All comics by darkneuro

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by darkneuro
1-31-08
You'll be fine here.
Meh.
Really. How hard is it to cook for the whole crowd? I mean, we've got you everything you need...
Yeah... I guess.
C'mon. Tell me what's wrong.
You just swill oil. Who will appreciate my prime rib, my osso buco? You just want 10W40.

 

When you least expect it...
Uhhhh.... hi. Fire? ooooh.... Boobies.
shit.
by darkneuro, 1-31-08

 

Let's give her a hand, folks.
So how would you feel about a $5 foot long?
I dunno. Depends on whether I'm giving or receiving...You know, kinda like having your cake and eating it too.
by darkneuro, 3-25-08

 

by darkneuro
3-25-08
You shouldn't read in the dark, honey. You'll ruin your eyes.
Too late. My eyes are already ruint.
Oh, the sad, sad realization.....
...
!?!?! Oh god... Tennessee is sinking in. I said ruint....

 

Tennessee strikes again...
Hey, look at this drawing... If I blowed it up-
Blowed? BLOWED? Tennessee strikes again, honey.
by darkneuro, 4-04-08

 

by darkneuro
7-14-08
A friend may lie for you...
Dude, the hole's only 3 feet deep.
Hmmmm....
But a best friend...
Well?
What if we.... Nah.
Who better to help bury bodies?
WHAT?
Hmmmm....

 

by darkneuro
9-03-08
Let me get this straight... you want ice cream.
Yeah.
Ice Cream.
Right. What's the problem?
Isn't that like... cannibalism?
Hey, everyone has their kink, right?

 

What Summer Camp usually ends up being.
So hey, I'll see you at the Handicrafts later for bracelet making, ok?
I hate my parents. I hate my parents. I hate my parents.
by darkneuro, 9-20-08

 

by darkneuro
9-22-08
What do you want for Christmas, little boy? A nice...uh... Toy or something?
Actually I'd like to see the government reformed for term limits and spending caps; Also removal of subsidies for large businesses....
Well, that's very ni-
...End to corporate personhood status, a return to previous education levels for universities-that means get rid of the remedial courses- legalize marijuana...
So you'll be taking the Wii you'll get, right?
Of course I will.

 

2 a.m. at the Holiday Inn...
But I got this stocking and everything....
That's a cardboard box, son. Let me call someone for you.
by darkneuro, 10-01-08

 

by darkneuro
10-01-08
My fellow Americans... Nope, ignores the immigrants... My fellow Citizens... nah, too Orwell....
We the people, in order to form a more perfect union.... Wait a minute. That's awful familiar...
Oh fuck! Why didn't someone tell me he had a history of plagiarism?

 

by darkneuro
12-17-08
*SIK: Single Income, Kids. **SINK: Single Income, No Kids.
So... LuMP?
Uhhuh. They're a SIK* and a SINK** who make a LuMP.
There's also DIKs and DINKS.
...
What?
You can blame it on the census and YoungUpwardlymobileProfessionals.
I don't even know you.
C'mon. It's fun for the whole family!

 

When Snowmen Refuse to Dance...
So do some tricks! Do some tricks!
Oh please.
by darkneuro, 12-17-08

 

by darkneuro
12-24-08
Someone at work decided to take offense.
What does [redacted] mean?
It means employers have the right to tell people what they can and can't talk about.
But they didn't come to me with the offense. They went to the bigwigs.
Really?
Well, yeah. Unfortunately, confidentiality agreements are signed and basically say you can't say anything about work... EVER!
So that means get 'em while they're hot because they'll be deleted soon!
Does that mean we're [redacted] too?
Nah. She donated. She'll get permission to delete (after saving us for her own edification) and we'll continue... randomly.

 

by darkneuro
12-26-08
There's a sign during my daily drive...
It all started when I was a small child....
Jesus: His story will change your life.
Mom always said Dad was special. He was special, all right. He basically ignored me most of my life.
Sounds like a bad episode of Oprah to me...
No matter what I did, I wasn't good enough. I had to die to be good enough. I just wanted my Dad.

 

by darkneuro
2-10-09
People who shoot themselves in the foot.....
So ah tooks mah gun and ah painted it at the flar and ah pulled th'trigger....
...But t'wurent mah fault.
The best way to avoid responsibility is to say "I've got responsibilities" ~Richard Bach, Illusions
Deserve what they get!!!

 

by darkneuro
2-20-09
The church sign I pass on my daily drive now says "God knows you inside and out and loves you anyway."
A duck, a priest and I walk into a bar.....
My first thought upon reading it was....
...wait. Me or I? Fuck. Where was I? Oh yeah. A duck, a priest and I walk into a bar...
Watch... he won't remember anything else about the joke.....
even the squishy bits???
...I hate it when he does this. It ruins the whole evening.
Dude. You owe me $5. You said "The next time he tries to tell a joke, he'll get it right." He can't remember the rest.

 

by darkneuro
3-12-12
The local church has a new billboard up....
Dammit.... I wish they never would have set up those chat boards...
"God is our refuge and our salvation."
There are over 300,000 churches of various denominations in the United States...
So in addition to heroics, you want housing too???
...and they all share the SAME fucking 'status'....

 

by darkneuro
3-12-12
Three years.....
I'd knock on the glass if I could.
Me too. It's been a long, LONG time....
It's more of the same old, but edicts are edicts and they do remain...
She can't talk about work, can she?
Aw, hell no! But that doesn't mean there isn't ANYTHING to talk about....
Ohboyohboyohboy!!!
....So.
...How 'bout them Mets?

 

by darkneuro
3-12-12
I'm a SINK, he's a SIK, we've lived together for 5 years now...
Honey, where's the... um the....
Yeah, Sweets, it's in the drawer right there.
We love each other, and more importantly, we understand each other. So, while we're not married, we do have plans to spend the rest of our lives together.
Awwww, isn't that just the sweetest...
Just wait. Really.
And in understanding that we're going to spend the rest of our lives with each other and we are true to each other....
...And? I heard an 'and' in there.... Don't contin-
Goddamnit... They're poly. To paraphrase Yoda, there is no cheat!

 

by darkneuro
3-12-12
Gonna save all my money and buy a GTO Get a helmet and a roll bar and I'll be ready to go
So, uh, is this gonna take very long? I have some-
Lookee raht cheer, buddy, I don't care if you are the good goddamn Jesus Christ himself-
Take it out to Pomona and let 'em know, yeah, yeah That I'm the coolest thing around Little buddy, gonna shut you down
-But that's exactly who I am, really, you have my-
Lookee raht cheer, boy! I don't give a good goddamn what the hell your id say.... Well... I'll be....
When I turn it on, wind it up, blow it out GTO ......
Finally! how long will-
...Yah know, I gotta problem with some of yern 'Co-mandments'...Lahk 'covet'...I can't want? Whattabaht a donut???

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