All comics by bitchgoddessdm

Profile

 

by bitchgoddessdm
2-26-03
Hey Laurie, think we'll ever get a drummer?
Sure thing! In fact, the guy coming in plays drums AND guitar! Maybe he'll be great!
Here he is!
Somebody fucking kill me.
I'm WAAAAY ahead of you.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
2-26-03
Think I should ask him if he plays drums?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
2-26-03
One day
So, did you get a drummer yet?
Nope.
Another day
So, did you get a drummer yet?
Nope.
A much later day
So, did you get a...
Don't ask.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
2-26-03
I heard you say you'd do anything for a drummer.
Yup. You heard right.
This contract says I can get you one, but it will cost you your soul!!! MWAHAHAHA!
Got a pen?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
2-26-03
DM goes to Hell and receives her punishment
You will spend all of eternity drilling nails into your face surrounded by a lake of burning fire! MWAHAHAHA!!
Get started, scumbag!!
Well, at least it's less painful than auditioning drummers.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
2-27-03
Wow, you guys suck! I'm gonna save your crappy band with my AWESOME guitar playing! I didn't even bother to learn the songs because they suck. I can make them BETTER!
I can't believe how much I rule!
My eye is bleeding.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
3-10-03
DM attempts to ask the auditioning drummer a few questions.
Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-boom-boom-crash-boom-crash! Rat-a-tat-tat-tat-boom-boom-crash-boom-crash!
Hey...
RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-BOOM-BOOM-CRASH!! RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-BOOM-BOOM-CRASH!! RAT-A-TAT-TAT-BOOM-CRASH-BOOM!!! RAT-A-TAT-TAT-TAT-BOOM-BOOM-CRASH!!
Ummm...
Uhh, what?
Never mind.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
3-17-03
DM interviews yet ANOTHER drummer...
So let me get this straight. You're more than half an hour late to the audition because you were out getting drunk...
...your first question was "Where can I get good weed?" and you're violently homophobic. Plus you can't play for shit.
So, am I in?
Hold on, I'll be right with you...

 

by bitchgoddessdm
4-20-03
So I didn't learn the songs. I only play in bands to make money. And I wanna stick it in your bass player's ass.
So, Laurie, you wanna field this one?
My eye is bleeding.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
4-26-03
So you're 22, jobless & live in CT with your parents. You have no stage or recording experience, yet you won't join us because you think you can get into a signed band.
Yup. Plus, I can play *every* Rush song!
Ya know, I think they already have a drummer.
Oh.
But when Neil Peart dies, I'll give Geddy your number.
Is the Rush tribute band hiring?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
7-24-03
Drummers: If you're answering an ad for a "heavy hitter"
Okay now, can you play a lot heavier? I mean really pound those drums! I can hardly hear you.
for the love of god...
Little more...little more...little more...you did *read* the ad, right? Okay, little more...
hit *heavy* you PUSSY!
I am the most the kick-ass metal drummer EVER!
Holy shit, I wore earplugs for THIS?!!?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-08-04
You're an evil, psychotic bitch! I am a CREATIVE GENIUS that you cannot possibly understand! You're a PUSSY! I am THE MAN!!
P-p-please d-don't spit on m-m-me.
*YAWN*

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-08-04
You fucking bitch! Don't mess with me or my brother! I am THE FALLEN and I will EAT YOUR SOUL!!
John, isn't this the kid we honestly thought was retarded when we met him?
Yep. Is he scaring you yet?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-08-04
*busily typing away*
You are a bloodsucking psychotic bitch and you should burn in hell! You suck! You suck! YOU SUCK!!
Yeah, that oughta show her! Just who does she think she's messing with? Some dumb kid?
Ooooo! Ask him if he wants to hang out later at The Mall!
Honey, Kevin's on the phone!

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-17-04
So Laurie, are you ready for more audtions?
Yep. But don't forget the important lesson we learned.
Which one is that?
If they're playing on a Fisher Price "My First Drumkit" with skinny little sticks...
...ummm, they're gonna pussy out sooner or later?
Yep. You called it way back in April.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-20-04
I'm heavily into the "Gothic Scene." I go to the Batcave, and I even have a "slave collar" I can wear for band photos!
Uh...huh...well, you're in luck. My biggest influence is Siouxsie and the Banshees!
I've never heard of them before. Are they new or something?
Hold on, I'll be right with you.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-21-04
So Gee is really good, but it would be kinda weird to have three chicks in the band.
Well, it would be Gee and...ummm...
...ummm...
Surely you can't mean...us?!!?
Yeah. What was I thinking?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
8-21-04
You know, I was just thinking about how much I'm gonna miss Li'l P.
Yeah, me too.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! HAHAHAHA!
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! That was good; for a second I almost believed us.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
9-10-04
So the word is, drummers don't want to audition because they're SCARED of you.
Hmmmmmm...this is a METAL band, right?
Yup.
As in, blood-drinking, satan-worshipping, Am-I-Evil-yes-I-am METAL? Huh. These are GROWN MEN, right?
Yup.
I see. Well, tell 'em not to bother. 'Cause if they're TOO PUSSY to face me, they might as well be Li'l P.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
10-02-04
After a painful rendition of one song...
Okay, that was...ummm...yeah. Let's do the other song, okay?
I'd rather do the first song again. That's the one I know really well. I think I'm rockin' it! What did you guys think?
I think you and I live in very different worlds.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
10-02-04
So, you played really well. But you said that you're going to school to become a physical therapist. Is that for a job or for a career?
What do you mean?
What I mean is, do you want to be a rock star who works a day job or a physical therapist who plays drums on the side?
I'd be happy either way. They both sound equally fun. Why? Would we have to rehearse a lot or something? All I really want to do is play and go home.
I see...NEXT!
Was it something I said?

 

by bitchgoddessdm
10-02-04
After a very loud song
Okay, that was great. But let's try it again with dynamics. You know, that whole beginning should be very soft.
I can't believe how much I rule!
The same song, just as loud
Huh, well, maybe you'd do better with another song. Again, it starts off very quiet.
I can't believe how much I rule!
Another song, even louder
Okay, so I'm guessing you have a little trouble with dynamics?
I can't believe how much I rule!

 

by bitchgoddessdm
10-02-04
DM commiserates with The Evil P
Drummers SUCK! They call and forget to leave their number! They ask stupid questions! They say they're dedicated, but they can't rehearse more than once a week!
Yup.
They send me MP3s from their old bands that SUCK! They say they have the stuff down, then they come in and can't play! And they're convinced that they RULE!
Yup.
I think my eye is bleeding.
Welcome to my world.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
5-24-06
Hey, I signed away my soul for a drummer AGES ago and we still don't have one. What gives?
I'm working on it.
Are you telling me that Satan, the "Almighty Prince of Darkness" can't find us one decent metal drummer in the entire universe?
I SAID I'M WORKING ON IT, BITCH!! Shit, do you know how hard those fuckers are to find?!!?
That does it. I'm going back to Jesus.
Huh, as if that jerkoff can do any better.

 

by bitchgoddessdm
5-24-06
Listen, I need a favor. My band really, really, REALLY needs a drummer. Can you help us?
Of course, my child. But you'll have to give up your life of sin and dedicate yourself to the lord.
So "NO" is what you're saying.
Basically.

Showing page 1.