So kiddies, there is less than two weeks before Christmas, so why not just use that for this contest?

I'd specifically like to see comics making fun of Santa, the fat man himself.

That's it. Couldn't be more straight forward.

Old comics will be accepted and new comics are always appreciated.

So, let's light this candle and roast St. Nick!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

An old one.

Santa's Pork-shop. by atomiclunch 8-10-16

"Go Santa, go Santa go!" "Sure, Rags. I'd love to have you on the team. You'll have to abandon your friends and family. Also, lose the comics." "Okay, stay still, I'm almost done!" It was a big move but I had the chance to live the dream! Now I find that THIS is what it's like 364 days of the year. I never could've imagined. "HO HUUUUNNNNGHHH UUUNNNNGGGH!" Dang, looks like Rudy's nose isn't his only part that'll be red tonight.

CC 658 Bad Santa by Makin_d_bacon 12-14-16

Santa tries his hand at UN-makin_d_bacon..... So Elf, ya got that special package all set to go to to "Chez ragu_d_bacon"? Just finished wrapping it! This NEEDED to be done. The world will thank me, later! I hope Rags like the contents of this box better than Brad Pitt liked HIS! Quiet FOOL! We laid that one off on Kevin Spacey & got away with it! Not to worry. I put an apple in it's mouth. I think Rags liked living better alone, anyway!

This is ONLY a possibility...no actual harm has befallen our pink porkish pal.

CC 658 Santa's Full Sack by Makin_d_bacon 12-14-16

Kids say the darndest things..... Think we'll get everything we want for Christmas? If mom has her way I bet we will! What makes ya say that? I heard her on the phone with Santa & she said she was gonna blow him when he gets here tonight. Wow! I guess when Santa comes, he REALLY cums!

CC 658: by brycekain 12-14-16

Hey, mister, is this the line to see Santa Claus? Yup. Wow. I'm going to see Saint Nick. I wonder if he'll be jolly like they say? Should I ask him for a toy? Or maybe a new backpack? Oooh! I can't decide! Say, what are you going to ask him for? To stop screwing my hamster.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

CC 658: by brycekain 12-14-16

He sees you when you're sleeping... He knows when you're awake... He knows you've got the Hershey squirts, but wants a Yule log anyway...

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Hopefully I'll have time to contribute a new strip, but until then...

Santa's Helper by Porternotes 8-07-15

Hey Santa. OH! Vixen. Why haven't you returned my calls? I'm really busy right now. Maybe we can talk later today or tomorrow. Maybe Mrs. Claus will answer the phone for me! Keep your voice down.

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https://www.porternotes.com

An oldie but oldie:

At Least They're Not Wearing White by Namgubed 2-11-02

Later this year ... All right, people, September is here, and we need to get a good head start on the toys! But Santa, it's Labor Day! And ...? So we're taking the day off!

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"There's no point in beating a dead horse ... except, of course, for the pure joy of it." - A. Whitney Brown

CC 658 8 > 1

I just don't see the appeal. Beats me.

by Porternotes, 12-16-16

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https://www.porternotes.com

RCL no. 5542 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-19-16

Do I believe in Santa? Of course... He used to molest me in my bed every Christmas Eve when I was a little girl. I'm afraid that wasn't Santa because he doesn't really exist. He doesn't? No... It probably was a relative dressed up like Santa who was molesting you. I always wondered why Santa kissed like Aunt Becky! ???

I knew it! by Porternotes 12-20-16

Dude... What's your deal? I'm Santa, that's my deal. You don't know me? Blah Blah Blah... I'm an adult. I'm not talking the bullshit. I want the real story. I'm a generous old elf. I want kids to be happy. They love toys. I want to bring them toys. Hmmm... Anything else? You'd be amazed at the amount of people who sleep nude.

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https://www.porternotes.com

Twins Not Twins by Stevorama 12-21-16

Dear Santa, we will leave our Christmas list by the chimney. We are also leaving milk and cookies for you on the mantle. And how about skipping the anal this year, Tubbo?

