All comics by Kissass

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by Kissass
11-27-02
The real Vietnam War....................
I know that I am a Veteran, but I hate my country so!
Ow.
Should I kill myself? It doesn't look like it hurts.
It DOES NOT matter.

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Die mother f'er.
Help me!
Kiss me!
Kiss me I'm irish.
Kill me!
Luv me!
Kiss my ass moron!
Shoot me!
Hate me!

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Curse that Osama guy.
Dear fellow Vietnam veteran, I'm coming! prepare yourself. Luv Osoma
Cmon' man those freakin' soldiers are coming.
Uh Oh!
Alright we must hide!
Hey, Osama shouldn't be terrorizing us. It's only the early 1900's!
BRING IT!!
The letter here says to be prepared..BRING it on Osama!!
I am he, Osama!

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
What soldiers?
Ahhhh Hahahaha!!
Hmmm, it also says to send my best fighters.
Hey, what the hell? I don't have any soldiers!
I guess now is the time to kill myself..
Hey! don't be like that man.

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Now Dave don't get too high tonight
Yeah right ma.
Meanwhile..............at the party.
Has anyone seen Dave lately?
Dunno, he's probably up in the bathroom coughin' up a lung.
Upstairs....
You alright in there Dave?
Hurry up, I need to piss! HE MUST BE SHITTING BRICKS!

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Dave returns from the bathroom...
Sorry I took so long, man, that was some contipation spell!
Man you stink, Dave, get away from me!
Augusta is pissed at the stench left in his bathroom...
I said I was sorry, Christ!
Get away!
Ozzy decides Dave is unhealthy...
Oh God, I feel another crap coming on!
You shouldn't spend so much time in there, son!

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Dave's buddies observe line...
Man, Dave just never quits in there!
Jesus, there's a freakin' line backed up!
Augusta, fed up with the lines...
Someone call the damn cops!
Don't you touch me, fag!
Prostitue #1 helps Dave
Come on, babe, give Dave a bloody chance!
Hell no!!

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Dave exits the bathroom...
Ahh, that's so much better, I am pretty sure I'm done this time!
Damnit! I have to pee so bad!
Augusta speaks with a cop...
Oh good, you're here, officer.
Can you describe the stinkatrotor?
Dave get's caught...
Hey man, what's up??
Are you Dave? The stinkatrator?

 

by Kissass
11-27-02
Dave's in trouble...
What? what do you mean, copper?
Umm, don't call me that. You are under arrest for assault on the nostrils.
Father Jacob arrives...
Oh, hello Dave, hello officer Wiggum
Tell him, father Jacob! I would never assault the nostrils!!
Officer Wiggum explains Dave's arrest.
Oh my, Officer, is this true? He's assaulted nostrils? Why Dave, Why?!?!
I'm afraid it is, Father Jacob, and he's under arrest.

 

by Kissass
11-28-02
Dave argues...
Officer Wiggum, I can't go to jail!
The hell you can't, Dave! You're under arrest!
Father Jacob is mad...
Shit, Dave, what the hell were you thinking going into that bathroom?
B-but Father Jacob!! Defend me, damn you!
The arrest...
Take this sacreligeous bastard to prison, officer!!
Right. Here we go, Dave. Get in the car.

 

by Kissass
11-28-02
Prostitute #1 is angry with Augusta...
Haha!! Dave is getting what he deserves!!
Now you aren't going to get any.
NOOO!!!
NOOOO!!!!!
NOOOO!!!!!
Dave's Friend temps Officer Wiggum...
Yes, Dave, yes...
Hey officer, we got donuts in there!

 

by Kissass
11-28-02
The arrest...Again...
Ooo, donuts? No! I can't! Come on Dave!
I'm innocent, I tell you, innocent!
In the jail yard...
Wow, is this jail?
Hi, I'm Dick, your jail mate.
Later, Dave understands what Dick said...
But you have titties!!
That's not important, hon! It's called toilet paper

 

by Kissass
11-30-02
Dave meets a ghost...
Someday I'll get you Augusta! If it's the last thing I do!!
That's what I said three hundred and eighty seven years ago, kid, and I am still here.
Dave and Dick drink away their sorrows...
I like budweiser
I like coors
The prison is bombed by Dave's buddies... Dave and Dick survive...
TO BE CONTINUED

 

by Kissass
11-30-02
Derek Jeter has decided that he needs a raise, he sees his agent, Charlie.
Come on, Charlie, I need a raise.
I'm sorry, Jeter, I just can't do that.
B-but Charlie! I thought you were my friend!
It's not like that, Derek, I'm your agent, not your homie.
Charlie leaves Derek.
Noo!! Charlie, don't leave me! (sob sob)
Don't make this a soap opera Derek.

 

by Kissass
11-30-02
Brett Boone sees Derek Jeter crying his eyes out and laughs at him.
Oh God, why me?? >sobbing>
Haha, you loser!
Later at the stadium, Derek still feels like crap.
Oh yeah, coach, I don't think I can play tonight against Seattle.
OK, Derek, you look like you've had it rough, so go ahead and take the night off.
Ichiro confronts Derek with a question.
Did we win yet?
Who's your agent? Wanna join the Yankees?

