All comics by Evil_Pumpkin

Profile

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
The First PIMP of the day for P.I.M.P Silky, lets see how it goes.....
Hey Bitch, What you say to becoming one of my hos you fine slut?
What the Fuck is he doing with that old bag of shit?!
Ok here's how it works Bitch, I take you to the sluttiest place in town and.....
I'm Listening...
Silky: You still owe me for the make over bitch!
Hey Baby, can I get you somethin good with my Vagina?
G-G-G-Grandma?

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Dirty thinks......
...... should I take the blue pill or the red pill?
whatcha doin?
damn he's at it again!
Its too hard to decide! so I'll just comit suicide!
w-w-What?!
I told you not to do that dumb ass!
Well tis is what I get for pissing off the boss
i kn-know, me t-too you have a l-lighter, its freaking c-cold h-here!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Jointman attemps to liberate a local school from the clutches of drugs, problem is he's in the middle of a desert
hey kids, I'm jointman, and I'm here to say that smoking grass, and injecting yourself with Heroine is bad, it can kill you....Any questions?
Not really.
two days later, at Jointman's apartment in San Jose New Mexico...
Hey baby, that was the best sex I've ever had, and you're pretty tight down there!
That's becasue it was the wrong hole dipshit!
This is what wouldn't have happened if Jointman would have went to Illinois like planned....
ph crap, I shouldn't have been on acid, weed, heroine, and crack cocaine while hunting!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
self destruct in 5...4...3
Whoa, whats that rocket doing here?!
3...2...
oh my God!
Why whats this... so thats where I left my rocket dud....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Puny Human! I will eat your brains!
oh reeeeally...
What the hell? Then I'll just blow up your strange suicidal world!
Well you can't eat brains if there aren't any to eeeat!
oh this looks much better!
What? I couldn't hear you over the sound of the explosion! It could also be that I have a nail in my head!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
satan visits Jesus
hey, what the hell do you want?
I just thought I'd come and pay my respects to the man that I've screwed over bad MUHAHAHAHAHA!
Satan makes a move on Jesus
Get lost, becasue of you, I'm tacked up here for all of eternity!
I know, Isn't it romantic?
REJECTED!
I"M NOT LIKE THAT!
DAMN! This is how you repay me for corrupting the minds of your children and forcing them to kill you?! Whoops, wrong line!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
I have a question for you!
Whats that sparky?
Do you want to die?!
Good question, good thing I have this 12 guage!
Hey bill, you hear about the crazy hunter yet?
Yeah Phil. Aparently he went crazy and killed a poor harmlessugly masked guy with an axe.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Whats going on Lenny?
Nothin much gabe.
Crappy, I lost my match...
How about you?
20 minutes prior at the fight cub arena.........
Hi YA!
DAMN!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
.......
Did you just......
What the hell do you want?
I want to know where you were before you came here.....
see you later bitch!
.....................

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
News studio 1:58pm
This just in, a crazed serial killer was arrested last night with a blood splattered shirt and a sicle. Maria takes us to the local jail where he is being held.
Local Jail 2:00pm
What the media wants to know is, what was your motive for these heartless crimes?
I'll tell you bitch, if you suck my di-
News studio 3:00pm
He says a strange elf told him to do things.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
hi, aren't you jointman?
YEEEAH!
So, you're responsible for all the new entrees in hell?
I suppose, but that wasn't my goal.
just look at what you've done! You know ho hard it is to find the remote to the TV here!?
HOLY SHIT!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
why Hi there Jointman, mind if I have a chat with you?
No, flap away retard, I'll be over here smoking my peace pipe.
Last time I checked you weren't suppost to be doing drugs, you were suppost to be teaching kids not to, thats why you'll never be as good as me captain righteousness!
WHAT!!!!
I didn't mean to kill him I swear brother!
I was saving him for later!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Hey man!
What do you want?
Hey man chill
I don't have any time to waste!
What you got in there man....
Lets see, heres rat eye balls Heroine illegal IDs.....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Hey whats up earl?
spnvoorqehfh
You're high on Norfor!
k-k-kill me!
My God he's Dead! I vow to find the dealer and destroy him in the name of justice!
I'm not dead you twit, I just can't control my body or my motor skills!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
You! you're the ass who sold my best friend Earl Norfor and killed him!
Earl's not dead, I visited him in the hospital this morning....
I won't listen to your lies! You've killed him! Now I will destroy you!
Are you even a male, I don't see anything.....
TIME TO GO!
You wanna dance bitch!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Somethings wrong with that friend of yours called Jointman Earl.
I know, hes not even a freakin joint! You don't even carry that drug!
Well, Imma go kick his ass now....I'll be right back
It shouldn't take long, hes a pussy.....
Shut the fuck UP!
You've come to me time to die

