All comics by BillyBob

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by BillyBob
6-26-03
Sub-Way chat time!
How ya doin?
Now why is he askin? Here, I'm waiting for the sub-train and I don't feel like talkin ta somebody I don't even know.
Sub-Way chat time!
...................
Well dude, not real well becaue I know when the sub comes it'll be nice and and dirty and it makes even a guy like me sick.
Sub-Way chat time! It goes somwhere now!
I know the feeling. THAT'S WHY I TAKE THE SUB EVERY DAY!
Why you little sick Son of a....

 

by BillyBob
9-20-03
Back from the beach!
So, how was the beach? Any pretty gals there?
Oh yeah, there was plenty! The stay on the beach WAS INCREDIBLE!
The conversation is continued!
Really??? Tell Me more!
Well, of course there was the women, then there was the storm! It was stormin like NUTZ! Then there it was!
The truth is revealed!
What? ---- You mean the Carcharodon Megalodon??? ----- All RIGHT!!! That's so cool!
The strangest thing I have ever seen in a long time! A boat, I assume was around twenty feet long. It was BITTEN IN HALF! YES! The Megalodon still exists! ---- Yes sireebob! ---Your damn right it is!

 

by BillyBob
9-21-03
Halloween costume testing!
Hi
Who did you just kill? It better not have been sumbody I wanted to kill!!!
The kid talks back!
I.... I didn't kill nobody. I'm just practicing My act with My costume.
In that case.....
NOW HE IS FLEEING!!!!!
This guy is FOR REAL!!!!!
Say your prayers!!!

 

by BillyBob
9-25-03
What are you doing???
I'm getting you like I always do!
.........
..........
I'm not that duck. That's Donald Duck you go after!
Really? I'm not that bee so I'll go after you after all:)

 

by BillyBob
9-25-03
The aliens are invading girth, the green planet!
We will finally invade their planet!
We are now approaching their atmosphere!!!
That was fun!
Who's next???

 

by BillyBob
9-27-03
Oh now what?
I told you I didn't want to come to this place for a date.
But you said I could choose the place for us to go out and I did! You should be happy!?!?
Happy? How can I be happy? Its like I'm living in the age before man! You know, these rocks is just like you, hard headed!
Thanks, thanks a lot!
And here I wanted to go to the movies!

 

by BillyBob
9-28-03
Sometime late at night something happens!
I'm using a new technique to stop the evil such as you!
Why are you smiling, father?
May happiness and nothing but good enter your body from the heavens!
Well, usually I will just throw someone against the wall or rip your flesh off you puny body but...
OOOOHHHH NOOOO! Look at Me! I should have never read that damn book!
I'll do this for a change!

 

by BillyBob
9-29-03
I'm hungry, wanna go out for a burger?
Its late but why not?
Or maybe I'll just order a pizza?
Do that then!
Ah, ferget it, I'll just eat somethin here.
Women!

 

by BillyBob
9-30-03
He is working on something very hard!
Ok already!!!
Well come on!
His sister has been bugging him to come see something for about a half hour!
Yeah, what?
Now his hard work has been interrupted!
........!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ha ha, made ya get up!

 

by BillyBob
10-13-03
LIVE! from Costa La Feid California - Here is YOUR NEWZ with John Horrn & Wendy Shultz, the NEWZ you can get INTO!
A huge incident happened in the block of Unknown Sector Street! Joe Bob is there as We speak! Joe?
John, this incident is HUGE! We have ambulances and the Fire Dept. here. Police and the FBI are here as well! The officers aren't giving any details as of yet but I interviewed >
Several of the witnesses and they all say the same thing. It was like this wreck was suppose to happen as it looked planned. There is a large pile up behind Me and everybody is a bloody mess. >
The bodies were missing arms, legs & even the heads like they were severed with some sharp object! The folk here suspect that an extreme killer is on the loose! This is major! Oh no! They are right!

