All comics by Matchbook_Romance

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College course, Choking The Chicken 101
I hope I did well in this class...
Jeffrey, you get an A+... you're right hand technique is flawless... *Clears Throat*
College course, Advanced Prison Piercing 200
Hmmm... did I do ok?
For your final test, you've managed to pierce both my nipples... B+! *Takes out needle...*
College Course, Introduction to Pimpology
Oh God... I don't even want to know this one... *Sighs*
Smizzal Jizzeffrey... I ain't diggin yo pizzimp jizzuice ya dizzig? I feel ashamed teaching you... D+ *Yells- CHUUUCH!*

 

Half asleep, Jeffrey sits on a park bench thinking about his marital status...
Man, I feel so alone sometimes... I wish a girl would come up to me and talk to me... *Sigh*
Hiya! My name is Jana... how about yours?
Not paying attention to the world outside his head, Jeffrey keeps thinking...
I mean, I'm an ok-looking guy... I'm a good conversationalist, I'm pretty interesting, I can listen... *Closes eyes*
Fine then... don't talk to me... *Walks away*
As Jana walks away...
*Opens eyes* Whoah... that girl is cute... I wish she would talk to me...

 

A day at home for Jeffrey...
Ring... ring... ring!!!
Hmmm... I got it!
After answering the phone, Jeffrey runs to his mother...
Mom!
Hastily, Jeffrey goes up to his mother...
Who was on the phone Jeffrey?
*Shrugs* Do you know Mike Hunt?

 

We find Jeff underwater with his good friend and pet Chumley The Chicken...
So Chumley, this girl I have feelings for just pulled the best friend line on me and it really sucks...
Can I even swim? Why are we down here?
As Jeffrey keeps rambling...
Yeah Chumley, it's one of the worst feelings in the world. I don't know though, what am I supposed to do?
What is Jeffrey talking about? How am I breathing?
Five minutes later...
Should I wait to she comes around or something? Jeeze... thanks Chumley for listening to me...
Yeah Jeffrey, I love sushi too...

 

A brief introduction...
Althought I was already in a scene, Jeffrey forgot to introduce me, I'm Chumley The Chicken, Jeffrey's pet.
He treats me real well, he feeds me doggy treats, and I don't have to use the bathroom because he bought me cat litter and a box.
I even get to sleep in a big 25 gallon aquarium with fake plants and rocks. I also eat steak! Like from a cow! He thinks of me highly...
Hey Chumley! Time for you to get neutered...

 

We find Jeffrey in the park deeply thinking...
I seem to ruin a lot of things, I don't know what's really going on with me...
This guy is always here...
Jeffrey is mysteriously teleported...
God, I can't get anything right. I don't think things can get any worser than this...
Jeffrey is teleported down under...
What? Where am I?
Hey kid, got a light?

 

Jeffrey spends his day in his room...
Hmmm...
ATTENTION: The computer program AOL Instant Messanger may cause serious and extreme illness.
Ohhh...
It can cause massive sleep deprivation, "Computer-Eye" and loss of weight.
At his computer...
Nothing new...

 

So I struggle a little with my comics
Maybe if I use this American flag background I can win some accolades from my fellow comic strip creators
I've got money too.

 

Stripcreator Awards Ceremony...
Err... hello and welcome to the bi-anuual STRIPCREATOR AWARDS!
Ok! So I'm your host Chumley The Chicken, and I have a joke for you all!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Give up?! To get to the STRIPCREATOR AWARDS!
*Corny symbol crash*

 

On with the show!
The award for The Robot that looks like the curtain goes too... REDROBOT!
Mother unit will lose her lugnuts!
The award for The Most Suicidal Character goes too.. HAMMER!
The hardest part is taking out the nail.

 

A brief interlude...
For your viewing pleasure... RANDOM GIRLS IN RANDOM BACKGROUNDS!
So this is what six years of college gets you.
I wonder if my face will stay like this if I keep holding it this way.

