CC84 calls for a 1984 theme. Requirements:

1. Something about the actual year 1984.

2. A slogan of the form, "[adjective][noun] is [verb]ing you."

3. As Orwellian an atmosphere as you can invoke in three panels.

4. Or a greater number.

5. I'll judge Friday noonish.

6. Geese a' laying

7. Never mind 6.

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What others say about boorite!

I'll volunteer to run the betting pool on who first submits "Red robot is cornholing you."

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Aw, anyone can be first. But the tenth gets free tickets to see the Smoking Manholes open for Kenny G.

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What others say about boorite!

But first...

CC 84: A Message from Our Sponsors by kaufman 12-05-01

For today, we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directives. We have created, for the first time in all history, a garden of pure ideology. Where each worker may bloom secure from the pests of contradictory and confusing truths. Our Unification of Thought is more powerful a weapon than any fleet or army on earth. We are one people. With one will. One resolve. One cause. Our enemies shall talk themselves to death. And we will bury them with their own confusion. We shall prevail! YIIIIIIIEEEE! Independent Thinker is pureeing you! On January 24th, Apple will introduce Macintosh. And you'll see why 1984 won't be like "1984."

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC84: It was bound to happen by TheElPaso 12-05-01

One day, on the ranch... So then I said "Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!" Ha ha! Rotor turbine is generating you! I can tell you are assisting it though. You've been telling me that since 1984, and I still don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

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My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in. -Weird Al Yankovic

CC 84: 1984--Drexle was 6 years old (Dramatized Reinactment) by Drexle 12-05-01

Transformers... Autobots, transform and roll out! Voltron... Form Blazing Sword! Hardcore Porn... Young Drexle is watching you... Oh... oh... oh god! YES!

CC84: Free Love is Costing You by fpd 12-05-01

Hey, Linda, how about going swinging with me and Julie tonight? Haven't you heard Sam? Three's a crowd! What are you talking about? Three's company! Free love is costing you, Sam. Sex is death. Libido is thanatos. AIDS threatens us all. Happy days are here no more. Just swing like a virgin. Celibacy is an orgy.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

The election of 1984 by Kitty_Kat 12-05-01

The election of 1984 I'm Mondale I'm Reagan. Mondale........President Reagan is beating you. I lost. Damn it. Boo ya, I won But Reagan will soon get an unexpected prize for winning. TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU NOW. ..................

This is my view of that election.

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My life totally and completely REEKS.

CC 84: LA Confidential by kaufman 12-05-01

Olympic Village, Los Angeles, shortly before the Closing Ceremonies So what will you do when this is all over, Carl? Frankly, I don't need to do much. I outed Louganis to Meese, and they've rewarded me with McDonald's and Hertz gigs. Not bad. Guess I shouldn't have voted for Anderson in '80. All I'm getting is a nibble from Jiffy Lube. That's tough. Hey, don't let anyone know I finked Greg; I'd hate for them to ... ... MARY LOU RETTON! Have you been listening in? Pass the Wheaties, boys. Perky Gymnast is outendorsing you!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 84: One toy trend... by Drexle 12-05-01

What are you looking at, mommy? Honey, isn't that one of those Cabbage Patch kids you've been begging for since you saw that commercial? (Label On the Tag) "Wirthling: Death Certificate October 13th, 1984" Eeeeew! It's some dead guy's head! Can we buy it, mommy? Can we!? Oh my... evil marketing is corrupting you!!!

CC 84: ...Deserves another. by Drexle 12-05-01

Hey there, wanna take me home? I'm a Garbage Pail Kid... No you're not, you're a homeless bum! No seriously! I'm a Garbage Pail Kid. C'mon, can't you at least give me some cash? I'm hungry! Coleco doesn't feed us! Fuck you old man, I'm out of here! Your guilty concience is hauting you, kid! Don't deny it!!! Dammit, at least give me a snickers bar!!!

This doesn't follow any of the rules. Any way thats my Dad and I'm the baby.

MY CHILDHOOD by crabby 12-05-01

Behold the demon spawn from which great power shall some day arise! Yeah he's 5 months now. So you say he has power huh? He is filled with the fury of the Dark Lord himself! He contains enough hell fire in his veins to feed a million hell fire hungry dragons for the rest of eternity! He made the cutest noise yesterday. That noise played backwards contains directions to HELL! The child will repeat the same noise on his 34 birthday! After which he will return home to HELL to take the throne from the Dark Lord! ok.

I skimped on the slogan. Maybe I'll try again.

This quote seems apropos today by Bogart 12-05-01

For the ordinary man is passive. Within a narrow circle he feels himself master of his fate. Big brother is watching. Fine by me. Kinda adds a kink to the same old same old. Now turn around. but against major events he is as helpless as against the elements. Thank god that's over. Authorities now have custody of the hijackers who earlier began killing_hostages_aboard a Kuwaiti jetliner. So far from endeavouring to influence the future, he simply lies down and lets things happen to him. Waving this flag isn't helping me feel better. Shh! Just keep watching CNN and everything will be okay.

