wow! my long string of humiliating losses has finally paid off, except that now everyone has used all the great ideas for rules that i had months ago. also, since my victory came at this particular time of year, and since there are all these neat new pieces of holiday art on the site, i feel almost forced to do a christmas-themed CC.

of course, as the consummate artist that i am, i know that i'm never forced to do anything, but fuck it--here are the rules:

1) Use at least two of the holiday characters, but not the snowscape.

2) Show me what the holiday characters do after the season is over--jobs, recreation, whatever.

3) Extra bonus points for using the blurred line background (but negative points if you've cast one of the holiday characters as a tentacle porn star). If you do decide to use the background, use it only once.

4) Be funny.

being as we're all undoubtedly really busy, and i'm currently 2000 miles away from home (visiting mom in indiana), i'll be judging the entries sunday evening--probably about midnight PST. that should give you all plenty of time to ponder what happens in north pole's offseason.

cheers hab

ps. submit as many as you like; i'll have nothing better to do sunday night than slog through strips (:

pps. i'm aware that "extra bonus points" is redundant.

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- christ@myself.com - fuck a cat, kill yourself - my alter ego has five stars

Damn it, I was going ok with the rules, until rule four came up!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Here you go, sorry for not doing rule 4

CC 88: Paranoid Snowman by Bazilla 12-24-01

Help!!!!!!! What's wrong? The reindeer is after me! Reindeer don't really exist, they're just like the Sandman and the tooth fairy. Ahhhhhh! His nose is on fire!!!!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

Oh and by the way, the rule two thing, this is after Christmas! Pretty clever eh?

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

CC 88: Jumping on "got milk" bandwagon by Bazilla 12-24-01

Got milk? I'm serious, it's June, you're female, you must have milk! Oh of course, you don't talk! Neither do I, I don't even exist at least you do!

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I am not 16 going on not 17, I know that I'm naive.

geez hab, you're gonna have a tough time judging these.

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Boogie Woogie Woogie!!

skagg detects a hint of sarcasm

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Who knows what fear lurks in the hearts of men? MIKE BOBSICO KNOWS! And if you give him a decent tip when he delivers your mail , he might tell you.

After-Christmas Vacation by fuzzyman 12-24-01

Hey, Santa! Before you leave for your after-Christmas vacation, try one of my special brownies! Don't mind if I do! How do you like them? HhhhhhOOOOoooo! HhhhhhOOOOoooo! HhhhhhOOOOoooo! So where are you going on your vacation, anyway? Well, I was going to Barbados, but now I'm thinking Betty Ford Clinic.

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC88-88CC by Mr_Jass 12-24-01

1 0\/\/|\| `/0|_|!!!!1 1 0\/\/|\| /-\|| `/0|_|R |>R3$3|\|+$!!!!1

By the way, that's a white snow-rabbit, which ironically I will also cheat my way into using when the Easter characters are released and an Easter contest is done and I need him to be my second character.

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"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown." -- mrjass@mindless.com

CC88 -- St. Nick and the Amazing Monocolor Screamcoat by kaufman 12-24-01

Whoa, that was a rough Season, Santa. I'm sure ready to close up the factory. Tell me about it, Legolas. I've earned my 6 months in Rio, By the way, I think between the tight chimneys and the dogs and the strip-searches, that coat's finally had it. Not a problem, I have a special source of replacements. RAAAR! TOBOR WILL COR... DAMMIT, WHAT A LOUSY TIME TO MOLT!!!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

Another Visit From St. Nicholas by fuzzyman 12-24-01

‘Twas the day after Christmas and the shop was a mess; St. Nick tried to clean up, causing much distress! Get moving! I want this place to sparkle like the crack of a snowman's ass! Yes sir, Mr. Santa, sir! Right away! The elves they ran hither and thither to clean; Polishing knobs, making everything gleam! Do you know where this goes? Stuff it under his bed with the Nordic Track. He'll never find it there. When what should be found hidden under the stoop; But about eighty pounds of brand new reindeer poop! What is this shit? Reindeer Local 113 demands a new contract, or there'll be more where that came from!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

There's no point entering after fuzzy's...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

quote:

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4) Be funny.

