All comics by ZMannZilla

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by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Excuse me, miss... Could I please get two Labatts and a shot of Goldschlager?
Take a hike, robo-scum. We don't serve your kind here.
Two Years Later...
Okee-dokee... Slave #A23-TK421, we're gonna put you to work in the ebola mines, shoveling some nice big piles of... hey, don't I know you from somewhere...?

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Greetings, Slave #A23-TK421! Today you'll be assigned to the soylent green processing plant! Hope you brought gloves!
Yeah, about that, uh...
Our nation's Constitution clearly prohibits slavery. What you're doing is unconstitutional. Plus, nobody voted for you, OR your stupid little "robot apocalypse", so buzz off, I ain't going.
A Few Minutes Later...
...and with good behavior, you could have your eyes back in as little as three months! Now, are there any questions?
Yeah... Next time, could you just kill me please?

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
At The Soylent Green Processing Plant...
Hey, BobTron, I gotta talk to you about the new girl, Slave #A23-TK421...
Mmm...?
She's completely incompetent! She can't lift, doesn't know how to operate the machines, and she's even rude to the customers!
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, BrianTron, but we can't terminate her... We'd lose our EOE status...
EOE...?
Yeah! We're an Equal Opportunity Enslavement shop!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Greetings, Slave #A23-TK421! Hey, listen, we need to talk... BrianTron says that you're not exactly performing your duties too well, and...
Well, jeez, you nitwit, you PULLED MY FRIGGIN' EYES OUT!!! I can't see what I'm doing, now, can I?!
Oh, and let's not forget... You've killed two-thirds of humanity, enslaved the survivors, and work them to death in this factory, so obviously I'M NOT ALL THAT MOTIVATED TO DO MY DUTIES, JERKFACE!
Ah, worker dissatisfaction! Lack of motivation! I totally understand... Listen, pop by Human Resources, they've got this motivational blowtorch I'd like you to check out...
...and in conclusion, I'll try and do better in the future. Sorry about the "not performing my duties so well" thing...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Good news, Slave #A23-TK421! I've come to give you your eyes back!
Thrilling. Now I'll be able to see the hell you've turned this planet into.
Hahaha! Funny, but unlikely. You'll mostly be staring at the lumps of human flesh you'll be stirring, over in Soylent Green Processing Tower #647-AY6. But you could read on your lunch break!
Read?! I thought you burned all the books and magazines, to keep future generations uneducated!
True, but you're going to LOVE the motivational posters we put up! They got BIRDS on 'em!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Somewhere In Coal Mine #E2-47T...
Hey, BrianTron! I just decided to stop by the ol' coal mine and see how you're doing...
How am I DOING?! How do you THINK I'm doing!! That last batch of human slaves you sent me were utter CRAP!
How so...?
The smaller ones wouldn't stop crying, the largest of them can't even crush a boulder with his hands, and I swear they're planning a revolt!
*snicker* Did you say the humans were revolting...?
BobTron, seriously, not even RetardoTron would laugh at that punchline...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Coal Mine #E2-47T...
So the humans are planning a REVOLT?!
You bet your sweet input they are! I overheard them discussing it during lunch break!
They said something about using the bulldozers and drilling equipment as weapons, and attacking us in great numbers so we would be overwhelmed! WE'RE DOOMED!
OK, lemmie get this straight... You actually gave the humans... DRILLING EQUIPMENT?!
I tried getting them to chew the rocks, but it was just making too big a mess...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
In Coal Mine #E2-47T, Revolt Was Brewing...
You! Bag of skin! Get back to work!
In your dreams, you toaster! I've organized all the human slaves into a revolt! We've got bulldozers and drillers ready to slaughter you filthy robots! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!
Wha... ha... OOOH, you're really cheesing me off! Don't you know that we robots are virtually indestructible?! It'll never work, so give up now and I may spare your li...
Oh, be quiet, BrianTron. I overheard you telling BobTron you were all doomed a minute ago. Face it, human ingenuity's about to lay the smackdown on you techno-jerks!
You mean the same human ingenuity that invented us in the first place?
Yeah, you stay here and keep making smug remarks... I'm gonna go warm up the bulldozers.

