1:) You must include one instance of the WIGU Donkey, (or cow, or horsey, or whatever the fuck that is.)

2): You must include one instance of the Exploding Dog Stick Man thinking.

3): You must use the phrase: "I was young and pretty once" somewhere in the comic.

Rock on, then....

bunner

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Here's one:

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Comic Contest #26: Time, the Enemy of Beauty by NastyPope 4-25-01

Ya Know, I was young and pretty once. Men, even cathartic stick figures desired me, wanted me, and would sell their souls to be with me. Maybe if I don't look up she wont ask me for change. Now I have to blow pink mutant donkeys in Tiajuana just to make a buck. *WOOF*

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

CC26 - Hurtful Bitch. by DragonXero 4-25-01

I was young and pretty once. No you weren't. You've always been fugly. Well I sure as hell was funny when I was a kid. No, no you werent. TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOUR DONKEY! Go ahead. He's a hurtful bitch.

Let the unfunny commence.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

The title is from my finally going for sick humor. I don't know why it took me so long.

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=13372

Contest 26: I cave to peer pressure by NeoVid 4-25-01

It's good to be beautiful again. And I owe it all to one idea I had... I know I'd be safer not asking what that idea is... You see, I figured out how to get rid of my horribly disfiguring sexual diseases! ...I'm going to regret this... Gee, how? Don't you remember? I gave them all to you! I was young and pretty once...

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"Only things I approve of should exist." -some guy on the internet

CC26 - Wirthling's Dicklessness is Not This Comic's Topic by gabe_billings 4-25-01

Well Ed, we've had a good run, but I think our time together is just about through. Whaddya mean, Wilbur? You remember how you told me about how much you enjoyed the petting zoo, and how you'd like to be around children again? Sure, Wilbur. Those were the best times of my life. I was young and pretty once, and those little scamps sure did love me. Well after we run you through the glue factory, there'll be little tykes everywhere dying for a taste of Mr. Ed-Brand paste! If I go down, you're comin' with me, fucker.

PS - Wirthling sucks. I hope Idaho eats him.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Hrm, just imagine, some little kid with glasses will be eating Mr. Ed.

Hrm....
Gabe, you were a paste eater as a child, weren't you?

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

CC26: Senility by ObiJo 4-26-01

I used to be young and pretty. Really? Really what? You used to be young and pretty. Really? Really what?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=13477

CC26 - Little old ladies, little pink donkeys, whatever! by DexX 4-26-01

...and then Fred Astaire grabbed me, while Liberace played the piano and sang. We danced all night, and poor old Liberace had a terribly sore throat the next morning. All he could do was croak! zzzzzzzz- huh? Whu? Uuuuh... shit, is she still talking? Yes, you may not think it to look at me, but I was young and pretty once. Oh, I had some wild times. Uh, listen... urr, Miss... Pink Donkey. We've been stuck in this elevator for hours now. We have to get someone's attention! Oh, just relax dear, someone will be along shortly. Say, have I told you about the time that John F. Kennedy gatecrashed my birthday party. I found a pair of lady's underwear in his coat pocket... HEEELP!!! Help me please! For the love of God! HEEEEEELP!!!!

While I am certain this one will not win, due to the DexX Comic Contest Victory Condition Theorem[1], I would like to state for the record that I quite like it. :)

[1] This theorem postulates that the degree to which a context entrant likes his or her own entry is inversely proportionate to the likelihood of that entry winning. Hence, you can only win a contest if you think your entry sucks, and if you really like your effort, it will not even come close.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

quote:

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Hrm, just imagine, some little kid with glasses will be eating Mr. Ed.

Hrm....
Gabe, you were a paste eater as a child, weren't you?

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I swear I've had conversations like this:

Comic Contest 26: More Fun with One-Note Characters by Scyess 4-26-01

Mr. Oblivious meets the Non-Sequitur Donkey I don't know what the big deal about the "economy" is. *I* still have plenty of money. US currency is black and green, but other countries use different colors! Or do I? Maybe the money I have is the wrong color. Things that aren't in color are called black and white, even though there's also gray! Instant friends, their first conversation lasted for four days. Thankfully, you only have to read three panels of it. Wait a minute... where am I?? Gray dresses are pretty. I was young and pretty once... but never gray. Say, is that a jar of mustard?

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"Old" is the old new.

http://www.stripcreator.com/view.php?ID=13533

Comic Contest 26: And half the pasture, too by evil_d 4-26-01

*sob*... I was young and pretty once... and now look at me.... Ah... getting nostalgic for the glory days, eh? Well, I suppose we all have to get old sometime. Yes, but we don't all have to get turned into pink donkeys because our husbands thought it would be a good idea to fiddle around with ancient magicks. I swear, Belinda, the scroll said that changing you back into a human being would be the easy part. You nitwit. I want a divorce. And don't think for a second that you're getting custody of the foals. In retrospect, I wonder why turning you into a human being wasn't the first thing I tried....

