All comics by Something_Corporate

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Now that my house of candy and wishes is complete, I will lure children in and eat them!
Who are you?!
I'm from Corporate, Inc. We've acquired the licensing to your house of candy and wishes, but your allotted budget is too small for this. Some things must go.
But...!
That's better. Also, any and all children prepared in or around this property must sign waivers and conform to Health Codes. Also, a 27% share of profits must be sent to HQ quarterly.

 

o/` I wish I could be, part of that world...o/`
I'm sorry, but that song isn't on your designated playlist for this week.
Excuse me?
I'm from Corporate, Inc. We own a majority share in Atlantis Productions and as such control all musical broadcasts into and out of the area.
But I don't know any other songs!
That's an issue to take up with your District Manager.

 

Can I help you?
Yes, what's this about a No-Fly Zone within ten miles of your building?
Corporate, Inc. is an international company and has gained the rights to control airspace above their properties and properties in which they own a majority share.
So how am I supposed to fly in and save the day if the bank down the block gets robbed?
You'll have to apply for an air-use permit like everyone else. Go to Legal and fill out the forms in triplicate, and after three weeks and a credit check we will inform you of our decision.
Will it hurt me if I'm still paying off my student loans?

 

What is our current status, Evans?
Sir, we're progressing well in the private and business sectors in urban areas, but we're having an issue with one of our rural areas.
How big of a problem?
Define "big", sir. It's seven "little people" who claim to be the legal guardians of a girl who supposedly inherited a parcel of land we are trying to buy. They won't let her sell.
Get with legal and find a loophole or precedent we can use to our advantage.
I already did, sir. Apparently there is a clause in the will about poison apples...

 

Hiding in the shadows, the Black Nina waits for members of the Ogami Criminal organization to arrive for a secret meeting...
Excuse me.
Umm... can I help you? I'm kinda busy here...
I'm from Corporate, Inc., and we have a very strict policy on the language used on our property. We are filing a suit against you for your use of the term "Black" instead of "African-American".
But, I'M black. Hence, the Black Ninja.
Make that three suits against you.

 

Umm, Boss? I think you need to get your optical sensors recalibrated.
What do you mean?
I know our policy has measures for dealing with the disabled, but you got that blind man's seeing eye dog...
That was intentional. The vet down the street is a friend of mine.
How could a dog suffer such a severe anal breach just by going into a fast food restaurant?
Stop asking questions and cancel my 2 o'clock.

 

Excuse me, I'm trying to find the Complaints Department and I seem to have gotten lost.
What you'll need to do is go back three rows and hang a right, then go till you hit the double doors.
After that take a left and you'll find the elevators. Take one to the 13th floor.
I'd like to file a complaint...
Sorry, all complaints must be submitted through the mail in triplicate on stationary randomly determined on a weekly basis.

 

Umm... Professor Doomsicle? There's a call for you on the Doomscreen.
What? Now? Who is it?
It's that Corporate, Inc. guy.
I'll take it in my office.
How many times do I have to tell you? No I am not interested in selling the rights to my evil laugh!
Well you don't have to be rude...

 

I hear you've got an idea on our file-sharing problems.
Here's the thing: no one has a patent, trademark, or copyright registered for the Internet itself. I suggest we do just that, and then we control everything!
Johnson, that idea is brilliant. However, I can point out the fatal flaw in one word.
Microsoft.
I'll go clean out my desk.

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