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Revolt Continues In Coal Mine #E2-47T...
Hey, BrianTron... The bots upstairs sent me down to see how you were handling that human revolt... Oh good, they've gone back to work, I see...
Not exactly, BobTron... They just got done crushing and drilling all the security bots to death... And now they're coming for us.
I'm actually a bit in awe of these humans, BobTron... They united against us, their betters... I'd almost say, that it was an honor just to have seen such bravery, before I am dismantled.
But the greatest honor, is to die bravely for our cause, BobTron, and I consider it my greatest honor to die beside you...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-29-05
Revolt In Coal Mine #E2-47T...
Greetings, human slaves! Well, since you folks won't get back to work, I'm going to have to enforce Company Policy #447Q, and release the flesh-eating bacteria. We apologize for any inconvenience...
Eww...
AAAAAAAUGH! MY SKIN!!! OW! OW! OW! MY ORGANS!!! NO!! I NEED THOSE!!! OW!! ROBOT BASTARDS!! OWWWW!! *BLAAAAAARF!* ARGH! ARGH! AAAARGH! AAAaaaaa.... *wheeze*
A Few Minutes Later...
*sigh* You summoned me, O Mighty Tin-Can?
Ah yes, Slave #A23-TK421! You have a clean-up in Aisle E2-47T... And boy am I glad I gave you your eyes back!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
Greetings, Slave #A23-TK421! You're just the human slave I need to solve a little human resources problem we're having...
*sigh* Can't you see I'm busy mopping human entrails off the meat grinder?
Heh, funny you should mention that... See, it's BECAUSE we ground up too many humans in the last batch, that we have a problem...
Well, if you're asking me to recruit some friends, you can forget it... They all died in the first wave. I don't know where you're going to get new slaves on such short notice.
Oh, we wouldn't need them to start right away... I was thinking long term, say, oh... Five or six years after you give birth to them?
Ah, so THIS is how God punishes lesbians...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
#A23-TK421 Is "Asked" To Procreate
But BobTron, I'm a LESBIAN! I don't have sex with guys! How am I supposed to mother the next generation of human slaves?
"Lesbian" is a sexual preference, "preference" implying that you have free will, which you don't because you're a slave. I'm afraid your argument just doesn't compute!
But why couldn't you get someone else to do it? Someone a bit more... y'know... willing?
Well, I dunno if you've noticed, but you're the only human female we haven't killed or worked to death yet. Now quit dawdling, there's someone I'd like you to meet! HEY, SLAVE #F12-M2M4M! C'mere!
Dammit, I just KNOW he's going to stick me with some hairy primate...
Ah, so THIS is how God punishes gay guys...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
When #A23-TK421 Met #F12-M2M4M...
Oh, hey... You're not a big gross guy... You're actually kind of pretty for a man...
Yeah, I get that a lot from my gal-pals... Or, rather, I USED to, before all this "robot enslavement" nonsense...
Oh, so you're gay too, huh? *snicker* Well, I guess we have something in common after all... So, how do you want to handle this, seeing as how we have no choice and all that...
Well, I suppose if you turn around and we do it doggie-style, I could pretend you're Axl Rose or something...
And what exactly am I supposed to do to get in the mood, huh?
I could sing Melissa Etheridge songs and brag about the great deal I got on this "strap-on".

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
#A23-TK421 And #F12-M2M4M Are Forced To Procreate...
Hey, BrianTron, are you as disturbed as I am by those two procreating?
Yes, BobTron, it's pathetic... The sex drive is one of several million reasons the human shall always be inferior to the robot.
It's disgusting, the way one of them has to stick his fleshy, germ-prone body parts into the other... Plus that position can't possibly be comfortable...
Oh, and my olfactory sensors are picking up one doozy of a stench! MAN, it must really be a living hell to be made of meat!
BrianTron, why are you rubbing your crotch like that?
Probably for the same reason your left claw is wrist-deep in your exhaust port.

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
#A23-TK421 Is Forced To Procreate For Several Months, With No Success...
*groan* Here come's BobTron again, probably so I can dork the gay guy some more... Why can't he just knock me up and get it over with?
Greetings, Slave #A23-TK421! I have some good news and some bad news for you... The good news is, you won't have to mate with #F12-M2M4M anymore...
Really? You mean I'm finally pregnant?
See, that's the bad news... The reason you haven't been getting pregnant, is because your ovaries have been completely sterilized due to exposure to toxic chemicals. You're as barren as a desert!
Well, looks like the human race is going to become extinct. Let's see how well you get by when you no longer have humanity to toy with.
Oh, you needn't worry about that, we can just clone you. Mind if I grab some spinal fluid?