 

by BillyBob
10-19-03
His phone has been ringing all day!
RING-RING!!!!....RING-RING!!!!....RING-RING!!!!
Who in the sam-friggin heck is it now?
Walkin to his bud's place!
I've been getting these prank calls and hang ups today.
Oh, that would be Me! I have been bored all day and I decided to do something I thought I would never do, call everybody and hang up but I promised Myself you would be the last one I call about X10!

 

by BillyBob
10-22-03
One day after the alien invasion on Earth to destroy every living thing on the planet!
Shoot Me! Zap Me! Give it all ya got! You'll pay no matter what!
Hey green slime bag, you shouldn't have done that!

 

by BillyBob
10-23-03
A meeting of darkness took place! A meeting with some of the most gruesome and hideous creatures known to the world!
I'm sick and tired of My kind being sold at high prices and then just to be carved to die & rot! A change should happen like Pumpkins going trick or treating instead of the people! I'M LOSING MY TOP!!
Hey, psychos try to acomplish My mission like it was their idea!
You see skeletons all over during Halloween! I mean its ridiculously too much on the doors, the walls, its bad enough that there is billions in the cemeteries right now! I mean its gettin crowded!
Same thing here Skelli!
BUZZ... Skelli, Is all My kind gets is mutated in movies and swatted at! BUZZ...
It seems to Me that you fellas have major problems! Let Me fix'em for Ya's:)

 

by BillyBob
10-24-03
Big Brother thinks little Sister can't fight and take care of herself! He's in for it now!
So you think I'm just a little helpless girl! > Well honey, lets get rockin!
Yeah Sis, I do! Even if you know 10 martial art forms, your still a girl!<
What happened big brother? I just punched you didn't I?
Uh yeah and My damn jaw is aching! HOW DID YOU...
Do that? I did it like this!
OOOWWW! You kicked Me in the know what! You kicked Me in My you know what!!!!!

 

by BillyBob
10-28-03
On a perfect day for hunting, Kelmer Crudd, a veteran hunter is off to the hunt!
ssssshhhhh!!!!! Bea wvaery, wvaery quiet! Im hunting waild annemels!
OOOUUUU boy! A munkey! That wwill wook gweat on My fwooor!
Yum yum, GeorgeyBoy like yummy yellow thing called banna! Oh no! A two legged gunman called a homosapien! GeorgeyBoy no like that so GeorgeyBoy turn into clone!
WWHHHAAATTT!!!!???!!!
OOOUUUU, You pesky hunters make me sick! How do you feel like being the hunted now??

 

by BillyBob
11-17-03
Hank is at his home talking to himself to see if he can give himself a lesson about his next date with his girlfriend!
Now damn it! This date has to work out! I got this great girlfriend but nothing works out & She may want to go to strange places but she has her reasons and I may not get it but I should do it for her
and not myself! She likes most of the things I like so why shouldn't I do the same? Man I'm talking to myself about this and the same old thing will probably happen again. I hope we'll see tonight!
10 minutes later Hank just got off the phone with her and...
Everything is fine now but let's see if I can make the night a great one! I mean I could be a hero!

 

by BillyBob
11-17-03
Now, hours later, he took Alexandra to the ultimate Deep Sea Aquarium!
I hope you like this place! I mean you said you wanted to see the deep sea aquarium!
Yes, I told you I wanted to go to one with sharks! Does this facility have sharks?
The only type of sharks they have here are Sawfish and Skates!
No, Hammerhead Sharks? No Mako Sharks? No Blue Sharks? No Great White Sharks? I told you I wanted to see Sharks!
Alex, they just don't have them here and the sharks you want to see are dangerous! We drove an extra two hours to get here! I thought this would be great for you!
The place is great but I wanted to see those sharks! Hank, let's rent that big boat and go on the ocean and see them? You said you would take me!

 

by BillyBob
12-02-03
One day in New York!
Oh My gosh! Your such an incredible person! I love you!
.......................
Really? I don't know who the heck you are son but...
No, oh so sorry, I was talking to Myself!
What kind of nut is this guy?

