Breakup 1 by agnt_M10-25-02 What are you doing here? I had something I wanted to say... You can't keep showing up like this. Well, I haven't seen you in a week, and... You're probably mad I spent the night at his place.
Breakup 2 by agnt_M10-25-02 No... I know you're really good friends and... HE'S MY BEST FRIEND! I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR HIM! I know... I just um, thought you'd like to get coffee Alright. Come in. But you're NOT STAYING. uh. Ok. I'm getting a beer.
Breakup 3 by agnt_M10-25-02 So what are we doing on your patio? I'm going to try one of those Parliaments. What's this half-filter shit? It's better than GPC. What the hell does GPC stand for? I have no idea. "General Pack'a'Crap
e-mail from ex 1. by agnt_M10-31-02 Ok... Let's see. e-mail from the ex here... You probably hate me. I could never hate you. Is that why you told me you never want to speak to me again?
Breakup 4 by agnt_M10-31-02 I have to know something. How do you feel about me? I love you very, very much. Then why are we breaking up?
Breakup 5. by agnt_M10-31-02 So you love me. Yes. But we're still breaking up. Yes. Suddenly I don't feel so good.
Email 4 by agnt_M10-31-02 Let's see. Girls and Goats... Delete. Women over 40. Delete. Email from the ex... Printing.
Email 5 by agnt_M10-31-02 Printing. Eventually. read your journal. I should not. I'll stop. I've hurt you. I can only say I'm sorry and that isn't very comforting. No shit.
Email 6 by agnt_M10-31-02 My ex is reading my journal. I should probably delete the posts about oral sex. Probably a good idea.
Email 7 by agnt_M10-31-02 I should stop reading my e-mail Why? Because it's gone from "Love and Bites" and "Little things you say make my entire day" to "Maybe you should cut me out of your life entirely."
Email 8 by agnt_M10-31-02 She was having a relationship with a board member?!? Is THAT why she didn't want me to talk about us on the site? Heh heh. Dunkelzahn, huh? Ok. I'm going to need a cliff, a large tree, and fourty feet of rope...
Email 10 by agnt_M10-31-02 Checkin' the email again. You have 437,654,323,000 new messages! Is any of it for me? Actually, it's mostly porn and those pyramid schemes by asian buisinessmen.
Email 11 by agnt_M10-31-02 What is this crap? Spam, Porn... OOh! And lucritive financial opportunities. INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE NOW! Who the hell programmed your Spam filter? The guys who designed the Pinto? THAT'S CONFIDENTIAL.
Your Number by agnt_M10-31-02 So um, yeah. Can I have your number? Sure! You kind of sound a little over-enthusiastic... You're so cute. Say, um... How many times do you usually call before you get the picture and don't call back?
Bush by agnt_M10-31-02 agnt_M! I am Kay-Dar, from the planet 72364336DD! We have come to your planet with valuable information regaurding the future existance of your species! President Bush is an idiot...? This is the best we could do on short notice!
Bush 1 by agnt_M10-31-02 We already know our president is an idiot. Oh. Is there any other way we can assist? Actually...
Bush 2 by agnt_M10-31-02 You wish us to exterminate all women on your planet? Not exactly... Could you maybe make them all... SANE?
Alley by agnt_M10-31-02 Hey Brian! What's up! Not much Alley. I heard you broke it off with the 33 year old! Yeah. Oh well. Catch ya later!
Email from ex by agnt_M11-03-02 Another e-mail from the ex. Don't answer it. I haven't even read it. It's about her mom. What if she has cancer? DON'T ANSWER IT. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't answer it. Good. Very good. You are learning.
Comedian 1 by agnt_M11-03-02 So today, I'm asking some really important questions. Like, is it normal to '69' on the first date? Is this thing on?
Comedian 2 by agnt_M11-03-02 So anyway, not like any of you care, but I'm getting laid again. Well, not as much laid as the 69. HEY, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? ALIENS IS A ROMANTIC COMEDY, RIGHT?
Comedian 3 by agnt_M11-03-02 Heh. Heh. Tough crowd. Hey, here's one. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every hour of the day? Give up? A WIDOW.
Comedian 4 by agnt_M11-03-02 Ok. I think I'll just stick to personal experiences. What's the best way to loose a clingy girlfriend? TELL HER YOU LOVE HER.
Comedian 5 by agnt_M11-03-02 But enough about me. Let's talk about you. ... What do YOU think is wrong with me?
