't want to. I'm rather embarrassed by it and don't want to be reminded of it.
Won't look in the mirror huh? Probably because you don't have a reflection Ms. Vampire!
Hi, Kevin.
'sup, Sara?

Batty Betty Part VI by four_legged_tripod
2-15-12
Betty, you can't be back here in the food preparation part of the school.
Just seeing how much garlic you were using in the food, chef.
Garlic? Can't stand the stuff. Never use it.
Don't use it because of your vampire nature, eh chef Dracula?
I'm gonna start brown baggin' it man. I found a ***** in my stew today.
I hate mystery meat Mondays.

Batty Betty Part VII by four_legged_tripod
2-15-12
Betty Donaldson, turn around and put your hands on your head. You are under arrest for the murders of Kevin Reed, Sara Meyer, and Chef Edmonds.
I'll turn around as soon as you take off your sunglasses.
You're not going to tell me what to do. I'll keep my sunglasses on if I feel like it.
"Feel" like it or have to because you're allergic to the sun Officer Vlad?
I'm here live at the West School gym where "Bat-Shit Betty" was gunned down by police after she came after them with a wooden stake.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

2-15-12 11:21am (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

cc497 by mandingo
2-15-12
you have peeked zee wrong alley, leettle girl. before i drain your sveet, sveet blood, let me tell you about zee destroyer you had zee misfortune to meet tonight
for thouseends of years, rulers have quaked at my name. i've made mountains crumble and ceeties burn. i've changed zee course of history... with a seengle bite!
but i'm a virgin. even as a bat. eet's weird. and sometimes i wet 'um. are zee two related? i don't know. and zis one time i tried to steeck my deeck een my hot neighbor's dog.
i can still hear you when you're mumbling behind the cape, you know.
i'll just be going!
hey, don't feel bad. vampire virgins make up half my school.

---
what if ****** meant kite

2-15-12 4:17pm (new)
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kaufman
Director of Cats

Member Rated:

On a Hollywood Movie Set by kaufman
2-15-12
CUT!
You idiot! We've only filmed three minutes of the movie and you've already killed the head vampire!
You heard her. She wouldn't **** me. What was I supposed to do?
I don't care! What I care about is we now have 117 more minutes of this vampire movie to film, and we have NO FREAKING VAMPIRES!
Look, I'm sorry. I suffer from premature e-draculation. There, I've said it! Now leave me be.

---
ken.kaufman@gmail.com

2-15-12 8:55pm (new)
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bigworm
FOUNDER OF WORDSMITHLESSNESS INC.

Member Rated:

CC 497: THE ROMANCING OF 'ROBOT-REDD' Pt.I by bigworm
2-16-12
Hey, thanks for stopping man! I was just wondering, would it be cool if I sucked a little of your blood?
Wow, uhhh... geez, I honestly don't know what to say. This is a first for me. Furthermore, we don't even know each other.
I didn't ask you to marry me, I just asked you to...
You mean premarital bloodsucking?
If that's what you call it.
Absolutely not! No ring, no blood

---
bigworm

2-16-12 7:21pm (new)
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bigworm
FOUNDER OF WORDSMITHLESSNESS INC.

Member Rated:

CC 497: THE ROMANCING OF 'ROBOT-REDD' Pt.II by bigworm
2-16-12
So are you saying if I give you a ring now, with the promise of marrying later, I'll get a quart of blood now?
Yup.
I'll just pull a washer outta' my ass and this sucker won't know the difference.
Okay, so... I've gotta' ring for ya' right here!
Wow! I'm so excited! I'm getting a stainless steel engagement washer!

---
bigworm

2-16-12 7:21pm (new)
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bigworm
FOUNDER OF WORDSMITHLESSNESS INC.

Member Rated:

CC 497: THE ROMANCING OF 'ROBOT-REDD' Pt.III by bigworm
2-16-12
Okay, I'm sorry I tried to dupe you... forgive me?
We have to learn how to forgive and forget if we're gonna be married. I forgive you!
Oh boy! We're gonna' live happily ever after with blood to drink!
Yeh! Happily ever right after!
Yeh! Happily ever right after?
Yeh, happily ever right after you get in the car and suck my ****.

---
bigworm

2-16-12 7:22pm (new)
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fpd
Doctor of Fine Parody

Member Rated:

CC497: Robotic Vampire High School Romance by fpd
2-16-12
Galatea, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. How can I put this?
I know what you want to tell me. You're a vampire, and it is totally okay.
You're really okay with this?
Of course it is. I love you. I just ask one thing. Don't drink the blood of humans, because then the first law of robotics would compel me to stop you.
That's not a problem. I'm an energy vampire. I drain electricity from other robots.
I'm okay with that. None of the three laws compel me to care about other robots.

