All comics by DaveMonkey

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by DaveMonkey
1-29-02
"Sometimes a thought hits you..."
"...A thought of such awesome simplicity, that you cannot fathom how you never thought of it before..."
"...Like how am I managing to perch comfortably on only half a bench?"
Son, I'm gonna have to ask you to quit fuckin' with the laws of nature.

 

by DaveMonkey
1-29-02
Dave, do you mind if I ask you a question?
Sure, Sminky. Go ahead.
Given that God is infinite, and therefore the universe is infinite...
Ye-es?
THE MORAL: Diddle everyone else's relatives, but not your own.
Do you mind if I bang your sister?
Why not? I already scuttled your mother, so it evens out.

 

by DaveMonkey
1-29-02
"No fuckin' way."
"Fuckin' way."
"You serious?"
"Bible fuckin' truth, Dave"
"When stuck for funny ideas, writers make up for it by SWEARING!?!"
"You fuckin' bet your sweet pucker-hole, knob-jockey!"

 

by DaveMonkey
1-29-02
"Hi! I'm Megatron!"
"I knew I shoulda taken my medication ..."
"No, Really! Look, watch me laugh like a loon. BWAHAHAHAAA!!! You're not looking. Look!

 

by DaveMonkey
1-29-02
"You're Gabe from Penny Arcade, aren't you?"
"I think you might be confusing me with someone else..."
"Oh, come off it! You're the crazy one who tries to fuck things, right?"
"Actually, I think you might have the right person after all..."
"Guys!! Come see Gabe go mental and play games n' shit! It's the funniest thing!"

 

by DaveMonkey
1-30-02
"I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. I'm not Gabe. My name's Dave and you're in my house. Get out."
"Come on! Do it. Go on!"
"*sigh* John Romero. Playstation 2 sucks ass. I’m gonna go kill something."
"Ha ha! That’s some funny shit! How’d you keep it so fresh?"

 

by DaveMonkey
1-30-02
"Whatchoo doing?"
"I’m playing on my old Amiga. I had to drag it down from the attic."
"But you don’t play games."
"Ordinarily I don’t, but I’m being mistaken for some gamer called ‘Gabe’. Gotta be keepin’ up appearances if I want to maintain some sort of recognition."
"You’re a constant reminder of why I’m on pills."
"I’ve forgotten how to turn it on, but I’m hoping no one’s noticed."

 

by DaveMonkey
1-30-02
"I decided to go for an image change to stop comparisons being drawn between this ‘Gabe’ and me."
"I have reservations, but go for it."
"Here goes… Hhhnnn…"
"Fuckin’ hell."
"It’s an improvement, but it ain’t you."

 

by DaveMonkey
1-31-02
"I’ll settle for my usual look. It’ll be a drag to be forever recognised as someone else, but I’ll be all right."
"Hey Gabe! Make a humorous observation about the X-Box, ya cock-smoker!"
"I wonder if I can get a transfer to Sinfest or something…"
"Don’t make me come over there…"

 

by DaveMonkey
1-31-02
"So... You claim to be Megatron, hm? Just what evil schemes have you got planned?"
"Well, today I'm going to cause mayhem by crossing a road only yards from a pedestrian crossing."
"I think I hear a bar calling to me......"
"...and old ladies! I'm gonna push over some old ladies too!"

 

by DaveMonkey
1-31-02
"She's a maniac, MAANIAC on the flo-or..."
"And she's dancin' like she's never danced bef..."
"*AHEM!* KNEEL HUMAN, BOW BEFORE THE MIGHT OF MEGATRON!!!"
"You're fooling no-one."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-04-02
"Trish is out of the house... "
"Hot sexy Trish has left the house..."
"Hot sexy Trish with her sexy bitchness has left the house..."
"...and also her underwear drawer unguarded..."
"Trish sense... tingling..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-05-02
"You've been going through my underwear haven't you?"
"Not at all, and if you keep saying so, I'll have to have your legs broken."
"Then why are you in my bedroom?"
"I happen to be looking for Sminky. have you seen him lately?"
"...Whilst wearing my pink crotchless?"
"These are mine. It's a comfort thing."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-13-02
"Trish! Staring competition... Go!"
To be Continued...

 

by DaveMonkey
2-13-02
You join us just as the excitment grows at Dave's house...
Truly these wo athletes have honed their staring prowess to physical perfection as the two combatants go into the early hours of the morning...
One wonders what goes through their mind at a time like this?
"I'm hungry."
"I haven't had sex in a reeeaally long time..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-13-02
The tension mounts as you join us once again at Dave's house...
Apart from the spelling mistake on panel two of the last strip, this commentator has never seen such perfection and dedication in a staring competition before...
OOOH!!! The pink sock puppet almost got past her defences, there. Mr. Sminky is definitely getting the upper hand here...
"Stop pinching my leg!"

