All comics by DJVicarious

Profile

 

by DJVicarious
9-14-07
Hello! I'm television personality and author Rosie O' Donnell!
You need to die. Right now.

 

by DJVicarious
9-14-07
You know, Butch... Flowers are NOT the way to win a woman's heart.
Really? Then what would be the way to... "win" her heart?
Well, legends always talk about a woman falling in love with a man after being struck by Cupid's arrow...
So... why exactly do you have a butcher's knife?
Well, heh, the funny thing is... And I know how bad this looks, sweetie...

 

by DJVicarious
9-14-07
Everyone who lives in Asia has a pirate's accent and likes NASCAR
Yar... I, uh. I like Jeff Gordon, I guess, matey...
Yo-ho-ho... Final lap. We can all go home.
Jesus drinks beer and says whoooo-wheeee!!!
No. No way.
Whooo-wheee. C'mawn Jeeezis!!!
Even your cousin has a "nice rack."
Just stop reading this. Please.
There's another race after this. Just run while you have the chance.

 

by DJVicarious
9-14-07
So, what do you have?
Well, since you ask, I have the finest shit in the land... The fucking land, dude.
Sounds major. Oh, shit.
Yeah, it's major. I've got all the nicest things you need.
Mork and Mindy season One for you, sir.
Oh, never mind.

 

by DJVicarious
9-17-07
So, why exactly did you call me?
Well, Mel, I need a favor.
And what would that be?
Well, Mel... do you know what "treats" are?
Okay, so I just grab that sink, bend over and then what?
Well, sweetie, I think you're gawn hafta leave all that mess to me, now.

 

by DJVicarious
9-17-07
So, why did you call me and conduct this search?
I think you know why. I also think you have crack cocaine.
Now, you're just drawing stereotypes.
Pffffft, no I'm not. Ask Ahmed from Marketing.
Sir, just remove your shoes, shirt pants and turban.
Somehow I don't think this search is exactly random.

 

by DJVicarious
9-17-07
I am an Asian girl.
I too am an Asian girl!
I am an Asian girl.
I too am an Asian girl!
I am an Asian girl.
You'er pushing it, pal.

 

by DJVicarious
9-17-07
I'm so sick of all of the wierd complaints about the fire hazards in this building.
Right? I mean, what the hell? The signs are everywhere. We run drills every week or so.
But that fire saftey awareness day was a big success.
Definitely
Oh, dude. That wierd fairy bird is totally nailing that other wierd fairy bidr.
Boss, I am so fucking hungry. I don't like fire safety very much.

 

by DJVicarious
9-19-07
So, the wife's been pretty jumpy at the sound of your name, Chen. Anything you want to tell me?
Well, I slept with her. Lots of times. In fact, three times this morning.
I see.
But you're still a peaceful Buddhist, right?
What the hell happened to you?

 

by DJVicarious
9-19-07
Are you ready for this, baby?
Oh, my God, I have been waiting so long for this.
Then let's do this.
Oh, yeah. You start it off, sexy.
Dad, I saw two people in the basement playing Dungeons and Dragons. One of them was naked.
Oh, God. Why does this happen every fucking "Bring-Your-Kid-To-Work" day?

 

by DJVicarious
9-19-07
What are you doing?
I'm thinking about copying my buttcheeks onto a whole reem of paper.
That's pretty lame.
Well, then what do you recommend, Beekman?
What the fuck is that?
There's a smushed up penis on every sheet of paper in this dump.

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
So I hear you're on the South Beach diet.
Yeah.
So how does Florida taste?

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
So, I had a great time tonight.
Yeah, me too.
Do you want to come inside for some coffee?
No thanks. Coffee makes me crap.

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
So, I had a great time tonight.
Yeah, me too.
Do you want to come inside for some coffee?
Well...
I'd love to! Coffee makes me crap!

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
Wait, is this the line for Halo 3? Or is this a fucking ruse?

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
Okay, seriously. Either everyone in front of me is a Transformer, or this isn't the line for Halo 3. And what the hell is up with this fish dude?

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
Oh, wow! Halo 3!
It's so cool, right?
Oh, cool!
It's so cool in these previews!
Oh goddammit, fish boy, I can't see them enjoying Halo 3. I hope you choke on seaweed once you get home.

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
Halo 3 is so great!
Yeah! I finally got it!
I wonder if I could get your Gamertag...
Sure!
Isn't Halo 3 the best?
"Halo 3. Experience your favorite Bungie game like never before as you save the world again as everyone's favorite angel..." What the fuck?

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07
Somehow, I don't know how you can just wake up and become psychic.
I have.
Then prove it.
Ben, I'd like you to take a walk with me to our office basement.
My psychic powers tell me now that those two weren't imitating wrestling.
Is his hand supposed to be that far up there?

 

by DJVicarious
9-24-07

 

by DJVicarious
9-25-07
Yo, I'm telling you. I woke up this morning and I had these amazing powers.
Yeah? Let's see them.
I just don't know what they are, yet and how to control them.
Ha! See? You must be a fluke!
Well, I know I have powers. I was just hoping that you'd be more supportive...
What the fuck?

 

by DJVicarious
9-25-07
So, my grandmother is dead?
Yes, son. I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?
No. I'm fine. I just wish she wouldn't have died in such a demeanor...
I'm sure she--
Gramma...
Aaaauuuugghhh!!!

 

by DJVicarious
10-01-07
The other day, I happened to stumble in on John in accounting doing something he wasn't supposed to.
And what was that?
Well?

 

by DJVicarious
10-01-07
So, it's casual Friday today?
Yeah, guess so.
You didn't dress casually.
Neither did you. Who's that guy?
Oh, him. Nobody talks to HIM.

 

by DJVicarious
10-01-07
The boss is really happy about how our product is attracting all this new revenue.
Yeah. He says a couple bought half our stores of the stuff and just went on their way.
What does the "ST" in ST Research mean?
Sex toy.

 

by DJVicarious
10-05-07
Most people associate our characters as being homosexuals.
For the simple fact that you can't see what our hands are doing below the screen.
One might look at us and say... Uh...
You know, "hey, grabbing the person's rear end in front of you isn't cool." But that's not what we're doing?
"One! Two! Three! Four! I declare a thumb war!"

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