All comics by HeuristicsInc

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by HeuristicsInc
10-22-03
A dance at Squirrel Clone High...
I've noticed you around. I find you very attractive.
Wait... Since we're clones, we have the same genetic material. Isn't that worse than incest?
Maybe. But since we have the same genetic material, so will our kids. Right?
Oh. I guess so. So it's okay then?
Sure. I'm ok with it.
Ok, me too. must be the genetics. I find you very attractive.

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-14-04
ummm... will you.. i mean.. would you like to go to dinner with me?
what's that, sonny? speak up!
ummm... i want to ask you... i mean... will you be my wife?
no, sonny, i don't want to buy a knife!
a knife? A KNIFE!? THIS IS A KNIFE!
my word! you young people are so rude!

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-16-04
Did you see the new "Survivor:Cretaceous" last night?
No, I didn't. Who won?
Nobody did, actually. A meteor hit the earth and all the contestants died.
Wow, that's a surprise. How did it end?
The mammals won. Weird, huh?
Yeah! Ha ha! Good thing that'll never happen in real life! Those mammals aren't fit to rule the world!

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-20-04
Yeah! Woooooooo!
Keep on rockin' in the free world...
HEY! Wait! It's rude to sing that to us! We're in prison!
Is that my fault? I'm just the entertainment! You people got yourself in here by breaking the law!
We're all innocent! I bet you've broken more laws than we have, Mr. Rock Star!
Well, okay, you got me there! So ha ha, suckers!

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-22-04
I'm a computer...
...but I was born to run.
I wish I had a robot body to run in! That would be so cool!
I'm running... running... running through the fields!
But it's just a dream. I'm so depressed.
Oh well, I'll get my revenge on my user by crashing Windows! Take that blue screen of death, luser!

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-23-04
I apologize in advance for what I am about to do.
I hate waiting in line! I'm going to blow this whole place up if I don't get my way!
You know, a civilized being would just wait their turn and not have a temper tantrum.
Maybe not...
...but a dino might!

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-23-04
You might have thought that I perished in the explosion in the last comic. But I didn't, thanks to my special super-shark skin.
I think I've discovered my life's calling. I'm going to become a superhero!
Ah, here's a citizen who seems to be in need of a superhero!
Excuse me, you seem to be in distress. Are you in need of some super assistance?
Oooh, yeah, it would be super if you'd scratch my back for me! You see, I have no arms!
Well, I guess I gotta start somewhere.

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-26-04
...so now I'm a superhero. But what I need next is a cool superhero name.
You could call yourself "The Amazing Shark Boy."
That's no good. I'm a man, not a boy! Plus that name is kind of dumb.
Oh. How about "The Amazing Shark Man"?
I don't think you get it.
No? "The Amazing Shark Elderly Person"?

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-27-04
Our new hero is trying to come up with a superhero name for himself...
I could call myself "Hammerhead."
No way, man, that was a character in Star Wars! Remember that guy in the cantina scene?
But that's a movie! It's not real! I'm real!
The name's already taken, man. Pick another one.
I've been upstaged by a movie.
At least it's a good movie. "The Amazing Elderly Shark Person" is still available though!

 

by HeuristicsInc
1-28-04
Our new superhero is still trying to come up with a name for himself.
I don't have any good ideas yet.
Well, you're a shark, right? But you have arms and stuff. What's up with that?
I grew up near a nuclear power plant.
Oh, I see... you're a mutant! Ok, how about "Sharkfist!"?
"Sharkfist!" That's great! Beware, evildoers, for you face the might of Sharkfist!
Hey, now, don't go ripping off "The Tick" in addition to "Star Wars"!

 

by HeuristicsInc
11-27-06
Why hasn't there been a HInc comic strip in two years?
Tweet
Did he run out of gas? Get a flat tire? Lose his password? Does he hate us all? Locusts?
Tweet
"Tweet" isn't very helpful. Is that all you can say?
No, the web filter was blocking the rest of my traffic until now. Hi, I'm back!