 

by Kissass
11-30-02
Brett Boone laughs at his own teamate.
Haha, you loser! Wrong dugout!
Huh? You're here too, though...
Later there is an unfortunate accident!
My oh my! Mariner's win it! 6-5!
CURSE YOU ICHIRO!!
Even later there is yet another unfortunate accident!!
Look, it's Jeter!!
AHHHH!!

 

by Kissass
11-30-02
Brett Boone and Ichiro watch Derek burn.
Damn, who did that?
Uh... It wasn't me??
Jeter dies...
It was Ichiro... The end.
Haha! You killed another major baseball star? First Jason Giambi, then Randy Johnson, and now JETER?
He was in pain, Boone, it was all I could do for him! They were all in pain.. I just put them outof their misery.

 

by Kissass
2-16-03
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
A hunter finds a cross in the graveyard.
OOOOOOOOOH GOD WHYYYYY!!!
And now the whole town knows...
It wasn't your fault, God chose for him to die.

 

by Kissass
2-18-03
So one day a girl decides to punch her boyfriend in the dick.
POW!!
AHH! Oh Christ! I thought you were my girlfriend!
Okay now Sam is alittle pissed off.
Oh sorry, did that hurt Sam?
Hell yes, Sandy! and now we fight
So what! Sandy throws a kick to his face.
Don't hit girls! Mofo'!

 

by Kissass
2-18-03
Yeah, why is it OK?
Then why can girls kick boys in the nuts?
Oh well Sandy don't listen
Asshole
Shit! I'm bigger than her!
Sandy goes home pissed... and Sam asks for advice..
OH GOD WHAT SHOULD I DO TO KILL HER?
Don't kill. Samuel, use your heart, not tour fists.

 

by Kissass
2-18-03
The next day Sandy waits for sam.
Hmm where is that pisser? is he scared of me?
<~Chinese fighting music~>
Oh, so finally decided to show your face, you manwhore!
Sorry I took so long Sandy.
< Sweet love music >...................and what a crappy ending
Really? oh Sam I would love to.
Yeah so, uh Sandy?...ehem, I was kinda wondering if you might you know, uh go out with me sometime? again, like we used to.

 

by Kissass
2-18-03
Hooker lady actress arrives..
Mmmhmm...
Hi, I'm Adam. I'm the director. stand over there please and show me what you got.
Don't look now.
Anything for thirty.
Uhh ma'am?...(gasp)
Adam has problems..ehem down there..
Yesss?
Ohh OH, AH it's IT's NoTHING... Can you ecscuse me?

 

by Kissass
2-18-03
Darci ecscuses Adam.
Well I guess.
Meanwhile....
Listen Adam, I told you not to look at pretty women like that..Your a big guy, please just try and handle it this time.
I'm sorry. you're right Ken, I'll try again
Adam returns with confidence.
Alright. what I want you to do is stand over ther at the microphone and sing something for the movie.
Okay then.

 

by Kissass
2-18-03
Darci sings a naughty song........
(You can take me for a riiiiiide! Don't be afraid. I only charge a diiiiime!)
Adam freaks again.
(GASP)
KEN! I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry!
Ken calls for backup....
Alright Adam...BACKUP! WE NEED BACKUP OVER HERE!
OK we got backup.

 

by Kissass
2-19-03
How's it goin' Fletch?
Well, I've been tromatized for life, Dean, and if you wouldn't mind i'd like to be alone for a while.
What happened? Did you see another playgirl movie?
Stop that Dean! leave me alone!
You've done it again Dean. Pissed off another one for no apparent reason whatsoever.

 

by Kissass
2-19-03
Hey Josie, wait let me guess. You're also tromatized for life and want to be alone?
What's up with you?
Oh nothing, just got Fletcher in one of his " I don't wanna talk about it " stages.
Well, I heard that he went into his grandfathers room....
So Fletchers grandpa is gay.
And caught a glimpse of a playgirl video.

 

by Kissass
2-19-03
Did he like it?
Yes, and that means he's G A Y!!!
Please don't spread rumors!
Oh, Fletch we're sorry. We'll keep it to ouselves, we promise!

 

by Kissass
2-19-03
Later, Dean conforts Fletcher.
Hey, hey Fletcher listen. It's okay to like guys, as long as you don't show it.
You don't understand Dean.
OMG! Fletcher confesses his love for Dean!! OMG
When I was watching that tape, I realized something... I..I...I'm in love with...y o u.
I, I....Don't know what to say!
There, I got it out of my system Dean. I really love you.

 

by Kissass
2-19-03
Later on.........
Yeah, he told me he was in love with me Josie! what should I do?
Well, Dean...Tell him the truth. If I were to come up to you and say I loved you what would you do?
You see, that's just the thing. I am to nice of a guy to just blow someone off ya know?
I don't want to hurt his feelings.
But, Dean, I really think he'll be expecting that.

