All comics by Kupo

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by Kupo
2-26-01
.....Shit....I think I sat on the remote
.......................
...and for all this time I've been choking it to an Infomercial

 

by Kupo
2-26-01
So have you given thought about what you've done wrong this time?
Sure I have!
Well then, tell me you stupid ass.
Did it have to do with running your dog over with the lawn mower?
What?! My-my dog?!
Oh wait, this is about the whole toilet lid thing isn't it?

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Oh jesus christ, I hate kids.
Hey Mister-Man
Doesn't your mom teach you about not talking to strangers?
Well, if we introduce ourselves to each other, we won't be strangers.
Yea, ok. My name is Satan, lord of all that is evil. I will punish all ye sinners and stick brocolli flavored dildos up the asses of young annoying girls. Fear my wrath sinner!
MOMMY!!!!!

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Ever have one of those days where you just feel like you're floating on air?
...........
Ya know, just hanging over the street watching all the people pass by. The music made of passing cars.
.............
Oh how lovely the purring kitties are today.
Sir, I bought you the Robitussin, can I have the money now or do I have to hear more of your drug-induced bitching?

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Hey there sport, why so glum?
My mommy died last night?
No shit? You want some ice cream or something?
No thanks mister.
Good, because I was going to say, now that your mommies dead, your bitch ass can go get a job and buy your own. Damn slacker raver kid.
::Cries::

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Hey there!
Go away, you're mean evil and have no respect for others.
No we got off on the wrong foot there pal. I apologize. Very sorry.
You're.......sorry?
Yes I am. What I meant to say is......no wait, I meant what I said.
......I hate you.....

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
............
Hello there, I want to be your friend. Journey with me to the village of ninnie-mons
Yes, let's travel to the land of the ninnie-mons. I love you robot of justice
And I you, your somoflanging eyes are beautiful on this planet.
..................
Are you still here? Go home!

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Down at open mic......
Ahem. "Ode to a Taco"
Taco....so delicious.....
Hi, I'm Mr. Microphone, make love to me. Stroke my strong noise filter and feel up my output cord.
SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
Yea alright! You rock!

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Hey there! I wanted to cheer you up so I burned you a Paul Oakenfold cd but removed all the sucky tracks off it.
.........
So here's a blank CDR.
...kill me now....

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Oh it's so sweet of you to bring us here.
Yea, thank god I have enough gas to get home.
I understand the picnic basket and food and stuff, but why the shovel and lime?
Eat some food and I'll tell you.
You're not trying to kill me again, are you?
What?! Are you still mad at me for accidently leaving the gas on in your kitchen and offering you're dad a cigarette while I was leaving?

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Dude the city's in ruins and I hear there's a radiation leak. I think it would be in our best interest to leave.....
......................
Look, we need to leave, just don't stand there, SAY SOMETHING!
..............................
I know pronounce you, man and wife
I love you
Stay with me forever, Robot of Justice.

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Hey baby, what's up?
I think we should start seeing other people.
WHAT??!!!!??? Who?!
Well, he listens to me and shares my wonderful ideas with everyone. I've been seeing him at the bar every night.
Flashback to previous night
WEEEEEEEEEE (feedback)
God your singing turns me on. Take me now

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Lord, why has god forsaken me?
My son, The Father has not forsaken you, he just laughs when women leave you for inanimate objects.
Will I ever be happy again? I feel so sad inside.
Soon, you will be among your peers and find love there with one. The lord has spoken
LORD WAIT! COME BACK PLEASE!!!! I NEED YOU!
You've been here long enough, the police have come. You're going to jail!

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Well, prison isn't all that bad. I just wish I would of gotten in here for something a lot worse like killing my ex-girlfriend.
Come to think of it, why am I here? I don't know, but yea, prison isn't all that bad.
Call me Ricco Suave, bitch.
Uh-oh

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
5 days later, still in jail
Goddammit, my ass hurts. Ricco Suave took it to me too hard this time.
Only 10 more days left. How would I pass the time?
......oh dear god no....

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Cue dream sequence
Oh, Robot of Justice! I thought I'd never see you again.
That's right we're together at last....but we must get you out of jail.
I have 2 more days until I'm free again. Can we make out again?
I'm sorry, I'm only a dream sequence and you'd find that you'll only be misundering your deep subconcious thoughts......oh well, sure let's go at it-
Wake up call
....you will die....
Sorry, I was lonely so I thought I'd wake you up.....

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Christ, my first day out of jail and I have to see you. God hates me.
Come on, don't take it personal that I left you.
Take it personal?! You left me and took my nintendo. I bought that with my own money.
You bought that for the both of us. I took that as a memory of you....I still miss you sometimes.
You really do miss me?
Well, no. I took it because I have no job and you were supporting me all these months. So, I need something to have while I try to fuck someone else with a job.