According to the DCCVCT, this one's got a pretty poor chance as well. But then, I think all the entries so far have been good, so I guess there's no shame in losing to any of them.

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Unfortunately, here's this...

CC 26: All out of ideas... by wirthling 4-28-01

I was young and pretty once... You're still young and pretty to me, darlin'. Let's do it! Yeehaw! Don't you think that bit of dialog and the bestiality theme are a bit clichéd? By golly, post-modern irony gets me all hot and bothered like a spring filly in heat! Saddle up, baby! Hoooo-wheeee! Meanwhile, in the third panel of this comic strip... Wow. That was a horribly awkward segue... TOBOR KILLED CHARACTER WHO SAY PUNCHLINE FOR THIS COMIC! TOBOR VERY SORRY!

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

You magnificent bastard. It'd be so much easier to loathe you if you weren't so damn funny.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

DexX laughs until his stomach hurts.

Shit, looks like wirthling's won again. I'm still giggling. :)

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Having carefully read all o the posts in the "Has Anyone Not Done These" thread, I have had a profound religious, err, uh, thingy.... and I have decided that all contests are wrong.

Since I know that none of you would want a fellow comic stripper to violate their religious beliefs, I must declare all of your work as sinful, and I must remain the winner in perpetuity until Baaz returns in the holy helicopter with sunscreen for all of mankind.

bunner,

reading the news posts while drunk,

again

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Wow. You may really be on to something with your DCCVCT, DexX. I thought mine was lame.

On the other hand, maybe it really is lame and those of you who like it are just 'tards. Hmmm, maybe I'll call that theory the MIRILATOYWLIAJT theory...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Holy helicopter, batman! That's alot of suncreen!

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

quote:

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Wow. You may really be on to something with your DCCVCT, DexX. I thought mine was lame.

On the other hand, maybe it really is lame and those of you who like it are just 'tards. Hmmm, maybe I'll call that theory the MIRILATOYWLIAJT theory...

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Dang.... this is perplexing. I had already picked a winner, but everybody thinks that wirthling should win. If I don't pick wirthling's comic, everybody will say it's because I'm getting back at him for being a pissy, pedantic, smirking fuck.

hmmmm....

That's not true, though. The degree to which he sucks carries more than enough punishment for any such overwrought priggery that he might dish out.

hmmmm....

Ah, well. Piss on it. Nuke me. This is what you get for letting somebody who can't properly parse the more semantical aspects of a dichotmy, after doing two shows and closing the late night pub, win a comics contest.

The two runners up were -and no, there's no irony in this. Turn off that fucking Alanis Morisette CD-

....wirthling and gabe.

And the winner is:

Comic Contest 26: More Fun with One-Note Characters by Scyess 4-26-01

Mr. Oblivious meets the Non-Sequitur Donkey I don't know what the big deal about the "economy" is. *I* still have plenty of money. US currency is black and green, but other countries use different colors! Or do I? Maybe the money I have is the wrong color. Things that aren't in color are called black and white, even though there's also gray! Instant friends, their first conversation lasted for four days. Thankfully, you only have to read three panels of it. Wait a minute... where am I?? Gray dresses are pretty. I was young and pretty once... but never gray. Say, is that a jar of mustard?

This just rocked.

Take it away, Scyess.

(How do you pronounce that, btw?)

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I wanted my half in the middle and I wound up on the edge.

Good choice. I love nonsequiturs and are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Why yes, they are Bugle Boy jeans. Will you look at the size of that marmoset!

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Funny thing about that marmoset - my wife and I were discussing floral wallpaper just the other day.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I am so ashamed - I just looked up non sequitur in the dictionary to get a precise meaning, and realised when I found it that I should have known it all along. I am doing a BA with a double major in linguistics and philosophy, and I am tending toward logic and applied philosophy for the latter. A non sequitur is conclusion that does not follow from the premises of the argument, literally "it does not follow". For those who have done a bit of logic, it is either deductively invalid or inductively weak.

For example:
Premise 1 - I put an undamaged loaf of bread in the kitchen last night.
Premise 2 - This morning there is a hole in the bag and the bread has big holes ripped in it.
Premise 3 - There are small droppings on the kitchen floor.

Conclusion - Therefore my house has been broken into by a bread-vandal whose trademark calling-card is to scatter rodent droppings on the floor.

That's an inductive non sequitur - an extremely weak argument. A deductive non sequitur is pretty simple:

P1 - All dogs are mammals.
P2 - All poodles are dogs.
C - Therefore, I am the King of Spain.

There you go, a quick lesson in inductive and deductive logic.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I just deduced thatyou're on crack DexX! Was I close?? ;)I mean first the Impulse thing..now this ;)

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.