All comics by adambesme

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, crack cocaine, man.
So, uh, you have the stuff?
Of course I do.
I miss being 12.
Well, uh, lets get stoned.
Sweet.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, I mean, do cowboys do crack?
Woah, dude, am I like busted or something? Cowboy...what the hell?
Yo. Uh, Howdy. Whatever. So, like I hear you got the hookup, yo. Wait, I can say "dude," no?
Uh, yeah. Dude, it's all good.
But you know, we should keep this on the DL, seeing as, you know, I should be boozing it up, rather than, well, you know.
Uh. Right. I know. Look, I uh, I have a Nintendo game on pause. So, fork it over, and you can free base on the free range or whatever you call your shit.
Sweet.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Sometimes it's like...woah. Then, you gotta drop it like it's hot.
Whatup. So I thought I'd say a) you've got a big ass head, and b) like, you know what you're here for?
Yeah, uh, not a good way to start a sell, child. But uh, I mean, this is good quality, right?
Pshaw. Even if it wasn't, would I tell you?
Tru dat. Look, I need some Catherine Zeta-Jones kick-ass "Traffic" quality stuff, you know what I'm saying.
Uh, not really. My parents wont even let me see "The Matrix." So "Traffic" aint happening. Look, so we got a deal?
Dude. No. Look, I mean, I need family loyalty quality, microfilm hidden in painting quality goods. Twelve year old don't have that soul, man.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, board meeting, man. Like, wouldn't it be cool if board meant "stoned"? It would, but, dude, it doesn't.
So look, I talked to some kids at the prep school. Dude, it's a frickin' gold mine.
Yeah, tru dat. I mean, we could like franchise that junk, man.
Gullible country club kids, disposable income, too little skillz.
Dude, you said skills with a z. That is not skills, my friend.
Whatever. Dude, this is getting uncool. Let's do something else. I'm thinking of a number one through crack.
Dude, sweet, man.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Look, people deal drugs at the cafe in Barnes & Nobles. These people however, are big losers. Well, I mean, the buyers are.
Gag. Me. With. A. Spoon. Dude, a goatee? How 1994 can you get? Answer: Very.
So, uh, man. I just bought a new book. I can't wait to "crack" the spine if you know what I mean.
Dude, some eight year old girl in the stairwell reading "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" knows what you're talking about.
Heh. Yeah, I mean, I'm inspired by "Wonder Boys". But I thought I'd kick it up a notch.
Look, there's no way I'm selling my shit to some loser in a chain bookstore cafe who quotes Emeril. Look, I have priciples.
Uh, true. Look, I lost my principles in 7th grade when I bought a Boys II Men album to try to be down. Dude, I am so not.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, she's 11. I mean, is this wrong? It's still a sell, yo.
Dude where's your Razor scooter? I mean, come on, you're cramping my style.
Cramping your style? Dude, you are way wrong on the lingo. But whatever. This is strictly business. Oh, and look, my grandparents got me that dumb-ass scooter okay.
Whatever. Don't be denying that junk was all up on your wish list on eToys. Anyways. Business? You do know what that means, right?
Holy crap. Let's play a game. It's called you stop being a dumb ass and make a sell to a very knowledgeable kid. Go.
Word up. I respect that.
Look, you're making my head hurt. This is the last time I go street level.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, did you ever think about how porn the name of the show "3-2-1 Contact" is? I mean, woah.
Smoke....everyday. Heh. Woah. Dude, we even get WB? What is this junk?
Next on "Temptation Island"...Mandy proves she's a whore. Kaya proves he's gay. The host proves he's a jackass.
Dude, this is whore-tastic. Psh. But I mean, where is the real reality programming?
"Billy I'm sorry, Billy I'm sorry, Billy I'm sorry!" {Lick}
Dude, shield the eyes! I mean, I'm 12, I can't be seeing that junk. Crap. Where's my stash?
Next, on the 10 o'clock news...the war on drugs...are we doing all we can?

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, have you even made a comic that really sucked and you feel like you have to write a better one to redeem yourself? Yeah, well neither have I.
Have you ever noticed that for two 12 year old smack addicted drug dealers, we look a lot alike?
Uh, what's your point?
Nothing, I can't help thinking that we might be living in some sort of "Fight Club"-like alternate universe and one of us doesn't really exist.
Well, I know that my nose bleeds every time I snort some coke.
Yeah, me too. Whatever. I shouldn't talk smack like that anyways.
Heh. "Talk smack." Dude, it's your job to talk smack.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, don't tell me to stop. Tell the rain not drop. Mainly, because, man, who are you?
Dude, repeat customer. Sweet. These are, uh, well, I need more.
Yo. Thanks for the junk, man. It got me through some weird stuff.
Yeah, so ditched the cowboy-speak after a few lines?
Well, uh, I'm not a cowboy. Well, if by cowboy you meant "dancer in a Madonna video" then well, yeah, I was one of those.
Word. Yeah, but doesn't Madonna have better junk than I do?
Well, back in the day, yeah. But she's on the whole "mom" kick, so whatever. Dude, do these chaps work for me?

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Dude, I am a comic-churning machine.
Crack cocaine.
10 comics in one night.
Of course, the only thing churning are the stomachs of the people unlucky enough to read a lame comic strip about 12 year old drug dealers. But whatever. I rock on turnover.
Sweet.

 

by adambesme
1-24-01
Look, I had to read "Metamorphisis"
So like, where are all the obligatory Kafka jokes? Dude, I'm not kidding.
Look, just stick to the lame crack jokes. And when I mean lame I mean...oh wait, they really are lame.

 

by adambesme
1-25-01
Hey, do you know what's funny? When I leave entire words out and spell everything wrong, even though I read it over before I save it. Oh, and replace "funny" with "annoying".
Hey, props for buying me a ticket for "Dude Where's My Car?", man.
Yeah, uh, no problem. So like, you were saying I'd be getting the hookup, right?
Uh, yeah. And for the Snowcaps. Man, I'm all about Snowcaps, because you never see them anywhere but at the movies. But it's like SNOWCAPS, man.
Yeah, no, Snowcaps, word. So like, the stuff man...
Hey, you know what would be cool? If Snowcaps was slang for smack. Dude, I wonder if I could start that myself...
Dude, I hear you. Frickin' a man, I should have something cool to say, but alas, no. Crap. I just said alas. Oh, and thanks for the junk.

 

by adambesme
1-25-01
Sometimes you should stop when you just hit level A suck. Dude, I'm hitting off the charts with my suck-osity.
What's up little sis, what's the dilly, yo.
Heh. You said dilly. Like as in, you're a loser and can't use slang worth crap.
Yeah, whatever. Tell mom I've got a business dinner at the Olive Garden.
Yeah, mom's got a PTA meeting tonight, so she's gonna care not at all where you are.
Tru dat. PTA as in Parents Taking Acid. Dude, that sucked. Don't tell anyone I made that joke.
I thought it was funny. Because I'm four years old. Oh wait, I am.

 

by adambesme
1-25-01
You know, these would make a lot more sense if I actually knew stuff about crack. But dude, I don't. Well, not yet at least.
So like, man, my goal in life is to be the next Ashton Kutcher. Sweet.
Yeah, well, whatever. I'm going to be the next Topher Grace.
Topher Grace? Like as in, was not in "Dude Where's My Car?"?
True. He was not. But he does smoke on every episode of "That 70's Show," not to mention the fact that he got Michael Douglas's daughter hooked on smack in "Traffic."
Oh yeah, that fake Julia Stiles girl. Dude, where was all your slang in the last panel.
Dude, word, yo. There wasn't enough room to be capturing my flow.

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