 

Welcome back...
Alright... back! Ready for more Awards?
Mental Note- When the iron is hot, don't touch it again and again and again and again.
For The Most Appealing Pile Of Ash Award goes to ASHES!
And now for the most illustrious award...

 

Time for The MOST IMPROVED STRIPCREATOR AWARD!!!
*Drum roll*
It goes too.... JEFFREY!
I'd like to thank... err... I dunno.
I told you I had money.

 

How dinosaurs became extinct.
When Bill Gates buys a robot factory.
When I decide to put a nail through my head at Christmas.

 

New look...
The end is nigh!
The end is nigh!
The end is nigh!
Jeffrey, time to get neutered!

 

On Haunted Mountain...
Whoooooo Ahhhhhhhhh!
Ohh it's you!
Whoooooo get SCARED!
Wait... err...
Cmon kid, I don't get paid enough, so at least get scared!
Can you hold on, err... let me change my pants, then I'll be right with you.

 

Sorry to the overweight...
Dude, you're on a cruise and all you can do it sit there? Come on, do something
Oh man...
You can go swimming, play volleyball, mingle with the ladies... COME ON!
Gah...
Well, it's off the Buffet for me.

 

A thoughtful and long conversation...
Your last comic really bit the crappiness bug...
Yep

 

A lesson learned...
So I shouldn't ask about those Japanese Pantie Raids?
You're a quick learner Jeffrey.

 

A brief moment with Hammer.
The nail trick again?
I might try something new Jeffrey.
Is that so?
Nah, I think I'll just sit in my trash can again.
It was expected.

 

A brief moment with Jon.
Hey Jeffrey.
Hey Jon, that's a pretty nice jacket. Where did you get it?
Afraid, why is that?
Err... John?
Ohh... my fly is down and it's afraid of heights! Haha!
*Sigh*

 

New look revisited...
So yeah, I dyed my hair orange again.
Why do you do that Jeffrey?
I do it for the ladies Chumley, the ladies.
What ladies?
Mostly for the ladies that like to laugh at me at the park.
Oh.

 

Political unrest...
So Arnold can possibly be my next California Governor.
His movies are great! Like Terminator One and Two, Kindergarden Cop, True Lies, The Eraser, Twins and much, much, more!
Terminator 3 was good!

 

Out of the parking lot of college...
Man...
Excuse me Jeffrey?
Wonder if I'll be in trouble?
2 hours late to your first period class, what do you have to say for yourself?
The parking lot was full.

 

Room P-7, a bully in need of money.
Your money or your life kid!
Can never escape bullies, not even in college.
Don't get me riled up kid! I got a fist with your name on it!
Mabe I should say something? Err... I don't have any cash on me though.
Hand it over now!
Do you accept Visa, debit, or check?

 

Home alone with a beautiful woman...
So this is my bedroom.
Sure is.
So should I...
Nope.

 

A chat with Bullet2020...
So, you don't think my comics have a punchline?
I made fun of you in the forums!
Say, how big is the Mississippi?
I made fun of you in the forums!
Err.. so how's the weather?
I made fun of you in the forums!

 

Traveling...
Oh, there's a sign.
Eh... Jesus? I need to get to the store.
If you go to the right, the store is there, and if you go left, it leads you to a grassy open field.
I should've went with my instinct.

 

Walked for miles...
Only if I knew where I was.
Excuse me, do you know where the store is?
Jeffrey, it's me Chumley, why are you back home? Did you get the milk?
Damn... that turn really screwed me over.
Go back out there, and get some milk!

 

On the road again...
Excuse me, which way to the store?
Hang a right on this upcoming rock and take the road down, by the way can I interest you in some anal acupuncture?
Down the road.
At the store.
That would be $3.75
Alright.

 

A final walk home...
Whoah...
Give me that milk now!
Ok ok...
Food for the troops!
What luck! I happen to run into the Civil War...

 

Consolation from a dear friend.
You wouldn't believe what happened.
A guy in a Civil War costume took the milk?
A costume? What? How did you know?
Well...
Was it you? Why did you do that?
I didn't, it was a lucky guess. Come outside with me.