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
God, you're such a bitch. You were never like this when I went out with you.
Maybe it's due to the fact that you finally pulled your head out of my ass and let me live a little.
Oooh, so bitter. What, Mr. Microphone not giving you the full 'oomph' that you require daily?
Actually, I'm seeing someone else. Someone that actually calls for a change. Someone who's there to be picked up when we have a date planned, unlike you. Here he is now....
You will die.
[RING RING]

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Just who I was looking for.
Please mister, I'm sorry I got you locked up. Are you going to hurt me?
Yes.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOMMY!
Who's laughing now bitch?

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
My therapist told me I should take some time to admire the aspects of life. Pay attention to nature and stuff.
Hi Mr. Squirrel. I'm not going to hurt you.
Wish I would of paid attention to how much Robitussin I took today.

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
And now.....a haiku......
I was ill today/ Cracked my back, acid flashback/
ROBOT OF JUSTICE!
Yes!

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
In the bathroom......
....................
Hurry up dude, I need to go real bad. You've been in there for an hour.
Hold on, I'm almost done. Give me 5 minutes and slide a fifty under the door.
Interested in oral toilet paper? Cost ya 20 extra.
BETTER MAKE THAT 70 AND 15 MORE MINUTES.

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Wow, it's that hippy guy. How you doing hippy guy?
Whoa! I just thought of something!
That's remarkable. Is this drug induced?
No no no, check this out. Nobody has used this picture for this joke yet. Let me explain to you what to do.....
Minutes pass and the hippy guy explains the joke
Heh. Ok. I got it. Ahem..... Well Mr. Hippy man, I can truly say that you have been sitting around with your thumb in your ass.
*Sniffs* Hehe, yea but- .......Hey wait, the joke wasn't supposed to go like that!

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Oh my what happened to you?
Don't give me that shit! You cut the brake lines in my car.
No I didn't.
Yes you did! I watched you climb out from under my car and you said you saw a cornut under the tire. Why did you do it?
Yea Ok, I did it. I was just helping you. You're always late getting to places and removing the brakes seemed like a good solution at the time.
Oh really? Then how is removing the seat belt and putting shatter on impact glass in the windshield supposed to help?

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Wow, you resurrected pretty fast!
Mister, I'm sorry. Please don't kill me again. Please please PLEASE?!
I promise....
Who said anything about killing? Call me Ricco Suave, bitch.
::cries:: That bastard.

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
Hey there sport, when did you get out of prison?
Yesterday.
Oh, sweet. Hey a friend of ours in prison wants to meet up with you again. I've already introduced him to another of my friends. He says he misses you.
Really?!
Yes, I am a recurring character. Say my name bitch!
*Sigh*, Ricco Suave. Kill me, please....anyone.

 

by Kupo
2-27-01
..............
............ Do you hate me?
Do you want the truth or do I have to lie to you?
I hate you
ROCK N' ROLL MARTIAN!!
YEAH!!! WHOO!!!

 

by Kupo
2-28-01
Oh jesus christ, it's you.
It's been a while, I know. I was thinking about what you did for me the other day.
What, the whole cutting the brake lines in your car and trying to kill you thing?
Yea, I understand that you were doing it for me and I was thinking we could get back together. Wanna shack up tonight?
I know what this is about. No, you're not getting my Super Dodge Ball game.
I still hate you.

 

by Kupo
2-28-01
Mister-man? Is your name really Satan?
Yea, sure, whatever kid.
My mommy told me that Satan was the devil, and he has horns, and he's all red, and he has a pitchfork.
No no no, you've got it all wrong.
No, you're thinking of........
Go ahead and say it, bitch.

 

by Kupo
2-28-01
I've bought you a very special person that I want you to meet. You'll like him a lot.
Ok. Let's meet him.
...................
...................
You told me it was an annoying college boy!
???

 

by Kupo
2-28-01
Hey there little punk bitch.
Mister, please, I'm so sorry. I thought I'd make it up to you so I got you something.
This better be good.
Here........
20 minutes later.......
Oh thank god! The Robot of Justice. I missed you so much.
I'm so hot for you baby.

 

by Kupo
3-01-01
Oh Robot of Justice, that was wonderful.
Like always, you were beautious.
I don't know about the whole hard to get thing you were playing.
Just thought it turned you on and all.
.........................
I didn't bring you here for this, jerk!

 

by Kupo
3-01-01
This squirrel is going to run away from me.
He finds me as a threat. More observation and attention to nature is needed.
STOP THINKING AT ME!
Note to self: No more Robitussin. That just crosses the line.

 

by Kupo
7-11-04
3 years later........
Hi kids, it's me again. It's been a long time since I-
.....................
Seconds later....
I've been waiting a long time for that. Now back to eating chex.

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