CC497: Robotic Vampire Bedroom Romance by fpd
2-16-12
There's something else I must tell you, Galatea. I've never been with a fembot before, at least not like this. I don't think I'm equipped.
That's okay. I keep some spare attachments for manbots.
You ****! Are you telling me I'm not your first?
What are you afraid of? A computer virus?
No, I mean you're my first love, and I hoped I was yours too.
I'm touched. I really am. I do love you, but perhaps this is as good a time as any to mention that you're in a love triangle.

CC497: Robotic Romantic Rivalry by fpd
2-16-12
So you're the one who has been making time with my girlfriend.
Galatea is my girlfriend, you abomination of science!
Hey, there is nothing wrong with being assembled from used robot parts from different makes, models, and manufacturers!
No, it's obscene. There is no purity of vision in your design!
I'm a PC, you stupid Mac elitist! That's how we roll!
No, I can't accept it! And I can't accept Galatea being with such a haphazard array of parts!

CC497: The End of Robotic Vampire Romance by fpd
2-16-12
Oh my Jobs, Galatea! What has happened? Did your other suitor try to take spare parts from you?
...
As Jobs is my witness, I will track him down and make him pay for what he has done to you!
No, it really isn't that. It's a robo-venereal virus.
Thank Jobs we never had robo-sex!
About that. We actually did it wirelessly. So you better run a system check just in case.

---
FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

2-16-12 7:40pm (new)
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mandingo
weak stream

Member Rated:

And that's how we get hamburger. by mandingo
2-17-12
i just can't seem to get laid. you ever have that problem?
can't say as i have. your mom sucks my **** every time i forget to lock the door
*click*
she'll just break a window.

---
what if ****** meant kite

2-17-12 12:09am (new)
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bigworm
FOUNDER OF WORDSMITHLESSNESS INC.

Member Rated:

CC 497: THE TASTE OF GRANNY by bigworm
2-17-12
Granny, could you help me? I can't seem to suck anybody's blood at all!
Well, I don't know what I can do to help you.
I thought maybe you could lay on the couch and lift your chin up, and let me have a little taste.
Taste?
That cape's kinda' stupid lookin'!

---
bigworm

2-17-12 1:29pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Twilight of Biff by biped
2-17-12
Have you seen the new "Twilight" movie yet? Oh, I just totally love vampires! (drool!)
Hmm...Debbie loves vampires...
Maybe if I hang around in this cave long enough, one of the vampire bats will bite me and turn me into a vampire.
Biff, I'm afraid you have...rabies.
Rabies, eh? Is that anything like being a vampire?

Twilight of Biff 2 by biped
2-17-12
How about a soda, Biff?
Well, I'm really thirsty for one, but they frighten me.
I guess I'll just wander around this haunted house until a vampire bites me.
Debbie, a vampire bit me and turned me into a vampire, but my rabies killed him, and since he was the head vampire then I quit being a vampire.
Oh, Biff, you're pathetic.

Twilight of Biff 3 by biped
2-17-12
Mom, I got rabies and temporarily became a vampire to impress Debbie, but she still thinks I'm pathetic.
Oh, my. Your father used to just give me daffodils.
By the way, I sleep in a coffin on a layer of my native soil. And crave blood. Did you get the daffodils?
Biff, stop calling my daughter or I'll have you arrested.
Biff, girls only like pretend emo movie vampires. Not real ones.
Oh. Well, I guess I've just been wasting my time, then. Thanks, Vicki.

Twilight of Biff 4 by biped
2-17-12
Guess what, everybody? My new boyfriend's a vampire! A REAL vampire!
What the...but, I thought...
Father, I need to know what the Bible says about how to get revenge on vampires.
(sigh) Biff, you really should actually read it sometime. It's not a big comic book.
You must be Biff. I'm Debbie's new boyfriend, Todd--the sensitive emo vampire.
Yeah, well you can have her. I just came over to get my daffodils back.

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

2-17-12 1:43pm (new)
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RandomComicLayoutGuy
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

2-20-12 10:30am (new)
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edoggydog
Comic Overlord

Member Rated:

2-20-12 10:47am (new)
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Beeko180
Overlord Procrastinator: Or will be in a minute...