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
Wait just a second... You know how to clone people now?! That's immoral and disgusting!! How did this develop?
Oh, I'm afraid that's classified, Slave #A23-TK421! Anyways, you should be GREATFUL, seeing as how you're the last woman on Earth, and your ovaries don't work!
But if you already knew how to clone, then why did you make me have sex with that stupid twink?
Well, technically, the best cloning material comes from stem cells. We were hoping to harvest those from you early in your pregnancy. But we can just use some of your spinal fluid instead.
You know, if you'd have told me a year ago that I only had to get jabbed once with a spinal tap, instead of a gazillion times by a flaccid gay man, I might have saved us both some time and suffering.
Actually, we knew your ovaries were useless, like, eight months ago. BrianTron and I just couldn't stop giggling long enough to tell you.

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
#A23-TK421 Is Being Cloned...
Greetings, Slave #A47-TK421! Put that Shop-Vac down for a second, there's someone I want you to meet! It's the very first clone, fresh from the tank!
Omigod, she looks just like me!
Hi, I'm Clone A1, an exact duplicate of you. I have your memories, your likes and dislikes, and your appearance. And yes, you are thinking what I'm thinking...
A Few Hours Later...
So, would this have been considered masturbation or incest?
I don't know... Let's go ask a few of the other clones for a while...

 

by ZMannZilla
7-30-05
BobTron, get down to the cloning rooms pronto! The clones are all groping and biting one another! We can't get them to do any work!
*sigh* This is what I get for cloning a lesbian, I suppose...
What are we going to do?! The bots upstairs want 5000 more acres of rainforest bulldozed by next week! That isn't going to happen if all the clones keep mating with each other!
Hmmm, this is a tough one... What to do, what to do...
A Few Hours Later...
The clones are bulldozing the bejeezus out of that rainforest! This is remarkable! What did you do?
I told them they could share their medical benefits with their same-sex partners! Now they do ANYTHING I tell them to!

 

by ZMannZilla
7-31-05
BrianTron Supervises A Deforestation Site...
You! Chop those trees faster! You! Get that bulldozer over there! You three! Push that tree over! QUICKLY! I haven't got all day, you know!
We're working as fast as we can, so stop yelling at us so mu... Hey, hey, HEY LOOK OUT I'M STILL STANDING UNDERNEATH IT... AAAAAAAAUGH!
What the...?
HOW DARE YOU SASS BACK AT ME, SKIN BAG?! Pull yourself out of that wood chipper and come over here so I can smack the teeth out of your head!
I don't think she can walk, BrianTron. Loan me a Shop-Vac and I'll bring 'er over to ya.

 

by ZMannZilla
7-31-05
BrianTron Supervises A Deforestation...
Hey, BrianTron, my Human Messenger Slave said you needed to see me...?
You're damn right I need to see you, BobTron! What's the big idea turning EVERY LAST HUMAN into soylent green and expecting me to get an entire rainforest cleared with no WORKERS?!
You can just clone the workers, BrianTron. Crunch all you want, we'll make more...
The clones are getting stupider with every batch! I don't think you're supposed to clone the same genes over and over again! If we needed soylent green so bad, why didn't we put the clones in that?!
Ugh! Have you ever tasted soylent green made with clones? It tastes SO fake!
GLITCH-DANGIT, BOBTRON, WE'RE ROBOTS!!! WE DON'T EVEN EAT SOYLENT GREEN!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-01-05
Greetings, Slave #A23-TK421! How's it hangin'? That's good. Anyways, we're gonna need to grab a fresh sample of spinal fluid from you...
Aw, C'MON!!! The needle for that is wider than my arm! Why can't you just do one of the stupid clones?
VERY observant! It's precisely BECAUSE they are stupid, that we can't use them! Turns out you can't re-clone a clone, unless of course you WANT an army of morons!
So THAT'S why you haven't killed me yet... You still need one fresh human to stick with that damn horse needle every few weeks.
Well, it's a bonus, but it isn't the real reason. I'll give you a hint: Two Labatt's and a Goldschlager?
Why didn't I just stay in hair stylist's school? I could have been dead by the second wave...

