We should post all new characters to Caption Mountain. Kind of a baptismal by fire.
- Have I been drinking? No. ..."Have" implies past tense.
- All stood in awe as George Jones successfully performed the heimlich on Freddy the Mailboy. Never one to be outshined at an office party, boorite gets off the secretary mid-hump, pulls a kidney from his chest, and offers to donate it.
- You want me to explain the boxers, the stolen car, and the kilo of coke? Asking a little much, aren't we, officer?
- Unsure whether he likes the boxers, boorite tries them on in the dressing room. Confident they'll be broken in by tomorrow's mid-morning ball scratch, he decides to purchase them.
- Fired? Why?
- Once she saw him in boxers, she knew he'd been telling the truth. His ass was on backwards.
- And when the boorite character was revealed, there wasn't a forum user that didn't cringe. DexX maintained his tight-fisted control on the "10-fingered forumuser" title.
- It was a simple word association game. Cat - Dog. Tree - Green. But when the the****** said "park" and boorite pulled down his pants, grabbed the toner bottle, and stood motionless for 28 minutes, with an eye twitch as the only sign of life, the the****** thought he might be onto something. Unfortunately, he had a 2:30 polyp waxing, so it'd have to wait till next session.
- People in the supermarket looked at him funny, but he had to practice. Only 53 days till the Super Bowl.
- To get past his terrible memories of high school, boorite decided to address them head-on by attending his 15-year class reunion. Unfortunately, he walked by Jeremy "Lunch Money" Biggers' table on the way to the punch bowl.
- ...and playing the part of Dionysus...
- Everyone thought he was a really bad strip poker player. Truth was, he wanted to see what it felt like to be naked around his mom.
- Forlorn, boorite stands in front of a mirror and simulates what it would be like to masturbate if he didn't have an innie.
A little excessive, but spinnwebe's IADL section's been down so long I was getting the shakes.
I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.