 

Outside...
Wait up!
What's out here?
If you can't buy milk, the next best thing is to produce it...
Jeffrey, when you're done making the robo-milk maids, round up the cows!
What a day.

 

A local Deli...
Welcome, what can I get for you today?
Hmmm...
May I suggest the 12 inch BLT Special?
Hehehehe... I'll take one to go.
Order up! 12 incher!
He said 12 incher...

 

I TOLD HIM, TIME AND TIME AGAIN! I CAN'T STAND ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT!
Hey Maura, what's up?
Goddamnit Pete, you always do this. You piece of shit, good for nothing lump of human flesh! I thought you'd learn your lesson the first time!
Oh damn, she must of found the condom wrappers...
You always leave the toilet seat up...

 

With anti-aging cream and a bigger salary, The Brady Bunch is back!
Oh wow...
More new episodes and one new family member!
Who could tha that be?
Wayne Brady!
Isn't he black?

 

It's our last night together, I won't give up, I can't let go, I can't let go of you...
Hey Jeffrey, what are you singing?
These words, fall from your mouth to stab me in the back, it should never of come to this, it's too late, for your apologies, they can't bring back all that you've taken from me...
That sounds so familiar, what's the name of the band?
Oh, it's Matchbook Romance.
Oh, I knew that sounded emo.

 
So the Choirboy-Clango-Frozenbrad-Clown party was a success?
I would say so.

 

Was going to go out but...
Must...
Just a little more...
I almost forgot to put an Away Message on AIM.

 

An ever so joyous occasion...
Chumley! I'm an official member of Stripcreator now!
Wow!
I get access to all those forums I couldn't go to before and I get that cool, golden star by my user name!
Cool! What else do you get?
I don't know, but maybe someone will finally tell me what HDB means.
HDB?

 

Worst way to greet Jesus.
Hey Jesus, how's it hanging?
Worst thing to say in the showers of your state penetentiary.
I don't use a soap on a rope.
Worst thing to say at a KKK Komedian Konvention.
Yeah, so I'm half African-American and half Jewish.

 

Two lesbian vampires meet at a local bar.
So how's about we head down to my place?
Sure, can't wait to check out your "cave."
Ooooohhhhh, yeahhhh that's it!
Bite me right there baby, mmmmm!
Wow, that was really good!
Yeah, it was. So see you next month?

 

I feel as though there's an emptiness inside of me.
What's wrong with me? Am I depressed? Is there anything I can do to stop this?
...
You should take up smoking!

 

Hmmm... let's see.
Looking good...
Nahh... I was thinking more of a trashy/slutty look.

 
Sorry, I don't get it. Why not purple?
?

 

Hey Spig, I've been dating this girl now for about 2 weeks, and she's really super keen!
Whoah there cat, you just used the word "keen" this must be serious then eh?
I believe it is, anywho, I must get going. We've got a date in about an hour.
Alright cat, catch you on the flip-side.
A few finger snaps later...
There you are sweetie!
Super_Keen_Girl: Hi John! I've been waiting on Yahoo forever for you!

 

Say James, our 12-Month anniversary dinner was amazing!
Yes my dear Anita, but... it's not over yet, I have a very important question to ask you.
Oh James, what is it you wish to ask me my dear?
Well, this is very hard for me, I wanted to know...
Yes James? Tell me!
Do I still have to use condoms?

 

Hey buddy, remember the time we were remebering the time I told you that really funny joke?
Yes!
It's still funny huh?
Yes buddy, yes.

 

Look into my eyes darling, can't you see that we were meant to be together? We share so many things!
No we don't...
*Breathes fire*
*Eats a peanut*
Yeah, I guess you were right.
*Eats a peanut*

 

50th Comic...
Hey Chumley, we've had some good times right?
Yes, we have Jeffrey. This is your 50th comic too!
Yes it is. But there really isn't any time to celebrate.
Why not?
Tobor gave me a book on Cornholing, so I have to read it.
Oh, would you like any Cliff Notes for that?

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