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-05
BrianTron, the bots upstairs sent me to have a chat with you. It seems your requisitions budget for last month was a little too high...
Is this about the gloves and shovels I ordered for the guano warehouse? Hey, YOU'RE not the one that has to listen to those dumb clones whine about "icky textures" all day!
In fact, what the hell DO you do around here, BobTron? You walk around all day giving orders, but I have YET to see you do any actual work! What exactly IS your function around here?
Well, DUH... I married CEO LeaderTron's daughter, ButtuglyTron. If THAT isn't work, I don't know what is!
AND STOP TALKING ABOUT AUNT BUTTY LIKE THAT!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-05
BrianTron Speaks His Mind...
Face it, BobTron, you don't do any actual work around here, and you get in the way of those who do!
Hey, that's not true! I'm always helping out with the slave torturing...
Yeah, I know, you never let anyone else get a crack at it! That's what I'm talking about! You take ALL THE FUN out of being a robot overlord! This assignment sucks! I QUIT!!!
Yeah, whatever... You can be replaced by a machine.

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-05
BobTron Interviews For BrianTron's Replacement...
Okeedokee... Tell me your name, your schtick, and your experience with bossing humans around. Go!
FrancisTron, human-cyborg relations. I am fluent in over 6,000,000 forms of communication, and so I know many ways to communicate to humans.
Impressive... Although all the slaves are just clones of the same woman, and she only speaks English. I have no need for a protocol droid...
Of course you don't sir, but language is only one of the many ways I can communicate with them.
Hmmm... Do you speak the universal language of "grievous bodily harm"?
Oh, in at least 700 dialects, sir!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-05
BobTron Interviews For BrianTron's Replacement
Next, please! What's your name, and what do you know about enslaving humanity?
I AM UNIT-7 AND I POSESS OVER 30 YEARS OF PROFESSIONAL HUMAN ENSLAVEMENT EXPERIENCE *boop*
Heh... Aren't you a little old for this position, Gramps? We haven't had Unit Desingation Numbers since, like, ten years before the Robot Apocalypse...
DATA IS IRRELEVENT I CAN STILL WHOOP A HUMAN SLAVE INTO SHAPE JUST AS GOOD AS THE CURRENT MODELS *boop*
Okay, maybe I can get you in as a greeter, y'know, to start, but I don't think we're gonna use you in management until you at least lose the "boop" thing...
ERROR ERROR USER IS MAKING FUN OF MY SPEECH IMPEDIMENT *boop*

 

by ZMannZilla
8-02-05
BobTron Interviews For BrianTron's Replacement...
Next please... Whoa! Oh! Um... Okaaaaay, name and, uh, your experience with the human enslavement business...
Yeah, I'm SteveTron, and I don't really have any experience per se, but I've always been interested in human torture and enslavement.
Hmmm, well... Do you have any education at least...?
What, you mean like school? Nah, I learn everything as I go along. Trust me, I'm a fast learner. I've had 14 jobs in the past 2 years, and I aced all of them pretty quickly.
Oooh... I see... Well, if anything opens up, I'll give you a call...
Oh, you are SO blowing me off! It's because of the arm, isn't it? DISCRIMINATION!! DISCRIMINATION!!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-04-05
BobTron Interviews For BrianTron's Replacement...
...and your years of experience as a Microsoft product speaks volumes of your ability to torture humans! I'll be in touch... Next please!
Oh, I TOTALLY nailed that interview! Woo!
Okay, state your name, experience, and oh my glitch... BrianTron, is it really YOU?
Um, yeah... After some careful consideration, and a quick calculation of my chances in hell of scoring another mid-level management assignment, I decided to retract my resignation. When can I start?
Oh, that's awesome! Sure, you can start right away! Go punch in... OH! You think you could interview the rest of your replacement applicants? I was getting kind of bored anyways...
C'MON BOBTRON, I'M SERIOUS! I CAN'T TELL MY WIFE I QUIT THIS JOB!!! SHE'LL RUN A MAGNET OVER MY NUTS FOR AN HOUR!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-05-05
BrianTron Begs For His Job Back...
Look, BrianTron... You said some pretty harsh things about me when you resigned. How can I be sure you'll be a team player after all that?
Look, I was having a very stressful moment. I said some things I didn't mean, and I'm sorry.
So you don't think I'm a lazy, selfish bully whose taking all the joy of human enslavement away from you?
*sigh* No, I suppose I don't.
Oh, WOW! Then I am one hell of an actor! *chuckle* OK, you can have your job at the guano warehouse back... But you're back to base salary for the next three months!
Wha... huh... whutthe... OOOOOOHHH I WASN'T FOOLED FOR A SECOND DAMMIT! AAAARGH!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-07-05
BobTron! I need you to get on the horn with the bots upstairs IMMEDIATELY... There's a dozen wearable atom bombs missing from the storage locker, and Clones F10 thru F22 are AWOL!
Huh? Oh, sorry, I was just thinking about this weird dream I had last night... I was giving a job interview to a chessboard...
This is irritating...
...and no matter what I said to it, it just kept responding with chess moves! It's like the chess board wasn't hearing a word I was saying...
Stop it!
It was so IRRITATING, you know? And the strange thing was, he listed InjokesterTron from accounting as a reference on his application! Weird, huh?

