All comics by double7007

 

by double7007
9-02-05
This is good porn.
Donny, what the fucking hell are you doing??
Sorry mother.
Where did I go wrong?
I'm sorry. Let me cut out the pain in your heart.
I'm starting to have my doubts about that Botox treatment.

 

by double7007
9-02-05
The gap between father and son widens.
I hate my life Dad
So, you hear the one about the Jew and the Arab?
Not now, Dad. I just wanna roll over and die.
Speaking of death, did you see the Lakers' game last night?
Dinner is good.
GODDAMIT, The Lakers are just 40 year old virgins from East LA who masturbate while looking in the mirror! Are you slow in the head or something?
What can I say? I like to eat toothpaste for dinner.

 

by double7007
9-02-05
Oh my god, are you Denise Richards?
Uhh No.
Uhh, excuse me, I was talking to your big hairy pussy...
Eczema is no laughing matter.
... cat
I'm still a virgin.

 

by double7007
9-03-05
Stealing Christmas again, eh Grinchy?
Shit! I'm busted.
Meanwhile...
Daddy, why did the Grinch steal Christmas?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Back at the scene...
I'm gonna let you go this time, but don't be stealing Christmas again, ya hear?
Yes sir. By the way, where are the rest of the Village People?

 

by double7007
9-03-05
Sometimes superheroes are the only heroes anyone can believe in
Have no fear, Captain Naucifaucipihillifillifacation is here!
I don't believe this Larry. I'm getting evicted.
You could room with me, I'm down with that.
Sorry Larry, I don't room with guys who run around in tights and have half a penis silk-screened onto their shirt.
Unfortunately, Larry isn't that kind of hero.
Have no fear, Captain Naucifaucipihillifillifacation is here!
What the hell does that mean anyway? I mean, you were never in the service so how can you be a Captain?

 

by double7007
9-03-05
In other news, authorities arrested Owen Stone for the murder of Rupert Gordon. Stone offered an odd explanation of the events which could be a move towards an insanity defense.
I'm telling you, it was a giant fly! He just flew over and zapped the goddamn guy! I saw it with my own eyes!
Sure whatever you say, son.
Mwa-ha! Good, good!
Owen could face 25 years to life in a maximum security prison if found guilty.

 

by double7007
9-04-05
Do you ever wonder what's beyond these city lights?
Whaddya mean?
Like, maybe there's a place where people don't pee on the sidewalks and girls' butt-cracks don't hang outta their pants?
I guess it's possible.
Man, Canada rules eh?
Yea man, Canada: The place where the men lack dicks and women have no butts. But there's plenty of beer, so EVERYONE'S beautiful.

 

by double7007
9-04-05
In local news, the death count has risen to 42 in the recent "Superman" bitch-killings.
Tell us sir, what happened?
That bastard bitch-killin' Superman took my girl's life and I want justice!
Earlier...
No bitch is gonna call me "Faster than a speeding bullet"!!

 

by double7007
9-05-05
I'm home Jebpoont.
Lady, I mean honestly, what kind of name is "Jebpoont"? I'm a feline for Christ's sake, practically NOBILITY, not some stupid mutt who's view of self-hygiene is licking his own testicles.
.?.?.
Uh, oh yea.
Meeee-owwww.

 

by double7007
9-05-05
April 14, 1861
WAGHAHGHAHAHAAAAA!
Holy Shit!
And don't come back ya' heathen redneck!
Did President Lincoln accept our surrender?
Uhhh yea, about that.

 

by double7007
9-05-05
Survivor Season 23
So then I told Jill that if she wants to stay with me she's gotta commit, you know what I'm saying? There's no way I'm gonna stay with a girl that decides to come home every other night...
I. Don't. Care.
...and only when she's drunk out of -
You know Tom I just don't care. It's been 23 seasons and I don't give a shit. Maybe you could stop being a bitch.
You're starting to look a lot like Jill, you know that?

 

by double7007
9-05-05
Well 'ello there laddy, why ah ewe all stuffed in that trash cahn?
Help me.
I remember a time when I got trash cahnned. Except I was naked and had a zebra tatooed on my chest.
Zebra's are fuzzy.
Who loves zebras?! I know I do, I'm British.
Kill me.

 

by double7007
9-05-05
You wanna come over to my place and watch the game?
Nah, my wifes been nagging me for weeks that I'm not spending enough time with her.
His wife is one sexy bich.
You know I can read what you're thinking. And you spelled "bitch" wrong.

 

by double7007
10-03-05
We go now to Donald Drumlin who is standing by live in China
"Drumlin" is a funny name.
John we're here as Typhoon Longwang makes landfall on the southeast coast of China
....
Im sorry Donald, did you just say, God I can't believe this: LONGWANG?!
Obviously it has nothing to do with your recent trip to China, John.

 

I'm dreaming of a marigold Christmas
And what would YOU like for Christmas, Mr. Robot?
Gosh, a little privacy Santa? Just trying to take a goddamn piss.
by double7007, 10-03-05

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