 

by BillyBob
12-04-03
One night in Las Vegas, Brad & Chad Pittman are going to a huge Boxing event!
Boy, you look good Brad! I'm glad because we got a big night tonight!
I know Chad! Tonight is the night that's gonna rock!
Why's that Brad?
Because I'm with you and you are like Me and I'm like you!
Well Brad, we better get going here if we wanna be in time for the big PPV fight!
Brother, we got plenty of time! Besides, We both know the way and I drive fast so we'll be there in no time! The thing I'm worried about is you running in the ring like before and getting arrested!

 

by BillyBob
12-08-03
Sam is really hungry today so he bought himself some nice sandwiches. Little did he know he was on a food craze!
Awe cool! If I eat this piece it'll complete the fifth sandwich I've eaten today!
Uh, maybe I shouldn't have eaten that last piece I mean it was the last one I had but I didn't want it to go to waste! Maybe this yummy beer will make My belly feel better!
BURP!!! Man was I wrong! ECKK!

 

by BillyBob
12-09-03
One fine day a police officer is doing his job!
What's the problem officer?
Well, the new problem is that you go out of the car and didn't wait for Me to write up your ticket!
New problem? Hey I was doing 40 down this street and that sign said 40 so what's the problem? What did I do wrong?
yeah, You hit the sign and not to mention drinving on the sidewalk so...
So what? It was just a pole with a metal sign with some rinky dink numbers! I don't give a rat's @$$ about no friggin sign!
Okay tuff guy, this ticket is now triple plus you have the right to remain silent!

 

by BillyBob
12-10-03
Here is something that nobody knew for years until now!
Hey folk! Do you folk know Glob was original choice be in classic Nintendo cartridge "A Boy and His Blob"?
It true folk! It sad folk that you very own Glob not in game:(
So Glob show stuff to heads and they will put Glob in new video game systems or people be punished!

 

by BillyBob
12-17-03
These two buddies, Jason and Jack have been telling jokes to each other for an hour or so!
Do you know what a Democrackhead, Republcitystuntman, and a Predestrian is?
I have absolutely no idea on that one Jack!
A Democrackhead is former salesman who sold video games nobody wanted and got cracked on the head! A Republicitystuntman is a guy who does stunts nobody wanted to watch and a Predestrian is somebody
Who is always lookin for some serious $%#@ that you gotta watch out for on the street or heck even on your sidewalk you gotta look out for these lousy SOBs!
Gee Jason, I thought we were telling jokes? Was that a joke or some advise?

 

by BillyBob
12-19-03
Meet Captain Owllo! The world's man-hater founder!
I, Captain Owllo will have justice soon! Soon My friends you will have revenge on the homo-sapiens that despise you! Any of you fair fellows have any words to say to your Captain?
Uh, I really don't know what to say sir except I miss My kumonka leaves on My island!
Mr. Captain Owllo, Me what to bite man and make man bleed much!
Chubbs, I agree a wee bit but ol Grayhammer want to bite man but also make man suffer while he thinks about either he wants to live or die immediately! I want man to think about what he has done!
I say screw man. He has done so much and his time will come! Anyway cig is better and I want to enjoy this cig!
I'm mad! I want to bite humans very bad! Just think of the ooh, shall we say, gory details?!

 

by BillyBob
1-05-04
When these two buddies were telling jokes it wasn't quite clear what happened that night!
It was a joke of course and why did you call Me Jason, Jason?
Because, your bald and big!
Yeah but this still doesn't make sense to Me!
Wait a sec, I'll be back in a minute!
...........................................................
Now do you get it?

 

by BillyBob
1-06-04
BEEP! CHEEP! I taught I taw a mutt! I did! I did! I taw Mista Mutt! Hey Mista Mutt, what you doin?
Da, jus chewin dis stinkin bone & Me gettin tired of chewin dis stinkin bone too!
BEEP! CHEEP! Mista Mutt, what ya plan doin bout dis fiasco?
Da, Me been thinkin of somethin else to chew on instead of dat crummy bone! Fact is little birdie Me show it now!
Daaa, Me like da meaty part but dem feathers are just bad but dis is lot better dan dat yucky bone Me been chewin for ages!