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Thanks for the vote of confidence, but I'm going to keep trying...

A Conjugal Visit From St. Nicholas by fuzzyman 12-24-01

‘Twas the day after Christmas and down in the jail; Santa visits his wife ‘cause he couldn’t make bail! Jaywalking again, eh? Ho! Ho! Ho! “I’m sorry, I used all the money for gifts; I got Kleenex for Rudolph, and elves got shoe lifts.” Our Christmas Club is tapped out! “Now I haven’t forgotten you, so don’t get miffed; press your ass to the bars and I’ll give you your gift!” Who's your daddy?

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

quote:

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of course, as the consummate artist that i am, i know that i'm never forced to do anything, but fuck it--here are the rules:

quote:

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I took the rule "fuck it" more literally:

cc88- fuck Christmas by lara7 12-25-01

So what now? Santa's laid me off for 9 months, and I have no real skills other than wrapping presents. Check the classifieds. Santa put an ad in there to sell me to a Sno Cone franchise. Later, at the job interview: damit i said im hirring a rappist! you knoe liek rapping poeple! Oh. My mistake. ah! I am dieing!

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When they invent BookFace, I'm -there-.

So fuzzyman's got the funny comics, lara7's got the fuck tributt, I guess that leaves me on stinkbomb duty.

CC 88: With Bows to Hollywood by kaufman 12-25-01

Onboard TWA 1225: North Pole to LAX So where are you headed now that the deliveries are over, Prancer? Oh, I've got a sweet little dotcom startup in the Valley to manage. And where are you headed, Rudy? Hollywood. I'll be co-starring with Mary Poppins in a remake of that 1995 Playgirl mockumentary. And it all has to be finished in 6 days! You're putting me on again. Just like when you said your nose could concentrate a laser beam. No way is that true. It is so true. Look at this Time magazine: RUDOLPH, JULIE ANDREWS IN 2001'S MAN OF THE YEAR *sigh* I keep telling you to take that remedial reading course. If you did, you might quit calling the Big Guy Satan.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

It's Christmas For Somebody by fuzzyman 12-25-01

Well, our Christmas work is done. Let's go home, eh? Yes, sir! It sure was fun delivering those presents to the kiddies! Not to mention those retroactive tax cuts to big corporations... ...and those vouchers to Christian schools! Well, George, we're home. We can take off our disguises now. Sure thing, Mr. Cheney... I mean *ahem* Mr. Vice-President!

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

CC88 - Summer at the North Pole by kramer_vs_kramer 12-25-01

Bloody heatwave.

This is lame, but I wanted to use the pimp character...

O Whorey Night... by wirthling 12-25-01

Thank goodness Christmas is over and we can return to our regular jobs. Yeah, I can't wait to get out of this costume and back into my civvies. Me, too. This makeup itches. So, meet you down on the corner in 2 hours? I'll be there. Ho ho fuckin' ho! Who be needin' a date, yo? Sucky sucky five dolla!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Wow, I just realized I broke both rule #1 and #4:

CC88: I Still Didn't Get My Pony This Christmas by israphael 12-25-01

Well I finally defeated Bill Gates, helped Spankling save the world, and delivered gifts to all the good boys and girls. It's time for a good rest. Not so fast! Doctor Who! That's Correct. You can't take a rest at this time! You mean there are forces threatening the existance of Christmas in the far future? No, I need your help fulfilling rule #4.

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"Nothing expresses the brutal grandeur of rectal polyps and anal fistulae quite like the mother-tongue of Goethe."

CC88: Why must the good die young? by KajunFirefly 12-25-01

what appears to be the problem officer? you were doing 90mph in a 40 zone, I'm gonna need to take your name sir. my name? Why, I'm Saint Nicholas don't you know? good-old Chris Cringle? Santa_Claus? very amusing sir, if you'd like to just get into the back of the car, we can sort this out down at the station. This is all my fault, I shouldn't have been giving him a festive blow-job! save me Legolas!

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Dad was flammable

CHERRY DUST IN THE YEAR 3000 by crabby 12-25-01

What the fuck did you expect us to do after Christmas?

CC88: Reindeer Games, part 1 by fpd 12-25-01

Rudolph finally gets to join in the reindeer games. Rudolph, we're throwing a stag party. Would you like to come? Will any doe be at the party? Doe can't come, Rudolph. But we'll have a gay old time. A party without doe? What kind of fun is that? Doe are a drag, Rudolph. A doe doesn't understand what a stag wants. Well, this stag has always wanted doe.

CC88: Reindeer Games, part 2 by fpd 12-25-01

At the stag party ... Hey Rudolph, your nose sure makes a swell disco ball. Thanks, Cupid. I've sure been having fun dancing to the Village People. Come on, it's time for the biscuit game. What's that? It's a lot of fun. The winner gets to eat a biscuit. Count me in. I've worked up an appetite flashing my snout all night.

CC88: Reindeer Games, part 3 by fpd 12-25-01

That's how you play, Rudolph. Any questions? Yeah, I'm confused. You said the winner eats the biscuit, but didn't you mean the loser? Winner? Loser? What's the difference? You'll always be a winner in my book, Rudolph. I'm beginning to feel a little uncomfortable here, Cupid. Don't you like me, Rudolph? I like you. I think I just heard Vixen calling my name.

CC88: Reindeer Games, part 4 by fpd 12-25-01

Vixen?! Don't tell me you like her! What did I tell you about doe? Some nonsense. I don't remember. A doe can't understand a stag like another stag can. Vixen can't understand you like I do. I'm not really feeling understood right now, Cupid. Not understood?! We're both stags! We're of like body and mind. Call me a pansy if you like, but I really feel that Vixen knows me better than any stag can.

CC88: Reindeer Games, part 5 by fpd 12-25-01

Come on, Rudolph! How can Vixen understand you better than a fellow stag? I don't know, but when I'm with her, I feel more like a stag than I do now. Why, you're stag through and through. Don't I make you feel like a stag? Not really. You're making me feel like a doe. But I feel like a stag when I'm with you, Rudolph. It's a paradox, Cupid. Doe make me feel more like a stag.

[Click to view comic: 'CC88: Reindeer Games, part 6'][Click to view comic: 'CC88: Reindeer Games, part 7'][Click to view comic: 'CC88: Reindeer Games, part 8']

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Here's a continuation of the Reindeer Games storyline. I thought of it only after I posted the others and turned off the computer.

CC88: Reindeer Games, part 9 by fpd 12-25-01

Yo, Rudy! I got doe if you got dough, know what I mean? Gee, that's swell, mister. I've been flying all over the world in search of a good doe. Meet Bambi. She'll rock your world! Come here, you big stag, you. Let this rabbit doe make you buck and buck. Just pay up, and she's yours for the night, you lucky buck. No way, Bambi is a boy's name, and that's just a buck in lingerie.

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FPD is the foremost plague on discussion boards. Do your part to stomp out FPD.

Yay for the pimp character!

Santa Claus: The Dark Side by fuzzyman 12-25-01

So... now that Christmas is over, I thought I'd reward myself with something a little different, you know? Mrs. Claus isn't all that adventuresome. Something different, eh? I can dig that! It has to be really, really, different. Step in to my parlor my friend, and give me a few minutes to consider your dilemna. So, my fantasy is to cornhole Santa with the collection of Pope-shaped dildos that I keep in this box. Think you can help? Funny you should mention that...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.