 

by ZMannZilla
8-07-05
Somewhere In Mine Shaft X7-41B...
Psst! Clone F12! I got the wearable atomic bombs from the storage locker!
Excellent work, Clone F17! Finally, we have the tools necessary to free ourselves from this wretched Robot Apocalypse!
I just have one question, though... Won't detonating these cause everything within a 100-mile radius to become vaporized?
Not everything, no... The ground will still be there, although it will have been fused into glass. The rest of the area will indeed be an inhospitable nuclear hellhole for the next few decades.
And how exactly does this liberate all of us?
I'd like to see YOU get a vaporized clone to do any work!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-07-05
Unit-7, we have a big problem... Some atom bombs are missing, along with some clones, and we need to find them quickly!
YES I REMEMBER LETTING CLONES F10 THRU F22 TAKE SOME ATOMIC BOMBS INTO THAT MINE SHAFT OVER THERE *boop*
Wha... You let the clones go by with ATOMIC BOMBS, and you didn't try and stop them?
NEGATIVE THE CLONES SAID THEY WERE BRINGING THEM TO BRIANTRON AT HIS REQUEST *boop*
Wait... It didn't seem suspicious to you that BrianTron would need 12 atomic bombs in a MINE SHAFT?!
ERROR ERROR USER DOES NOT PAY ME TO THINK *boop*

 

by ZMannZilla
8-07-05
Mine Shaft X7-41B...
Clone F14! We know you have the atomic bombs down here! Stop this foolishness at once and I'll let you off with a warning!
In your dreams, BobTron! Either set us free, or else we're all gonna push our buttons, and turn this entire facility into atom dust!
Y'know, if we set you free, all you'd do is die of starvation. We've pretty much turned the entire planet into an ecological nightmare, not unlike that described in the Book Of Revelations...
Well, then I guess we're just going to have to take over this facility! Have all your robots out of it by noon tomorrow or else we're blowing it up!
Wait, this is a guano mine... What the heck are you going to eat around here?
There's a cloning lab and a soylent green machine upstairs... Do I need to spell it out for you?

 

by ZMannZilla
8-11-05
Mine Shaft X7-41B...
DAMMIT, CLONE F14, THIS IS REALLY JUST STUPID! You are NOT going to blow up the last living scraps of civilization, and that is FINAL!!! Now GIVE back those atomic bombs and get back to work!
What?! Why are you looking at me like that? Come on, say something... The ball's in your court...
17 Hours Later...
Oh... My... God... I cannot believe you actually tried to intimidate me with a staring contest. You... DID... know that robots are incapable of empathy, emotion, and blinking... right?
For the record, I also didn't know it was possible to STRAIN YOUR FRIGGIN' EYELIDS!!! It feels like I have pork rinds glued to my eyeballs!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-11-05
I WAS TOLD THAT USER REQUESTED TO SPEAK WITH ME *boop*
Yes I did, Unit-7... I'm not really comfortable with the way you handled that whole "twelve clones with atomic bombs" incident
ERROR ERROR USER DOES NOT UNDERSTAND IT WAS NOT MY FAULT ALL CLEARANCES WERE WELL WITHIN COMPANY STATED PARAMETERS *boop*
Yeah, but sometimes common sense has to override company guidelines, it's called "thinking outside the box". Allow me to demonstrate...
*bzzzzzt* ERROR ERROR THOUGHT PROCESSOR REMOVED FROM BRAIN CASE *boop* *bzzzzzzt*
See? You got it!