 

by BillyBob
1-13-04
Hey man, I haven't seen ya in a long time and I'm glad I got to see ya cuz your former supervisor and I saw each other last week!
Oh really! What did the old fart have to say?
Uh..well... He was tellin Me how proud he was of you that day but then he told how you would cheat at your work and he is still very disappointed in you cuz of this!
I can't believe that old fart would tell you this but I know you and you never lie!
Yeah your right about that and quite frankly I am very displeased with you as of this moment also!
.................................

 

by BillyBob
1-20-04
In some space station some decades (or generations) from the present time!
Ahh, am I glad we don't have to wear space suits and the like! Man finally used his head right in his life!
DUDE, U WANT 2 C A MEAN ROBOT IMPERSONATION?
Sure!
STAY WHERE U R.... DON'T MOVE OR YOU WILL BE TERMINATED!
Its official, YOU SUCK!!!

 

by BillyBob
1-26-04
Hey people! Smart men like I do not believe in strange things like Bigfoot, Nessie, alien abductions, and hauntings so we always give a logical explanation for these things.
Well, how do you explain seeing aliens, giant Moas, the beast of Gévaudan, the Grim Reaper and more just barging in My lab? The only thing it could possibly be is I AM DUMB!!!

 

by BillyBob
1-30-04
Hiya Ben, You gotta see My costume plus I got a great gimmick so the people will give Me more candy!
Come on in! This IS My house! So what's your gimmick?
Say no to drugs, alcohol, war, cursing, and women! What? What's wrong Ben?
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Robby, I think your @$$ better call sum body!!!

 

by BillyBob
3-04-04
SCREECHH! BEEEEP! TWEEET! HAAAWWW! SCREECHH!
Dang it! That bird has been screeching all night long and now I'm finally going to show him how to close that beak!
Hey Mr. Tweet Tweet, why don't you be quiet for a....
WHY DON' YOU PUT SOME PANTS ON AND ACT NORMAL!

 

by BillyBob
4-05-04
Hank and Alexandra are back at the motel from an incredible adventure?
Hank, I could have gotten a great look at those neat sharks but you stopped Me! I can't do nothin!
Alex baby, how many times do I have to tell you that your good look could have gotten us both killed!
Yeah but it was so cool to be in the same water with that daddy shark! You know I like us to do the extreme!
Yes I know and yet your extreme ways maybe insane. There is no way I can say no to you!
It's settled then! Let's get rested up tonite and tomorrow we'll go on that sky diving plane!
OH BROTHER!!!!!

 

by BillyBob
4-12-04
Man I am really fed up with them hunters hunting us poor little innocent bunnies!
Same thing goes for the kids of today! Most don't even hunt for Easter eggs any more! What a shame!
Funny thing is, I really don't give a hare's behind!

 

by BillyBob
4-20-04
A long time ago when the age was bold, there was a King who met the chosen one that came in from the cold!
What's the hub bub mighty Might?
Your majesty, the chosen warrior has arrived!
That's fabulous! Show him in!
Yes your royal Majesty!
You are the chosen one?!!? How can this be? The warrior I chose was from Lebaskon and wore the finest clothes. Where did you come from and what is the black for?
Urr festas ga de van sendenrer hite bokop gleem aaaa.... petid dok eh!

 

by BillyBob
4-21-04
Out late at night, a woman is threatened by a killer!
Ah man I'm gonna enjoy slicing you up to ribbions but first I'm gonna...
Your gonna what? Oh no! Your not gonna get Me My cake I wanted?
Your what?
My cake! I had it special made just for Me! If you and your dull lookin blade don't go and get it for Me right now I'm just gonna have to call Mr. Colt Scope!
Mr. who? Seriously lady you must be jokin???
No I'm not and infact Mr. Colt just paged Me and if your wondering who he is, he is a custom .45 just for sumbody like you!

