All comics by Squaregirl

 

by Squaregirl
3-24-02
Curious Holly visits the Meat Processing Plant only to find:
What's in here?
NO DON'T OPEN THAT!
Oh....neat.
GAAHHOOH GOD! It BURNS!
Again!
And from the ashes he arose like the mystical Phoenix....

 

by Squaregirl
3-24-02
I'm going to turn you in to a yucky tentacle! Kazaam!
Hoisted by my own petard.
I look like a boy.

 

by Squaregirl
3-24-02
I love you, The Destroyer.
xintilblargenfleffer!
But if I can't have you, nobody can.
*hiss*.....?
Goodbye, The Destroyer.

 

by Squaregirl
3-25-02
A Mystery!
Something in here smells like fish.
Hmm.
Aha. There's the culprit.
Punch my vagina.

 

by Squaregirl
3-27-02
I am Captain Falopian Tube!
Wow!
I'm from DigiMon
I kill little boys.
DIGIVOLVE!

 

by Squaregirl
6-21-02
The startling revelation...
You're not REALLY Gary Sinese. You're an IMPOSTER!
Yo-di-lay-HEE-hoo!
The climax of the film.
You see? When i rip off your skin, you're nothing but a dirty alien booby trap!
I swear (tick tick) I'm Gary (tick) Sinese! (tick tick tick) The real Gary Sin-
The not so startling resolution...
Not what I had planned, but success none the less.

 

by Squaregirl
6-27-02
And now, from the makers of "A Beautiful Mind"
For the first time on the silver screen.
"A Beautiful Mind 2: A Beautiful Actor"
"A Beautiful Actor" - A film about actors who love....themselves.
Written, produced, directed and starring me, the tough yet lovable Aussie actor, Russel Crowe.

 

by Squaregirl
5-17-03
Frankly, Ms. Nubian, I don't see how we can win your case.
Play the race card.
....play it!

 

by Squaregirl
5-17-03
I'm black.
That's it! We'll plead insanity!

 

by Squaregirl
5-17-03
I'll listen to any offers.
Offers?
Yes. It's obvious my client is not guilty. But I'm willing to settle out of court.
We have video evidence of your client murdering that family.
.....May I have it?
Ok, I'll settle.

 

by Squaregirl
5-17-03
What do you mean you settled out of court? This is a capital murder case!
The owl manouevered me into a corner. He's a brilliant lawyer.
I'll have your license for this!
Now what do I do?
......Are you black?

 

by Squaregirl
5-17-03
Hi..we're Squaregirl and Shifty.
We figured the Public Law series required a disclaimer.
We're not racist. Really.
Exactly. We have many black friends.
And we love each and every one dearly. We respect the difficulties they have with the legal system. Racial profiling is NOT right.
Did an Italian do your boob job, Square? They're slightly wop-sided.

 

by Squaregirl
7-16-03
Tobey Maguire explains his new movie.
'Seabiscuit'...A movie based on the real life story of a small horse with a loser jockey that nobody thought was gonna win the race and then he did, and it's an inspiration to small horses everywhere!
Tell us the TRUTH, Tobey.
I don't wanna!
*sigh* Ok ok, the movie's REAL full title is 'Rudy 2: This Time It's a Horse'....*sigh* *sigh*

 

by Squaregirl
9-16-03
A striking resemblance...
Oh look...there's Nerdine, smug as ever.
OMG, I TOLD YOU I WOULD WIN! I AM BETTER THAN YOU! I have your life now, aren't you jealous of me? I am the chosen one!
Perhaps...TOO striking?
You're also ugly as sin.
No wonder you were dumped! You're so immat-
Who REALLY wins?
Karma.

 

by Squaregirl
9-18-03
Outside the Precinct, 12:00pm. Our scabby yet loveable lawyer looks for his client.
Excuse me. I'm looking for my client.
Hey, I know you. You're that crack lawyer that can out-talk and out-smart anyone!
Yes, that's me.
Well, you can't see him. He's under strict surveillance and he's off limits to everyone!
No he isn't.
I submit to your temporary authority...This way.

 

by Squaregirl
9-18-03
In the holding cell...
I don't need a lawyer! I did the crime, i'll do the time!
Are you Jewish? Say Shalom for me.
...wha-
SAY IT.
...
Oh come on. Anything? Fyvush Finkle?

 

by Squaregirl
9-18-03
The trial begins.
Court is now in session. Judge Judy presiding. How do you plead?
GUILTY!!!
And ends.
INNOCENT!

 

by Squaregirl
9-18-03
Denoument.
I don't know how ot thank you, mysterious owl lawyer. You're super-human intelligence and cat-like prowess in the court room is an inspiration to all Americans.
I know.
FIN
You've got some shmutz on your face, baby.

 

by Squaregirl
4-22-04
A tale from the Holy Bible...
Do not cut my hair! For I am Samson!
Why? What will happen if I covet the hair of a Samsonite?
I will lose my strength.
And my luggage.
Word play is fun!

 

by Squaregirl
5-26-04
Bored.
Comely serving wench! Commence the dispersal of the shepherd's pie and ridiculously oversized legs of mutton! Tonight my court shall feast!
Yes, Your Majesty. /killself
As.
Ah, Lady Sailor Jupiter! You defeated the Kingdom's greatest enemy. You fought evil by moonlight.
And I shall win your love by daylight. Be my Queen.
Fuck.
Uh...you there! By my decree you shall..just uh...carry on..sirrah.........yes.
DID SOMEONE SAY SHEPHERD'S PIE?!

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