All comics by deadchris

 

Artistic License to Kill by deadchris 11-03-01
Mmmmm... Hey cutie. You know, (even though I'd never REALLY touch you in any way whatsoever) I'd love to pound your hammer...		And... Um... Doesn't that hurt? Trust me. There are worse pains.

 

Artistic License to Kill by deadchris 11-03-01
Don't you FUCKING HATE IT when you mess up your first comic and there's no Delete option? Time for Take Two. Mmmmm... Hey cutie. You know, (even though I'd never REALLY touch you in any way whatsoever) I'd love to pound your hammer...	Sure, I'll just let you sit and suffer in cockteased misery, but in the meantime I can talk all I want about rubbing that hard shaft of wood of yours, even if I don't mean it at ALL...	And... Um... Doesn't that hurt? Trust me. There are worse pains.

 

ALTK - This Really Happened (except for panels #2 and 3) by deadchris 11-04-01
We join DeadChris and friends on a club-crazed Saturday night... Don't worry, man. We're liquored up, dressed to the nines and going to HAVE A BLAST. The girls will love you! But no one we know came out with us. No one wants to talk to me. This night sucks.	Hm. Good point. Well, we can always help Rob engage in a highly climactic fight scene with those cyber-ninjas over there. Um... Okay, Adam... I guess...	One highly climactic fight scene and more later... Okay. Rob is dead, we're facing life in jail, and the cyber-ninjas were really just a pack of Girl Scouts. BUT WE HAD A BLAST! I'll show you a blast... Right to the skull...

 

ALTK - What's in a name? Really? Besides zinc and potassium. by deadchris 11-05-01
And now, a word from our sponsor. I've received a few letters (or not), asking about why I'm dubbed "DeadChris."	I can say how "DeadPool" is my favorite comic, or how at times I feel emotionally dead. But honestly? It rhymes with "dead fish."	See? There's a dead fish right there!! And as we all know... FISH EQUAL RATINGS, BABY! But I'm not dead!

 

ALTK - The lengths I'll go to are obscene. by deadchris 11-05-01
Stuck in his vicious circle, DeadChris tries to suck up to another hot girl... Uh... You know... You're easily the hottest avatar on this site. You make my pants dance. Hmmmm... Tell you what. If you do that trick with pounding the nail in your head again, I'll have wet and sticky sex with you.	You... OW... Mean... OW... Like... OW... This? Yeeeessss... Exactly like that.	The next day... And...? And that's when she laughed at my gullibility. Before saying 'that's the only penetration you'll ever see.'

 

ALTK - I did see Bradford Howe once. But without piss. by deadchris 11-06-01
In busy downtown Toronto... Adam! ADAM! Oh my God! It's Bradford Howe! My fave MuchMusic VJ! OH MY GAAWWWD! My pants are SOAKED! Geez. Don't freak out... Just ask him for an autograph or something if you obsess over celebrities that much.	Hey there, strange guy who smells like he urinated on himself. Wow! Mr Howe! You're like... So cool! The best VJ easily! My name's Christopher! I just want your autograph!	Sure thing, you pathetic knob. I'll just write "To my biggest fan, Pisstopher." Yeah, that'll work fi-HEEYYY!

 

ALTK - How I usually spend my nights. by deadchris 11-07-01
*squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak*	Stupid chair. *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak* *squeak...*	..........Damn. Out of kleenex again.

 

ALTK - A rare non-sucking part of the Friday nightclub run. by deadchris 11-10-01
Observe, as (after sobering up a bit) DeadChris approaches the foxy coat check girl... No, I don't have a coat... I was just wondering, what's your name? Hi, I'm Charlene.	Flirt-on torpedoes are launched... It's nice to meet you. I can't stay... I just like to know the names of cute girls I see. Oh? Ha ha... Thank you!	And direct hit! DeadChris gets a (short-lived) reprieve from his eternal self-loathing and depression! YES! Total success! She must think I'm funny and charming! What a drunken fuckhead.

 

ALTK - Let's all share, people. by deadchris 11-11-01
DeadChris and his sister talk about dividing Internet hours... I go to school. And now I work half the week too. I get tired and cranky, and I just wanted the phoneline. Is that too much to ask? No, I see. I'm here more than you. You should get to go online when you have the free time.		....soooooo, aren't you going to let me have the internet for a while now? Like hell.

 

ALTK - This is how my school day pretty much went. by deadchris 11-14-01
Cute Girl Chris Likes #1: Blah blah you look like a kindergarten boy blah hold on blah blah blah blah have to call MY BOYFRIEND!!!! blah blah blah... That sensation between my legs would probably be my manhood disappearing.	Cute Girl Chris Likes #2: Oh? You need help with your Math? Did you hear how everyone says I'm the smartest guy in the math class..? Oh, what? Sorry, I'm going to go ask that MUCH CUTER GUY!!!! over there to help me. Me plus Him minus Our clothes equals...	Cute Girl Chris Likes #3: And then MY BOYFRIEND!!!! bought me dinner, it was so nice of him... I hate cooking you know, I prefer to blah blah blah... Please God... Let me choke on my lonely single serving Michelina's tonight...

 

ALTK - An oldie, but a goodie. by deadchris 3-27-02
During his hiatus, DeadChris started seeing a therapist... Alright Chris, we have the inkblot, electro-shock and dead ferret tests back. Want to know the results? Well... Okay.	Well, after reading these results, I'd have to say you're one giant fucking loser. Uh... What!? Can I get a second opinion?	You're ugly too.

 

ALTK - I don't like to be talked to on the subway. by deadchris 3-27-02
Pretend this is a subway car, not a crashing plane. HALLO! I AM RETARD! What the...?	Oh c'mon... Pretend. MAPLE LEAFTH HOCKEY THTEAM WON THEVEN TO TWO LATHT NIGHT! Uh huh. Really.	You bastards take all the fun out of this. DID YOU THEE IT?? Did you thee me beating your fucking fathe in!? No? That calls for an INSTANT REPLAY!

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