 

by DaveMonkey
2-13-02
We have a Winnah!!!
"Git."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-14-02
"Trish? Trish, wake up. I know we're friends and all, but this is gonna be one Valentine's day you'll never forget..."
"Hmmm?"
*Click!*
*Click*
"Aw shit..."
"Be gentle with me..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-20-02
"Remember kids, true love can exist with everyone. We're not limiting love between man and woman here. It could be between two guys or two girls..."
"...Or a girl and her dog..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-22-02
Raiders of the Lost Fart
"Hi. I am DaveMonkey Jones, and I'm searching for the Fart of the Covenant. I'd crack my whip, but I haven't got one..."
"...And I am random female lead #1. I will aid you in your quest, and also provide a little poon-tang if required..."
*FART!*
"When you said you'd help me, you weren't kidding..."
"Looks like I found it!"

 

by DaveMonkey
2-22-02
DaveMonkey Jone and the Temple of Poon.
"Here I am in the Dreaded Temple, searching for Poon..."
"Hello, I am random female lead #2. As opposed to the last female lead, I will hinder your quest. Providing Poon-tang when needed..."
"Fuck me, that was quick."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-22-02
DaveMonkey Jones and the Daft Crusade
"I am now looking for the Holy Grail, which may lead to capture, torture, and eventual hot Nazi sex. I never seem to learn, do I?"
"I am your Dad. Being different from the female leads, I help you by causing hilarious accident to happen... to you."
"Wanna go for a coffee instead, Dad?"
"Yeah, fuck it. We never get to keep the thing, anyway."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-25-02
"What?"

 

by DaveMonkey
2-25-02
"That last strip was shockingly crap-tacular..."
"I know, but I've always wanted to try it. Seeing as it's been on my mind for some time, I thought I'd give it a shot."
"Well, what are you going to do about it?"
"Well, I thought I would be able to rim you, whilst singing the national anthem."
"That's your solution to everything."
"It's good for what ails you."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-27-02
DaveMonkey goes out for a walk...
"Something for the weekend, sir?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Your ladyfriend over there, sir. Is she a goer? Is she up for it? eh, sir? Is she a mad donkey-fucker sir. Is she?"
3 Hours Later...
"...Likes girl on girl, does she? S & M, eh? Love a bit of the old golden shower? Take it up the Tradesmans? etc etc..."
"Allah kill me..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-27-02
DaveMonkey waits for his Train
"Trains, eh? You wait all day for them and it's all delays, delays, delays..."
"Please let go of my hand..."
"If I'm jumping, I'm taking him with me ..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-27-02
This Week: Stand-Up Comedian on the Titanic.
"Any fish in tonight?"
"I'll give it a couple of minutes..."

 

by DaveMonkey
2-27-02
This Week: Superhero!
"Uh-oh, the orphanage is burning down!"
"Oh no! You must go and save them!"
"Now to change into my alter-ego. Sick-o-Boy!!"
"Hurry, Dave! They're starting to burn!"
10 Minutes later...
"Fucking Zip! Why do they have to be skin tight?!?"
"They're going a sort of crispy brown, now..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-01-02
"By day, ordinary man on the street... By night, superhero supreme... I'm an enigma... A man of shadow... I'm..."
"SICK-O-BOY!!"
"To know me is to fear me, villains of the night!!"
"Dave, I think you need help ..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-01-02
"Dude, you know you're black and white, right?"
"This has been pointed out to me on several occasions, yes."
"Were you in 'Clerks' or something?"
"'Raging Bull', Actually. Third crowd member on the right. I never saw a penny off royalties..."
"So what, you're getting a part in the new Matrix movie?"
"Oh, don't I wish. I fall down slowly and get shot at on a regular basis, but do I get paid for the privelage? Do I fuck..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-01-02
"Sick-O-Boy Is here! When I'm on the prowl, all wrongdoing will be met with extreme punishment!!!"
"Have you seen any wrongdoing, miss?"
"I think this shit just kicked in..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-01-02
"Ah-ha! A mortal comes to challenge the might of Megatron! Face me and perish, human!"
"Sick-O-Boy would rather go home and eat Cheez-Its, if it's all the same with you..."
"No, come on! We can fight and everything... Look! I brought along a baseball bat!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-01-02
DaveMonkey's Tribute to Spike Milligan.
"I heard my Captain call me, I heard my Captain call..."
"You deaded me, you rotten swine!!!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-04-02
*DING DONG!!*
"Sick-O-Boy is busy trying to liberate a woman from the evil confines of her clothes. Please come back later."
"But..."
*SLAM!!*
"What I wouldn't give for a different religion...""

 

by DaveMonkey
3-04-02
*DING DONG!!*
"Just a minute!"
"Yes?"
"Is it important? I'm baking brownies..."
"Please God, don't tell me a pink sock puppet just answered the door..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-04-02
"Go on. Ask me anything at all about God."
"Okay, then: If God created the planet and the universe around Adam and Eve time, how come Dinosaur remains predate the history of the Bible?"
"Look! A duck! Look at the duck!"
"You don't know, do you?"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-04-02
"Ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong yiddle aye po... Ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong yiddle aye po..."
"Ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong yiddle aye po... Ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong yiddle aye po..."
"I don't care what you say, we're not getting rid of him..."
"He's freaking me out!!!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-05-02
"I went to see the Pope in Rome, and this is what he said..."
"WORSHIP SATAN! WORSHIP SATAN!! YOU'LL ALL DROWN IN YOUR OWN VOMIT, DRONES OF GOD! WORSHIP SATAN!!!"
"I did not see that. I did not see that. I did not...
"La-la la la la laaaa la..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-06-02
"Now listen, pooch-in-pants. I've had complaints from Trish and Sminky that you are a dog from the nether regions of hell..."
"...And not a circus pup, which your previous owner claimed you were. What do you have to say for yourself?"
"Woof?"
"Don't try to confuse me with your buzz-words and mumbo-jumbo, doggie."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-06-02
"Well?"
"I told him straight. I said 'Naughty boy. Don't let me catch you being evil again!' and that was that."
"Considering how well you deal with people on a regular basis, I'd say this was the least effective method you've used."
"So you say. When I said that, he put his tail between his legs and whimpered."
"You do know the tag on his collar say's 'If lost, please return to Hades', right?"
"...I mean, he grew horns and spat flaming hairballs at me, but I thought that was part of his act..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-07-02
"Okay, Pooch-In-Pants. Time to go for a walk out into the woods..."
"I'll just get my shotgun, and we'll be on our - URK!"
"YOU ARE UNDER LUCIFER'S CONTROL, NOW. SHINCTER-MONKEY!!!"
"Are you okay, Dave? You look more attentive than usual..."
"Must... Get... Bones for... Master..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-07-02
"what are we going to do about that Dog?"
"I have a plan..."
"You do?"
"This looks like a job for Sick-O-Boy!!!"
"I'm gonna need years of therapy for this..."
"DAN-DAN DAAAAAA!!!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-08-02
"Ah-Ha! At last we meet. Reveal yourself to Sick-O-Boy and taste defeat, hellspawn!"
"VERY WELL. SEE MY TRUE FORM, MORTAL!!"
"Sick-O-Boy needs to go home and change his underwear..."
"MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-14-02
"Don Cornholioni, I come to you on bended knee. A spawn of the the devil has infested my house..."
"... And has beaten the superhero Sick-O-Boy to a pulp. I need your help in this, my darkest hour. Can you aid me in ridding me of this beast?"
"No! Hahahahahahaaa!!!"
"My life is at a new low..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-14-02
"Well, looks like we need help..."
"Correct. This demon thing has gotten way out of hand. We need action!"
"How?"
"I just don't - ACK!!"
"Things have taken a turn for the worse..."
"I am... the Ele-Mental!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-14-02
"Who are you?"
"As I have said before, I am the Ele-Mental. The force of God almighty."
"God?"
"Indeed. Wherever Satan sends his minions, there shall I be."
"If that's the case, how do you explain the Backstreet Boy's continued existence?"
"We're working on that..."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-18-02
"Wait a minute. Aren't you...
"The Ele-Mental, yes."
"Then you'll know I'm..."
"... A Jehova's witness. Nice try, but people aren't going to be badgered into religion."
"Do you know..."
"...Behind the dresser. If I were you, I'd stop it before I went blind."

 

by DaveMonkey
3-18-02
"Nether Demon!"
"The Ele-Mental!"
"I order you to return to whence you came from, and desist all supernatural activities forthwith."
"No Dice, God's glove-puppet!"
"I'll tell everyone about your NAMBLA Membership..."
"Hah! Do your worst! Me and Michael Jackson are like that!"

 

by DaveMonkey
3-18-02
"Return to Hell, Nut-juice of Satan!"
"Not a chance!"
"SIMON SAYS Return to Hell, Nut-juice of Satan!"
"That's better..."

 

by DaveMonkey
5-01-02
" Greetings! Many of you (if any) may have realised it's been a while since I made a strip. Due to supreme lack of interest, the current storyline has been scrapped..."
"Thanks..."

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