All comics by DocBrain

Profile

 

by DocBrain
7-26-06
Hi. I'm DocBrain. I know everything!
Wow, man! That's cool!
Ask me anything!
How did you get to be so modest?
Hmmm
What a blowhard!

 

by DocBrain
7-26-06
War is the worst thing there is. It is man's inhumanity to man!
I think that a bad peace is worse than a good war.
Why, you right wing nut, come over here and say that. I'll beat some sense into you!
Chill Doc!
Don't tell me what to do, you young punk! I'll smack you silly!
Hey, Doc. Give peace a chance.

 

by DocBrain
7-26-06
Global warming!! Global warming!! We are all going to die!!!
God hands out one death per customer.
We will burn up. It is already too late!
Not if we set off a few H bombs and get a nuclear winter.
Radiation poisoning!!
Genetic engineering..

 

by DocBrain
7-27-06
Muslim extremists were the cause of the 9-11 attacks.
Not really. It was the 50 years of US policy in the Middle East.
Which itself was caused by the Arab reaction to Israel.
Which was due to Zionists trying to form their own country.
Which was due to countries like the US not welcoming large numbers of Jewish immigrants after WWII
Why should we? Great Britain had given them land in the Middle East to settle in. Who could object to that?

 

by DocBrain
7-27-06
God does not exist.
How do you know?
There is no scientific proof of God's existence.
How do you know?
Well, I don't know for sure, since I don't know every scientific fact, but I believe it to be true.
Belief is a good thing.

 

by DocBrain
7-27-06
The President is an idiot.
Didn't he graduate from Yale?
He says dumb things.
Don't we all?
9-11, Katrina, Iraq, and tsunamis, all on his watch!
And not one intern to help him.

 

by DocBrain
7-27-06
The average Arab on the street hates Israel because it has won all its wars in the Middle East.
And if it lost even one, it would no longer exist.
If it would lose just this one, all the Arab countries would be happy and perhaps they would look more kindly on us.
So, the Israelis should lose one for us?
Precisely!
In the interest of world peace, perhaps we could also get South Korea to take a nuke for the gipper?

 

by DocBrain
7-29-06
We are crushing you Israelis! Soon, you will lie defeated like dogs at our feet!
It is our finest wish that all of you will die!
Psst: We are ready for a cease fire!

 

by DocBrain
7-30-06
We have sent our suicide bombers to kill your children.
We have tricked your artillery into killing our children.
And we STILL have the UN and world public opinion on our side! Is this a great world or what?

 

by DocBrain
7-31-06
Tug, the hospital robot
I am TUG. Move out of my way. I must deliver a package to the pharmacy.
How cute! The hospital robot can talk.
Arming onboard laser...
Ha Ha Ha! The programmer really had a sense of humor. Haven't you heard of the first law of robotics?
First Law: Reduce health care costs by eliminating unnecessary health care providers.

 

by DocBrain
8-01-06
We oppose Israel because it displaced people and formed a nation where there was none before.
Yes, a politically organized group of people under one government.
We support Hezbollah because it displaced people and formed a nation where there was none before.
Huh? What's the difference?
Hezbollah is Arab in religion and in heritage. We support our own and oppose those different from ourselves. Our minds on this issue are closed.
Sort of like Al Gore's lock box?

 

by DocBrain
8-01-06
We Arabs are very mindful of history. We are also religious. We try to be God's representatives on earth.
You should rule the Middle East because you were here first before the Israelis?
Yes. That is our reason. God wants us to rule because we were here first.
Jews were dying and going to heaven for 2000 years before Mohammad was born. So, what do you think heaven is like?
Hmm. If God uses my logic, Muslims will be spending all eternity in servitude to Jews and Christians...
Real estate and surreal estate may have similar rules. You just might want to kick the tires on this one before your next Jihad...