 

by Kissass
2-20-03
Okay Fletcher, what I'm trying to say is....is that I'm not gay and I don't have the same feeling for you as you have for me.
Wow....gee Dean, I....I feel weak. I--
(sigh) whatever.
Oof
Help me.Help.Help.Help.Help.Help.Help...

 

by Kissass
2-20-03
......................................
Help.Help. Help.Help. Help.Help.
Oh my GOD! A dying guy. HAHA now's my chance to be a hero!!
Hel- Help--me.
SORRY FLETCHER!
Will he be OK doctor?

 

by Kissass
2-21-03
Welcome! May I take your order
Yeah, one of your nice fine asses on a silver platter!
Pardon?
Ya hearrrd me! PRONTO!!
Well okay then, one of my nice fine asses on a silver platter! Pronto!
Heh heh heh!

 

by Kissass
2-21-03
Stare Stare Stare
Umm.. scuse, me sir? I'm new here and I was wondering if you could tell me where one of my nice fine asses on a silver platter is.
Right behind you hun.
Listen, I know how you feel about my butt, but please, its for a customer.
^Gasp^ MANWHORE!!
What? Where'd he go?
He must have been my gaurdian angel..

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Osama's Confession
Father, I have a confession to make.
SPIT IT OUT!!! NOW!! My son.
Should a priest react this way?
I want to kill a great many people in the United States
OK! GO FOR IT!! My son.
I think not...
Well I was joking, but now it seems fun.
I HAVE A SUGGESTION!! BOMB THEM!! My son.

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Osama sees Sadaam
Are you having a nice vacation?
Yes, but something is missing... I have not yet formulated an evil plan.
Gossip
Well... I met with Father Jacob last night for a confession, but I came away with an evil plan.
Oh my god! Please share it with me!!
My evil plan...
Sorry about that... we're rehearsing for my evil plan.
Oh, not at all, please continue.

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Drifting....
Is my turban on right?
So, about that plan again..?
That's too easy.
Ah yes! Well, Father Jacob suggested that I bomb something. What do you think?
How about the White House?
DISGUISES! Squirrel=Osama Boy=Sadaam
Naw, too easy, I want a challenge
How about the Pentagon?

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Huh?
That sounds nice... but I was thinking WTC
WTC????
Osama's really a nice guy
But maybe I should just send them a friendly card instead...
Chicken.
K, maybe not.
Ok then..World Trade Center it is.
Oh! Geez, I thought you were saying What The Crap.

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Goodbye Osama
Ok, I better go call Bush and let him know.
Ok, see you later. Call me when you need a bomb.
The phone communicates through telepathy
I still think a card would be alright...
You're a wuss, Osama
I can see your bubble!
FINE! JERK! (now I'll do it anyway)
Oh for crying out loud!

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Still talkin'
Hmm, today is August 11th, 2001...
Maybe in a month from today you could give them the ol' heave ho!
Damn the phone!
I think I'm going to the Kwik-e-Mart for a cute gift card.
What is this, a three-year-old's birthday?!
MEANWHILE IN THE USA
I got a card from Osama Bin Laden today, Laura
DON'T CALL ME THAT! I'M YOUR HONEY!

 

by Kissass
3-01-03
Umm, who's the bad guy?
Well, he's from the Middle East, so I think I should blame my diabolical plan on him and take out my war-like aggresion on his country.
That's terrible!
WHAT'S GOING ON??
Oh! You're right, HONEY. I'll send him a thank you note instead.
Thank you, George.
Bush returns the favor and Osama is very pleased to recieve the card. There is no explaination for this comic... There's no bad guy... It NEVER happened.
I guess he doesn't want a bomb after all....

 

by Kissass
3-20-03
Hey Pierrot Le Fou!
Oui?
Violent death occurs
HOW YOU DOIN'?!?!?!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Hehe, I love doing that!
I'm drowning in blood!

 

by Kissass
7-04-03
Shinzaho and Joels conversation.
I love Minki, but mother disapproves.
You two are related, you ass.
And besides that, Minki loves Totto
TOTTO? That man's a pig! plus he's so much older than her! I must kill him!
It's sad, I know. No one ever said life was fair.

 

by Kissass
7-04-03
Later, Joel tells on Shinzaho.
Madame, Shinzaho said he is going to kill Totto!
Let him.
Yes, I suppose that would be nice. Would it?
I need a new bodyguard anyway. Joel, if Totto gets murdered, you can take his place.
Madame, I'm just a monk.

 

by Kissass
11-27-03
Welcome to the Canadian talk Show. I'm your host, Benny Gulf, the yankee.
stupid yankees, eh.
Tell us, what's your agression towards the Americans?
I tell you what man, th- the- these damned yankees I tell you, Eh. We over here use umm no violence, eh. uh uh like these.. I tell you what, Agnes..no we don't lock the damn doors, eh.
Until today...
What is that supposed to mean?
@#!*$%

 

by Kissass
11-27-03
Hullo Florice. I'm here to get our child.
She's asleep. Leave us alone!
There you are my little Rosa.
You kno you don't have the money to keep her here, Florice. I could give her everything.
INClUDING YOUR PROSTITUTES?!! YOU PIG!

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