All comics by JoeTheGuy

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by JoeTheGuy
5-18-01
Father, it is done.
I am proud of you, my Son.
So, any chance of getting me off this cross? The nails are really starting to rust bad...
No, I don't see that happening...
Bastard.
I heard that.

 

by JoeTheGuy
5-18-01
Soooo, Jesus, it's come to this.
This must be done...
How does a harem of sex slaves and free cable sound? Just renounce your Father and it will be yours!
GET THEE BEHIND ME, SA-
Wait, did you say free cable?

 

by JoeTheGuy
5-18-01
Man, this show is terrible. Hand me the remote, Jesus.
Oh yeah, the whole nailed to the cross thing. May bad.
It's all good.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-01-01
Jesus, this is one kick ass party, man.
Can youse scuse me for jush a shecond?
WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT?!
You're a mean drunk, Jesus.
YEAH YOU! FUCK HEAD!

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-01-01
Pull my finger.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-05-01
Hmm, home all alone...
I should be fine as long as...
RING RING RING RING
Shit.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
1,374,923th Annual Deity Networking and Jyhad Scheduling Convention
I think this has been a pretty good convention this year, Satan.
You said it, Kauma`ili`ula. You check out the agnostic's booth this year?
1,374,923th Annual Deity Networking and Jyhad Scheduling Convention
Talk about pathetic. What was with that-
Wait, check it out. Jesus and Cthulhu are at it again.
You take that back, sushi head!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Dude, I'm glad you came over. I'm worried about Jesus.
Why? What's going on?
He stormed outta here this morning. He was screamin about "doing things old school".
Oh come one, this is Jesus we're talking about. How bad could it be?
My vision's getting fuzzy, Jesus. How many more nails do I need?
Just keep hammering, sinner. I'll tell you when you've had enough.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Gimme a T!
I hate that guy.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Jesus, my Son, what's on your mind?
Father, it's seems so pointless. Everyone is so mean to each other.
Son, I know it seems hard, but you stick at it and everything will be wonderful. You'll see.
Thank you, Father. I'll try harder.
Bless you, brother.
Fuck you, hippie.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
...so my legions of the damned have been ass raping him for all eternity as punishment for his sins. Hehehe.
Jesus Christ!
Ok, that was weird.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Um, Jesus, I have a question...
Yes, homosexuals go to hell.
That wasn't my question.
Sure it was, pillow biter.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Hey, JoeTheGuy, how come you're always picking on me?
I'm sorry, I apologize. I got you something to make up for it. Look behind you.
Hey pussy.
I hate you.
HAHAHAHAHA!!

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
You're mean, JoeTheGuy. You're a mean, mean person.
Oh come on, calm down.
What a pussy.
You said it, God. You said it.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Where are we, Jesus?
This is the Matrix, Jon. Just think of where you wish to be and the Matrix will create it.
Cool. UnGH!
What happened, Jesus? This isn't where I wanted to be.
You fucked it up, Jon. You fucked it up bad.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Jeez, what is it this time, Son?
Father, it's no use. People just don't take me seriously.
Have you thought of trying to talk to children? They're much more open to new ideas.
Children! That's a great idea! Thanks, Father!
So, you see that's why the nails have to go in at a certain angle when you crucify someone.
Mom! The man in the loin cloth is scaring me!

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Whoa! Check out the ass on that hoochie.
Uh oh.
One second later...
Well, well, well. Look who decided to drop into my humble abode. Sulfer bath?
Stupid hoochie.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
I've had enough of your attitude, Jesus. I'm outta here, man.
Fine! GET OUT! I don't need you! I don't need anybody! I'm Jesus!
Wait! Come back! I got an itch! I GOT AN ITCH!!

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Father, can you give me some encouragement? Some advice?
Just hang in there, Son.
HAHAHAHA!! Get it? Hang in there? HAHAHAHA!!
Put you in the home, old man.
I heard that.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
Would you please go away!

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Hello, brother.
Brother? Do I know you?
I am Jesus.
...Jesus... ...Jesus...
Christ.
Oh yeah, right. You were in those Police Academy movies.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Why hello, officer. How are you?
What the-? You high on something, crack head?
Officer, the only thing I'm high on is love. Love and angel dust.
Uh huh.
Mostly angel dust.
Hey Lou, hand me your pepper spray.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Simon says, touch your toes.
Too slow! You're out.
Grrr...

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
I'll get it right this time, Jesus.
I believe in you, Jon. Just let the Matrix know what you want.
unGH!
This isn't right.
Jon, if I could slap you, I would.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
Father, I need a favor.
Oh goodie. What is it this time?
Well, I was wondering if I could have heat vision like Superman.
If it'll shut him up...
All right! I am SUPER JESUS 2000! Ya betta bless yoself, befa ya mess yoself!
What the hell is this fucker on?

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
DO YOU DENOUNCE SATAN?!
Who?
KA-ZAM! Feel the holy fire of God!
AIGH!!!
I'm off to save others!
Ow.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-06-01
DO YOU DENOUNCE SATAN?!
I am Satan, you idiot!
KA-ZAM!
What the fuck?!
Onward Christian soldiers!
I need a new job.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-14-01
Hi, Mr. Jesus.
FUCK OFF!
Damn, should tried that years ago.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-16-01
Uh oh.
Haha! I was hoping I'd run into you! Now you face SUPER JESUS 2000!
Look behind you! There's a homosexual minority drug dealer raping children in some Satanic ritual!
WHAT?! WHERE?!
SUCKER!
He's a clever one.

 

by JoeTheGuy
6-16-01
You wanted to see me, Father?
Yeah, Son, it's about this whole SUPER JESUS 2000 thing...
But Dad! I'm saving so many souls!
Son, you burned a church to the ground using your heat vision killing everyone inside.
Just a few dozen kids!
That's it, you're grounded mister.

 

by JoeTheGuy
7-07-01
How can you be so perverse?
You call it perverse, I call it-
Ooh, wait. Hold it. I got a splinter behind my knee.
ow ow ow
hehehe

 

by JoeTheGuy
7-07-01
You love me how much?
Wow, that's a lot!
I hate your soul.

 

by JoeTheGuy
7-27-01
How did I ever end up with such a weiner for a son?
...and that's when all the little rabbits started hopping around and they knocked my fort over and...
I mean look at him... what a weiner.
...but no body was buying any Kool-Aid from my stand so I painted some rocks and...
I should have pulled out.
Dad, are you listening?

 

by JoeTheGuy
3-02-02
Hey, fat ass!
You've had this coming for a long time! Let's rock!
You want a piece of "The Claus", cross boy?!

 

by JoeTheGuy
3-02-02
Wait a minute...
This isn't the Vatican! It's a gay bar!
You're all fags!
Looking for a good time?

 

by JoeTheGuy
3-02-02
Sir?
What the fuck?
Have you been drinking, sir?
Just a for a few hours, you fat police guy!
We got a live one here, Lou. Get the stun gun.
I am Christ and I demand booooooze!

 

by JoeTheGuy
3-02-02
Greetings, citizen! I am Captain Justice!
Why are you shouting?
I shout with the power of Justice!
You're also sporting a hard on, spandex man.
Yes, a Justice hard on.
That's it, I'm outta here.

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