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
What army?
You cannot defeat me when my army of Jointmen have my back!
Is this the end of Jointman? Dammit I sure hope so, the stupid shit forgot to pay me back for that apartmen I graciously bought him!
time to die!
Shit!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
wHO ARE YOU?
I'm jointman's brother, Butch. I hear you've been giving him trouble!
Shit!
DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
OH GOD!
Duuuuude! you're cut up bad!
You owe me!
O-of course!
Well thats the end of Jointman's Purge, stand by for more Comics by Evil_Pumpkin!
Hey earl, I killed that Dealer for you!
You little piece of shit, he was the man who saved my life, i grow Norfor!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
hey there sexy!
Hey, wanna go have sex?
uh uh uh yes daddy!
sgutup bitch, I'm not done yet!
damn all the hot chics always got for the black guys!
I know, they never go for blue!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
whats crackin craka?
Chill chill, I didn't mean nothin by it
...........
Then buy some crak that I sell to destroy the black community....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
We find local Child molester Gregory Hammok pestering a young boy by the name of Corpsey
It rubs the lotion on the skin or else the hose comes back again!
Quit it Mister!
Oh shit, Butch is here!
Whats it to you ugly this isn't any of your concern!
he's my son any one could see that.
Well this looks like a sad end to the life of gregory Hammok.....
w-whats that for?
You'll see!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
I dress for a funeral, my uncle Gregory was trajectly murdered in the old sea side caves.
You Hammoks are all wierd. Just last night I saw your sister rooting through my garbage.
Jon's sister Kayla
Oh damn, she's having more of those seizures again. My family must be cursed.
ud uddat uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Jon approches Butch............
Please sure, kill me, I don't want to live....
What a lucky day, should i use my knife, or my axe?......

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-21-05
Butch's house 4:00 P.M.
Honey, I'm going to fix the roof.....
H-Honey.............Oh whatever!
No offence to the original publisher of the red robot thing, I just had the urge to do this!
There you are you carpet munching Cockroach! I thought I killed you years ago! And what did you do to My wife!
What the Fuck do you Think, I cornholed her!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
What are you looking at kid?
Hey dad that pumpkin just talked!
Hello Butch.
Hello Evil_Pumpkin, its been a while since the last time we met, back when I was a child.....
thirteen years prior.....
Hey kid, wanna see a dead body?
uh...sure!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
Well lets go inside, we have lots to discuss.
.....uh....when, I don't remember?
Nice..Uh...wall paper you have there, any way remember when I saved you from that thing?.....
See whats going to happen next time on The Evil_pumpkin series....
Hey, your that thing thats been following me around....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
NOOOOOOOOO!
Yes I am the thing, prepare to die Butch!
Thanks Evil_Pumpkin, I'm going to go kill stuff now, you in?
Look out kid! Shazzam!
Evil_Pumpkin: Use the sickle just how I taught you, and you can upgrade to a butcher knife!
Yes Sir!
Oh joy.....death......make it quick, i have an appointment with satan in a few minutes anyway.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
where did you go all these years any way Evil?
well, I'll just show you with this Evily powered flashback.....
Evil_Pumpkin: You see, all these years the Pumpkin never really got a good role in the holiday seasons and I was sort of pissed!
Well gee....I don't know.
how do you think Santa would feel if there was no Rudolph to pull his big fricken' sled around this year?
Evil_Pumpkin: So that started my Yule tide killing spree...
OH MY GOD!
He'd feel like shit!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
Well, I have to go to work in a few minutes, wanna come?
sure
Oh yeah you've met my wife right?
.........whats wrong with her?
What the fuck is that Pumpkin doing? And why can't i talk!?!?!?!?!
She's dead inside, Imagine having me come out your vagina!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
I'm baby sitting, but I haven't even finished my story!
Pipe down bitch, my dad says he's taking mom out for their anneversery!
Isn't this nice honey?
What are you staring at?
Did it just get bigger? Well that is why i married him.....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
Itsa me MARIO!
What is your occupation sir?
I'm a Plumber....
I was too, I visited this faraway land with wierd repitians and......
I know me too! wasn't the best part of that land the Ass raping Mushrooms?
..........P-pardon?

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
why me WHY NOW!?
whats wrong my child?
(*sniff*) What? God, you don't want to know....
No, really my son what is it?
My bunny dieeeeeeeeeed WAH!
....................

