Where No Man Has Gone Before Lunch by Hangdog4-16-01 Captain's log, gaydate 69.69.25or624: the starship Harvey Milk is on patrol in the Neutral Zone, when... What do you make of this, Mr. Spunk? Fascinating, Captain--it appears to be a Romulan Catholic "Inquisitor"-class warship. Sound general quarters! Mr. Dzerkhov, prepare protein torpedoes! Keptin, our forwart deflector shilds are already owerloadet!! Dammit, Slutty, I need more gayness!!! CAP'N I'M GIVIN' YE ALL I'VE GOT HUGALUGHALUGHALUG!!!
Generous to a Default by Hangdog4-23-01 Well--time for another exciting day here at Lowpass. *Groan!* Don't remind me... Yes, another day of mouthing racist and sexist "jokes" written by lard-assed Internet pinheads. No forgettee we force to speak much-bad pidgin Engrish!!
Generous to a Default by Hangdog4-23-01 Well--time for another exciting day here at Lowpass *groan!* Don't remind me... Yes--another day spent acting out brain-dead sexist and racist "jokes" written by and for lard-assed Internet pinheads. No forgettee we force to speak sucky-suck pidgin Engrish, chop chop! We should never've left that gig with Mothra! Girl, YOU da one say we could make more money gettin' into dot-coms...
Old Rebel Yeller by Hangdog4-29-01 The spirit of a Confederate soldier contemplates the former battlefield..... I never owned a slave or hated anyone...I was well-read and refined, kind to women and children... ....which in a few hours.... ...yet the flag for which I fought and died is reviled as a symbol of backwardness and evil. How could that...? ...will host the National Monster Truck Pull Semi-Finals and Demolition Derby. ...oh. OK. Now I understand *sigh* FREEEEEEEE *hic* BIIIIIIRRRRRRRD!!!
Wherefore Art Thou Art Bell? by Hangdog5-04-01 A high-ranking NASA official has been abducted by aliens! Earthling, we have chosen you from among all the inhabitants of your planet to represent them in the Galactic Assembly. We chose you because of your high intelligence, your social standing, your work with the Space Program, but most of all... ...because of your unique reaction to the Probe-O-Matic. COME AGAIN, DADDY--WOOHOO!!!!
The Consolations of Bocephus by Hangdog6-01-01 O Lord Jesus, I bring Thee news that the Clowns of the World have accepted Thee as our Savior! At Communion, we shall eat Thy Body and drink Thy Blood, and become Thy humble servants. *snerk* "Cant't sleep--clowns will eat me!" AAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!! *sigh*
Michael Stipe night in the Lowpass karoke lounge by Hangdog6-15-01 NEXT! "Those creatures jumped the barricades, and headed for the sea...sea..." NEXT! "That's me in the spot...light...losin' my religion...." Thank you and goodnight.... "It's the end of the world as we know it, an' I feel fiiiiiinnnne!...."
HI HO THE GLORYHOLE, SIR ELTON IN THE JOHN by Hangdog6-28-01 IT SEEMS TO ME... ...YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE... ...LIKE A CANDLE IN THE WIND HUGALUGHALGHALAGH ...GETTING BLOWN EVERY WHICH WAY TIL I'M DOWN TO A SOFT DRIBBLY STUB
Monster M*A*S*H by Hangdog7-07-01 So you were John Travolta's body thetan? Wow, that must've been interesting! Oh, that's nothing: lemme tell you about the time Xenu had us play "sardines" in that volcano... Look, YOU don't say anything about sushi, and I won't say anything about cabrito barbecue, alright? o/~ "Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly..."o/~--I'm sorry, were you saying something? Tell me honestly: do I look like I've gained weight? Oh, shit--not THAT question again; I HATE it when she asks that question...