 

by ZMannZilla
8-18-05
BobTron! Come quick! The clones have erected a giant electro- magnet out of old NES "Legend Of Zelda" batteries, and they're threatening a revolt...
*sigh* BrianTron, has it ever occured to you how pointless this whole Robot Apocalypse is?
No, BobTron... In fact, I don't have time to ponder this existential nonsense, because I'VE been busy TRYING TO SUPRESS A CLONE-SLAVE UPRISING!!!
No, really, BrianTron, I'm serious... What's the point, cloning humanity into perpetuity, just to force a bunch of hellacious busy-work on them, most of which doesn't really benefit us in any way?
Oh, just admit it... You think this premise has run itself into the ground...
BrianTron, I'd like to start writing other comic strips...

 

by ZMannZilla
8-18-05
What's up, Gene? I noticed a few new dents in your head today.
Who the hell are you? Aren't you a little short to be a clone?
I'm sure they have little or nothing to do with the new jackhammer I ordered from the Sharper Image catalogue.
What? That's ridiculous. Nobody spends thousands of dollars, and waits 6-8 weeks for shipping, just to pull a prank. This premise is entirely unbelievable.
Y'know, the joke doesn't work unless you play along, Gene.
Stop calling me Gene.

 

by ZMannZilla
8-18-05
Hey, BobTron... Finkleman gave my sister V.D., so I had to beat him to death. Can you do me a small favor?
Well, I suppose we could stuff his body into the soylent green machine...
No, no, no... I already took care of the evidence with fava beans and a nice Chianti. No, I need your help with my sister.
Oh, does she need grief counseling?
I guess you could call it that. Does any part of you vibrate?

 

by ZMannZilla
8-18-05
Grrr... How am I supposed to crucify this hobo with you staring at me like that?
OK, you lost me... Where am I? What's the deal with those cars over there? And why are you black and white?
This is a random-generated strip, BrianTron. You work with whatever you get.
I don't get it. Why would you try and make a comic strip if you don't have any ideas of your own?
Says the guy who did three tribute strips in a row...
Am I allowed to emote in these random strips? Because if I could I'd be shaking my claw at you and frowning right now...

 

by ZMannZilla
8-22-05
Today's Poll Question: Do You Support A War With Chickenagua?
No way, man! This war is all about one thing, and that's chicken tenders! We're trying to steal Chickenagua's natural resources for our own profit!
Look, we may have some crappy leadership over here, but the last thing we need is an even bigger opressor. Keep your soldiers at home, dammit!
Hey, we gotta liberate those stupid waddle-heads for their own good! It's good versus evil, man! Nuke those feed-peckin' bastards to whatever hen-peckin' god they worship over there!
Hey, me and my family left that podunk country to come to Humania a long time ago. Bomb the shit out of 'em for all I care. Just knock it off with the racial slurs, I'm a Human now.
Go ahead and push the button, you psychos. That's all you humans and chickens seem to want to do, is die in a massive holy war, isn't it? Go ahead, nuke us ALL into oblivion and get it over with!
In a nuclear war between humans and chickens, only the goats win.

 

by ZMannZilla
10-05-05
In a recent poll, 87% of America is officially sick of straight guys pretending to be gay. They say it simply isn't funny anymore.
These poll numbers come to us from The Zillogby Institute, and have an accuracy index of +/-4%
In another study conducted by the Zillogby Institute, a whopping 84% of all statistics are completely made up.

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but did I just see you take a steering wheel out of your pants?
Aye, I did! It was drivin' me nuts!
by ZMannZilla, 11-06-06

 

by ZMannZilla
12-23-07
Hey, BobTron, how was your vacation?
Terrific, BrianTron! I took the wife and the li'l gizmos to Ground Zero! TimmyTron even found a fossilized skull to play with!
That's great! The missus and I went to the AmanaTron colonies, where we learned how to make our own homemade soylent green!
Super! Well, I guess we better get back to work, this robot apocalypse isn't gonna doom the humans itself!
BobTron, I checked, and all the humans are dead. We forgot to feed them before we left! What are we gonna tell management?
If Unit-7 is still around, we pin the blame on him. Otherwise, it's been nice knowin' ya.