 

by BillyBob
5-28-04
Ok bull, do your stuff!
Like heck with this! I'm gonna go to a different arena.
WHAT!!! YOU SPEAK???? HOW can you....
Hey look El Doro, your not fit for this and neither am I and like you never heard an animal speak!
Hey Bull $h!!!er, I'm NOT an animal....
Well, in that case I'm just gonna have to shove these horns up your @$$!

 

by BillyBob
6-30-04
Ah, that's fine.
Okay!
Oh, I got some good news!
Ah man, tell Me Your thingamajig now works?
Nope, I saved 50% by subscribing to Ultimate Horror Magazine!
.........

 

by BillyBob
7-14-04
During a commercial break John Horrn & Wendy Shultz have a moment to their selves!
I know this isn't the time to say this but I really like you!
You do!? Well, I have always thought that you did!
Why? OH NO!!! What I said just got on the air!!!
Yeah I know Bert's fart really stinks!
She just realized what he meant but she had to leave cause she couldn't stop laughing!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

 

by BillyBob
8-26-04
You know My neighbor that I always talk to you about?
Yeah.
Well, I just found out that her place is filthy! She never washes the dishes and she never takes a bath.
No $h!t!
Don't go there!

 

by BillyBob
9-27-04
LIVE! from Costa La Feid California - Here is YOUR NEWZ with John Horrn & Wendy Shultz, the NEWZ you can get INTO!
The 4 year old boy found left wondering on 89 was nearly 5 feet tall, nearly 100 lbs, & when highway patrol rescued him he told all they wanted to know including they should have arrived faster!
A big mystery!
A man reported seeing a strange flying object in the sky, scientist still have no clue what he saw.
As reported from last week, the victims names in the massive killing are now released from officials!
Here are the names of the mutilated victims: Jonn Slashenburger, Carlos Dimoit, Tiff Raff, Ivaninston Jerkowitz, & Freddy Bumpins. The killer IS STILL AT LARGE!

 

by BillyBob
10-29-04
Happy Halloween!
Hah! After carving us....
NOT!

 

by BillyBob
11-28-04
If a Baseball player can hit 70 home runs...
If a jury can convict a killer guilty....
If a soldier can be a hero then..... Ah heck with it! You know the rest!

 

by BillyBob
12-31-04
Alex, I was thinking of us going on a vacation.
Really!
Yep babe, where would ya like go?
You know Hankie, there are many awesome places I wanted to go! Let's go to The Land Down Under!
Not again!
It so wonderful to have such a great man like you! Now I'll finally get to see those awesome Crocodiles!

 

by BillyBob
1-27-05
Here is something else that nobody knew for years!
Doggone it! I still can't believe that Nintendo hasn't chosen the original Boo! ghost!
It seems like decades of waiting for the call up but I guess the imitators are better than the originals then.
If that's the way it's gonna be then booie on them!

 

by BillyBob
2-28-05
On a usual day, a phone rings constantly, awaiting to be picked for the tenth time.
RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!!
Darn it!!! I'm comin!!! I'm Comin!
RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!! RING!!!
Ah blast it!
A moment later...
Well what da ya know? It was somebody I didn't know!

 

by BillyBob
3-20-05
You know what squirrel?
People said the comedy show was hilarious last night.
Earlier today I belched for over two minutes! Now THAT was HILARIOUS!

 

by BillyBob
4-07-05
How may I help you sir?
I'd like that 10 oz. bottle of Vodka.
Uuugghhhh, guess what?
What?
Your to young to drink that and its illegal to drink at your age so wait a few years and come back then! Bah-bye!

 

by BillyBob
5-23-05
Oh No! Not you again!
What's the problem Me coming by?
Your really fishy and I don't want you around here!
Well then it looks like your gonna have company!
Nice Sharky Sharky!
Hah hah hah haaaah!

 

by BillyBob
6-25-05
S.O.B.! Damn it!
S.O.B.? Why he'd say dat?
Probably because he went through the same thing I am!

 

by BillyBob
7-09-05
You know, last week I had a conversation on the phone with one of My friends. I say it was an estimated thirty minutes.
It was really a boring time on the phone and I told that to one of My other friends.
And he said well, at least you got wasted in a different way!

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