All comics by OujiLizard

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by OujiLizard
1-08-01
6 months after the adoption...
I received a letter today, An-Mei.
What is it about? You don't look well.
The INS wants to take you away. There's nothing I can really do. I am so sorry.
My new family is so loving. I don't want to leave them already. What can I do? Why are they doing this to us?
To be continued.
I'll think of something, An-Mei. I won't lose you now.
Please, Gunther. I leave my fate in your hands.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
The next day...
I've thought long and hard about this, An-Mei.
What is your conclusion, Gunther?
Will you marry me, An-Mei?
Oh yes, Gunther! But wait! I'm only 7 years old.
The end.
My life is a bitter lie. I will never be happy and secure.
Yeah... I'm a little creeped out about now, too.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
I cannot believe how this boy disses things which he blatently doesn't know anything about.
I represent qwert and his comics.
He mocks my culture.
The few who believe that anime is only porn are the ones who only choose to view those tapes.
Well, how can you expect ignorant American teenagers to understand anything except porn and casinos?
You're right, Gunther. I will pray for their ignorant souls everynight. May whatever god you worship forgive you.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
You ever heard of a flame war?
No. What's that?
Well, 50 years ago, Ouji Lizard called Qwert the Pervert a name...
Fag.
Homo.
Sorry for the lame joke.
Fuckin' right. I saw that shit a mile away.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
I'm stupid.
I'm sorry.
It's like... sometimes I feel like I actually have a pussy.
Yeah, that's pretty creepy.
What's wrong with my life? How much more do I have to take before I grow pubes?
Give it a few years, my little bunny.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
Suck me, beautiful!
Who farted?
If the balls are ripe, then it's time to lay the pipe.
Shut the fuck up or you'll be the next Jesus in all these stupid Jesus comics.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
Do not hate us because we are default.
Yes, it is not our fault.
Blame yourself.
Yes, blame yourself for thinking we are just defaults.
Would you stop following me up?
But I miss your poon.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
I'm glad that we took this well deserved vacation to the Catskills.
Yeah, sweetie. Please ignore the hammer in my hand.
What hammer?
Thank you, Gunther.
HOLY FUCK! THAT HAMMER???
Dip dattle!

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
I never thought it would come to this.
Gunther, you stupid, stupid, bastard.
Hold on. I'm thinking.
OK. I'll act dramatic as I think about stabbing your guts out and eating your brains.
Hmm... that's not too cool.
I'll eat your nuts, too.

 

by OujiLizard
1-08-01
So you know what I think I figured out?
What?
Gung-Fu is pretty cool, mang.
What?
Goddamned robots.
What?

 

by OujiLizard
1-09-01
The desert represents their empty relationship.
I hope Gunther isn't sad that we are getting a divorce.
Would you not think these things right in front of me? Your dialog box is right next to me.
I'm sorry, Gunther. You just make me absolutely miserable.
I guess it's alright. I only used you as an emotional crutch when my mother died.
We can still be friends, though.
If God wanted me to have friends, he would have made all humans genital-less.

 

by OujiLizard
1-09-01
Gunther, why don't you use the Jesus picture in your comics?
Well, An-Mei, I'm Buddhist.
I like-a da buddha. Smokin' da sunny cheeba. I rocka fella, ha!
No, An-Mei. Buddhist, not buddha. And anyways, I'm straight edge.
Wait... so you love a big fat guy and you're not on drugs? Man, I wish I felt the same way when I was a street whore in Hong Kong.
What? This is your worst report card ever!

 

by OujiLizard
1-09-01
See you in hell, earthling.
Ahhhh!
Robot kills boy. Robot soon finds himself alone for 80 years and dies.
What's up?
Not much, dude.

 

by OujiLizard
1-09-01
What does the letter say, Gunther?
Someone called me a racist. I don't know why.
Well... I forgot to tell you, Gunther... I hacked your system so I could get you in trouble.
That's not too cool, robot dude. How should I resolve this problem? I'll dismantle you!
Don't you dare touch me there again, you bastard!
How was I supposed to know that you called that 3/4" screw your dick?

 

by OujiLizard
1-09-01
That was stupid of me to try to marry An-Mei to keep her in the country.
Who is she?
Oh! She's my adopted Chinese daughter.
That's fuckin' sick, dude!
You're gonna rape me now, aren't you?
Who dropped the soap?

