All comics by agnt_M

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by agnt_M
10-25-02
What are you doing here?
I had something I wanted to say...
You can't keep showing up like this.
Well, I haven't seen you in a week, and...
You're probably mad I spent the night at his place.

 

by agnt_M
10-25-02
No... I know you're really good friends and...
HE'S MY BEST FRIEND! I WOULD GIVE MY LIFE FOR HIM!
I know... I just um, thought you'd like to get coffee
Alright. Come in. But you're NOT STAYING.
uh. Ok.
I'm getting a beer.

 

by agnt_M
10-25-02
So what are we doing on your patio?
I'm going to try one of those Parliaments. What's this half-filter shit?
It's better than GPC. What the hell does GPC stand for?
I have no idea.
"General Pack'a'Crap

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Ok... Let's see. e-mail from the ex here... You probably hate me.
I could never hate you.
Is that why you told me you never want to speak to me again?

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
I have to know something.
How do you feel about me?
I love you very, very much.
Then why are we breaking up?

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
So you love me.
Yes.
But we're still breaking up.
Yes.
Suddenly I don't feel so good.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Checkin' the e-mail.
Checkin' the e-mail.
Checkin' the e-mail.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Checkin' the e-mail.
Still checking...
HOTMAIL SUCKS!

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Let's see. Girls and Goats... Delete. Women over 40. Delete.
Email from the ex...
Printing.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Printing. Eventually.
read your journal. I should not. I'll stop.
I've hurt you. I can only say I'm sorry and that isn't very comforting.
No shit.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
My ex is reading my journal.
I should probably delete the posts about oral sex.
Probably a good idea.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
I should stop reading my e-mail
Why?
Because it's gone from "Love and Bites" and "Little things you say make my entire day" to "Maybe you should cut me out of your life entirely."

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
She was having a relationship with a board member?!?
Is THAT why she didn't want me to talk about us on the site?
Heh heh. Dunkelzahn, huh?
Ok. I'm going to need a cliff, a large tree, and fourty feet of rope...

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
I'm out of rope.
Try Ebay.
YOU'RE NOT HELPING!

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Checkin' the email again.
You have 437,654,323,000 new messages!
Is any of it for me?
Actually, it's mostly porn and those pyramid schemes by asian buisinessmen.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
What is this crap?
Spam, Porn... OOh! And lucritive financial opportunities. INVEST IN YOUR FUTURE NOW!
Who the hell programmed your Spam filter? The guys who designed the Pinto?
THAT'S CONFIDENTIAL.

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
So um, yeah. Can I have your number?
Sure!
You kind of sound a little over-enthusiastic...
You're so cute. Say, um... How many times do you usually call before you get the picture and don't call back?

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
agnt_M! I am Kay-Dar, from the planet 72364336DD! We have come to your planet with valuable information regaurding the future existance of your species!
President Bush is an idiot...?
This is the best we could do on short notice!

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
We already know our president is an idiot.
Oh. Is there any other way we can assist?
Actually...

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
You wish us to exterminate all women on your planet?
Not exactly...
Could you maybe make them all... SANE?

 

by agnt_M
10-31-02
Hey Brian! What's up!
Not much Alley.
I heard you broke it off with the 33 year old!
Yeah.
Oh well. Catch ya later!

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Another e-mail from the ex.
Don't answer it.
I haven't even read it. It's about her mom. What if she has cancer?
DON'T ANSWER IT.
I'm beginning to think I shouldn't answer it.
Good. Very good. You are learning.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
So today, I'm asking some really important questions.
Like, is it normal to '69' on the first date?
Is this thing on?

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
So anyway, not like any of you care, but I'm getting laid again.
Well, not as much laid as the 69.
HEY, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? ALIENS IS A ROMANTIC COMEDY, RIGHT?

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Heh. Heh. Tough crowd.
Hey, here's one.
What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every hour of the day? Give up? A WIDOW.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Ok. I think I'll just stick to personal experiences.
What's the best way to loose a clingy girlfriend?
TELL HER YOU LOVE HER.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
But enough about me. Let's talk about you.
...
What do YOU think is wrong with me?

