All comics by andyx

 

by andyx
6-19-03
December 24th.....
"So what would you like for christmas?"
"I want a barbie and Britney doll"
"I thought Barbie comes with Ken?"
"No she comes with Britney, she fakes it with Ken"

 

by andyx
6-19-03
Minimalism

 

by andyx
6-19-03
Explaining Politics.......
Socialism: You have two cows. You give one to your neighbour and keep one for yourself
Fascism: You have two cows. You give all the milk to the government and the government sells it.
Communism: You have two cows. You give them both to the government, and they may give you some milk.
Nazism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes both cows.
Anarchism: You have two cows. Keep both cows, shoot the government agent and steal another cow.
Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government makes you take harmonica lessons.

 

by andyx
6-19-03
"Its a shame the motor industry isnt moving as fast as the computer industry"
"why's that then?"
"Well you see, we would all be driving £500 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon"
"But everyone would crash twice a day for no reason whatsoever......
....and maneuvers such as a left turn would cause your car to conk out and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine"

 

by andyx
6-19-03
....and baisically, thats pythagoras' theorm"
"Its so nice to be with a guy like you and not have to worry about what hes thinking"
nice tits!
"erm.....It's your move"

 

by andyx
6-19-03
X-P79-D3 really needed to work on his 'come to bed' eyes
"hey, thats some pretty neat circuitry you got going on there"
shit

 

by andyx
6-19-03
At the way to the fancy dress party.....
"We definetly said YOU'D hire the end and ID hire the head"
"If you TOLD me to hire the end i would have HIRED then end!"

 

by andyx
6-19-03
Anthony still would not accept that it wasn't possible to create himself a fully functioning woman out of a small furry squirrel
...and if i re route the genetic structure through the TZX 3000 V3.14 programme...
...and finally start the cloning process...
...fuck

 

by andyx
6-19-03
8.45 pm
Jon could have sworn hed told people the party started at 8.00

 

by andyx
6-20-03
13.00hrs
I dont want you getting me lost
Right, come on daisy, your gonna love your new field.....
16.00hrs
we COULD have stopped to ask for directions but nooooo
Ok maybe it was a right THEN a left and errr....
21.00hrs
well this is just brilliant isnt it
....Shit

 

by andyx
6-20-03
The group thought it would be funny to tell Simon the party was fancy dress.......
.....And then the dog said "hes with me!"
ha ha ha ha ha
Hey mickey your so fine, your so fine you blow my mind....
Errr, a film? 4 words?!?
....Wankers....

 

by andyx
6-20-03
It started to dawn on Saggaloo that he
Moo
might have got the "save our wildlife"
mass protest date wrong.....

 

by andyx
6-20-03
After numerous failed attempts at monopoly, twister, and musical chairs....
....97....98....99.....100
Ready or not here I come!!
37 minutes later
Am I getting warmer?!?
Freak

 

by andyx
6-20-03
And so a slightly different looking Bond, (as there are NO bond looking people to chose from, but well say this is due to copyright reasons, ok?) starts his next mission......
Hello miss Moneypenny
Ahh hello James, M's expecting you. Your looking slighty edgier today, how was your last mission? Meet any interesting.........people?
Moneypenny's office
Lets not mention the 'new look' eh? ......and yes, mostly women
Bah! And I thought I was your true love!
To be continued (really!).........
I guess I can go in then
<*crying*>

 

by andyx
6-20-03
M's office
you look so........different
Hello 007, nice of you to make it. As you dont know, Blofelt is trying to take over the world again, and is planning to omit a powerful....
after a very very long and complicated explanation
ahh I see, where is this base?
Erm....ah, on the moon, 007
When do I leave?
Right away bond! We have a 1st class ticket to the moon, but be carefull, we recently lost contact with 003 on a routine 'villain secret base saftey check' I think you should meet with Q right away.

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Q branch
Ive been informed of the details of your new mission Bond, and i guarantee you will have an apropriate gadget readily available for whatever crisis may ensue
Well its never been like that before...........
After a long list of gadgets and a slightly hillarious "dont touch that" joke....
.....Ive also been adding the finishing touches to 2X4B, your almost lifelike robotic companion
Companion eh? I hope he's not to conspicuous, this kind of mission calls for, errr, inconspicuity
Q branch
*bleep*beep*whoop*whurl*buzz* *buzz*bleep*
Fan-bloody-tastic

 

by andyx
6-20-03
On the way to the spaceport...
*bleep*bleep*
looks like M only gave me one first class ticket, il have to sneek you on board
9 minutes and 3 bagage handlers later...
....What do u mean "thats not carry on?!" Beleive me I read your diclaimer and...... oh wait, right..... *cough*cough* "The names Bond, James bond"......
Im so sorry, right zis vay mr Bond
What will happen next?!?! Find out now!!
10011001011100101
...Now just you remember, inconspicuitalitaty's the key

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Cue fancy credit sequence and corny bond theme tune........
ba dum da daaaaa da de doo dum ba daa baaa
.........you'll have to imagine the naked women, soz.....
dowop de daaa dum day do daaa
baa blaaaa, de da da daaa daa blaaa blaaa
and then we fade to........
bum, bagabum, dbadumpum dum daaaaaa psshhhh