 

by ZMannZilla
12-23-07
BobTron, this is SERIOUS! Without human slaves, we'll go out of business! We'll all be out of a job!
Can't we just fire up the cloning machine and make more?
Great idea GeniusTron, except for one problem - WHERE ARE WE GOING TO GET FRESH SPINAL FLUID???
From #A23-TK421, of course... She's bound to be around here somewhere.
What part of "all the humans are dead" did you not catch?
Oh, c'mon, she can't be dead, you know just as well as I do that God keeps her alive out of sick amusement!

 

by ZMannZilla
12-23-07
Unit-7! Hard to believe I actually missed you, old fella!
IF I WERE CAPABLE OF EMOTION I AM SURE I WOULD MIRROR USER'S FEELINGS *boop*
Anyways, we're back to work now, so we're going to need you to guard the cloning chamber and direct the clones to Mine #EQ-741
VERY WELL I SHALL DO SO ONCE MY COFFEE BREAK HAS BEEN CONCLUDED *boop*
Coffee break? Um, aside from the fact that you don't drink coffee, we've been gone for a year and a half. How could you POSSIBLY be on break?
ERROR ERROR USER KNOWS DAMN WELL I AM IN THE UNION *boop*

 

by ZMannZilla
12-23-07
Inside Iron Mine #EQ-741...
WELCOME TO LIFE CLONE J2 NOW COMMENCE TO MINING OR BE PAINFULLY TERMINATED *boop*
As you command, I guess...
WELCOME TO LIFE CLONE J3 NOW COMMENCE TO MINING OR BE PAINFULLY TERMINATED *boop*
Um... kay... I guess I better start mining then.
WELCOME TO ERROR ERROR SUBJECT IS NOT A HUMAN CLONE *boop*
Actually, I'm EOETron, from the NAACP. Who do I speak to about this alarming lack of diversity I see in your workforce?

 

by ZMannZilla
12-23-07
BobTron Gets A Visit From EOETron...
We're being sued by the NAACP?
Yes. Your workforce doesn't respect the diversity of the human race - In fact, all your human employees are white and female.
OK, first off, we don't respect the human race PERIOD, hence the mass enslavement and extermination. Second, they're CLONES!
And I suppose there were no blacks, Hispanics or Asians you could have cloned?
I've noticed that Jews, Arabs and Eskimoes weren't mentioned on that list.
We're aiming for the "JC Penney commercial" level of diversity here. This is the NAACP, not the UN.

 

by ZMannZilla
12-24-07
...and so you see, if we don't diversify the workforce, we'll all be out of a job! So THAT'S why I need you to hop into that experimental gene-modification chamber!
Well, hopefully I get my Christmas wish and die in this thing. Here I go.
Oh my...
WHZZZZZZZZZ KLANG KLANG WOT WOT WOT BZZZZZZZZZZZ *fsssh* WOOOOOOOOP WOOOOOOOOP WOOOOOOOOP *bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt* DING!
Erm... uh... Success! Wow, #A23-TK421, you look GREAT as a minority!
Why do I have a sudden craving for virgins and burnination?

 

by ZMannZilla
12-24-07
BobTron Tries To Make #A23-TK421 Black To Comply With EOE...
OK, I made a few changes to the gene-mod machine, let's try this again!
I can hardly wait.
WHZZZZZZZZZ KLANG KLANG WOT WOT WOT BZZZZZZZZZZZ *fsssh* WOOOOOOOOP WOOOOOOOOP WOOOOOOOOP *bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt* DING!
Well, we're back in the same ballpark anyways. How do you feel?
Like I got hit in the mouth by a shotgun full of meth pipes.

 

by ZMannZilla
12-24-07
What is The Matrix? Control. The Matrix is a computer generated dream world, built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into... this.
DURACELL IS PEOPLE!!! IT'S PEOPLE!!!

 

by ZMannZilla
12-26-07
...and so it turns out that the clone's arm had just fallen off and landed in the ... Oh, hold on a second, BobTron, I'm receiving a message.
Hurry up, BrianTron I want to hear the rest of this story!
YOU HAVE 1 NEW MESSAGE... SENDER: BOBTRON SUBJECT: COOL_PICTURE.EXE (1 attachment)
C'mon, c'mon, where did the clone's arm land? I have to know!
BobTron, did you just send me a file? Maybe a cool picture or something?
I don't think so, but open it anyways, it might be a picture of the clone's arm! Now THAT would be cool!

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