When I compared this contest to an election, I didn't realize it was going to be a two-party race. If only some daring young Libertarian had come along to shake things up! But no; just like the American public, I have only two real choices here.
The win goes to four_legged_tripod for "It's Better in Group". Partly I liked that it reminded me of 3rd Bass, but mostly I liked the line "Welcome to RAPE!"
C.O.N.G.R.A.T.U.L.A.T.I.O.N.S., tripod, and take it away.
The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!