Let's see if I can recall all the lyrics to this one... It is a song from Tripod's 2001 Melbourne Comedy Festival show - Tripod Tells the Tale of the Adventures of Tosswinkle the Pirate (Not Very Well). Tripod are a musical comedy trio based here in Melbourne, and they are funny bastards. I don't know the name of the song - I only ever saw them do it on stage, and it isn't on a CD as yet... These lyrics are not 100% correct, but this is the best I can recall them.
Everyone's a tosser, everyone's a fool.
Don't ever feel like you don't fit, cause everyone's a tool.
The louder that you say you're not, the more that it's the case.
There is just no question - you're a real nob-face.
Take our little Yonny, he's a total mong.
(Yon) If you think that I look interesting, I'm sorry, you'd be wrong.
What about our Scod, eh? You could write a book on him!
You could call it "Nobby the Nobstacle and his Nobtastic Voyage"!
Everybody's a tosser, everyone's a schmo,
From Robert Louis Stephenson to Edgar Allen Poe.
Everyone's a tosser, the experts all agree.
The experts? They're all tossers too! Just like you and me!
Madame, you're a nob-end, it's plain for all to see.
Don't try to deny it. Do you think you're better than me?
The louder that you say you're not, the more it is you are.
You're a bonehead!
You're a franger!
You're a spazmo!
You're a schwanger!
You're a tosser, it's a fact you can't ignore.
Cause everyone's a tosser,
But you, slightly more.
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