 

by OujiLizard
1-10-01
This is a beautiful sunset, huh, Bobby?
Yeah. It reminds me of our vacation in the Bahamas.
Remember when we got sooo drunk that we gave head to that alligator?
Haha, that was great fun! How did we even find it's penis?
Hold my hand, Bobby. I miss you.
You know I can't, sweetie. They sewed my arms together back in Thailand.

 

by OujiLizard
1-10-01
How come people don't take you seriously, Clownie?
I'm not really sure, Cowboy. I think it's because my lack of dialog in everyone's comic.
Yeah, I understand. Usually I just talk about my large penis or how I want that goofy faced girl.
Yeah, I'm prettysure that girl isn't intrested in sex at that age.
Howdy! Wanna suck my big ding-dong?
Boy blathery, huh ha!

 

by OujiLizard
1-10-01
I-I-I'm gonna go get fuct up!
Poor man.
*Taken from Wham! Rap '89.
*Hey everybody, take a look at me! I got street credibility!
Poor George Michael.
I've never had sex.
Poor me.

 

by OujiLizard
1-10-01
I bought this fishbowl the other day...
Yeah, yeah... I hear that.
Well, the damn bowl gets cloudy every night and I have to change the water constantly.
Word, dog. I dunno what to tell ya, you know what I'm sayin?
I'm wondering if that "brother" chip I installed in you was a good idea.
Can't take it back now, yo. You got some gum I could hold for a minute, dog?

 

by OujiLizard
1-11-01
How the fuck did I end up here? I'm so alone.
Wark! Wark!
You're so dead, bitch.
Oh fuck.
You ever heard of an elephant graveyard?

 

by OujiLizard
1-11-01
Yo. Who dis? Dis Ma$e?
Nah, man. This is Westchester, PA.
What? There ain't no Westchester, PA. I heard of Westchester, NY.
Yo, I think you got the wrong number.
I think I got the right number, but I think I got the wroooong partner.
Yo, I gotta go man. My woman is all up here ready to go.

 

by OujiLizard
1-11-01
Yo, kid. Why'd the chicken cross the road?
Fuck you, dude. I'm not a chicken.
I was just joking, bitch. Don't get all outta shape over it.
You don't know me. You don't know what kinda chicken shit I went through in my life.
Shut up and turn around so I can bang that sweet ass of yours! Wark!
Take me home, daddy.

 

by OujiLizard
1-11-01
In 1985...
Hey Doc, I can't believe this shit! We can go back in time?
Damn straight, Marty. Time to knock boots with your mom before you were born!
Back to 1963...
Oh man! Mom, you're hot!
He seems so familiar. I wonder if he's been inside of me before?
Way far back...
Doc, I think you fucked up with the time machine.
Now... you gonna be my bitch and that's just the way it is.

 

by OujiLizard
1-11-01
So I was out slaughtering the innocent the other day, right?
Yeah, I hear you, dogg.
And this dog comes up to me and actually says, "I ruv roo."
Oh fuck! That's cool as hell! I saw that in a television show once. So what did you do with it?
I slit it's throat and ate it's brains.
Blaaargh!

 

by OujiLizard
1-11-01
Holy fuck, I did it! I created a bizzare dragon monster!
Yo, what up.
This is so FABULOUS!
Why do you keep smilin', old man?
Please get your hand off my penis.

 

by OujiLizard
1-13-01
You mean girls will sleep with me if I write a book?
Damnit, boy! Girls will sleep with you if you write a bad book!
Help me rise from the ghetto.
I will do my best.
You the man now, dogg!

 

by OujiLizard
3-08-05
I thought it was time we had a little talk, Mr. Chicken.
Yeah? What about?
About the pleasures of evil and the taste of luxury afforded by pain and suffering!
Yeah, yeah... I'm listening.
It can all be yours for only three easy installments of $50!
Hold on, I'm taking a crap.

 

by OujiLizard
3-11-05
Whoa, check out those mangled feet!
Hold it right there, son. Do you know what you're looking at?
Hold on, officer. I'll be right back.
Hey... hey! Why are we in the bathroom? What's that thing you're pulling out? Oh god... where am I?
See? This is what you get for following me in the bathroom. May you rest in peace.
I only wanted to see your magazine. I'm sorry.

 

by OujiLizard
3-11-05
Jail sucks.
Boy blathery, it does!
I like your boxers! Ever considered mutual masturbation?
Always.
Did you know my finger has been up your butthole for this entire comic?
Something was stuck up there... I'll let you do the dirty work.

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