Ok. Here's a plea for help. I need $25,000 to pay for mummifying my dog so he can run free in the afterlife.

Just kidding. Now a buck or two doesn't sound bad, does it? I work at Keybank in Cleveland and I decided to do something worthwhile, so I'm participating in Key's Swim for Diabetes. http://www.swimfordiabetes.com/index.html What I need is some pledges. Since no one here likes me, I thought I should hit up you, my online comrades. This may be pointless since you can all just pretend you're not reading this, but it'd be great if you'd like to pitch in. I'm not really expecting anyone to toss in much.

You can either donate a lump sum, or pledge a certain amount per length (25 yards). 72 lengths = 1 mile. The max they'll let anyone do is 200. Two and a half cents a length would be $5 at most.

If you're interested you could send me cash through Paypal, or you could blow 34 cents and send me something through the mail.

I know this isn't the easiest way to donate money, but I thought I'd give it a shot. If no one's interested then maybe I'll just crap out and let the people with diabetes fend for themselves.

For anyone who donates, I'll personally make a sappy, annoying Blue Mountain webcard rife with profanity and sodomy references and send it to you.

So, anyone willing to help or am I wasting my breath? If anyone needs further info, drop me a line at gabe@woodenbadger.com

Merci, mes amis.

Tugging at the Heartstrings by gabe_billings 4-03-01

What's wrong little boy? I've got diabetes. But I'm going to buy it because no one pledged any money for Gabe's swimming efforts. Gee, that's too bad. Anything I can do for you before you shuffle off this mortal coil? I only wish I'd lived long enough to become a man... Tell you what... Let's take a road trip to Mexico. We can get sauced, stuff ourselves with tacos and we'll find you a nice, skeezy whore. Yay! God bless us, everyone.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=11172

But mom, they're swimmers by boorite 4-03-01

Mom, can I have ten bucks for Gabe Billings? Gay billings? Who's billing you? It's on the web. It's to help kids with diabetes. With Diomedes? The legendary GREEK warrior? I don't THINK so! You're confusing me... No more internet for you, young man!

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What others say about boorite!

Critically ill youngsters are always funny by evil_d 4-03-01

What's wrong, little boy? *sniff* ...I've got diabetes. Won't you help? Wait a second... are you that kid I keep getting all those stupid e-mails about? No, that's leukemia. Please help, sir. All you have to do is mail gabe_billings a check for a few dollars. Yeah, like I'm going to give Gabe a document with my real name and home address printed on it. Oh, woe is me! We couldn't get the *real* Steve Austin to promote our cause, and nobody trusts his look-alike!

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Complete and Utter Failure by gabe_billings 4-03-01

So how'd you're diabetes swimming thing go? Eh, I pussed out and decided to get drunk instead. Gee, that's too bad. Do you have to give back all the pledges now? I can't. I spent them all on beer. You're going to hell, you know. Hey, if backing over that kid in the wheelchair with my truck didn't phase me, this sure as hell won't.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

I can't believe I typed you're. I almost went back and redid the whole comic just because of that. My anal retentiveness rules my life.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

The Truth Behind the Pledges by gabe_billings 4-03-01

Explain to me again how this thing works. Ok. You write a check for a lump sum you're pledging. Then? Once I get your address, I hunt you down and brutally slaughter you and your entire family then burn your house down. I see... Did I say brutally slaughter your family? I meant send you a fruit basket.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Don't worry, in the last couple of days I've done your for you're, idol for idle, and utter for udder. And I used to be somebody! I was a spelling bee champion! Unlike you commoners who are expected to make spelling errors.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

I've found a new thing to play with. Inklink at shockwave.com. It's pictionary done with Flash, so you can play other people online. It's easy to set up private rooms. We should see if we can find a time when a few of us are online and we could play.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Tycho schooled me at that a while ago. It was pretty fun, in that "I'm a loser" kind of way. Every time I've gone back the lag's been terrible though.

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www.bradsucks.net

Well I'm a lewser...so I'd play. :)

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

In case anyone wants to give this pseudo pictionary a try... I'll probably be around for a few hours tonight, 6ish to 9:30/10 or so.

My ICQ # is 11440587. Don't have ICQ? For shame. Go to http://wwp.icq.com/11440587#pager and send me an annoying msg from there telling me you're around.

Later.

Gabe

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Though, not thought....

*sigh*

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Diabetes Cha Cha Cha by ObiJo 4-04-01

Oh mama! Sorry. Sorry Schmorry. Now I'm bleary-eyed AND sore. I feel terrible. Look, you could have told me I was PART of the Burro Show. What and ruin the surprise?

I've given up on original ideas and decided to steal others' from now on as the scriptures foretold. (Got an email saying that if you want people to think you're insane, end every sentence with as the scriptures foretold. So I'm going to, as the scriptures foretold.)

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

At least one of you isn't going to hell.

There Is Hope by gabe_billings 4-10-01

Well would you look at this. Evil_d actually sent us a $5 pledge for our Diabetes fundraiser. Who would have thunk? We should do something nice for him. We'll update the list! Move him from 'to be killed' over into 'gets a fruitbasket'. Man. You've sure got it in for wirthling. But how in the hell are you going to train the penguins to do THAT?

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

All done. And my arms hurt now. The whole pledge thing turned out to be pretty stupid. I had about five people in my department pledge money. However, each of them was doing something charitable (March of Dime, etc.) so of course I had to pledge for them or else I would have been a shit.

So though I got about thirty dollars in pledged, I had to spend that much of my own cash for everyone elses charity. We all should have not wasted time getting pledges and just put in all the cash ourselves.

Anyhoo, it's over. And I'm not dead (much to wirthling's chagrin.)

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

It was not for naught. My wife and I are going to give a donation to a nationally-based diabetes organization. (My wife's sister has type 1 diabetes and doesn't live in northeast Ohio, so we thought a donation to a national organization made more sense.) Your swim was an inspiration to me to donate (and not just because I was imagining you in a speedo).

By the way, do you have a personal interest in diabetes?

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

quote:

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By the way, do you have a personal interest in diabetes?

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Oh momma.

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Yeah, your momma was there. And she was takin' pictures.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

My mother was diabetic. She checked out in 91. She suffered with lung cancer. She had one lung removed, and then they found a spot on the other one. What she died from, despite being a diabetic, and having had a lung removed after quitting smoking 21 years beforehand, was chemotherapy. If any medical arts practicioner brings chemotherapy into the picture for any reason, for whomever you may love, tell them to fuck off and spend the rest of your time within that person's days doing whatever you can for them while they still feel awake and alive. Any foray into chemotherapy is 93% fatal.

Rock on, then

bunner

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

In the late 80's my dad had multiple myloma, which is a type of blood cancer that works its way into the bones. With chemotherapy, he received a 90% chance to live. He tried the treatments for a short while, but found them too difficult and stopped them. Instead he put his faith in God. I still remember the visualization techniques he used to do: Jesus pulling the cancer cells towards Him and touching them to cure them. He never had more faith in anything in his life. He died in 1989.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Cancer is scary. Sometimes I wonder if it'd be better if we were back in the dark ages and there weren't snazzy doctors around to tell you things like "You've got two weeks to live".

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.