Email from ex by agnt_M11-03-02 Another e-mail from the ex. Don't answer it. I haven't even read it. It's about her mom. What if she has cancer? DON'T ANSWER IT. I'm beginning to think I shouldn't answer it. Good. Very good. You are learning.
Crimpy. by agnt_M11-03-02 So, today I learned that if a girl hesitites when she gives you her number, it may not be because she thinks you're a scary creep. Even if she has red hair and you keep calling her 'Crimpy.' Or maybe you're just a scary creep who needs to STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY REDHEADS!!
Redheads by agnt_M11-03-02 Redheads smell good. Taste good, too. What? That's it! CLICK TO THE NEXT FUCKING COMIC!!
Bedtime 1 by agnt_M11-03-02 I should be in bed. It's so empty. It's like a fucking Leon Tolstoy novel in there.
Bedtime 2 by agnt_M11-03-02 I'm so tired of sleeping alone. It's really hard. Going from sleeping in a freezing cold icebox, window open all night, girlfriend at your side. No it's not.
Bedtime 3 by agnt_M11-03-02 One thing about the ex: There were always snacks in the fridge. And she didn't mind when I stumbled back into bed at 3 am smelling like pretzels and beer. Oh, like your home life is any different!
Dear John by agnt_M11-03-02 Dear agnt_M guy. Your recent comics are really freaking us out. Please stop.
Dating 'PC' by agnt_M11-03-02 So anyway. Yes, I'm getting tail. You finally came out, didn't you. No, it's not from a man. Oh. Well, doesn't matter either way. What's your goddamn problem then? She kind of reminds me of a catholic schoolgirl I dated. . . .
Sicko 'PC' by agnt_M11-03-02 You get a lot of email about Catholic Schoolgirls. She's not that kind of Catholic Schoolgirl. Want me to check the prices of rope on Ebay?
Rope 'PC' by agnt_M11-03-02 Just because she reminds me of a catholic schoolgirl doesn't mean she's a 'closet freak.' I can tell when you're lying. You're right. Let's buy some rope. Good deal.
Nothing. by agnt_M11-03-02 Sometimes. I think of you. And the pain Is overwhelming. The only thing that shuts it out Is nothing.
Bugs. by agnt_M11-03-02 Oh look. A bug. I think I saw your sister on my windsheild last night. You're not aware of the endless cycle of life and death are you. Or... Do you completely ignore it, blissfully basking in your ignorance? Damn straight.
On the IM again. by agnt_M11-03-02 agntPM: awesome TangGirl: write one about you and me talking Ok. agntPM: Hmm. What should I write? TangGirl: I dunno. Something. agntPM: Something. This comic sucks.
Shower by agnt_M11-03-02 THE TEARS I MIGHT HAVE SHED FOR YOUR DARK FATE GROW *COLD* AND TURN TO TEARS OF... HAAATE! SHUT THE *HELL* UP! Got to stop singing in the shower. SOON, FOR CHRIST SAKES
Garbage Men. by agnt_M11-04-02 Garbage men freak me out. Always hanging around outside my window. JUST TAKE THE GARBAGE AND *LEAVE*, YOU UNGREATFUL BASTARDS!
Squirrel 1 by agnt_M11-04-02 I'm really kinda worried about Crimpy. My friend called me a 'Dirty little Boy." What if I am? What if I'm just using her? You're so full of shit, agnt_M.
Squirrel 2 by agnt_M11-04-02 Wait. Squirrels don't talk. Knock it off. You're making me paranoid. We do too. And this is the HIGH DESERT. Squirrels don't live in the HIGH DESERT. Wrong climate. I'm your spirit guide! You're one hell of a creepy spirit guide. Well, you're only one 18th Native American! I'm all the spirit world was willing to offer.
Squirrel 3 by agnt_M11-04-02 So if you're my spirit guide, what's my Spirit Quest? To stop dating crazies! Great. ? My squirrel spirit guide says I need to stop dating crazies. What's so odd about that?
Squirrel 4 by agnt_M11-04-02 You're really freaking me out, Squirrel Spirit Guide. I'm supposed to. ? I'm supposed to shake up your way of seeing things. I already get that dating crazies! Remember what I have said, my son... Remember...
Squirrel 5 by agnt_M11-04-02 Boy that was creepy. Wait a minute. WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN THE DESERT?