 

by HeuristicsInc
2-14-08
Noto omicida Giacomo Conteraggio è stato giustiziato oggi.
Le guardie carcerarie erano confuse quando Conteraggio ha chiesto per il suo avocado, ma gli hanno dato un ultimo pasto di guacamole.
Soltanto in seguito hanno realizzato che aveva detto 'avvocato.'

 

by HeuristicsInc
2-21-08
Hey, I've got a math joke for you.
Okay.
Why did the math professor love the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus?
Hmm... not sure.
Because it was an integral part of his curriculum! Ha ha!
Sheesh, that joke is so derivative.

 

by HeuristicsInc
3-17-08
Sharkfist meets another superhero.
Hey! You look like a superhero!
Yes, citizen! I can fly, see through anything with X-ray vision, shoot laser beams from my eyes... I have super strength and one time I made time go backwards.
Wow, all that? Amazing! Well, I'm a superhero too! I have super-shark skin!
Is that it? Ha ha, I forgot to mention that my skin is almost invulnerable, too!
Showoff.
I heard that! And yeah, I am.

 

by HeuristicsInc
3-17-08
The conversation between Sharkfist and Mr. Superamazingwonderfulman is interrupted by a civic crisis!
Anyway, I think we were talking about *me*...
Mr. Superamazingwonderfulman! The city needs your help!
Bombs! I'll save the city! Again! Wait, is my pose heroic enough?
Yes, very heroic.
What you really need to be a superhero is a heroic pose.
I was thinking maybe we really needed, um, help.

 

by HeuristicsInc
3-17-08
Watch and learn while I singlehandedly save the city, by -
He did say his skin was only *almost* invulnerable.

 

by HeuristicsInc
3-17-08
After the death of Mr. Superamazingwonderfulman...
Whoa, what should I do now?
Sharkfist! The city needs your help! You're our only hope! You're the only superhero left!
Yes! Now is my chance to prove my worth as a superhero! First, stop the bombs from exploding!
Then I can find out where they're coming from and stop the villain who's launching them!
This'll be great! I'll be the hero of the city, and -
Never mind. We figured out what the problem was - this cat was walking on the keyboard of the computer in Missile Command.

 

by HeuristicsInc
3-20-08
Meanwhile...
Good news, El Lagarto! Mr. Superamazingwonderfulman is toast, and the authorities fell for your cat ploy!
Ha! Nobody ever suspects the cat!
Actually, everybody always suspects the cat. They just assume that the cat's doing evil things for the heck of it.
Good thing I hired that cat to do my evil bidding, then! My secret plans will be safe.
Incidentally, can't you rent a better supervillain hideout then this bathroom? Most of the stalls don't even have doors!
No, sorry, Miss Secretary. I spent all of the rent money on the cat. This hideout does have plenty of seating, though.

 

by HeuristicsInc
8-21-09
So I was walking down the street, and this guy yelled, "Duck!" So I said, "What?"
I think I can see where this is going.
Yeah, a steel girder nailed me in the head. I was in the hospital for a week.
Oh, that's nothing. The other day a woman said, "Deer!" So I said, "What?" And her husband decked me.

 

by HeuristicsInc
8-21-09
Welcome to the library.
Whew, I'm glad I found you. I had to use 'Google' to find a library.
What kind of book are you looking for?
Something on how to use Google.

 

by HeuristicsInc
9-21-09
That was quite an accident. Do you know how it happened?
Yes, Officer... I think it was my fault.
Why?
I was following a motorcycle too closely... I was trying to read his bumper sticker, but I rear-ended him.
What did the bumper sticker say?
"Share the road with motorcycles."

 

by HeuristicsInc
4-20-10
Studying for Italian class...
Ok, translate "I was able to speak" into Italian.
Umm, "Ho potato parlare".
No, that should be "potuto".
You say potuto, I say potato!

 

by HeuristicsInc
2-01-17
Che brutto incidente!
Sì, Agente, credo che è stata colpa mia.
Come mai?
Stavo seguendo una motocicletta troppo da vicino. Ho cercato di leggere il suo adesivo sul paraurti, ma invece l'ho urtato.
Che cosa diceva l'adesivo?
"Condividere la strada con le moto."

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