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"The nice thing about true hopelesness is that you don't have to try again." - Jules Shear

One new and one old:

Santa Better Watch Out by Neo11 12-21-16

He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake So Santa saw me sleeping, then watched me shower just now? What a perv! Someone ought to kick his ass I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus, underneath the mistletoe last night He did WHAT? The next time he comes down our chimney, I am going to kick his jolly fat ass! Grandma got run over by a reindeer, walking home from our house Christmas Eve Sounds like a classic hit and run. Don't worry, we will track Santa down and throw him in the slammer where criminals can beat his ass for what he did

World's Worst Mall Santa by Neo11 11-04-15

This year for Christmas, I want to live in a big castle with a handsome prince Hey, I'd to live with a bunch sexy women at the Playboy Mansion but nope, look at me living it up with old Mrs. Claus at the North Pole. Get lost kid! Santa? What are you doing here in November? You came way too early That's what she said! HAHAHA, beat it you little freak! Hey buddy, I heard what you just said to my son. Where does one pick up such dirty language? I'd say mostly from my wife since she's such a dirty ho ho ho!

RCL no. 5546 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-21-16

Do I believe in Santa Clause? Of course, I do... He used to buttfuck me every Christmas Eve while I was pretending to be asleep! Since Santa Claus is not real, that may have been a relative dressed up as Santa Claus buttfucking you. Really? Really! I always wondered why Santa butt-fucked like Aunt Becky! ???

All right, I know the big guy only plays a bit part, but after 15 years, or 5,528 days since I wrote the darn thing, IT'S FINALLY FUCKING HERE!!!!!

Read it and weep, kids, for this is what you'll be seeing in tomorrow's newspaper.

Christmas Eve, 2016 by kaufman 11-05-01

Chaos at the North Pole tonight when one of Santa's reindeer snapped and went on a shooting spree. Donner, Comet and 16 Elves are dead. Vixen and Prancer were seriously wounded. Santa is making his run with a skeleton crew of Cupid, Blitzen, Rudolph and Dasher. The crazed reindeer is believed to be heavily armed, and flying in the direction of former child star Billy Mumy's house. DANCER! DANCER, WILL ROBINSON!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 658

They laughed at me in 1995, who's laughing now? I can't keep up with the demands for water wings.

by Porternotes, 12-24-16

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https://www.porternotes.com

CC 658 by brycekain 12-25-16

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas... So can you, like, deport all the brown people...? Sir, the very idea of singling out a group of individuals just because they were born different than you is appalling! What if I made you Secretary of the Interior? I ain't no queer.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Deck the Halls by Lord_Vodek 12-25-16

December 23rd 2016 Merry Christmas Satan Yeah, yeah whatever. You know I always deliver the letters to you tomorrow Yeah I think this ones for you though "Dear Santa, this year I lined my tree with the entrails of my parents. Please bring me a puppy signed Timmy" He's getting a Cerberus And a lump of coal ho ho ho Ha ha ha

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Resident Masochist & Adrenaline Junkie -I'm probably not god but you should worship me just in case-

RCL no. 5548 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-25-16

Did Santa bring you everything wanted for Christmas? Santa didn't bring me anything I wanted for Christmas... In fact, he didn't bring me anything at all! Why not? I have no chimney!

So the fat man has once again emptied his sac while thinking about children.  That means it's time to judge this thing and move on.

The front runner for me, for a while, was brycekain with:

CC 658: by brycekain 12-14-16

Hey, mister, is this the line to see Santa Claus? Yup. Wow. I'm going to see Saint Nick. I wonder if he'll be jolly like they say? Should I ask him for a toy? Or maybe a new backpack? Oooh! I can't decide! Say, what are you going to ask him for? To stop screwing my hamster.

Then kaufman posted this:

Christmas Eve, 2016 by kaufman 11-05-01

Chaos at the North Pole tonight when one of Santa's reindeer snapped and went on a shooting spree. Donner, Comet and 16 Elves are dead. Vixen and Prancer were seriously wounded. Santa is making his run with a skeleton crew of Cupid, Blitzen, Rudolph and Dasher. The crazed reindeer is believed to be heavily armed, and flying in the direction of former child star Billy Mumy's house. DANCER! DANCER, WILL ROBINSON!

and won the whole damn thing.

So kaufman, you are now the new ho ho ho.  Congrats!

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

Oh wow.  I'll start thinking of a worthy 659 once I compose my reaction to the recent events ...

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com