Headlines That Don't Make Enough Noise by Bogart 12-05-01

The Pentagon is hard at work developing a more potent strain of anthrax. It's not as bad as it sounds. Cold Snowman is shitting you. How much white powder do we need? The CIA's relentless campaign to sanitize its history and whitewash its image is going full throttle. Think of the jobs this will create. Jingle writers and ad agencies will love this! How about, "The CIA - Getting to Know You?" The Attorney General is going for broke in his fight against civil liberty. What's the hassle? Can't I score a hit in peace? I have no trouble with that - hell, my boys imported it. Just don’t speak out against the oil-war or any other GOP cause if you don’t want to face a military tribunal!

cc84 - Conform, proles! by kramer_vs_kramer 12-06-01

I say old chap. 1984 is certainly a jolly good year to be British! Really, in what way? Margaret Thatcher has just won a second term in office. That can't be ungood. Correction - Margaret Thatcher won a second term in 1983, not 1984. What are you, the thought police? Pedantic doctor is correcting you!

Mr. Miyagi watching you by Jabizo 12-06-01

Wax on wax off, young grasshopper. I'm sick of you making me do your stupid chores. I'm not some mindless robot here to do all the stuff you're to lazy to do. I don't care if I don't know karate yet, Yer goin' down Miyagi. Foolish boy! Experienced old man is lambasting you. You nothing without me controlling you. Uuff, Yow! Mommy!!! I give! I GIVE! UNCLE! That teach you not to think for self. How you like my trick with chopsticks I play on you? OOHH!! You're insane! I think you punctured my prostate!

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Vulgarity is simply the conduct of others. -Oscar Wilde

Even reactionaries need love by Spankling 12-06-01

Political parties are controlling what we say, do, and even think! Everyone is spying on everyone else. This “war” is nothing but a fabrication – a means_to_control_us! Careful Winston, hydraulic robot is admiring you. Just like in 1984 we have a clueless President, uninterested in policy, being led around by corrupt advisors! I'm beginning to think you're looking forward to a visit from TOBOR. Do you like being "re-educated?" Are you making me an offer? *sigh* Okay. At least it's an aerobic workout.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

CC84: Paula the Precognizant Preschooler by kaufman 12-06-01

o/` I love smog, I hate trees, I'm a reactionary. With a mental age of maybe four or five, I'll ship arms so death squads thrive. o/` Ha ha ha ha! Mommy, I heard that those nice Contras are selling cocaine to the CIA, who bring it to our slums so that all the black people will kill each other and get arrested. No more television for you, little girl! Evil Dinosaur is brainwashing you. What are you talking about? Barney doesn't even premeire for another 5 years? Barney who? I'm talking about Reagan!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

crabby actualy looks alot like my dad... but he stoped having babies 16 years ago.

Running on Empty (Part 1) by kaufman 12-06-01

What do I remember from 1984? Well, in that year I lost my cherry ... Horny student is seducing you! Or vice versa! I spent a lot of time in front of a CRT, either on USENET, or playing Rogue ... Viscious troll is killing you! Damn! And although I could make the 15-hour drive home with one hand behind my back, I wound up with plane reservations for Spring Break. Generous Mother is treating you! Well, Ok.

Running on Empty (part 2) by kaufman 12-06-01

Just as well I flew home, as I was sick that week. But at my connection point in Dayton ... The storm's been slow to pull out of New York, so your flight's canceled. Piedmont Airlines is rerouting you ... *cough* Now you know why I'm calling this airport "Delayton." I got into Washington National with just 30 minutes to get from one end of the airport to the commuter plane at the other end. Slow down, Mr. Clock. Panting redhead is racing you! I made it ... but my luggage didn't Whew! Busy stewardess is boarding you.

Running on empty (part 3) by kaufman 12-06-01

From the New Jersey Turnpike, the Meadowlands sports complex rises like three sphinxes in the desert... Carcinogenic fumes are poisoning you. ...and a friend and I were going to a hockey game there. However, we had to cope with a downpour and bad traffic, and got there late, having to park far away. Run for it! Frigid rain is pelting you! *cough* Here I go again! But we eventually settled down and enjoyed the game. Yo! Two more beers here. HEY GOALIE! ISLANDER CENTER IS BEATING YOU!

Running on Empty (part 4) by kaufman 12-06-01

A few days earlier I had gone to see the doctor. Sick puppy is infecting you. Probably so, but let me take some blood anyway. ... And now the other shoe dropped. Family Doctor is diagnosing you. Let me guess ... just a bout with the flu, right? Actually no. I'd had a case of mono floating through my system, and meanwhile subjected myself to all that stress unknowingly. This story is all true! Clever cartoonist is bullshitting you. Is not! This is how it happened.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

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crabby actualy looks alot like my dad... but he stoped having babies 16 years ago.

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crabby actualy looks alot like my dad... but he stoped having babies 16 years ago.

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Too... many... jokes!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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crabby actualy looks alot like my dad... but he stoped having babies 16 years ago.

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Too... many... jokes!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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"He saw what a mistake the last one was and finally learned his lesson!"

"Woah, your dad had babies? How wide was he dialated?"

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crabby actualy looks alot like my dad... but he stoped having babies 16 years ago.

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I appreciate the sentiment...

jk thanks

Well... It looks like someone's mom got a digital camera to upgrade her porn site.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet