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Doctor of Fine Parody
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A is for Asimov's laws of robotics, which all robots must obey.
B is for Bog, whose name someone must say.
C is for Cute, which someone must be.
D is for DexX, whose artwork we must see.
E is for Explodingdog, whose robot must appear.
F if for Fire, which someone must fear.
G is for Grey, which must be in the cast.
H is for Human, which someone must have been in the past.
I is for Ireland, where the strip must take place.
J is for a Jerkcity character with a weird face.
K is for a Koshka, which someone must hold.
L is for a Lesson, which must be told.
M is for a Machine who lives as a freak.
N is for Nadsat, which someone must speak.
O is for the Ocean, which must be seen.
P is for a Person, who must be mean.
Q is for Queerness, which someone must extole.
R is for Red Robot, who must not cornhole.
S is for a Spaceman someone has caught.
T is for Tobor, the big Red Robot.
U is for Ulster, in the north of Erin.
V is for a Villain who is also a woman.
W is for a Woman who got a second chance to live.
X is for Xenophobia as the villain's motive.
Y is for the Youthfulness of our villainess.
Z is for Zealotry that ends in a mess.
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One day in Northern Ireland ...
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| Ha, ha, ha, ha! I have captured you, you wicked alien, and you will no longer be able to corrupt Irish culture with your devilish crop circles. | |
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| You sodding gloopy soomka, my droogs will save me. We're here, and we're queer, and there's nothing you can do about it. | |
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| Oh yeah! We'll see about that. Tobor, whack this alien upside the head! | |
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| I cannot comply mistress. The first law of robotics prevents me from harming a human being. | |
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| What the sodding hell is wrong with you?! Are your brains made out of cal? This is a grahzny alien, not a human being. | |
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| Excuse my faulty programming, but all you fleshlings are the same to me. I cannot discriminate between you. | |
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| Look at his eyes, Tobor. Human beings don't have crazy, whacked-out eyes like that, and they don't have grey skin either. | |
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| I just checked my database on humans. You are correct. I will now whack him upside the head. | |
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| We need your help. Colleen has kidnapped Rands. Your expertise in robotics will help us defeat her robot Tobor. | |
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| That lass is so mean, she pulls the tails of cats. Of course I'll help you, Pants. | |
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| Well, if it isn't the cat-lover. Aren't humans good enough for you, felinophile! | |
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| You are just a xenophobe, Colleen, and I am here to put a stop to your evil ways. | |
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| Ha! You will do nothing of the sort. Tobor, grab the koshka from this species-traitor! | |
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| Do not do as she says, Tobor. You will hurt me if you hurt my cat. | |
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| I cannot do as you ask, mistress. His appeal to first law overrides your command. | |
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| Arrrgh! The lesson of this story is that the laws of robotics make robots useless! | |
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| Bog blast you! I will stop you myself! | |
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| Stop this fighting! I mustn't let you two humans harm each other. | |
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| Look at yourself, Colleen. You're like no woman born. | |
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| Arrrgh! No! No! The fire! Keep it away! Keep it away! | |
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| A robot wouldn't fight me. You must be a cyborg. | |
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| Keep it away! Keep it away! I'm burning! I'm burning up! | |
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| There's no fire, Colleen. You're having a flashback. | |
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| I am not a cyborg! I am a human being--a human being, Bog damn you, a human being. | |
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| You're in serious denial, little Colleen. | |
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| Cyborgs are freaks! I am hu-- No, you're right. I am a cyborg. | |
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| What happened to you, Colleen? | |
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| My body was burned in a fire, and my brain was put in this new robot body. | |
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| But technology gave you a gift. What could you hate about super powers and longer life? | |
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| Enough of your transhumanist propaganda! My humanity was leaking away. All I could do to hold onto it was to put on a humaniform skin and persecute non-humans. | |
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[Click to view comic: 'CC90: Trouble in Ireland, part 6']
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