All comics by darkmessiah

Profile

 

by darkmessiah
10-21-04
Some of the gods
Hi, I'm Cthulhu. People are always giving me a bad rap, but I'm pretty nice, when I'm not hungry.
I'm the reaper. You may have seen me in such movies as Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, or the grim adventures of Billy and Mandy. Don't fear me.
some more gods
The god of crazy is me, for I am the god of crazy. If you don't like me, that's fine, I don't like me much either.
Nice to meet you, I'm the goddess of beautiful things. Unless you're ugly, we'll get along just fine.
the rest of the important gods
the god of random couldn't make it, so he sent me instead. I'm the avatar of chaos and random occurances... you can call me Entropy
I'm Zeus. If you don't know me, you have serious education issues.

 

by darkmessiah
10-21-04
The skeptics...
I'm Tim. I'm like, way to cool for the gods and stuff. Besides that, they don't even exist, stupid superstitions.
Hehehehehe Gods, right. The day I believe in gods I'll fucking melt my bong. Oh yeah, I'm Jack
The allies...
I don't really care if he is crazy, he's my sister's boyfriend, so I guess I have to tolerate his insanity. Besides, he seems to be right. I'm Lumina, Seraph's sister.
Dude, one of these days Gareth's going to be wrong, and when that day comes, I'm going to be there to bail him out. I'm David, Gareth's best friend
THE HEROES!!! (Kinda)
Hey, I'm Gareth. There have some wierd things going on, and I'm going to find out what the hellis going on, if I have to kill every last demony thing in the world.
I'm Seraph. I only go with Gareth because so far he hasn't been wrong about anything. Besides that, I love the crazy loon.

 

by darkmessiah
10-21-04
Cthulhu went for a drive in the wrong redneck town, when suddenly, he was pulled over.
Officer, is there a problem? I wasn't speeding. I showed you my license and registration.
You don't look like you're from around here, boy. Besides, I found a pound of coke in your trunk.
You planted that there! Why won't people just let me be?
Get in the car, you fucking freak, and don't give me no sob storries like you're an Elder God or anything.
After a short drive, the cop stopped for a bite to eat. Cthulhu, too, was getting hungry.
Silly bastard, trying to drive in a suit like that.
You'll hold me over to lunch. Silly cop, why couldn't you have had a K9?

 

by darkmessiah
10-21-04
After weeks of investigation, P.I Gareth Jade had finaly tracked down the guy who had killed his dog.
You rat bitch, you killed my dog, now, after I get you out of that stupid robe, you're dead!
Look, I had to do it, it's my job. It was old and it had cancer. Would you rather I let it keep being in pain?
I guess you're right. It did have a tumor the size of an echidna on it's head.
I can help you get a new dog, one that will be around for years and years. I knew which dogs willlive a while, I have a list of death dates. Now take my hand and come witht me, and we'll go get a dog.
HOLY SHIT! YOU'RE DEATH! Don't touch me!
HA! Gets 'em every time.

 

by darkmessiah
10-22-04
Gareth tried to tell some of his friends about his near-death experience.
Well, I met the reaper. From what I could tell, he was a nice guy.
Dude, you're nuts, those things don't exist.
I wish the reaper was real... If he was, I'd kick him right in the nuts.
Oh my god, I wish this guy would turn around.
...
Fuck... he's standing right behind me, isn't he?

 

by darkmessiah
10-22-04
Hey baby, you ready for our date, I made sure that I had cash, that way we can go see a movie, then a high class dinner at Sizzler.
Um, no. You simply won't do at all. You're like... you're an ugly dweeb
A couple days later...
Hey, after the game, whadaya say you and me go back to my mom's place and, you know, do the horizontal mambo
Why? Why does the cosmos fuck with me this badly?
Holy shit! No line! Oh, don't be afraid, but I'm the goddess of beautiful things. I'll grab my stuff... wanna come in?
Goddess 'eh? Meh, sure, go get dressed. I'll wait on your couch.

 

by darkmessiah
10-22-04
Hey, do you want to buy a puppy, they're really cute, and they'll live a long time, I made sure of it myself. I made them drink Immortal's blood... my blood.
Um, no mister. Are you ok? You aren't one of those stupid crazy people are you?
FINE, STUPID SQUIRMING BOY! THE RATS WILL EAT YOUR EYES AND YOUR SKULL WILL BECOME LIKE UNTO A STARBUCKS FOR THE LITTLE MAGGOTS!
Hey man, I'll buy a puppy if it'll make you happy. Just put the knife down.
Oh yay! You make me so happy! Here, have a puppy, and these flowers. Oh, I am so happy I could kill, but not you! You maked me happy. Enjoy the puppy, little Seraph

 

by darkmessiah
10-22-04
Seraph brought the box back to Gareth. When she looked in, she thought that he'd like it a lot. When she got to his house, he was in his garage.
Hey, darling, I got you a new puppy. I know how much you love dogs, and you're other one died, so I bought you one. Not sure what breed it is though.
Aw... thanks Seraph. Bring it in and I'll tell you what breed it is.
Ok, hold on, he's in my car. He's so adorable, you're going to love him.
Oh, I met Death. He's really kind of a cool guy for someone who's job it's been forever is to kill people.
Hi, I'm Lunael. I suppose I have to be your pet now. Stupid drunken bets.
Um,angel, where'd you get this. I'm so going to get Tim with this. Lunael... how do you like pranks?

 

by darkmessiah
10-22-04
Ater the date...
So, you aren't afraid of me as a goddess?
Nah, why would I be?
You couldn't possibly hope to satisfy me, could you?
Yo, you're a goddess, right?
Then make it happen. You have the power! You can make me faster, stronger, tougher... longer.
Kid, we're going to get along just fine.

 

by darkmessiah
10-23-04
...
What?
................
Ha! Sponteneous Human Combustion... what were the odds?

 

by darkmessiah
10-28-04
At a haloween party somewhere...
Dude, nice costume, you supposed to be Cthulhu?
Um, sure, let's go with that.
Where's the zipper? Wait a second... that's the best costume ever! That isn't a costume is it?
Nope, it's skin.
Man, you've got to stop going to haloween parties. That being said, give me five.
Word.

 

by darkmessiah
5-17-05
Gareth called Jim up after he got the dog. He told him to meet at the normal hang out spot, which happened to be behind the local Circle K...
Dude, what do you want? This had better be damned important.
Dude, check out my new dog. I think you can tell me what breed it is.
What the fuck is that?
"That" is Lunael. That's my name.
Dude, your dog's talking to me and shit.
Um, right. BARK WOOF WHINE BARK BARK. Happy mother fucker?

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