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Twenty seven hours, five in flight movies, and seven air stewedess' later...
Ohhh James, it was a pleasure
The pleasure was all mine miss Titetta, but duty calls
And who said theres no Oxygen in space?
*beep*beep*zap*buzz*
Oh stop complaining 2X4B, there was plenty for you to 'do' on that ship, I definetly saw you giving that toaster the eye
Ok this must be the big lunar base just infront of me (see what I did there?!) Il go in and check the area, you stay here

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Just as our 007 found his way into the heart of the base, he tripped over his shoe lases and alerted an anoying arabian worker...
Hol'dit right der, I have a gun, how di'dou get in hea?
......Maintanance
I think not, MR BOND *dum*dum*dum*
what the?
How will Bond get out of this? where is 2X4B? and just what is going on in the secret lunar base?!?! find out next time.....
You will stay'in hea till I report dis incident to my leada
Perhaps you could leave the door open, eh?

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Ok, turns out the annoying arabiam didnt leave the door open.......however he did find THE most purest form of torture.....
How am I ever going to get out of here? I know, il feign malnutrition, and when the doctor come I can use my jedi mind control techniques i learned whilst auditiong for yoda...oh wait!
"Your watching an audience with Anthea Turner"
(thank god i chose the 'bond' with the c-l option, lol)
Ah ha!! Ican use this computer to contact 2X4B, hel find a way to get me out. Thank goodness for prisoner privalages eh
"Well, originally I was auditioning for the part of the blue peter tortoise....
2X4B equipped his, err, wall destroying mode
4B!! I knew you could do it!! But arent we forgetting something?..... 'inconspicuousnessess' come on lets go!
*beep*click*click

 

by andyx
6-20-03
After the dust had setteld, almost.......
2X4B, I need to use you to transmit messages to M, enable your transponster unit
*Transponster unit enabled*
M? are you receiving this? It appears Blofeld is manufacturing some sort of robotic, errr, robot. An annoying arabian managed to incapacitate me but 4B blew that over. I have yet to find 003.....
M here receiving you loud and clear 007. Proceed with the mission as planned, we need to find what blofeld is doing with this technology, find 003 and await further instruction. And Bond, good luck.
Back in the base, dont worry how, just back in the base....
*Transponster unit disabled* ~ *Detecive mode enabled*
Ok 4B, you see if you can work out what Blofeld is up to, il go find 003

 

by andyx
6-20-03
As James walked down a different, more secret, corridor....
#Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch...
Suddenly
003!!!..........what happened to you???
James!!....thank god you came, I thought id never get out
Bet you wernt expectin THAT were ya
Blofeld took my Q-bot...523P, im worried he's is experimenting on him to perfect his mandrobots
ahh "Q-bot", i knew that. So anyway THATS what hes doing, I hope 4B's ok, weve got to get out of here now come on!

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Meanwhile in Blowfelds room.....
Sir, i doont know how dis happened, but Mr. Bond appears to'ave escaped
Find him! Now!! And dont kill him, bring him to me. You have a lot to answer for Mr. Sanhavesh
Yes Sir right away Sir
Im sorry about that, where were we?...Il turn the lights out....
What will happen to Bond and the annoying arabian?? Will 003 ever find her Q-bot? and just what is going on in blofelds room?!? *dum*dum*dum*..........
...mmmm oh yeah, don't stop now, oh oh ----censored----
*beep*beep*click*whizz*

 

by andyx
6-20-03
And back to Bond...
.....so then well i was totally outnumbered, there was nothing I could have done"
Just be quiet and follow me i need to find 2X4B, hes our only means of communication to M
A left, left, left, right, left, later...
what WAS he thinking with that hair?
Right, Il go and get 4B he cant have gone far, why dont you, errr, make yourself usefull eh?
And a strange sense of dejavu....
4B???.....Its ok I found 003, you can stop investigating now!......4B?
huh? whats dat? is dat you mr. Bond?..

 

by andyx
6-20-03
SO original
We meet again Mr Bond....come with me
Back to Blowfeld (yeah keep up!) and a lot of love making later......
Excellent, I have turned you into the perfect love machine, you will now be unable to help Bond escape again while you are submitting to the primative sexual desires i have now lit within you
*self detonate mode* 5,...4,...3,...2,...
another 5 seconds later
Nooo, my hard work ruined! Rejected, by a Q-bot. Just wait till I find 007 and lock him away with 003

 

by andyx
6-20-03
Just outside of Blowfelds room.......
Through the last door on the right, Hes waiting for you.
Who is? whats going on? WHERE AM I?!?.........sorry
Mr Bond, I think your underestimating de serioosness of dis situation.
Pull my finger
What will happen next?? Will James ever be able 2 get back to earth when he finds his 4D unit oblitorated? Will 003 EVER find her 523P Q-bot?...and just what will happen to that annoying arabiam?.....
Id advise you to do as I say. Especially if you ever want'o see your 'robocop' egen
ok ok im going

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