 

by DocBrain
8-01-06
DocBrain vs the Help Desk
Hello help-desk? This is DocBrain. The hospital dictation service is not working.
Yes, I know. Try calling the dictation line several times. It might just work now and again.
Can't you fix it?
Many people have called with the same complaint. Just keep trying the number. Maybe you'll get lucky!
Isn't doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result the definition of being crazy?
Woohoo! Woohoo! Woooooohooooo....

 

by DocBrain
8-05-06
Tori Spelling meets her attorney
Counsellor, there must be some mistake! My father wanted to leave me more money!
Well, Tori, I checked Arron's will and it seems clear to me.
It says "Only $200,000 for Torrie Spelink." That is not my name!
Yes, but I interpreted it as no money for "mis-spelling"...get it Miz Spelling. Ha Ha Ha.
You are an idiot.
Ha Ha Ha. Miss Spelling...mis-spelling...Ha Ha Ha!

 

by DocBrain
8-06-06
HIPPA...what is it good for?
Nurse, transfer Mr. Jones to the nursing home.
I can't do that. Doctor. They want his medical information before they will accept him.
Well, just tell them!
No can do. It would be a HIPPA violation without his consent.
And he has dementia.
So do the people who devised HIPPA.

 

by DocBrain
8-10-06
Connecticut 2050 AD
I am your religious police. It is time for prayer to Allah, you dog.
Hey, I am a liberal who fought against those who wanted to stand up to you. I am on your side.
On your knees.
I'm on my way for a latte. I really don't believe in this "God" thing.
Die, Infidel! Die!!

 

by DocBrain
10-18-06
Foreign terrorists should be given protection under our Constitution!
The Constitution is a social contract between our government and our people. It has nothing to do with foreigners.
Subjecting terrorists in captivity to any discomfort makes people in other countries not like us.
But it does get information that helps save American lives.
I am more concerned with how the French feel about us than saving American lives.
Hmm. Didn't Charlie Rangel say something like this last nite on Oreilly?

 

by DocBrain
10-19-06
DocBrain, you won the ipod yesterday in the hospital pool.
YESTERDAY? Why didn't you tell me YESTERDAY?
Sorry, couldn't find you.
Pain and suffering! Waiting without knowing! You have injured me to the bone, sir!
DocBrain, you have a great case. He has some money saved and we will sue him for all he's got!
I love our legal system, counsellor.

 

by DocBrain
5-30-07
Welcome SAD Members!
Hmm...where is everyone?
Welcome SAD Members!
I thought this was where the social anxiety disorder group met.
Welcome SAD Members!
Are you here for the SAD meeting, too?
Yikes! Another person!! I'm outta here!!

 

by DocBrain
3-03-08
Super Tuesday in Texas
So, why are you backing Obama?
Change!!!
I thought you were for Hillary.
Change.
Obama will raise your taxes. After you give Obama all your dollars, what will you have left to live on?
Change?

 

by DocBrain
6-17-08
Why don't you want to go?
Its hot there and very dangerous!
Don't you want to serve your country in Iraq?
Iraq?
I thought we were talking about takin' a ride in Nick Hogan's car!

 

by DocBrain
6-27-08
DocBrain tests his strategy to win the womens vote
I am a woman.
Huh?
My mother was a woman. My wife is a woman. My two daughters are women. Hell, half of all my ancestors were women!
Except for one pesky Y chromosome, I am a woman.
OK, but you are one butt-ugly woman!

 

by DocBrain
10-20-12
Obama Campaign Office
I can't believe Obama is losing!
I wouldn't say that
Really?
I agree that Romney is ahead.
So, how would you put it?
Obama's position just isn't optimal.

 

by DocBrain
3-22-19
I am going to write comics
You? Why?
Because I am funny and insightful
Why, yes, you are!
Did you hear the one about the LOL doll and the princess?
Oh Oh!!

 

by DocBrain
10-31-23
Kill all the Israelis!
But some are Arab Muslims.
Kill all the Zionists!
But babies aren't zionists yet.
Kill all the Jews!
That's better. Support from the Left and Right!

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