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Another e-mail from the ex.
Don't answer it.
I haven't even read it. It's about her mom. What if she has cancer?
DON'T ANSWER IT.
I'm beginning to think I shouldn't answer it.
Good. Very good. You are learning.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
So, today I learned that if a girl hesitites when she gives you her number, it may not be because she thinks you're a scary creep.
Even if she has red hair and you keep calling her 'Crimpy.'
Or maybe you're just a scary creep who needs to STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY REDHEADS!!

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Redheads smell good.
Taste good, too.
What? That's it! CLICK TO THE NEXT FUCKING COMIC!!

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
I should be in bed.
It's so empty.
It's like a fucking Leon Tolstoy novel in there.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
I'm so tired of sleeping alone.
It's really hard. Going from sleeping in a freezing cold icebox, window open all night, girlfriend at your side.
No it's not.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
One thing about the ex: There were always snacks in the fridge.
And she didn't mind when I stumbled back into bed at 3 am smelling like pretzels and beer.
Oh, like your home life is any different!

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
I wonder if she's still reading my books.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Sometimes, I get really lonely.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Dear agnt_M guy. Your recent comics are really freaking us out. Please stop.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
If this is freaking you out, think how I feel.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
So anyway. Yes, I'm getting tail.
You finally came out, didn't you.
No, it's not from a man.
Oh. Well, doesn't matter either way. What's your goddamn problem then?
She kind of reminds me of a catholic schoolgirl I dated.
. . .

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
You get a lot of email about Catholic Schoolgirls.
She's not that kind of Catholic Schoolgirl.
Want me to check the prices of rope on Ebay?

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Just because she reminds me of a catholic schoolgirl doesn't mean she's a 'closet freak.'
I can tell when you're lying.
You're right. Let's buy some rope.
Good deal.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Sometimes.
I think of you.
And the pain
Is overwhelming.
The only thing that shuts it out
Is nothing.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
Oh look. A bug.
I think I saw your sister on my windsheild last night.
You're not aware of the endless cycle of life and death are you. Or... Do you completely ignore it, blissfully basking in your ignorance?
Damn straight.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
agntPM: awesome
TangGirl: write one about you and me talking
Ok. agntPM: Hmm. What should I write?
TangGirl: I dunno. Something.
agntPM: Something.
This comic sucks.

 

by agnt_M
11-03-02
THE TEARS I MIGHT HAVE SHED FOR YOUR DARK FATE
GROW *COLD* AND TURN TO TEARS OF...
HAAATE!
SHUT THE *HELL* UP!
Got to stop singing in the shower.
SOON, FOR CHRIST SAKES

 

by agnt_M
11-04-02
Garbage men freak me out.
Always hanging around outside my window.
JUST TAKE THE GARBAGE AND *LEAVE*, YOU UNGREATFUL BASTARDS!

 

by agnt_M
11-04-02
I'm really kinda worried about Crimpy.
My friend called me a 'Dirty little Boy."
What if I am? What if I'm just using her?
You're so full of shit, agnt_M.

 

by agnt_M
11-04-02
Wait. Squirrels don't talk. Knock it off. You're making me paranoid.
We do too.
And this is the HIGH DESERT. Squirrels don't live in the HIGH DESERT. Wrong climate.
I'm your spirit guide!
You're one hell of a creepy spirit guide.
Well, you're only one 18th Native American! I'm all the spirit world was willing to offer.

 

by agnt_M
11-04-02
So if you're my spirit guide, what's my Spirit Quest?
To stop dating crazies!
Great.
?
My squirrel spirit guide says I need to stop dating crazies.
What's so odd about that?

 

by agnt_M
11-04-02
You're really freaking me out, Squirrel Spirit Guide.
I'm supposed to.
?
I'm supposed to shake up your way of seeing things.
I already get that dating crazies!
Remember what I have said, my son... Remember...

 

by agnt_M
11-04-02
Boy that was creepy.
Wait a minute.
WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN THE DESERT?

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