All comics by Rattie

Profile

 

by Rattie
6-25-04
G'evening, General.
*HISSSS*
... You probably need to stop doing that.

 

by Rattie
7-13-04
I was thinking...
Y'know, you and I. Maybe we're not so different. Maybe this mass hostility was caused by the media. Their constant nagging - plummeting atop our insecurties.
Uh huh...
Okay. Well, yeah. See, the thing is, my whore is comming over in about an hour. And I payed my entire life-savings for an orgasm. I'd love to sit and chat, but this is where my life becomes worthwhile

 

by Rattie
7-13-04
Hey! What could this be? 'Jesus Uncovered'...
... Oh. My. Gawd.
What the... ? Is that a sock puppet?
No one shall ever know.

 

by Rattie
7-14-04
Child rapist... Meets child rapist.
... You expecting some kind of hardcore action? Not here, bitch. Take it outside.
Dude, my penis is like fucking bigger than yours.

 

by Rattie
8-20-04
Hamburger ties! I am so fucking hot right now.
Why hello, sir, how may I help you this fine day?
But of course!
There is blood in my pants!
Excellent choice, my good man! Will that be cash or check?
Put the money in the bag, and I will restrain any sudden outburts of violence.

 

by Rattie
8-30-04
Holy shit. Where'd you get the gear, homie?
Your mom.
That's tight, that's tight.

 

by Rattie
9-04-04
I have a master mind idea concerning our escape.
Really? What is it?
If we drive nails in our head, everyone will think we're suicidal and they'll relocate us to the Insane Asylum, right?
But I don't -
So I was thinking, white has always been my favorite color.

 

by Rattie
6-14-05
So Jesus and a morbidly obese harlot walk into a bar...
Jesus told the fat slut to fuck off and cast her deep into the flaming pits of hell, where the woman was immediately castrated and forced to die a miserable death.
Wow.
It's like you're reading the scripture of my meaningless existence. Being a teenager is similar to being a vegetable.

 

by Rattie
6-14-05
Now that I have accessed the Insane Asylum, I must now find an escape route.
Well that was easy!
To celebrate this wondrous occasion, I think now I shall lodge a nickel down my throat and cover myself in dog feces.

 

by Rattie
6-14-05
And so, our poo-drenched hero quickly returns to aide his mistress in distress.
Emily! I have escaped!
But... now you just locked yourself in again.
God-fucking-damn-it. I told magical Gandhi NOT to lock the door and what does the bastard do? He locks the door.

 

by Rattie
6-14-05
This would probably be a good time to tell you that I have scabies. I don't believe in treatment. Ironically enough, I don't even believe in sexual activity because I have no penis.

 

by Rattie
6-15-05
Fear not, my children.
Holy crenazzles! I knew you would come back for us, magical Gandhi!
You are safe now.
Wow! You did it! You work miracles like Tom Cruise, without the horrific reminders of your sexuality!
... Hello?

 

by Rattie
6-15-05
I'm sorry for leaving you behind, Emily! I'll get you out by using my outstanding psychic abilities!
New plan! I will return momentarily, as I will be out purchasing explosives.

 

by Rattie
6-15-05
Might I inqure about your TNT stash? I'll pay in full bills.
Uh, sir, we sell food here.
Oh, so sissy wussypants can't score me a little trinitrotoluene? Go suck off your dad, hot stuff.

 

by Rattie
7-28-05
That clerk had a sharp tongue. Not to worry though, I removed it for him, and even had the decency to gouge out his eyes.
Are you ever getting me out of here?
Don't get catty with me, young lady.

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