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
Mario finds the MK in ruins...
This is new, since when do you freaks live in my drains? what happened to the Mushroom kingdom?!
*Beep* *Whir* We lived here since we exterminated those losers....
B-b-b-but what about Toddstool, Luigi, and the others? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH PEACH!
They were no match for our lasers, but we left some surrvivors......
Bowser's brother, Klauser? NOOOOOOO!
You straight tripping foo! Now I will lay eggs here, and let my babies feast on your thoughtless brains!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
My word! I thought this place was suppost to have class!
This is my snuff dipping hand.....
Hey daddy, I sure hope no one eats the salad, I done spit my snuff into it!
hyuk hyuk me tooo!
GIT R DONE!
Yeah GIT R DOOOOOOOOOONE!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-22-05
Bill and Natelie's father got hit by a mac truck....
Come quick bill! Daddy just got hit by a car!
What?! I thought I told you to stay in the truck while I go get some artificial replacement hips for dad!
Bill goes to see if everythings alright while Natile stays in the truck crying.
Hey! Is my dad alright?
I'm sorry son he's dead....
Another Dirty cop story....
isn't that him right there?
Wait....SHOOT HIM TOM! RIGHT IN THE FACE!.....Yup he's dead.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Hey shelly....Bad news, you're fired. The boss says unless you suck his dick, you're hitting the road.
Oh really, shoot. I'll be back in ten minutes to gather my things.
Mean while at the boss's office...
...............
...........
Here to gather your stuff?
No, I got my job back.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
I get to go on my first shooting for you guys, I promise I won't mess up!
Don't worry about it, you'll do fine.
Hi! I'm here for the shooting....
really.....
Hey, did you hear about that newbie that we pranked today?
Yeah...What a dick....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Hi, I'm looking for the boss, I want to apply for a job.
Sixth floor, three doors to the left...
Hey why is it so dark in here?
You're here for the job right?
suddenly the lights go on....
Oh god....
GET ON YOUR KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Hey...I'm here for the interview...
Hold on let me go get a tablet...
..............
.....What are you doing with that?
Today one of our interviewers was killed by a masked criminal....This just in! God has abandoned us we're all alone!
BLASPHEMY!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Hey Jesus, you can't say blasphemy on air it loses us ratings.....
Hey its not my problem pal, tell someone who cares.
Put it this way JESUS! If you say that on air again I'll see to it personally that you never work in this world again!
reeeeeally?
Jesus has requested that we casterate you, shove blazing dildows up your ass, and keep you in a small cell with a man named Jack, but with the nickname big Nancy! So bend over!
Oh Shit!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
............
you ok Jon? You want to talk about it?
...............
well? I don't have all day lets hear some talking.....
........I guess he's pissed.........

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Oh shit....this is what I get for pissing off Jon on this the day of his daughters wedding---(gags)
What did he do?
He punched me in the face. It hurt like a bitch man, stay away from Jon today.
Where's Timmy?
RUN HERE COMES JON!!!!!! oh and he's pissed!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
uh oh......
What is it jon?
Me pissed.....Me fucking eat your fucking head.....bitch.
J-Jon?
Oh my little boy is dead.....I wish he didn't fall off of that nasty building.
Y-Yeah fall....Look I got to go!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Whats happening to me doc? I don't even know when these mutations started!
Doctor Green?
Me Pissed again...Ypu die Dokter!
PINAPPLES!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
I was sent here to kill you!
Me crush puny Wabit!
Drop the napalms boys!
what?
please tell me if you like my stuff -Evil_pumpkin
ehh fuck you doc!
AHHHHH!

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
(BEEP..... BEEP..... BEEP....)-Heart pulses
JON! I came as fast as I could! What happened? Can I just see you Jon?
They say I lost over half of my skin and I sort of believe them...(Cough) Well anyway they say i have three minutes to live.
(BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP..BEEP)
OH DEAR GOD!
It hurts man it just fucking hurts!
(BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! oo is that a twinkie?
..............

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
your highness, I've brought you your son back....but theres a slight problem....
Oh no, why whats the problem Sir Johnson?
Well sir, he's...gone retarded your highness.
what? I don't quite follow you sir Johnson.
Oh darn.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
Well Sir Johnson, I've done a lot of thinking, and I think that it's best if you take him under your wing and train him to become a ranger.
Of course your highness, I'll start his training right away.
ok prince gregory, today we are going to start with your bow and arrow training.
ok.
PRINCE CHARLES! well good job Gregory, you've just started a war between your Father's kingdom, and England....

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
My son did what now?
Well, first he killed the Dwarf prince, and then he slept with the Quenn, and then he attacked England becas=use he thought they were waging war with you.
oh darn, now the Dwarfs are going to attack me?
No sir, you see he also slept with my daughter, so the dwarfs will have nothing to kill.
I'm sorry sir, but you had it coming. Oh, and tell satan to prepare hell for your son reeeeeeeeal soon.

 

by Evil_Pumpkin
2-24-05
We need to hide you in the village for now my prince, let me handle the army.
But you can't handle the Dwarfs on your own, let alone the Wizard Gandof.
Get back dwarfs, or my blade shall cut you down with great vengance!
You wouldn't hit a midget would you?!
Now to find that dumb prince!

Showing page 1.

Next »