Member Rated:

2-21-12 1:20am (new)
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RandomComicLayoutGuy
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

2-21-12 10:08am (new)
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four_legged_tripod
Do what to who for how many jellybeans?

Member Rated:

2-21-12 6:47pm (new)
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HCRoyall
100mg Thorazine, Please

Member Rated:

Let's play a game by HCRoyall
2-22-12
Can you spot the Stephenie Meyer character with depth and charm?

---
It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s **** robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

2-22-12 12:26pm (new)
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bigworm
FOUNDER OF WORDSMITHLESSNESS INC.

Member Rated:

CC 497: ABSTINENCE MAKES THE BRAIN GROW BLONDER by bigworm
2-25-12
I'm lookink for somesink to suk... yes?
You like this 'blutwurst' in my hand?
Has it been cooked?
WTF? Do you cook your 'blutwurst'?
I boil mine for 45 seconds, then I bread it, fry it in olive oil, and make it into a pretzel!
Poor vampire... abstinence ****s these guys up!

---
bigworm

2-25-12 7:39am (new)
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four_legged_tripod
Do what to who for how many jellybeans?

Member Rated:

Batty Betty Returns by four_legged_tripod
2-25-12
I'm here live at the West School gym where "Bat-Shit Betty" was gunned down by police after she came after them with a wooden stake.
This would make a great movie. I need to get Tim Burton on the phone!
I'm happy to work with you Abigail Breslin. I hope you like the vision I have for this film as it's the only one I seem to have for all my films lately.
Blah! I'm an androgynous vampire! Blah!
My contract clearly states that I will not work with a claymation version of Johnny Depp!

Batty Betty Forever by four_legged_tripod
2-25-12
Abigail, Tim has decided not to do the sequel. We've hired another director.
Mr. Schumacher, I take my work seriously and I hope you will.
Call me Joel. I take this project very seriously! In fact I have a great idea to enhance your character!
She has gouged out my eyes with her bat nipples!

Batty Betty Begins by four_legged_tripod
2-26-12
Well, that wasn't well received. We've decided to hire Christopher Nolan to revamp the whole thing from the begining.
After witnessing the murder of her parents at the hands of vampires, Betty took refuge in a cave full of vampire bats.
eek!
The bats! The bats!
She then decided to dedicate her life to ridding the streets of vampires.
GRRRRRRRR! Garbel marble. Friggin fraggin!
Cut! Why the **** can I not understand a thing she's saying?

Batty Betty the Official Porn Parody by four_legged_tripod
2-26-12
I've brought you here to taste your blood!
I just finished my period so you might as well eat me you *******.
Damn Betty, you have awakened my little vampire from the dead.
Bang me with that stake of yours!
You made me cum! You have killed the little vampire! I must summons my master Count Blackula to finish you off!
My tight ******* will defeat the 12 Inch Impaler. But first I must **** my way through Tranny-vania to get to him.

---
"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

2-26-12 6:46am (new)
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RandomComicLayoutGuy
Obsessive Comic Disorder

Member Rated:

I think this contest has been sucked dry.  how bout we judge this and move on?

2-27-12 10:10am (new)
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RCCOLAMAN
Saving the world from thirst since 1905!

Member Rated:

Has it been two weeks already?

Well then, its time to announce the winner of this suck fest!!


3rd place goes to mandingo for this little number:

cc497 by mandingo
2-15-12
you have peeked zee wrong alley, leettle girl. before i drain your sveet, sveet blood, let me tell you about zee destroyer you had zee misfortune to meet tonight
for thouseends of years, rulers have quaked at my name. i've made mountains crumble and ceeties burn. i've changed zee course of history... with a seengle bite!
but i'm a virgin. even as a bat. eet's weird. and sometimes i wet 'um. are zee two related? i don't know. and zis one time i tried to steeck my deeck een my hot neighbor's dog.
i can still hear you when you're mumbling behind the cape, you know.
i'll just be going!
hey, don't feel bad. vampire virgins make up half my school.

2nd place goes to four_legged_tripod for his fantastic Batty Betty series!!

 


And the winner of yet another contest goes to biped for his Twilight of Biff series!! 

Take it away biped!

2-27-12 7:28pm (new)
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biped
Mr. Wonderful

Member Rated:

Oh ****, you mean I have to come up with another one of my ultra-crappy contest ideas?

I mean, yay!

---
Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

2-27-12 7:48pm (new)
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Stripcreator » Comic Competitions » CC497 - vampires that really suck


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